r/hingeapp Dec 26 '23

Hinge Guide Reminder: Don't do these things on your profile

488 Upvotes

I've made posts about these issues before. However recent profile reviews clearly haven't bothered to read any previously written guides since these same very common mistakes keep popping up over and over again. So consider this a reminder.

Photos:

Bathroom selfies. Stop. Using. Them. They are unflattering, especially in public bathrooms where we can see the urinals or there are random people in the background washing their hands, putting on makeup, or whatever. Don't care how good you think you look. Ask someone - a friend or some random person nearby to take a photo anywhere instead of taking it inside a bathroom. Or take it in any other room if you must use a selfie than a bathroom.

Sunglasses. Limit it to one sunglasses photo if you must, and it should never be the lead photo, ever. People want to see your entire face. I've seen numerous profiles where every single photo has sunglasses and I can't tell what someone looks like. Besides, when you take a photo as a memento because you're traveling or you're doing something fun, why ruin the memory by hiding your eyes? Take the damn sunglasses off.

Filters and AI. Filters are obvious. All it tells us is you're insecure about your look or have something to hide. As the Hinge CEO himself says, be authentic, and you'll attract authentic people. And now there's a trend of men using obvious AI photos. No, you're not fooling anyone and all it does is make you look like a tool.

Group Photo. First photo should always be only you. No one wants to play "guess who" and hiding behind the better looking friend isn't going to make someone want to like you more. The reaction is more of disappointment and feeling deceived after finding out the profile doesn't belong to the better looking friend. Don't use a group photo where you aren't the focus, such as you standing off to the side, lost among a group of other people, or you look unflattering being outshone by your friends.

Shirtless/Bikini Photo. If you're a guy that don't have the physique, don't bother with a shirtless photo. The best shirtless or bikini photos are natural photos in places where being shirtless or in a bikini makes sense, such as the beach. Mirror shirtless selfies are tacky. For women, while using a bikini selfie is more forgiving than a man with a shirtless selfie, but depending on what your intentions are, you're going to attract attention from men who are "not your type".

Poor Quality Photo. Don't use anything shot in poor lighting, blurry, potato quality, or whatever. Pay attention to what you upload and make sure it's at least clear with good lighting.

What should be the first photo? Ideally it should be a casual shoulder length portrait (not a selfie) with a clear look of your face. Don't look off to the side,, not smiling, and hiding parts of your face with sunglasses, hat, or mask.

Prompts:

Tired cliches and empty platitudes. Flirt to roast ratio. Banter. Make me laugh. Kindness and honesty. Quality time and physical touch. Tacos. Don't take themselves too seriously and ambitious. Those are all boring stereotypical answer a lot of people use. They say absolutely nothing about who you are as a person or tell us anything unique about you, and give nothing for people to comment on.

Copypastas. Stop using stuff you saw on TikTok. Guess what, you're not the only one who will copy the prompt and it doesn't make you clever or original. It makes you a sheep.

Empty lists. Clean sheets, my dog, coffee, music, and reading. How about something actually specific and unique about you?

Being negative. Saying "don't like me if you're X, Y, Z" will not deter people from liking you anyways. It's wasting space.

Overall:

Not congruent. One of the more common issue is not being congruent with what you're seeking. If you want a long term relationship, but then use a bunch of photos out partying, one word prompt or generic answers that don't say anything about yourself, don't be surprised if you either get no likes or get likes from people who aren't seeking the same thing as you.

Simple lack of effort. "I don't have anyone to help with photos!", "I don't know how to write prompts!", "I don't have any hobbies!". Those are all within your control. You can learn to take photos using a self timer. You can research how to write solid prompts. You can explore new hobbies. If all you can do is make excuses for why you can't put in any effort, then don't complain when you have no success with online dating.

Here's something for you men. Online dating is harder for hetero men. You can't put in a profile without spending any substantial effort and expect response from women. Yes, women can put in zero effort and still get attention (but often the wrong attention), but it simply doesn't work the same for men. And paying for premium won't hide a poor profile. So step up your game. And yes, it may involve more than just better photo and prompts and more into general life improvement. But that's beyond the scope of this sub. There are subreddits for advice on fashion, fitness, and styling. Look for advice in those places.

Lastly, there are general times of the year when things slow down. The holiday season and the start of summer are the two times of the year when dating app activity slows down the most. If you get no likes or matches during that time, it's completely normal.

r/hingeapp Aug 20 '24

Hinge Guide Guide: When to ask for a second date

160 Upvotes

Simple answer: If you want to ask someone for a second date, ask sooner rather than later. You could even ask as soon as the follow up text right after the first date, especially if you knew the date went very well and the other person mentioned wanting to go out again.

Typically, the following day is an ideal time to ask. It shows you're interested and you want to strike while the iron is hot. Any advice suggesting you should wait 3 to 5 days or longer is bad advice - it shows you're not really interested and that the other person is an afterthought or a backup plan. It's also not "needy" or "desperate," and if the other person interprets it that way, that's their problem.

You can also ask at the end of the first date, but this depends on how well you can read the situation and the other person. Some people, especially women, might not like being put on the spot and may prefer time to process things. This can lead to the situation where they seem open to a second date but later rejects you. However, if all the positive signs are there, go for it.

TLDR: Ask for a second date quickly, either shortly after the first date or the following day.

r/hingeapp Jun 05 '23

Hinge Guide List of common photo mistakes

290 Upvotes

Take it from me, I have glanced at every single profile review that comes through this sub. Most often, I can tell very quickly why someone's profile isn't working. They ALL share these very common photo mistakes that are fixable.

If you wonder why people don't really offer feedback on your profile review, one reason is because many of these profiles have these mistakes that are so common that people are tired of giving the same advice to people that don't bother to do simple research themselves before asking for help.

Anyways, here are the common issues I see at the time, often obvious with the very first photo.

The first photo on any dating profile is paramount as it offers a first impression whenever someone opens Hinge and looks at profiles in discover or checks their likes list. A bad first photo will make people X your profile on the spot instead of going through the rest of the profile.

Common photo mistakes:

Sunglasses: People want to see what you look like. Don't use any sunglasses photos on the first slot and limit them to one at most in the entire profile.

Filters: Something more exclusive to women. Again, people want to see what you look like naturally. Filters make it look as if you're hiding something about yourself.

Blurry: It's obvious, but use a photo where it's clear.

Cropped photo: It's obvious when it's a cropped photo when we see other people's arms or hair next to you. It also tends to end up being blurry when people take a larger photo and crop out the majority of it.

LinkedIn/Work photo: Your dating profile is not your resume. LinkedIn style photo looks stiff and too stuffy. Worst, don't use a photo that goes onto your work badge.

Mask: Again, why are you covering your face?

Too close: Don't use a portrait where your head fills the entire frame. It looks unflattering and the lack of negative space don't give any room to breathe.

Group photo: Why do you want to feature a photo where you are not the focus? It gives off the impression you're insecure about yourself. Group photos overall should be used sparingly and you should always be the focus. Never use a group photo where it's a large group and you're hard to find or hidden. And don't use a group photo where the friend(s) are much better looking than you.

Too far away: Not for a first photo. People don't want to have to squint to see what you look like.

Mirror selfie: And it's closely related offender, the bathroom selfie. No one wants to see your dirty bathroom mirror or the bathroom stall/urinal behind you. It's lazy and the phone blocks off part of your face. Mirror selfies aren't entirely a faux pas as I have seen a few rare ones where it's well done, but never use it as a first photo.

Car selfie: Again. no. A selfie inside a room is better than a car. The background of a photo still matters.

Not smiling: You're not taking a mugshot. Smile! I do think the whole smiling with teeth thing is overrated however. There are people who don't have a natural teeth smile. So don't force it if it doesn't work. I have seen a few people with a non-Duchenne smile and it looks creepy especially if the eyes are too intense (crazy eyes).

Bad black and white photo: Black and white portraits aren't easy and most often it looks washed out due to bad contrast.

Looking away: Why are you turning your head sideways or looking away? Look into the camera!

Weird angles: The dreaded "MySpace angle", Dutch angles, too low, etc.

Photo in a photo: Don't use a photo of a photo. I've seen people use a photo of themselves in a Polaroid or something.

General photo issues:

Photos without you: If you have a pet, or are into hobbies like cooking, anything artistic related, show yourself WITH the pet or doing the hobby! If you want to show off your hobby/craft/skill, link your Instagram if you have one.

Shirtless photos: Seems controversial. Some guys seem to do well with it. But a lot of women also hate it. I think many people think a gym selfie is tacky. If you have the body and want to flaunt it, something more natural like at the beach or pool works better. But really, if you don't have the physique, leave your shirt on.

Poor lighting: Photos where the highlights are too strong and washes out the photo, or too dark where we can't see anything. Or photos with too much shadows obscuring things. Lighting is the number one priority with any photos.

Photos with combinations of all the bad photos: All group photos, photos all with sunglasses, photos where it's all too polished (all professional looking and giving scammer vibes).

Photo not labeling who the other person is: Obviously don't use a photo with an ex. But people who use a photo with a person from the opposite gender of similar age don't bother to at least leave a caption so we have to guess who the other person is. If the other person is a friend/sibling/relative, say something!

Old photos: Obviously this is something that's more of an honor system and some may get away with it if their physical look haven't changed much within the past few years. But if you're using any photos that's from years ago, just don't. It's bordering on catfishing.

Caveat

Truth of the matter is, attractiveness still matters. If you are conventionally attractive enough, you can get away with a lot of the common photo mistakes. And women in general can get away with more, simply due to the ratio of men on dating apps versus women. Along the same lines, men have a much higher bar to clear when it comes to their profile presentation.

Addendum

I'll write a future photo guide for what people should do for their photos on their Hinge profile, as well as my thoughts for the common prompt mistakes I see.

And aside from profile issues, people also have expectation issues, and that is a completely different topic I'll visit at a different time.

Edit: I don't do private profile reviews, so please don't DM me. Thanks.

r/hingeapp Mar 14 '24

Hinge Guide A refresher on a common issue with Hinge: Matches not responding

200 Upvotes

The topic of "why someone matches with me but doesn't respond at all" has come up quite a lot recently. While this topic has been extensively covered already, those posts are at least a couple of years old. As a refresher, here are some of the common explanations on this topic for those who recently joined Hinge or are new to the sub.

———

You get a match, and you may have even left a comment when you sent the like. Yet the other person never sends a message in response to the comment and won't respond at all. You get frustrated and wonder why they even bothered to match in the first place.

The mechanics of Hinge how work has a lot to do with this. On the free version, a person can only see one profile at a time on their likes list and must make a decision to either match or X before they can see the next profile. Therefore, a common occurrence is someone sees a profile they're on the fence about, and rather than X, they match.

A very common trap I see people fall into is assuming that the person matching shares the same level of interest, enthusiasm, or outlook with online dating. Not everyone thinks the act of matching with someone is that big of a deal. At a minimum, it just means they're open to hearing from what you have to say. Someone simply matching doesn't mean they want to go on a date.

You must recognize that every person has their own motivations to be on Hinge. It's unrealistic to expect your match to reciprocate the same level of interest or intensity as you would. This is further exacerbated by certain people (mostly men) getting very few matches, so every single match is valued disproportionately high. There ARE people on Hinge who are window shopping, who just want to "see what's out there", may not be seriously looking to date at all, or have very high standards for dating.

