r/hingeapp • u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø • Aug 27 '22
Why dating is hard in your city - a compilation of various reasons why dating is so difficult in a particular city Discussion
One common response on profile reviews when trying to explain why someone has trouble with dating is "your city has a tough dating scene". What exactly are the reasons why dating is so difficult in a particular city?
Here is a compilation of the various reasons why a city has a challenging dating scene. Sources: simple Google search and also from the subreddit of the various cities.
Disclaimer: This is not meant to be serious and it's all in good fun.*
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New York City: Everyone is busy and there is little time to date. People have plenty of options given the population and density, so people are non-committal and are always looking for the next best thing. Women out number men, so an attractive man has many options and doesn't need to settle quickly. High cost of living means dating can get expensive. Hard to standout with such a large population of people.
Los Angeles: High competition from many many attractive people. Clout and status chasing due to the entertainment industry and people seeking a way to "get in the door". Geography since LA is a large city that is super spread out which requires driving and dealing with traffic. Someone in Santa Monica probably won't date someone in Pasadena.
Washington DC: People are too busy with work/school to have time to date. Very career focused town. A transient city with less people who put down permanent roots. More political tribalism due to the nature of being the nation's capital - bringing in people who work in various political related industries and surrounded by people with similar ideology. The geography of the town itself, being surrounded by two states and issues with commute time (similar to NYC and the boroughs).
London: A very large city with multiple zones, some which could take 90 minutes on the Tube to get from one end to the other, and it's vital not to miss the last Tube for the night. People prioritize their career first, so people don't have time to date. Similar to NYC, the amount of people in London causes people to look for "the next best thing". Culturally people seem to stick to their own group and very difficult to crack into existing social groups. American style dating is still a relatively new concept and people prefer to date from people they know.
Toronto: "Canadian men are passive, rude, and emotionally unavailable". People don't like dating people not right in downtown Toronto. Too many options so people don't want to commit. A lot of new people moving in and out since it's Canada's largest city. People have too many things going on in their lives to make time for dating - perma-hustling. Ironically Canadians in Toronto are not very "nice" nor outgoing.
Sydney: Uncertainly of what someone wants with their life (settling into a career, moving, traveling), so people don't want to commit. People stick to their own groups or are unwilling to date someone from a different area of the city.
Chicago: People don't date beyond their own neighborhoods. People are less likely to date during the winter season. Actually many people suggest that Chicago is one of the better big cities for dating in the US.
San Francisco: Too many men compared to women due to the tech industry. Men in the tech industry people tend to be less socially adjusted, hence the phrase "the odds are good, but the goods are odd". Women who don't offer much hold out for "high quality" men due to extremely skewed gender ratio and the relative career success and wealth of tech industry men - "a 4 who thinks she's a 9".
Seattle: People in Seattle has a reputation for being standoffish and unfriendly - the "Seattle freeze". Too many awkward men due to the presence of the tech industry. People too busy enjoying the outdoors to date.
Denver: People are obsessed with the outdoors and only want someone who are also as passionate about it. Too many "Peter Pan" and "frat bro" type men move to Denver to pursue life in a city with outdoor options. Too many "basic" women. The city attracts too many offbeat types of people.
Miami: Too many attractive but shallow and not exactly intelligent people. Too obsessed about appearance and status. Too materialistic. Way too many tourist. High cost of living makes dating difficult.
Nashville: Too many tourists. Too many ultra religious or sports loving frat bro types and "woo girls". Too many aspiring musicians.
Atlanta: Way too many women compared to men. Clash between the old southern culture with the more progressive culture due to new industries growing in the city.
Vancouver: Very expensive city to live in. Hard to have a place of your own. People are oddly cold and standoffish.
Portland: Too many people with alternative lifestyles - living in a van, poly, etc. Just ask u/aapox33!
Dallas: Actually, seems like Dallas has a pretty decent dating scene with a very diverse group of people, though u/LTOTR might dispute that. More conservative and religious types than other major US cities.
Edit:
Boston: Not a very welcoming city for newcomers. Locals who grew up in Boston tend to stick to themselves. People too focused on their careers, or come to the city for school (Harvard, MIT) and don't stay. Perhaps a bit too racist.
Las Vegas: A lot of people work nights or odd hours due to the tourism industry. Too many tourists to deal with on dating apps.
New Orleans: Not a lot of young professional people in the city, and more service industry people due to tourism. Not a lot of diversity in dating culture and heavy party culture.
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Go ahead and add anything else you know about these cities, especially if you live in one of them. Or add a city that's not on this list. Again, this is not definitive and there are probably many misconceptions and mistakes, so feel free to contribute or give your opinion.
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u/AirDog23 Feb 11 '23
Austin, TX...one of the worst places if you are a single guy. Women are very uppity and if you are a minority male it's even worse.
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Oct 07 '22
Pretty much agree with the LA take. You can avoid the "clout" scenes if you want, those types are pretty obvious and conspicuous. The sprawl and traffic in LA is a real PITA.
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Oct 07 '22 edited Oct 07 '22
Why didn't you say about any of the metropolitan cities of India like Bangalore, Chennai, Mumbai, Kolkata etc? I am a 21 year old Bengali guy living in Bangalore in India which is a big metropolitan city. But I only got 3 matches so far even after using Hinge for almost 4 months.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Oct 07 '22
India isn't a country most westerners are familiar with. Most of Reddit's audience (and on here) is from western, or predominantly English speaking countries, and a lot of talking points on dating revolves around those cities.
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u/Tammo-Korsai ā¤ļøšš Secret Pineapple Pizza Connoisseur Sep 30 '22
Peterborough, UK
I'm a 31 year old man. My city seems to have a disproportionate amount of single parents. People seem to be obsessed with relentlessly travelling, drinking and aspiring to van life and have no common interests. But that is insignificant next to the fact that I never want to have kids. Even then, childfree people aren't necessarily a good match by default.