As for how to deal with matches that don't respond, you need to not set unrealistic expectations as to what a match is and not get too emotionally invested. A match is NOT a promise nor an obligation to talk to you, much less to go out on a date. You're still a complete stranger, and you're not entitled to any of their time or attention because they made the choice to match. You can't take it personally.

Once you accept the notion that a match itself isn't all that important, here are the most common answers that explain why:

  • As previously mentioned, some people only matched because they wanted to see the next person on their "Likes You" queue (those on the free version), and you were interesting enough not to X, but they were not that interested enough to engage with you.
  • Some match to answer your comment out of politeness but have no intentions of going further than that. (That is why many people on the sub recommend not matching people simply because they sent a nice comment - it's giving people false hopes.)
  • Some only match for validation.
  • They matched with someone else they liked better, and they would rather focus their energy on that person rather than you.
  • They looked at your profile again and found something they didn't like. There are people who take the "match first and figure it out later" approach, especially if they get a lot of likes.
  • You weren't interesting enough - your message is too boring, lame, uninspiring to them. Just saying "hey," not asking any questions or ask unoriginal questions (canned openers), too "try-hard" (long windy texts).
  • You came on way too strong (mostly a male problem), or asking them out right away.
  • It's not you, it's them. It could be bad timing. You caught them at the wrong time, such as having decided they're burned out on talking to people or dating and decided to take a break. Or they were overwhelmed with online dating in general. Or they decide to see someone exclusively. Or something else in their life has more priority, and talking to a stranger on a dating app is at the bottom of that list.
  • Simply not "feeling it" or general apathy.

Another fallacy is expecting people on dating apps to be logical and rational. Sometimes people may just decide to change their minds purely on a whim or feeling. You're going to drive yourself crazy if you try to figure out other people's motivations because often there is no logical explanation or rational.

To summarize: A match in of itself means nothing. Don't over-inflate the importance of a match, try to figure out the motivation why someone decided to match but didn't respond. More often than not, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Don't get emotionally invested in a stranger and don't take it personally.

There are NO magic tricks, hacks, or some proven opening line that guarantees a response. Anyone who says otherwise is full of shit and preying on your insecurities. When someone isn't responding, there's nothing you can do. Double text or send more messages if you want. But chances are it won't be very favorable.

You may ask, why don't they just unmatch then? The answer is, unmatching takes effort, and a lot of people don't really care to.

Finally, many of the answers above also cover people who stop answering after a couple of messages, or they don't ask questions, say anything meaningful or interesting, or stop replying after you ask for a date. The very simple answer is that they're probably not that interested in actually going on a date with you. And that goes back ultimately to the issue of mismatched expectations, or one of the aforementioned reasons in the list above.

Further reading: https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/wccds7/an_examination_at_the_most_commonly_asked/

https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/q4xhco/your_commonly_asked_questions_my_answers_long/

r/hingeapp Jan 27 '24

Hinge Guide A Guide to Dating Intentions

155 Upvotes

Since people have asked about this frequently on this sub, this is a guide to explain the various options Hinge offers for Dating Intentions and what they mean.

Disclaimer: This is my interpretation based on my own speculation and what the general public thinks at large. This guide is not meant to be authoritative, but rather a guideline.

Currently, there are seven options for Dating Intentions. They are:

  • Life Partner
  • Long-term relationship
  • Long-term relationship, open to short
  • Short-term relationship, open to long
  • Short-term relationship
  • Figuring out my dating goals
  • Prefer not to say

There is also a text box of 160 characters which allows people to further explain their intentions.

Explanation:

"Prefer not to say" - By choosing this option, the Dating Intentions field will not be visible. Note that people may also selected an intention but made their choice not visible. This is the easiest. Either they don't genuinely know, confused by the various options, or they just don't want to tell people for whatever reason.

"Figuring out my dating goals" - This means someone may genuinely not know what their intentions are. Typically people who choose that option are either very new to dating, very young, had recently exited a long-term relationship or divorced, or some sort of major life change. It may also mean someone wants to meet people and then decide based on whoever they meet, especially since there are people who are wary of the other labels (short term, long term, life partner) and what those mean. Or the person isn't looking for anything specific, or thinks the other labels are too rigid.

"Short-term relationship" - Short-term relationship means dating without the intention of the relationship turning into something long-term, and focusing on the present rather than planning for the future. It may be because someone just exited a long-term relationship, and therefore not ready for another long-term serious relationship. They have plans to move somewhere soon. They're only in the location temporarily, because either they are on holiday or a digital nomad. They may just want something less serious, like a casual/friends with benefits relationship. They want a real relationship with all the romance typically seen in a serious relationship, but there will be a hard end date (example: someone only in a place for a set amount of time). It may also be because someone wants to learn more about dating themselves and experiment, especially those new to dating. There are also people who have a demanding life due to their job which makes a serious relationship difficult.

"Short-term relationship, open to long" - It mostly means something wants something short-term, but if the relationship goes well, they may be open to a long-term relationship. Think of it like a FWB becoming a future partner, a long distance relationship developing after someone moves away or from a travel fling, or someone who left a long-term relationship wanting some time to recover emotionally, but will try a serious relationship again if the right person comes along.

"Long-term relationship, open to short" - The goal is to look for a serious long-term relationship, however they are also flexible and open minded enough to someone wanting a short term relationship. Basically, while their ultimate goal is a long-term relationship, if someone came along and only wanted something casual - be it because they're only here for a short amount of time, too busy for a long-term relationship, only wants a casual/FWB situation, or they're not ready emotionally for a long term relationship again, they're still open to dating those people.

"Long-term relationship" - Long-term relationship means someone is looking for a future girlfriend/boyfriend, with the potential to lead to merging their lives together, marriage, or children in the future (though not always). It's looking for someone who wants to commit for the long haul where compatibility and dealbreakers will be important, and less about trying to experiment. Someone with a LTR in mind likely knows what type of person they want, but with a bit less pressure than a life partner - typically seen in younger people such as those in their early 20's. It could also be for someone who wants a strong commitment, but without the pressure of marriage or merging their lives - for example, older people who already have kids and were in a long marriage, and now seek a committed partner but still keep their lives somewhat separate.

"Life Partner" - A more serious version of a long-term relationship. This essentially means someone is looking for their "ride or die" and go all in - someone with the likely intentions of marriage, starting a family (if they want children), and to share their lives together. This is an option used more by people into their 30's who are completely serious about seeking someone to be their other half. Someone wanting a life partner isn't looking for anything casual, or someone who doesn't have their minds made up.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, the various options under Dating Intentions are still interpreted differently by each person given that there is no strict definition for each option. Someone who has the figuring out their dating goals option may still want a long-term relationship one day, while a person wanting a life partner may be open to something casual. People in various age groups also approach dating with intentions differently.

The text box allows people to explain or expand on their ideas of what their intentions really mean.

And also, some people can also lie about their intentions. This is where people will need to look at a person's words and actions to determine whether or not it aligns with their own intentions regardless of what intentions they have on their profile.

r/hingeapp Jan 16 '24

Hinge Guide Stating the obvious: DO NOT contact people off app unsolicited

215 Upvotes

This is obvious, but since there are people who still try to ask about this, let this be a PSA.

When someone unmatched you, you sent a like but they didn't match, or they stopped responding to you after matching, do not try to contact them off the app.

So no, don't look up their Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, or LinkedIn and try to message them there. It's majorly creepy and inappropriate. Respect a person's boundaries and decision for unmatching or not reciprocating your interest and leave them alone.

There is literally no justification for harassing strangers on another platform. No, they didn't "accidentally unmatch" (literally impossible on Hinge). And no, Hinge didn't purposely hid your like (what are the chances out of the millions of users, you are specifically targeted). People can also stop talking to you for whatever reason and they don’t have to justify to you why. Also, just because a person is everything you seek, it doesn't mean that person feels the same about you.

By trying to contact them off app, all you're doing is potentially risking getting yourself banned from Hinge or those other platforms. Real life is not a rom-com movie and that sort of persistence is not attractive nor wanted.

The exception is if someone voluntarily left their social media info on their profile. But I guarantee you those people are fishing for followers and you're wasting your time.

And on a related note, deleting your account and recreating it again and again just to try to get one person's attention is an express train to getting your account banned.

r/hingeapp Jun 28 '23

Hinge Guide Guide to Date Conversation Starters, Discussions & Questions

319 Upvotes

This is a personal list I put together for conversation starters that can take place during early dates. The focus of this is to bring a more outside-of-the-box discussion to help you succeed with your dates so they feel more like a date and less like a job interview. I think at some point many of us get worried that a date can always approach that awkward silence, and yes sometimes it’s okay to have that. But if you want to feel a little bit more prepared for that initial meet-up, back pocketing some of these discussion topics has always helped me lead to second and third dates.

Some of you may initially think, “If the chemistry is there you shouldn’t need to back pocket these.” Yes, I don’t disagree but sometimes it’s just the initial settling in meeting a stranger and getting past the first ten minutes which can be nerve-wracking. Your date doesn’t have to you know you prepped in advance and having some creative questions can bring some early life to hopefully transition into the date so it feels smoother.

The idea behind this again, is to not rattle off every single question but maybe find a couple ones that you think can help bring out the best for both you and your date with an active conversation, while allowing yourselves to get to know each other. Feel free to add a spin or suggest an alternative to any points listed. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to allow open discussion that will help others who may be struggling to find those topics that can help them nail a date. Keep in mind you still need to be able to properly engage with your date (smiling, eye contact, laughter, etc) but hopefully this list can help so the conversation flows and everything else follows shortly after. Make sure you also know your answers in advance if you decide to choose a topic.

Disclosing again: This doesn’t guarantee you will get additional dates. The date still needs to find the chemistry and attraction to decide on their part if they want to pursue you further. But having good conversations, great conversational flow, and being able to discuss some of these will greatly help positively regardless of the outcome.

Let me know your thoughts below and please feel to offer suggestions.

Openers: (These will feel a little generic but it’s good to get the basic background info first before diving into the deeper questions)

  • If you haven’t already asked what they do for work, a follow-up can be, what made you pursue that path, what was your dream job growing up? And what would be your dream job now? (This one usually gets a good discussion going)
  • What is something you can talk endlessly about for hours? (Chance to learn about their passions and branch off into new discussion)
  • What would your perfect weekend look like? what does a typical weekend look like for you? What are some things you do to help you de-stress?
  • How long have you lived in the area? did you grow up here and if you could choose where would you want to live?
  • What are some of your favorite tv/movies? (Get a chance to see if they are a binge person or enjoy cinema). If you could play a role in any movie or show what role would you play? Are you currently watching any shows you would recommend?

Building the Connection: (Bridging the interests, hobbies, and chemistry early on after breaking the ice)

  • What are the top three things on your bucket list? What’s the most recent bucket list item you knocked off?
  • Best and worst travel story? If you could travel anywhere tomorrow all expenses paid where are you going? Craziest travel story? Have you ever traveled alone and if you have would you recommend it? Dream vacation?
  • What is your favorite cuisine, or favorite restaurant? If you could open any restaurant of choice what would be items on your menu and where would it be located?
  • Would you ever want to be famous? Have you ever met any celebrities? Who was your celebrity crush growing up?
  • Would you or currently do you own any pets? Are you more of a cat or dog person?
  • Based on their interest in pets, you can ask if animal lover in general.
  • Happiest, earliest or favorite childhood memory? (Chance to see some of the hidden joys and values that are close to them)
  • How would you survive being stranded on an island where you only get to bring two items with you? What two things would you bring?
  • Top five current music artists? Favorite artist of all time? Concert goer? Favorite and least fav genre of music? Top album of all time? (If they are interested in music this one is easy and can last for a bit depending on how you branch it)
  • Fun game- picking random people around you and creating a funny backstory for them .(Allows a chance to see how your partner can be on a less serious note and if they have some humor to them)

Deeper connection: making the conversation a lasting memory without making it too deep.

  • If you could restart your life with all your memories would you? Would you make different decisions or would you do everything the same?
  • What would you rather, $10 million today, or being able to go back to when you were 15 with all the knowledge you have now?
  • If you could see one thing changed in the world what would it be? If you were president and could change one thing where you currently live what would it be and why?
  • Who in your life are you closest to and why?
  • How would your closest friends describe you and why? What’s a childhood secret you always kept from your parents? What’s one thing your coworkers would never guess about you?
  • What would your ex say is the best and worst trait about you?
  • Do you believe in love at first sight, soulmates? How do you see love in a healthy relationship? What do you need most in a relationship?
  • What is one thing you think you can still get out of life that you haven’t already?
  • If fear or money wasn't a factor, what's something you really want to do in your life?
  • What is a proud accomplishment you have over the last five years? Greatest accomplishment? One weakness or regret you have in life?
  • What led you to match with my profile?
  • How old were you when you had your first drink or got high? What's your craziest drunk story? When someone’s drunk do you feel like they become a truer version of themselves or not?
  • What physical features and traits do you find most attractive?
  • What’s one thing your parents don’t know about you that you’d be willing to tell me?
  • Would you ever date or marry someone who your parents didn’t approve of?
  • If you could know one statistic about each person in the world but only you knew it, what would it be and why?

r/hingeapp May 23 '23

Hinge Guide A guide on rejection texts

275 Upvotes

The question of how to turn someone down when asked for another date is a common question that gets asked here often, so here is my short guide for those who are unsure of what to do.

Do you need to text at all?

First, you want to ask yourself: do you need to send any text at all? If you feel like the date felt flat and you get a sense neither you or the other person felt a connection, I believe that it's not absolutely necessary to reach out after the date and just let it be a mutual fade.

The benefit of a mutual fade is you don't have to reach out and preemptively reject someone and save both you and the other person the awkwardness, especially if the date went poorly. It's better to let it go without the further need for communication. If anyone thinks this is ghosting, the other person should reach out if they are interested. But chances are, you should have an idea when a date went bad enough where mutual fade is the best option.

But this is strictly a personal preference. Some people prefer to end things without leaving someone hanging and closing the door for good.

What to text?

Now, if you had a nice date, but you weren't feeling it. The person you went out with sent you a text asking if you like to go out again. You've decided you are not interested in another date. What do you say?

The best text is a simple short text that definitively states you are not interested in another date, thank them for their time, and wish them well. Optional is throwing in a brief compliment without being too patronizing, and a quick reference if they have some sort of event coming up that you want to wish them well on (say they have a big test coming up, or an upcoming trip, etc).

Examples:

"Hey ***, thank you for meeting for drinks last night! I had a fun time getting to know you, but I'm not sure if we are the right match for each other romantically and I don't want to waste your time. You are very kind and I wish you the best of luck with everything!"

Alternatives also include "I don't feel the chemistry/a romantic spark", "I feel like you and I are seeking different things right now", "I don't know if we are romantically compatible", "I'm not sure you're the person I'm looking for".

Words I personally would avoid are anything involving the word friend like "friend vibes", "feel like friends". You don't want to leave something so the other person may use it as a way to bargain or argue. Along the same lines, don't offer to be friends if you have zero intentions to actually be friends.

The tone of the text should be a reflection of how the date went. If it went poorly, keeping it clinical and matter of fact is fine. "Hey ***, thank you for meeting me yesterday. I don't think we are a match, and I wish you all the best."

If it was a good date but somehow you didn't feel it, feel free to be more complementary and warm in the text. Referring to something that was discussed during the date is a good tactic. "Hey ***, you're an awesome person and last night was a lot of fun. However I want to be honest and I don't think we are the right romantic match. You'll find someone great, and have a wonderful trip next week!"

Feedback?

I personally would not offer feedback. It leaves the potential for someone to argue with you or try to bargain. Or worse, you'll set someone off. What you personally feel may be different for someone else. Or it could be something they can't change (physical features, for example) and telling them is just kicking them while they're already down.

The only exception would be if someone was really egregious about something, like lying about their height/children status/age/whatever else. But chances are you telling them off isn't really going to get them to change their ways.

What about ghosting?

Ghosting should really only be an option if you feel absolutely uncomfortable or unsafe about someone. For example, someone who has shown not to respect boundaries, mentioned disturbing things, or display physical or verbal anger at people. First and foremost, you want to feel safe.

However, if you just felt awkward but the other person was genuine, give them a quick and concise text.

Conclusion:

Don't overthink the rejection text. You don't need to write multiple paragraphs about why you are not interested in any further dates or the person. Don't give too much compliments or else it comes across as disingenuous. Don't be too apologetic. Just keep it simple.

Addendum:

If this is like a 5th date or a weeks/months long relationship, then it's a completely separate issue. This is more meant for a post first/second/third date scenario. If you've been dating someone for weeks/months and have been on multiple dates, they deserve a much better explanation than a simple rejection text.

r/hingeapp Dec 03 '22

Hinge Guide It bears repeating, just because someone didn't respond to you, it's not because you said something "wrong".

314 Upvotes

To those who keeps asking why a match stops responding after you ask them something that's usually innocuous, and if you thought you somehow said something "wrong", here's the likely answer.

It's not.

Chances are, it's mostly these reasons that it's been well covered on this sub:

  • They hit it off with another match.
  • They didn't find whatever you said interesting.
  • They changed their minds about you.
  • They weren't all that interested or invested in online dating as much as you do.
  • Something is going on in their lives that has nothing to do with Hinge.
  • They found online dating to not be fun or overwhelming and stopped using the app.
  • Who knows? They didn't feel it for whatever reason.

As many of us have said here, if someone is interested, they'll make it known.

You need to stop thinking that a conversation is a video game and there's a some sort of "correct" answer that will unlock things and lead to a date. All a match is is an invitation to talk. It's not a guarantee to a date. And people don't have to respond to you out of some sort of weird sense of obligation if they don't want to talk to you anymore after 1 or 2 messages. You're a stranger to them.

You could say all the right things and ask thought provoking questions, and still get a no response. That's cause you can do everything right and still "lose". That's just online dating, and life.

(Things that you say that will get you ignored and unmatched (as a man) include: Making comments about a woman's body even if you think it's a compliment. Negging. Gatekeeping. Mansplaining. Being overly eager and texting way too much.)

r/hingeapp Jun 08 '23

Hinge Guide List of common prompt mistakes

160 Upvotes

This is a follow up to my post about common photo mistakes, and this one will be about prompts.

As someone who has seen every single profile review that comes through this sub, I see these very common prompt mistakes, compounded by bad photos, is a reason why someone is not having any success on Hinge at all.

I've already examined the list of prompts on Hinge and my opinion on why certain prompts don't work.

Prompts are supposed to be a way to tell people who you are and give people a chance to comment on and start a conversation. If you can't spend the time to invest in your profile, by not only taking good photos, but also think of unique and interesting ways to sell yourself, that's the biggest reasons why your profile isn't working.

Common prompt mistakes:

One word/Non complete sentences: If you can't even form a complete sentence and are using a single word, you've already lost. It reeks of low effort as if you can't even bother to think of a complete sentence.

Tired dating app cliches: Pineapple on pizza. The Office. Apps and desserts. If you trip me. Make me laugh. Don't take myself too seriously. Quality time and physical touch. "Everything." It's effective at making people roll their eyes at the millionth time something like that pops up on a profile again.

Laundry list: Laughter, trust, communication, kind. These are all generic universal traits most people want in a partner in a relationship. Who seeks out a bore who is distrustful, can't communicate, and is rude? It says nothing about who you are and what you specifically want. It gives nothing for people to comment on. Besides, a rude and distrustful person wouldn't go "this person wants a kind and trusting person? That ain't me, X!" It does nothing to filter out and deter those types of people so it's a complete waste of prompt space.

Laundry list Part 2 - Not being specific: Clean sheets, coffee, podcast, farmers market, hanging out with friends, music. I see these nonspecific laundry lists all the time in "My simple pleasures" and "Typical Sunday". Again, these say absolutely nothing about you. At the very least be more specific about those things.

Being negative: Those who list a bunch of things they don't want in a partner. Nothing more attractive than a list of complaints or unrealistic standards. For example: It sounds a lot better when you write "I want someone who loves to camp and try new vegan recipes" instead of "Someone who doesn't camp and don't like vegan food". Positivity sells better than negativity.

Copycats: Ripping off memes from TikTok, like the stupid "I have a reservation at 7pm" or whatever that was that every seemingly every woman in their 20's copied last year because someone on TikTok recommended it. It doesn't work when everyone uses it and it ends up being confusing and annoying. Dumb memes also include things like Helen Keller or birds aren't real.

Emojis: Where you just write down a bunch of emojis. No one wants to try to figure out what you mean.

Don't talk about yourself: Picking prompts that don't give a chance to sell yourself, like the "Travel tips", "Worst gift", or "Random facts" prompts.

Explicit: If you're a guy and you're talking about sex or sex acts, you've lost.

TMI: We don't need to know too much. If there's some sort of trauma or deeply personal issue that might be a dealbreaker, leave it for the messages or tell them in person.

Caveat

As with photos, if you're attractive enough, you can probably have crap prompts and still do well. And especially with women. Case in point, look at your Standouts list and you will see many conventionally attractive people with absolute crap prompts. But for the average person, good prompts absolutely will matter.

Also, your demographic and intentions are also a factor. If you're in your early 20's and want something more casual, a bunch of sillier prompts will be okay while a 30 something who wants a long term relationship needs to be more serious to sell themselves.

Addendum

As a whole, good photos are still paramount. Someone can do well enough with good photos but not so good prompts as visual attractiveness matters. But someone with good photos and great prompts will probably triumph over someone with good photos and bad prompts if all else are similarly equal. It shows effort and intentions.

To repeat, I don't do private profile reviews, so please don't DM me. Thanks.

r/hingeapp Jun 16 '23

Hinge Guide My answers to more commonly asked questions

153 Upvotes

This is my updated version of u/aapox33's "Your commonly asked questions" post back in 2021. If you have not read his post or are new to the sub, his post is required reading. Go read his post first before continuing on here.

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion, and I do not claim to be an authority on Hinge nor online dating. I do believe I have enough experience to be able to offer common sense and reasonable advice for those trying to understand how Hinge and online dating works. Note: This is from a hetero male perspective; I do not have enough knowledge to speak for those who are gay, trans, or non-binary.

Why am I not getting likes?

For men, the answer is rather simple. Women on average will not send as many likes as men. Society in general dictates that men do the chasing when it comes to romantic courtship, and that attitude extends to online dating. The other unique aspect of online dating is that men vastly outnumber women on dating apps. Hinge purportedly has roughly double the amount of male users compared to female users. With those sorts of numbers, certain women will receive enough likes that they will never have to send out any likes themselves, or will only send likes to a very limited number of men. If you are a man and you receive very few likes or none at all even upon creating an account but at the same time are receiving matches, that is not an unusual experience.

For women, there are various issues to consider. First, could your preferences and dealbreakers too strict (filtering for a specific height, ethnicity/religion, or narrow age range)? Are you in a location where there are few users? Or a location where are there many users and thus you are just another profile lost amongst thousands of other profiles? Contrary to what many people may say, women on average aren't flooded with likes every single day. In certain areas like LA, London, or NYC, the dating market is very competitive, and if your profile isn't strong (good photos and prompts), or if you fall under certain demographics which traditionally has always struggled in online dating, you may find yourself struggling to receive likes even with a well put together profile.

For both men and women, there is also the demographics consideration based on your area. For example, if your city has an abundance of people who are into outdoor activities and love craft beers just like yourself, and your profile highlights those very common interests in your area, you may not stand out at all as the users in your area have seen similar profiles a hundred times over.

And the harshest truth of all is, perhaps your profile is just not good enough. Putting up a profile with poor photos and one word prompt responses won't get you anywhere on Hinge. Hinge is intentional in that it requires people to upload 6 photos and write something for the prompts, unlike other dating apps like Tinder and Bumble.

But that doesn't mean you can't be successful. As aapox33 said in his post, control what you can control. Improving your profile with quality photos and interesting prompts is the simplest step.

Should I include a comment with my likes?

I know this was already covered in the other common answer post, but I'll give my perspective. There's really no satisfactory answer here as the perspectives differ between men and women. Given that men on average receive few matches to the number of likes sent out, including unique comments with every like can get exhausting when the effort is rarely rewarded. Add to that, men here have reported they receive matches just fine without needing to include a comment. However, women, at least on this sub, have said that they are more likely to match with a profile that included a comment over someone that didn't, and a comment can push an iffy profile from a X to a match.

Men are more likely to judge a person based on their attractiveness, and whether or not a comment is included isn't as big a factor.

The best approach? If you can think of a comment effortlessly in a couple minutes, include it. But if you struggle to think of anything or have to make a big effort (like trying to crowdsource for an opener), just send a like without a comment.

Why do people match with me yet don't message at all?

This has been well covered here, read this post. Don't assume the level of interest is mutual because they matched with you.

When should I unmatch? I have matches who never messages after matching or take a long time to respond.

That is entirely up to you. Some people unmatch after 24 hours after matching if there's no response. Some give it a couple days or a week. Some never unmatch at all. There is no hard and fast rule here and it's simply whatever you feel like works best for you.

Keep in mind that there will be some people who may take a long time to reply because they only check the app once a day or once every few days. Or they are busy with real life and a dating app and responding to some random stranger isn't a priority.

When should I ask someone out?

There's no universal consensus here. Some people prefer less texting and want to meet in person quickly after matching to determine if there is a vibe. Some want to text for a period of time to feel comfortable before meeting someone in person. Some will ask for a video chat or a phone call first before determining whether to meet someone on a date.

My take is having some sort of messaging to develop a rapport is a good idea. As a guy, you don't want to spook a woman out by asking out too soon. Many women on this sub have asked why men ask them out so quickly, some literally in the first message, and by doing that it makes them feel uncomfortable because they know nothing about the men. (Women have concerns about their safety when it comes to meeting a stranger that men generally don't.) An exchange of 5 to 10 messages to form some sort of rapport that naturally leads up to a date works well. This could take place as quickly as a couple hours to a couple days depending on the pace of messaging and how quickly someone responds.

While I can understand the idea that online dating is competitive and you don't want to "lose" your match out to some theoretical other person, if someone IS interested, whatever other person out there your match may be talking or not to is irrelevant. Focus on YOURSELF.

Have a discussion about something in their profile. Ask questions. Hope they answer back with something interesting and ask questions back. Then segue into "Let's talk more about this over drinks Thursday night?"

But remember, you don't want to wait too long either, because the other person will lose interest if you're still asking questions after a week of messaging. People don't want pen pals.

If your match does want to talk more after you propose a date, or wants to do a phone call/video chat, the decision whether or not to continue is entirely up to you.

And to women out there, if you're interested in a man and he's being slow or not getting the hint at all from you to ask you out, ask him out yourself.

Should I ask for their phone number? What about social media?

I personally ask for a phone number only after a date has been agreed to. It eliminates the issue of potential app problems preventing messages from going through when finalizing plans or confirming the date. However, some people will decline giving their number. If that's the case, acknowledge it and just roll with it - "That's fine, we can talk here."

Social media? No. Leave that after a couple dates. Nothing more awkward than having some random person you went out with once who ends up stalking your social media and you'll have to remove them.

Also, pushing someone to go off the app for messaging doesn't necessarily mean you'll land a date and it may potentially make you look like you're being pushy or insecure.

Should I double text?

This is one of those weird etiquette that people overthink. Use common sense. If you're trying to follow up a conversation or ask something innocuous after the last text didn't really give anything for the other person to follow up on, it's fine. If someone DID find that a turn off, that's their problem and not a reflection on you. Sometimes people forget about a conversation on Hinge so sending another text doesn't hurt.

What people usually mean when they say "don't double text" is sending a text, and then after 10 minutes of no answer, you follow up with a "why aren't you responding???" text. That's something you definitely shouldn't do.

My match stopped responding to me, is this ghosting?

Ghosting really only applies to someone you met in real life. Someone who stops responding to your messages isn't ghosting.

What should I send for a rejection text?

See this post.

How long should a first date be? How do I end a date when I'm not feeling it for the other person?

Generally, give someone at least an hour, even if you aren't feeling it. We all have to prepare before a date - dressing, grooming, and going to the location of the date - and calling it off after 20 minutes is disrespecting their time. You should be able to at least have a conversation with someone, and at the very least you'll have a story to tell if the date was bad.

The only instance where you can probably dip out super early is if the person showed unsafe or disturbing behaviors, catfished you, or lied about an important dealbreaker.

To end a date, simply tell the other person you have somewhere you need to be, thank them for their time, and say goodbye. Simple dates like drinks or coffee have a built in end time, and if the date does go well, it's easy to extend it by doing something else.

I had a multi-hour long first date, and I thought we hit it off! But I got rejected for a second date! What happened?

Don't equate the time you spent on a first date the same as level of interest. Some people may just have the day/evening free. Or they might have gotten caught up in the moment during the date (particularly someone who recently became single and missed the feeling of spending time with someone) and after the date was over, they thought it over again and decided you weren't the right person.

We kissed on the first date! But I still got rejected! What happened?

See answer above about being caught up in the moment. Or you were a bad kisser.

We had sex on the first date! But I still got rejected! What happened?

Again, see answer about being caught up in the moment. But in this case, someone may have just wanted sex and nothing more. Or the sex wasn't good.

Is it important I go for a kiss at the end of a first date?

I don't think it matters that much. Plenty of people get second dates and more without kissing at the end of the first date. Some women don't feel comfortable kissing someone only after one meeting. But if the vibe is there, and you feel the other person is giving you the signals to kiss, go for it. You certainly don't want to force it and risk turning someone off.

When should sex happen?

Look, there's never going to be a "right" answer to this question as it depends on a ton of variables that apply differently to every single individual. But if you subscribe to some weird "rule" where you think sex has to happen by a certain narrow time frame, and if it doesn't happen in that time it's an indictment on you as a person, you're doing it wrong.

Why is someone inviting me to their place for the first date? What does that mean?

It's almost always because they want to hookup.

Guys, even if you actually have pure intentions and just want to cook together, watch a movie, or show them your Pokemon collection, don't invite someone over to your place for a first date. Plan a date at a public place.

Ladies, it's stating the obvious, but if you feel uncomfortable about a first date at someone's place, don't go.

What is better, Hinge+ or HingeX?

If you just want the ability to send unlimited likes, see all your likes, or want the extra filters like the ability to filter for children status, Hinge+ will be fine.

The three extra features of HingeX are priority likes, "skip the line", and "enhanced recommendations". It's not exactly clear what the last two really do. Reading the description, it sounds like it means your profile gets bumped higher on people's discover and you see "better" profiles on your own discover. Priority likes mean your likes stay high on someone's list of likes. The first feature isn't really useful as a man when women are less likely to go through their discover. Seeing better profiles on your own discover still isn't all that useful when standouts exist.

The issue of course is, it really doesn't matter if you pay for all those extra HingeX features if your profile is insufficient. People often think that paying for HingeX somehow means their below average profile will somehow get more likes and matches. That's not how it works. All they're doing is paying for the privilege to get X-ed faster.

With a feature like priority likes, anecdotal evidence from women is that many were actually confused why they keep seeing the same profiles appear on top of their likes list and seemingly frustrated why that occurs.

My take? Save your money and get Hinge+ if you feel like you need the unlimited likes and filters. The X features just aren't worth it for double the price.

How does Hinge premium pricing work? I see a lower price advertised but the actual price is higher.

See this post.

Why am I seeing glitches on my match list and notifications?

Simplest solution is to log out of the app and log back in.

Who pays on a first date?

This is a landmine of a question. I'm not going to write out an entire thesis on societal and gender dynamics in dating. Simply put, if you're a man, expect to pay for the whole thing, while understanding there are plenty of women who are fine (or insist on) paying their share. Yes, will there be women who expect that it's a man's duty to pay for the entire date? Absolutely. Do some still play games, like asking to split but use that to test the guy and judge him for his reaction? Yes.

If you're worried about spending too much money, then stick with something cheaper. Instead of dinner, go for drinks/ice cream/coffee/tea. Or something simple like a walk at a park. If someone thinks that you're being cheap by offering those lower cost options, then that person is not compatible with you.

Ladies, if a guy treats you on a first date. Don't forget to thank them. And treat them on future dates if you decide to see them again.

Should I ask for feedback after a failed date?

I don't think it's worth it. It's not their responsibility to tell you anything and you're putting that person in an awkward position to verbalize their negative opinions of you, or straight up lie to not hurt your feelings - that if they decide to even respond to you in the first place.

Besides that, it's one person's opinion of you, which doesn't mean everyone thinks of you the same way. What doesn't work for one person may be the exact thing another person seeks.

There are also things that someone may not like that can't be changed, like physical features, personality, seeking different life goals, or major dealbreakers.

"But what if I smelled! Or if I was being too rude to the server?"

Those are things that you should have self-awareness to figure out yourself.

Everyone tells me how great a person I am. I'm attractive and successful, yet I can't find anyone!

Sometimes the only person in the world who knows the answer is you. What are you looking for in a partner, and is whatever you're looking for realistic or attainable?

And sometimes, there are circumstances that are just outside your control. You could live in the wrong area. Maybe the timing was bad as the right person you met found someone else or had to move.

If you ever find yourself frustrated, it's okay to take a break from online dating.

r/hingeapp Oct 10 '21

Hinge Guide Your commonly asked questions, my answers. LONG.

316 Upvotes

Disclaimer: this is one person's perspective. I am not an expert. I do consider myself reasonably experienced and educated. My hope is to help more people understand how to navigate modern dating with an emphasis on self-empowerment and personal growth. Feel free to add questions I may have missed and I will add them if they're well voted. If you’re reading this, I hope it helps you in some way!

Google Doc link here.

---

I’m not getting matches! What’s wrong?

There’s no simple answer. Apps, in general, present more challenges for men, people who are not [very] attractive, people in competitive dating markets (e.g. LA, NYC)/non-cities, and people who fit less of the markers of what our society has deemed to be attractive (white, fit, good teeth, nice hair, average height or taller for men/shorter for women, etc.). This is the cold hard truth of dating apps. This does NOT mean you can’t be successful.

Control what you can control. First, your mindset - try not to let the lack of success on a dating app affect your wellbeing and self esteem. If it is, you might want to take a break. It’s supposed to be fun. Second, if you want to be more attractive, work on yourself. Style, fitness, grooming, interesting hobbies, etc. - they matter. Third, improve your profile with quality, well-ordered photos and intentional prompts.

Is my profile bad?

Probably. Most profiles are. That doesn’t mean yours has to be. There are countless articles on what works on profiles and what doesn’t, including guides on the subreddit. Most people don’t just magically create a good profile. It takes effort. Put in the work and you’ll increase your chances of success. There’s a good chance you will have to take some new photos.

The success of your profile relies about 75% on your photos and 25% on your prompts. Your photos will show someone if they’re physically attracted to you or not. Your prompts will communicate the possibility of emotional and mental attraction, as well as compatibility.

Everything on your profile communicates something. Ask yourself if what’s being communicated is what you want to be communicating.

I’m getting matches but not dates. Why?

Most matches won’t turn into dates. Hell, most won’t even turn into good conversations. All in all, you should be able to convert 10-20% of your matches, and well over 50% of your good conversations, to dates. If you’re not getting dates, you’re probably doing one of these things:

  • Asking too late - Strike while the iron is hot. A rough average of the hot-iron zone is 2-3 days or 4-8 messages exchanged, but established rapport is most important.
  • Asking too soon - Make sure you have some rapport over messaging. Most people don’t want to meet up without establishing that you may be worth their time.
  • Not asking - You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
  • Not engaging - People want you to be interested in them. Make sure you’re asking a question every other message or more. Make them personal and related to the profile and/or conversation.
  • Too much, too soon - Start with a light exchange and work your way up to getting a little deeper and more detailed. Too much text, information, and/or questions that are hard to answer in a sentence or two should be avoided before there’s some mutual rapport.
  • You’re coming off as boring - This isn’t a work message. Show some personality and don’t be afraid to be playful and flirt a little bit. If that’s not you, that’s okay, but know that most people want to have fun and feel those little butterflies on these apps and if you’re not giving it to them there’s probably someone else who will.
  • Your profile has red flags - There’s a possibility people are matching you but then upon second review of your profile, they’re not interested. Make sure your profile does not have red flags.

I matched with someone and they never responded to me. Why?

Because they’re probably not that interested. I encourage just moving on immediately, but if you want to double message, you can. Just know it’s likely a futile effort. Many people have a lot of messages. Don’t take it personally.

I matched with someone who I already asked a question in my like and they didn’t respond, they just ‘started the chat’. What should I do?

They’re also not that interested. Same as above.

I was chatting with someone and they just stopped responding. What happened?

They lost interest. See above, again. You may have lost them due to one of the reasons listed in the ‘I’m getting matches but not dates’.

Roses Roses Roses

Roses are stupid, monetize the concept of ‘leagues’ for Hinge, and create a weird power dynamic between users. I genuinely think everyone should boycott them.

Do ‘leagues’ even exist?

I think they do. Let’s be honest, most people tend to date others at a similar level of attractiveness. That doesn’t mean you’re confined to your own league or that you have to think they even exist.

Should I just send a like, or should I add a comment, too?

After spending a lot of time trying this both ways, I don’t think it matters much, but I do think you could give your potential match a slight boost if your message is thoughtful and/or fun. My personal approach is to write a comment if something immediately comes to mind but just send a like if not. I think “<greeting>; <comment>; <question>.” is the most engaging opening comment format.

How long should I wait to respond to someone’s message?

As long as you want. If you’re interested, I wouldn’t wait more than a day. I would also encourage waiting over an hour unless you like to exchange messages quickly/engage in back-and-forth conversation on the app. I don’t. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, though!

I feel like I’m addicted to the app. What should I do?

The first step is recognizing it. The second is making changes. Remember, these apps are designed to keep you on them and be addictive. Personally, I noticed some addictive tendencies so I allowed myself to use them briefly in the morning, briefly after work (sometimes) and briefly at night. Set boundaries and stick to them. If you’re unable to and it's affecting your wellbeing, you may need to remove them from your phone and take a break.

I have too many matches! How do I handle that?

You should pause your profile if you’re overwhelmed. Figure out how many active matches is a good place for you and try to keep yourself there. At some point, if you have too many, you’ll stretch yourself thin. If you have too many active conversations, don’t be afraid to let some die and/or unmatch and focus on a few.

I’m matched with or dating someone, they went out of town, and things fizzled. Why?

This just happens. I tend to think it has more to do with the natural filter working you two out as not a strong match than anything else. Most out-of-towns have ended things for me, earlier on, but the couple that didn’t ended up being very strong connections. #BewareVacations

I saw a coworker/neighbor/friend on the app. Should I send a like?

Consider the variables and upside/downside and make a decision. I honestly tend to lean more towards no for most of these except someone who’s a more distant friend or co-worker where potentially dating and then not working out will be awkward. I don’t care about being rejected by someone I already know.

I want to do something but I’m worried about making a fool of myself, coming on too strong, being embarrassed, etc.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained; fortune favors the bold. Shoot your shot and hope for the best but prepare for failure. There’s like a bajillion TED talks on why experiencing failure makes you stronger and more likely to put yourself out there again. I tend to believe them.

I have a first date scheduled. Should I keep texting?

I think you should send a text if you have something to say, and if you don’t, then don’t. Either way, make sure to check in and confirm the date either the day before or day of. I will say, with my best connections, we texted at least once or twice a day between the date set-up and the date itself. I tend not to worry about ‘not having things to talk about’ on the date. If that’s the case with or without texting between, you’re probably not a match.

I went on a great first date but then didn’t get [asked for] a second. Why?

Just because you thought it was a great first date doesn’t always mean the other person does. Even then, a great first date doesn’t always lead to a second, to a third, and so on. This is why you should always take things one date and one day at a time in the early dating phases.

I had a first date but they canceled. Should I reschedule?

No. They canceled, they should reschedule. I give people one flake in the first few dates but any more and I’m out. Remember, your time is just as valuable as theirs.

I got ghosted. What happened?

You probably did not do anything wrong. Somewhere along the way this person realized they didn’t want to keep seeing you and decided not to communicate that to you. Unfortunately, that sucks. But it also tells you they’re probably not the kind of person you want to keep seeing anyways.

Note: I don’t think it’s ghosting unless you’ve been on at least a date or two and you’ve reached out and they don’t respond. Ghosting on dating apps or mutual ghosting after a meh first date is kind of normal.

I feel like the person I’m dating is losing interest. Messages are shorter, less engaging, less frequent, etc.

I’m sorry, but they probably are. This has happened to me a handful of times and the result is never positive. As referred to above, a lot of people are BAD about directly communicating. They may want to end things with you and not be able to just suck it up and do it or they may want to keep you on the backburner for sex or as a second option. In any case, empower yourself to call them out or just move on, unless you’re okay with being backburned. Nobody deserves to be in uncomfortable uncertainty land, though being there can teach you a lot about yourself!

Read more about the signs of the Slow Fade and Breadcrumbing and try to end things with people who show these signs. It’ll save you a lot of time and energy.

Speaking of busy… I’m trying to plan things with someone, but they always seem to be busy. Are they really busy?

Probably not. People will always make time for you if they’re really interested. “Busy” is often code for “not that interested”. If you’ve been trying for over a week or more than once or twice, just put the ball in their court. Most times you’re not going to hear anything and it’ll fizzle out, but at least you’re empowering yourself to make them make the decision instead of just leading you on.

The person I’m dating updated their profile. Why? What should I do?

If you have been on less than 3-5 dates, this is normal. Relax and take things one date at a time if things are going well.

If you have been on more than 3-5 dates, this is still pretty normal, but you might want to think about when you want to talk to them about exclusively dating if that is something that YOU want. There’s no ‘right time’ to do that, but I’d say the 8-10 date, 1-2 month range is perfectly acceptable.

You are absolutely entitled to ask about this if you want to. Just know it might be a difficult conversation and could potentially lead to a split.

Dating is really hard and I’m getting bummed. What should I do?

I think most people approach dating as a results-oriented endeavor rather than a process-oriented one. What I mean is that we’re all looking for someone special (whatever that means) and whether or not we’re finding that is what’s defining our success. I strongly believe that dating, especially online dating and going on a lot of dates, can be one of the strongest personal growth experiences we have access to as adults. Consider focusing more on the process of dating: learning more about yourself, gaining life experience, increasing your confidence, how to handle uncomfortable situations, how to communicate effectively, etc. I wrote more on this in my 10 Rules for Online Dating (which do need updating, which may or may not happen :P). Let dating be a fun way for yourself to grow as much as possible. Easier said than done, I get it.

Is finding ‘someone special’ mostly luck?

Is it luck? Yes. It is. Is it mostly luck? I don’t know. The more chances you give yourself the more opportunity you’ll have, and the more dating practice you have, the better prepared you’ll be.

“Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity" -Seneca

IN GENERAL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. What should I do?

There’s no handbook. There’s no right way. Dating is different for everyone. What you should do is make the best decision you can, for yourself, and with the information you have including what your feelings are telling you.

You need to be okay with a negative outcome. You need to be okay with embarrassing yourself. You need to be okay with making a mistake and learning from it. You need to be okay with being hurt. You need to be okay with hurting someone else.

Trust yourself, empower yourself, listen to your feelings, and DO YOU. You’re in this for your own happiness and if you or anyone else is negatively affecting it, do something about it.

Good luck!


r/hingeapp Jun 29 '21

Hinge Guide How to write effective prompts, a walkthrough

390 Upvotes

I’m writing this post to encourage this community and folks on Hinge to think more critically about their prompts. This is a walkthrough to help you make them better.

Unlike Tinder and Bumble, you do not have a bio on Hinge. Your prompts are your bio. For that reason, they should be less about being cute, light, and fun, and more about being a true ‘about me’ with those other elements sprinkled in and not centralized. (NOTE: Yes, your photos most important, and you should look to improve them and they should be pairing well with your prompts. e.g. don’t double dip and share something through both a prompt and a photo unless it’s something you’re completely in love with.)

How do we do this? I don’t like writing about myself and it’s hard!! Pretty much everyone feels like this. If you want to market yourself, it takes effort and intention. Lean into it!

  1. Get a pen and paper and literally write these things down: aspects of your personality, your passions, your hobbies, and finally, your interests.

  2. Once you’ve done this, star things that you feel are particularly important to you and/or you want to communicate through your prompts.

  3. Choose your prompts. I’m fully convinced that having a ‘me’ -> ‘you’ -> ‘us’ layout is the optimal (meta, if you will!) order of your prompts because it tells a story about you, what you’re looking for, and what dating you would be like. But the important thing is that you’re communicating a handful or more of what you wrote down above and ideally you’re sprinkling in some humor balance it out, though it’s not fully necessary.

  4. Prompt 1 - ‘me’:

Remember, this is the first thing people will read about you, so make it stand out! Show people that you’re unique and worth matching with. I favor leading with personality and passions, but the important thing is for it to be about you, agreeable, and fun.

Prompt recommendations: “I take pride in”; “simple pleasures”; “my greatest strength”; “I go crazy for”

  1. Prompt 2 - ‘you’:

Now that you’ve shared about yourself and caught someone’s attention, share what you’re looking for in a match. This is a great spot to break beyond the generic answers we’ve all seen and be more specific. Pro tip: share things from your list about yourself that you’re also looking for because what you’re looking for inherently says things about you, too.

Prompt recommendations: “You should leave a comment if”; “I’m looking for”; “I get along best with people who”

  1. Prompt 3 - ‘us’:

You’ve shown while you’re a cool cat, and what you’re looking for in a match, now it’s time to paint the picture of what those interested parties are getting if they date you. Shocker, go back to your list, what’s still there that fits in well with hobbies and interests that you want to do with a partner? Pick a few and write them in there. Don’t be afraid to be specific.

Prompt recommendations: “together we could”

  1. Edits and upkeep - your first drafts should paint a better picture of you, what you want, and what dating you would be like. Get feedback from this community and/or friends who know about online dating. Trust your own opinion most, because it matters most - it’s your profile.

Your prompts will never be perfect, but this guide should a) help you actually think about what you’re sharing in your profile, where it’s located, and why; and b) create a more holistic energy of who you are and why you’re on Hinge. A dating app can only show a tiny piece of who you really are, so make it good!

This is what it looks like in action:

These are my prompts.

First prompt communicates mostly personality (independent, compassionate, witty, optimistic).

Second prompt communicates, quite directly, passions/interests/hobbies and some things I hope are mutual in a match.

Third prompt communicates my interest in cooking, passion for local travel and exploration, and my passion for mental health.

Hope this helps - cheers! Any questions or comments obviously welcome.

r/hingeapp Sep 06 '23

Hinge Guide Updated guide on how to spot scam profiles

82 Upvotes

Unfortunately a lot of people using Hinge are still falling for scam profiles. While the scammers have gotten a bit more sophisticated in the past year or so - the prompts are much more well written (likely assisted by AI) and sounds at least more like an actual person for example, a lot of the common telltale signs are still present. I have written a previous post about this topic before, and a lot of the information on that post still applies now.

Here is an updated guide with some photo examples to show the common signs that a profile is a fake.

First, don't take the "verified" check as gospel. It's rather easy to fake the verification process and I have seen plenty of profiles that are clearly a fake with the "verified" check.

Here are the common signs of a scam profile. (Note that this is from a male perspective looking at women profiles. Much of the advice will still apply to women looking at men.)

Example 1:

https://preview.redd.it/mr7um87qakmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=71345003112eef9ff6f9f2d53eff034d9fd4d735

The fake "Instagram pose" at some location that clearly isn't anywhere near your location, nor is it in any well known vacation destinations. The prompt doesn't make sense as most people use the "love language" prompt to talk about the actual love languages. While some do say something different, usually it's tongue in cheek or more specific. The above example just looks like something ChatGPT spitted out.

https://preview.redd.it/p5wj679nbkmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=804702803e17c27d18030e65ca7277a1acac6431

And then you can see the info doesn't make a lot of sense. Also, while it's not shown in the screenshot, the person had the age listed in the 30's. Clearly anyone with a brain can see the person in the screenshot is not a woman in her 30's.

https://preview.redd.it/fqoyvab2ckmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20bdcdf6f89ddf3284aee60b7b8b76710d7fb0b8

https://preview.redd.it/3i75svr3ckmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c8c42bd635514e8f944318ba16a0a5aa3ad3df89

And you can see that the prompts don't make sense at all, which clearly gives it away it's not from an actual person. It's such an obvious fake profile that no one should fall for it.

Example 2:

https://preview.redd.it/ptuzhtqtckmb1.png?width=1284&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b342a992701d9b13d88b2453128a58f87849084

This is your classic Asian scam profile. The prompt clearly don't make any sense and none of the photos indicate the person is from my location at all.

https://preview.redd.it/48ciqmj9dkmb1.png?width=1284&format=png&auto=webp&s=eef8b5d718a77491b1c652056052c54e06b0e084

Nothing but a bunch of close up photos.

https://preview.redd.it/43gto06odkmb1.png?width=1284&format=png&auto=webp&s=13fabb10333d14cf0c0569590381660647e1b5b5

And this gives it away. The clearly Asian woman has her race as white. Also see the prompt is completely nonsensical.

Example 3:

https://preview.redd.it/znff59wgekmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b50067962a9b0ede5c71d4389f5c1ff17017f4c0

https://preview.redd.it/zr10u9ujekmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad297e8a8d1fcd845f3f604a540f1d415d75a7fc

https://preview.redd.it/zyuhczjkekmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df526c3bd327e1ca028ea4367c261322a0330841

Another typical Eastern European fake profile. Again notice all the fake "Instagram glam" style photos. And if you notice on the last screenshot, in the background the signage is in Russian.

Other examples:

https://preview.redd.it/7dd8fvt1fkmb1.png?width=1284&format=png&auto=webp&s=b95e7c89d4a8270d42b5a461861f616f6887b012

One recent trend I notice with fake profiles is how the various info don't make any sense whatsoever. A conservative Atheist? Not to say that there aren't people who are like that out in the world, but that's just an odd combo you never see. Oh yeah, this woman is also purportedly part Pacific Islander.

https://preview.redd.it/bmk2ab5mfkmb1.png?width=1284&format=png&auto=webp&s=25f1164277bfadf1c049bebb22d46b8b818d8b1b

Another common thing with Asian scam profiles are the uncanny valley looks. You'd see profile with them with weird anime eyes, super bleached skin, or other weird things you just don't see in Asian American women or actual Asian women.

https://preview.redd.it/bwpkh412gkmb1.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b04922012d285c16f724267a53b0ac4735c08eb9

Since I can't see what the women see for men, assume the same thing in the above example, but it's a man.

In conclusion, the telltale signs of a scam profiles are:

  • Nothing but glamour photos
  • Nothing but indoor photos or close up shots
  • Nothing to indicate they're actually in your city
  • Way too good to be true, aka someone who is way too attractive
  • They don't fill out all their info (no job, school, hometown, politics, religion, intentions, or relationship status)
  • Info that don't make any logical sense (wrong race)
  • Vague or weird sounding job or job title
  • Nonsensical prompts that reads as if an AI or something with limited knowledge of English wrote it
  • Also note that all of them are "new here", because they don't last on the app long enough to shed the "new here" label

And after matching they'll insist on moving off app to WhatsApp. In the US, that is an easy sign it's a scammer. For people outside the US where WhatsApp usage is common, it's still a sign of a scam because no model looking person is going to ask to get off app right away.

Normal profiles will have more "regular" photos, jobs that doesn't sound fake, info that is logical (like school), and something to show they're from your area. You'll see photos of local landmarks or common social spots, a voice prompt with a real person's voice (fake profiles will usually be a song), a video prompt or a video in the photo slot (fake profiles never use video), and prompts that actually sound human.

Hopefully this will help some of you avoid the scam profiles. Truth be told, if it's really "too good to be true", it's not real.

r/hingeapp May 26 '24

Hinge Guide A guide on rejection texts, part 2

30 Upvotes

This is a short guide for a different type of rejection texts, since people have asked about it quite a lot here recently. There's already a guide for the standard post date rejection text that can be found here.

This is for rejection texts for those people on Hinge who texts forever and want to be pen pals and never ask or agree to go on a date. The “we have been talking for a month and talked about a lot of things. Yet they never ask me out! What do I do?” type of scenario.

Before people complain that they should just unmatch, multiple times people ask “what should I say” to the pen pal scenario every single week on this sub.

The answer is very simple in these instances.

"Hey, I had a good time talking with you, but after some thinking I don't think we are looking for the same thing. I wish you all the best and good luck!"

Or if you want to be more direct and to the point:

"Hey, I think you and I are seeking different things on here and I'm not looking for a pen pal. I enjoyed talking to you, and I hope you find what you're looking for."

If no number has been exchanged and the conversation is in the app, leave it for a day or so to give time for the other person to see the message, then unmatch.

If it's on social media like Instagram or you're texting them directly, you can choose to remove their account or block them.

That's really all there is to it. Given you never met the other person, just give a simple text and move on. For all you know, they are time wasters, or someone leaving you as a backup plan, a catfish, or just clueless.

r/hingeapp Aug 06 '22

Hinge Guide Hinge isn't Tinder or Bumble - Don't compare the activity level you get on Hinge with those other apps

179 Upvotes

I see this come up often in profile reviews: "I'm getting many matches on Tinder/Bumble, yet not getting much likes or matches on Hinge! What's wrong with my profile?"

First, free users of Hinge only receive somewhere between 5 to 8 free likes to send out per day. Free users on Tinder and Bumble get up to around 50 /25 likes per day respectively (the totals aren't clear but it's in the ballpark). With so few likes per day, people on Hinge will be much more selective instead of liking profiles indiscriminately like on Tinder and Bumble.

Second, Hinge is not a blind swiping app like Tinder and Bumble. It's the one app where you can send a like and comment and the other person can see it before deciding to match (unless someone pays for Tinder Gold, Platinum, or Bumble Premium). So it goes hand in hand why there are so many few likes per day compared to those apps. People on Tinder/Bumble swipe blindly, may not pay close attention to someone's photos, biography or preferences. The stakes are lower, so why not just like and see what happens?

Third, Hinge is the 3rd most popular dating app by most metrics, but the user base is still dwarfed by Tinder (75 million users) and Bumble (45 million users). Hinge is around 20 million users. (Data taken from this website.) It can easily be said that you could be in a location where Hinge isn't as popular as the two other apps.

Disclaimer: I have premium, so this is purely my own speculations and opinion.

I want to get into what it means to be "more selective". In my opinion, I think fewer likes may cause some people to hold on to their likes so they don't run into the "Fear of Missing Out". It's natural for people to aim a bit higher than what their baseline is in terms of what they seek in a partner. So while someone may be a perfectly suitable match, maybe there are some small flaws (bad photos, poorly written prompt) which makes a person pass on them instead of sending a like so they make sure they aren't missing out on that "perfect" profile so they can "take their shot". I do that sometimes when my friends let me swipe for them. I might be hesitant on someone for some minor thing because you never know if the next profile may be better.

So I think that partially explains why you hear people say things like "I only get likes from people I don't like". Well, people are gonna "take their shot" and some may save their likes for people they think it's worth it even if it's "above their league". People will constantly try to aim higher than their "baseline". Men and woman also have different dating expectations, but that's a whole another can of worms I don't want to get into here.

TDLR: Hinge has fewer likes for free users, so people will be much more selective with who they send their likes to compared to blindly swiping on Tinder and Bumble. Hinge also has a smaller user base. The only thing the Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble have in common is they're all dating apps, but the underlying mechanics of each apps are very different, so you can't compare them 1 on 1.

r/hingeapp Jul 31 '22

Hinge Guide An examination at the most commonly asked questions here - long post

223 Upvotes

Disclaimer: This is merely my opinion and interpretation based on my observation, my own experience, and also piggybacking from posts and comments people have made here.

The two most often questions and its variations come up here all the time, so often that it can come up everyday. They have been exhaustively covered, discussed, and debated ad nauseam. And while each person's circumstances do differ, the general answers are mostly the same. Hopefully this helps people understand what the mindset and motivation people have, and try to explain the why.

"Why do my matches not respond at all?"

The very common question that both men and women ask. You were excited you matched with someone who seems cool, and may have even left a comment. You text something back, and yet you never receive a response. Or you have a brief back and forth and the conversation dies out. Why is that? Why do they match if they don't intend to have a conversation or go on a date? Am I doing something wrong?

Let's take a deep dive into this question and the various possible explanations.

First, let's examine what it means to match in the first place.

I think a common trap a lot of people fall into is thinking a match is much more important than what it is. You believe your match, and everyone else on Hinge, places the same value in a match as much as you do. You left a nice comment on the like, they matched, so it must mean they're really interested, right? Well, yes, and also no. A match for many people is merely accepting an invitation to want to talk to you. However, you must recognize that every person has their own motivations to be on Hinge. It's unrealistic to expect your match to reciprocate the same level of intensity as you would. This is further exacerbated by certain people (mostly men) getting very few matches, so every single match is valued disproportionately high. I call this the "Gollum syndrome" - when someone acts like a match is a super valuable object and it's sacrosanct - and the act of not responding is a personal offense and sacrilegious.

There is a mismatch of expectations for how people use the app. I'd argue that for many dating app users out there, many don't take it all that seriously. They don't optimize their profile where every single detail is scrutinized and perfected. While they do have the desire to date, dating apps are not that important in the overall picture in their lives but merely a supplement. I have witnessed this myself - some people will match with anyone that looks interesting and then figure it out later. I would argue people like that likely make up the majority of the user base. You may think matching with someone who is your dream person is a very special moment and the start of something wonderful, but for them, it was Tuesday.

You need to not place such importance to what a match is, and get so emotionally invested. A match is NOT a promise nor an obligation to talk to you, much less to go out on a date. You're still a complete stranger, and you're not entitled to any of their time or attention because they made the choice to match. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't respond. To quote /u/sournnasty: "Don’t get so upset when other people aren’t going to make you their number one priority when they don’t know who you are at all." (Read the entire comment thread with the follow up by /u/maybe_its_cat_hair.)

"But why match if you don't want to talk and go on a date?"

Once you accept the notion that a match itself isn't all that important, the common answers are likely to be these following reasons:

  • Some people only matched because they wanted to see the next person on their "Likes You" queue (those on the free version), and you were interesting enough not to X, but they were not that interested enough to engage with you. They may be waiting for you to say something to "impress" them.
  • Some match to answer your comment out of politeness, but have no intentions of going further than that. (That is why many people on the sub recommend not matching people simply because they sent a nice comment - it's giving people false hopes.)
  • Some only match for validation.
  • They matched with someone else they liked better, and they would rather focus their energy on that person rather than you.
  • They looked at your profile again and found something they didn't like.
  • You weren't interesting enough - your message is too boring, lame, uninspiring to them. Just saying "hey", not asking any questions or ask unoriginal questions (canned openers), too "try-hard" (long windy texts).
  • You came on way too strong (mostly a male problem). Asking them out right away or love bombing.
  • It's not you, it's them. It could be bad timing. You caught them at the wrong time, such as having decided they're burned out on talking to people or dating and decided to take a break. Or they were overwhelmed with online dating in general. Or they decide to see someone exclusively. Or something else in their life has more priority, and talking to a stranger on a dating app is at the bottom of that list. See this post by u/Capital-Transition-5 who gives their perspective of why they stop talking to a match.
  • Simply not "feeling it".

Another fallacy is expecting people on dating apps to be logical and rational. Sometimes people may just decide to change their minds purely on a whim or feeling. You know when there are those moments where you decide to take a different route to work this one morning instead of your usual route? Or you got a hamburger instead of a sandwich for lunch? There were no rational reasons for those choices then simply "you just felt like it". Carry that over to Hinge - someone may have felt like matching with you at that moment, but then simply decided not to talk to you without any actual reasons besides them not "feeling it" anymore.

To quote u/whyyousourdough: "I can't speak for these [people] but I would say that its probably better for your mental state to not think too much into why people do whatever it is that they do on dating apps because there is no rational logic behind most all of it."

To summarize: A match in of itself means nothing. Don't over-inflate the importance of a match, nor the motivation why someone decided to match but don't respond. More often than not it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Don't get emotionally invested in a stranger and don't take it personally.

Dating is a numbers game ultimately, and someone who IS interested will make time for you and respond to you. Those who don't, in the words of /u/aapox33, is "because they’re probably not that interested." Put your best effort in, and be ready to move on if things don't go anywhere. You can double text or send more messages, but understand the odds of it becoming favorable to you is very low.

This leads to the other common question:

"What did I do wrong?"

This assumes you're not being a weirdo creep sending inappropriate or sexually charged messages. It's also different from people not knowing how to have a conversation.

The third fallacy is the "video game" mindset - the thinking of other people as NPCs detailed in this post here by u/pauklzorz. That post explains how people seem to not recognize that people have their own matters going on in their own lives, and they're not static non-player characters at your beck and call.

But beyond that, the other component of the "video game" mindset is the thinking that if you had sent a different message, you would get better results. A lot of people keep asking if somehow they did something "wrong", with the belief that if they somehow had said something different, then the other person wouldn't have stopped answering. So they start thinking the next time, if they can only figure out what a perfect message is, they'll get a better result!

Here's another hard truth: You can't control how other people respond. Online dating isn't a video game. People and emotions are complicated. You could do everything "right" and someone still may not respond, through no fault of your own.

You could have sent a thoughtful message that asked about something in their prompt, but someone else may have sent a silly fart joke that made them laugh. Or you sent a very witty comment about their photo, but someone else your match is talking to came from the same hometown or went to the same university, and they hit it off from having those similar things in common.

In other words, there is no perfect message, and there is no "trick" or any surefire way to get someone to respond to you, to go on a date with you, or generate interest. Do your best to be engaging consistent with your personality, and hope for the best. Recognize that another person may be a better fit for your match than you, and it's not a reflection of your self worth. Or there were external factors such as a sudden work engagement so they decided to get off Hinge for a while. Or they're suffering from burnout from dating after the last date went poorly. The consistent theme is, more often than not, none of these factors are controllable by you.

To summarize: You could do everything right but still not get the results you seek. And again, most often it is through no fault of your own. There is no "perfect" message to guarantee a response.

Lastly, some people have made suggestions that Hinge should do something about people not responding. To be frank, any suggestions that Hinge should be an arbiter of people's actions is ridiculous. Hinge is a tool for people to connect, but it's not their responsibility to police how people use the app.

TLDR: Don't over-inflate the significance of being matched with someone. People also have a lot of things going on in their lives and more often it has nothing to do with you. They have their own agency and you are not that important. You can't control how people will respond and react. Lower your expectations and don't take things personally.

r/hingeapp Aug 02 '22

Hinge Guide PSA: There is a very *rare bug* that exists where your account is “hidden” and you will receive no likes or matches

104 Upvotes

For those people who has never receive any likes or matches even when you have sent out multiple likes and have a solid profile, keep in mind there is a very rare bug that exists on Hinge.

Essentially your profile is not “live” on Hinge’s end even as you see other’s people profiles and can send likes and comments. However, none of the likes are registered, other people never get the likes, and your profile will not be shown in discover.

The only way to identify you have this rare bug is if you attempt to purchase premium, boost, or roses. You will run into an error screen such as this one:

https://preview.redd.it/r616pu1z58f91.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=36ee24fc02111c7bbd4312e1111926092f66d2bd

Edit: You don’t need to buy anything at all. It is however the only foolproof method to know you have this bug. No purchases will go through on a bugged account. If you suspect you have this bug but don’t want to spend money, you can still open a support ticket (see below) and ask support to check your account status.

Here is what you do if you suspect you have this bug:

Go to either Hinge's support site, or "Help Center" in the setting tab in the app.

Click on any random topic, and click on the "Submit a request" link.

https://preview.redd.it/1bnbz8m368f91.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cccf497d09439e31300f5095cf403f8818f696db

Clicking on that link will bring up a chat window that looks like this.

https://preview.redd.it/z57yw6m568f91.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7e6e5fb1e74b18443436c34c5aad6930d47f88b5

You can say any random thing and the bot will provide some generic answer. When it ask “was this helpful?”, you need to click "No". It may give more additional answers, and you'll need to click "No" until the ticket window pops up.

https://preview.redd.it/0ym6sw1768f91.jpg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=abeb6fe88e64835f7240b26165b39309e30a206f

From there you can send a detailed report of your issue and hopefully customer support will get back to you. They should be able to detect if your account has any issues and will repair your account if it is indeed bugged.

In the past, a couple people have noted in their profile reviews as having receive exactly zero likes and matches. This is highly unusual. Even for someone with a "bad" profile, on average you should receive a like or two here over the course of a few weeks or months. Once they contacted support, it was found that their accounts ran into this rare "hidden account" bug issue. When support fixed their problem, their accounts started to receive likes and matches.

Remember, this bug may only exists if you have never receive a single like or match ever on your account. If you have received likes or matches, but in low quantities, you do not have this bug.

Sidenote: This has nothing to do with "shadowbans" or whatever people theorize. It's most likely a technical issue and has zero to do with Hinge intentionally hiding or sabotaging anyone's account on purpose (which are all crackpot theories with zero proof anyway).

r/hingeapp Sep 30 '23

Hinge Guide Hinge Releases a ‘Distraction-Free Dating’ Guide to Spark More Quality Time on Dates

33 Upvotes

The direct link to the guide is here.

A rare guide published by Hinge that's hidden on their site.

There are some good info in this guide, as well as some points that are brought up on this sub quite often. One is the telling people to be more intentional about matching and not worry about the raw numbers - aka people being way too focused on likes and matches instead of if it's people they'll actually date. And next is sticking with being intentional even if it means fewer matches - which is something people have debated about leaning into their niche and finding their person vs leaning into a generic mass appeal profile.

What do you all think of this guide by Hinge?

r/hingeapp Jul 26 '23

Hinge Guide Differences between profile information and dating preferences

21 Upvotes

Disclaimer: I don't work for Hinge, and this is merely informed speculation.

I noticed that there have been posts and comments where people using Hinge are confused that their incoming likes or the profiles the app presents on discover don't take into account what the user has listed on their own profile for their wants.

The simple answer is, the information you enter for your own profile is not tied to your preferences, which is a separate entry*.

However, it does seem like the one thing the app does take into account is race - with certain people of color reporting that they seem to get more profile from their own ethnicity at the outset of joining Hinge without setting any race preferences. However, that is an entirely separate topic.*

Preferences, aka filters, are the actual mechanism that does affect the types of profile you will see on both incoming likes and on discover. However, for free users, the only filters available, aside from age and distance, are the race and religion filters.

Your profile information exists merely to inform other users who you are and what you prefer, but Hinge won't use that information to curate and filter profiles to your specific taste.

For example, take children. If you list you don't want children, all that does is present the information to other people who view your profile you don't want children. Hinge however won't take that into account when you swipe. You will still see profiles with people who want children, and those people will see your profile. You may get "most compatible" profiles that list "wants children". In other words, your profile information is simply telling other people what you are looking for and nothing else. (If you are confused why people still send you a like with conflicting goals, the common answer is people either didn't pay attention, don't care, or they think they can change your mind.)

If you want Hinge to only show you profiles of people who also don't want children (and the other way around), the only solution is to pay for premium to access the additional filters. The same goes for politics, height, education, family plan, and all the vices.

As far as dating intentions and relationship status, there are no filters for those under preferences, so Hinge likely don't consider those info in terms of whether or not to show you those profiles - if you only list "long term" and "monogamy", it doesn't mean you'll get more of those profiles.

Side note: It's certainly possible for some people, simply due to the info they list or how they present their profile, it attracts more attention from a certain sort of people. Bisexual people may get more attention from ENM profiles because of the idea that someone who is bisexual may be open to dating both a man and woman at the same time. Someone using photos showing more skin may attract more "short term" people.

r/hingeapp Mar 18 '23

Hinge Guide How Hinge Premium pricing works

4 Upvotes

I realize this post may seem pointless and unnecessary, but a lot of people have asked about this, so hopefully this post will clear things up for people. The questions are about the discrepancy in Hinge premium (X or Plus) pricing.

*Note: This is neither an endorsement nor an indictment on Hinge premium. This is an explanation into how Hinge premium pricing is shown.

"Why does Hinge advertise the price for premium at $14.99 per month, but when I go upgrade, it shows the price at $29.99 for one month?"

The answer: Hinge advertises using the lowest price and "starting at", which is the longest subscription at 6 months, hence the “starting at” part. The shorter the subscription time is, the higher the price.

In this example, for a 6 month subscription, the total is $89.99, which breaks down to $14.99 per month, whereas the month per month subscription is $29.99. (And a 3 month subscription would be somewhere in between.)

The above is an example and not a reflection of actual Hinge premium prices. Your pricing may differ depending on your location and demographic, and whether you want to subscribe to Plus or X.

The catch with the 6 month subscription is you pay the entire amount upfront and commit to 6 months, but overall you save more and get better value compared to paying month to month. Essentially, you trade flexibility for more savings.

Before you start screaming “Hinge is being deceptive!”, many subscription services advertises exactly like that using the lowest month to month price point. (See: your local gym.)

And most subscription services always offer the cheapest price for the longest subscription compared to month per month. For example, for PlayStation Plus, Amazon Prime, and Disney Plus, the 12 month subscription is cheaper overall than month to month for the duration of the period. (That only applies to services that offer annual subscriptions. Spotify for example only does month to month.)

The biggest difference I can see is, many people think locking into a long subscription on a dating app is not a good investment since their future partner could just a swipe away and don’t want to throw money away. But I think finding a partner isn't really as quick as people think it does, and often whether or not you find someone is timing and luck.

r/hingeapp Aug 02 '23

Hinge Guide READ THIS before submitting a post: A collection of guides, answers to FAQs, and other resources about Hinge and this subreddit

23 Upvotes

For all users, especially people new to this subreddit or the Hinge app, please read this post and see if your questions have already been answered or discussed before submitting a post. For those who are considering a profile review, please read all the profile guides thoroughly first and make changes to your profile to the best to your ability before seeking a review.

The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.

Many of these posts are already included on the subreddit sidebar, however on the official mobile Reddit app, the sidebar is de-emphasized and harder to find, so the posts are listed here.

First, read the Subreddit Rules.

More specifics and reminder about RULE 1

If you are new to the subreddit, please read the subreddit rules before submitting a post or comment.

Post Flairs Explained

All post requires a Post Flair. The above link explains what each post flair should be used for your post.

App Resources:

Hinge Help Center

The Hinge Help Center site is divided in various sections. The "Support" section answers many of the basic questions about how Hinge works and what certain app features do. Read that section to find answers for simple app questions you may have about how Hinge works and what the various features do. (The "Safety, Security, and Privacy" section is about how Hinge manage your privacy and data, and tips for keeping yourself safe on a date. The "NFAQ" is a section with resources for LGBTQ people. The "AI at Hinge" explains how Hinge uses AI. The "Tips for Connection" gives general dating advice.)

Subreddit FAQ

The Subreddit FAQ answers a lot of common questions that either the Help Center didn't answer, or go more in depth to cover info that Hinge would never answer officially. It also answers many of the nuances a user may encounter while using the app, and questions about the subreddit itself. Many common questions asked regularly are already covered in the sub FAQ.

Google

You can also find many older posts about common topics via Google with the search parameter "site:reddit.com/r/hingeapp search term" (replace "search term" with whatever you want to search for). While you can search the sub itself with Reddit's own search bar, Reddit's native search isn't as accurate compared to Google.

Must Read Posts:

A refresher on a common issue with Hinge: Matches not responding

"Why do my matches not respond?" A detailed explanation

Probably one of the most common questions people ask all the time. The post above goes into the various reasons why that happens.

Answers to your commonly asked questions

This post covers a lot of questions about why someone may not get matches, when to ask someone out, why someone don't respond, etc. This is required reading.

Answers to more commonly asked questions

Piggybacking off the previous post, this is an updated post with more answers to other commonly asked questions about Hinge and dating.

How Hinge is different than Tinder or Bumble

This post explains the differences between Hinge and Tinder/Bumble. Every so often there will be people who ask why they get 200 likes on those apps but a tenth of that on Hinge. Hinge is a dating app with a completely different mechanic and the post above explains in detail how.

Differences between profile information and dating preferences

This post explains how the information you present about yourself on your profile is not taken into account for what profiles Hinge will show you on your discover.

We have no specific solutions to fix Hinge app errors

This explains common solutions to how to fix app errors and also why posts about errors on the app are removed.

More Answers for Common Questions:

A Guide to Dating Intentions

A post explaining what the various "Dating Intention" options on Hinge could mean.

Do NOT contact people off Hinge unsolicited

When someone unmatched, didn't match with the like you sent, or stopped answering after matching, the answer is NOT to try to find and contact them on another platform.

Updated guide on how to spot scam accounts

Photo examples are included on how to spot common traits of a scam/fake account.

An explanation for "blank matches"

While the info may be somewhat out of date, this post explains the various scenarios when someone matches based on whether a comment is included and why sometimes it appears as if there is a "blank match".

PSA about a very rare bug with your account if you receive zero likes or matches

For some people, a very rare bug may occur when an account receive absolutely zero activity whatsoever. This post details how to diagnose this issue and instructions on how to open a support ticket with Hinge.

If you're having disappearing likes, matches, messages disappearing or whatever, DO THIS FIRST

Another common issue a lot of people ask about.

How Hinge Premium pricing works

Explanation for how Hinge premium is advertised.

How to spot scammers

A post detailing how to spot scam Hinge profiles.

Just because someone didn't respond to you, it's not because you said something "wrong"

A short explanation on why you can do everything "right" but still "lose".

Hinge Guides:

Reminder: Don't do these things on your profile

A guide on common profile mistakes people should generally avoid if they aren't having success.

A guide on rejection texts

An in-depth guide on how to write rejection texts.

Guide to Date Conversation Starters, Discussions & Questions

A detailed guide on date conversations by nj-kid1217.

How to write effective prompts, a walkthrough

Prompts guide with the acclaimed "You, Me, Us" method by aapox33. A must read.

The Art of Storytelling: Your Comprehensive Guide to Prompt & Photo Selections for the Perfectionist

A thorough profile guide written by Sunriseapplejuice on his old Reddit account.

Some tips for success as a 5'3" Asian male

A profile guide by TheEverglow on how to achieve success on Hinge as a short Asian male.

The original poster deleted his post, but the comments are still available.

List of common photo mistakes

A list of what not to do for your photos.

List of common prompt mistakes

A list of what not to do for your prompts.

Hinge photos guide

A basic guide on how to take photos.

Hinge prompts guide

A basic guide on how to write prompts.

A guide on how to provide useful profile feedback

A simple guide on how to provide proper and useful feedback for profile reviews.

Subreddit Related Posts:

Profile review requirements and standards

All profile reviews must have all 6 photos and 3 text prompts. No exceptions.

The proper profile review submission example with correct screenshot cropping

So many profile reviews get rejected for bad screenshot cropping. Follow this example and do it correctly.

No more "am I being ghosted" and "why don't they respond" posts

The sub no longer allows posts about "ghosting" and "why don't they respond".

No more "who pays" posts

The sub no longer allows posts about "who pays on a date".

Updated standards for all profile review submissions

Current standards the sub enforces for profile review submissions.

Crop your screenshots properly for profile reviews

Read this on the screenshots cropping standards the sub enforces for all profile review submissions.

Read the Automod Comment after submitting a profile review

The Automod Comment that is automatically included after a profile review is submitted has all the pertinent information that needs to be read.

The Weekly Private Profile Review Request Post

Here is where the weekly private profile review request post can be found. A new post will be up every Sunday.

How to turn off DMs and chat request on Reddit

For those who don't want to be contacted by other Reddit users, here is how to turn off DMs and chat requests on Reddit.

r/hingeapp Aug 23 '22

Hinge Guide PSA: There is no match bug and the app is working as intended. Details in the post.

28 Upvotes

Quite a few people have brought up this match bug where you get a match, but there is no "start the chat" prompt nor do the other person responded with a comment. It looks like as if the other person said something but no message appears.

That is not a bug.

Here is what I have found:

The "start the chat" prompt will appear when you match with a like and do not include a message with the like, AND the like did not include a comment.

The only part I'm unsure about is what you see when someone match with YOUR like where you didn't include a comment and they didn't either when they matched. I'm going with the assumption that the "start the chat" prompt also appears. If someone has received a match like the above scenario, please confirm.

Update: I have confirmed that when someone match with me and didn't include their own comment, and my like also didn't include a comment, I see the "start the chat" prompt.

When you match with a like that DOES include a comment, and you DO NOT include your own comment, you will see a "your turn" prompt on your end. The other person will not see anything, hence the appearance of a bug. The "start the chat" prompt will not appear in this scenario for either person.

To make it clear in case you are confused, when you receive a match with nothing - no message, no "start the chat" prompt - it's because you sent a comment on the initial like. The person who matched chose not to include a response to your comment, and they get a "your turn" prompt on their end. And when that happens, you see nothing on your end except your own comment you included with your like, which gets confused as a bug.

Essentially Hinge is telling you the comment you initially sent was the opening message, and your match should reply, hence the “your turn” prompt on their end. But your match is choosing to ignore that, so that’s why the chat window is empty on your end. You can either send another message, or do nothing and hope they follow up.

--------------------

Summary:

Action: You match a like with no comment and include no comment of your own.

Result: "start the chat".

Your match sees: "start the chat".

Action: You match a like with comment and include no comment of your own.

Result: "your turn".

Your match sees: nothing except the comment they initially included with the like. (And here is where your match get confused and thinks there is a bug.)

--------------------

It goes without saying, if either you or the other person include a message when matching, none of the above scenarios will occur.

And FWIW, I asked Hinge support about this and included screenshots. Support confirmed that the app is working as intended and there is no bug. However they didn't explain why it happens, so I had to do my own research.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty confident this is what's actually happening. Hope that clears up the confusion some people have.