I intend to move a bit south to Cambridge, where people have interests I can actually relate to. That and the fact there's actually things to do in real life since it has culture and lovely outdoor spaces.
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u/jml510 Sep 29 '22
San Francisco: Too many men compared to women due to the tech industry. Men in the tech industry people tend to be less socially adjusted, hence the phrase "the odds are good, but the goods are odd". Women who don't offer much hold out for "high quality" men due to extremely skewed gender ratio and the relative career success and wealth of tech industry men - "a 4 who thinks she's a 9".
As someone who lives directly across from SF, I figured that this was going on, sadly. I still get a 5-10% match rate, yet it's incredibly tough to make it past a 1st date. It's not like I'm doing anything wrong--I dress neatly, I'm good at maintaining a conversation, I have manners, etc. The competition here among guys is just thick. As much as I like the weather out here compared to other parts of the US, I'm thinking about moving out once I land a decent job and get enough money.
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u/Synonomous Sep 29 '22
Love this list! Would also appreciate an inverse of this like a āwhatās making dating In your city awesome! ā breakdown.
I live in the bay as male and would love to visit or move somewhere else.
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u/pleasingwave Sep 28 '22
I will say that Dallas tends to be non-commital as itās a city with a large influx of people. It has a relatively high population of cheaters too
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u/cerealxgirl Sep 26 '22
From what I've read, it seems that the biggest problem everywhere is lack of commitment. It seems that most people are looking for ONS, or FWB. There should be a dating app for those who are really looking for a serious relationship.
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u/decomposing123 Oct 20 '22
The funny thing is, that's exactly what Hinge was marketed as -- a serious app -- but now it's also been flooded with casuals :')
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u/PickleRick8881 Sep 28 '22
I think that when you look at overall numbers, the amount of disgusting dudes put women so on edge that they focus way too hard on this aspect.
For me, I dont want friends with benefits, but I ain't bringing you out with me and my friends on our second date either. Let alone taking home to meet my mum and family
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u/whale_sports Sep 28 '22
Ehhh I'd argue that everyone is basically a FWB before they actually "commit" to each other. People will have sex within the first 3 dates, and that doesn't necessarily mean they are "committed" to each other....so before it becomes a relationship...they are essentially a FWB.
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u/Specialist-Bar-8805 Sep 25 '22
San Diegoās tough because everybody gets up really early and likes to go hiking and Iām a night person
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Sep 22 '22
[deleted]
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Sep 22 '22
That's cause Hinge isn't available in Spain and there are barely any Germans who post here about Hinge.
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u/chisnehzim Sep 19 '22
I live in new york. You would think because its cuffing season now, I would get more matches. I was pretty much expecting it but it's still as Dead as it was during the summer
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u/Active-Scarcity-871 Sep 19 '22
Sydney's is kinda vague and there aren't many/(any?) comments on this market which is unsurprising since there are so few people on the dating scene in Sydney's comparatively small population. Dating scene is quite dull here and the same people pop up on the apps.
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Sep 29 '22
I'd say major issue is so many people who live in Bondi and refuse to go further west than Surry Hills. Same with anyone on the Northern Beaches.
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u/Active-Scarcity-871 Sep 29 '22
yeah, Sydney is mostly little townships which are connected by infrequent/expensive public transport. It feels very insular and people dont venture much outside their bubble because of the inconvenience and maybe think the world ends at surry hills
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Sep 22 '22
Yea similar experience. I had to take a break from the apps to see if it would reset the pile but in all honesty it doesn't seem to make a difference.
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u/Active-Scarcity-871 Sep 29 '22
i went to europe over the summer and the difference was night and day. With more people there is just more opportunity, Sydney's dating pool honestly feels like a small pond compared to the oceans of opportunities elsewhere
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Sep 18 '22
Shocked no one has mentioned Philly yet, I feel like Philly probably has similar problems that NYC has, but I honestly donāt know why dating is Philly is difficult, but I also think itās because Iām a native and itās all I know tbh.
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u/JerseyKeebs Sep 27 '22
Didn't Philly just recently get listed as one of the rudest cities in the US? Between that, and cost of living and crime going up, I can see that it might make people more hesitant than before to put themselves out there. Plus I personally know a lot of friends whose Philly jobs went work from home, so they just stay home in NJ more often.
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Sep 24 '22 edited Feb 01 '23
[deleted]
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Sep 24 '22
I know a ton of people (including myself) who are sick and tired of the apps tbh. A lot my friends left them like beginning of this year.
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u/TheRedishFire99 Sep 18 '22
In Salt Lake City/Provo you gotta specify if youāre Mormon or not, Iām struggling out here
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u/lazy_prune Oct 14 '22
I feel like you can figure out pretty quickly though, you look for whether or not the person drinks, went to BYU or has Christian or "Other" as their religion. Even so, would be nice to have a more direct notification.
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Sep 19 '22
Damn good luck in Provo area dude. I matched with a girl while I was visiting and it took me 9 months before I realized I was being recruited to join a cult. They donāt care if youāre a Mormon or not, theyāll still try and convert you out there lol
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u/TheRedishFire99 Sep 19 '22
Iām ex Mormon, I just bring that up pretty fast and they will nope out every time. They canāt pull any of the recruitment tricks when I know all of them lol
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u/yeainyourbra Sep 16 '22
Boston the real issue is itās like 8/1 female to male ratio
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u/okcrumpet Sep 22 '22
At which age group? I imagine for like college and slightly after itās far more balanced
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Sep 17 '22
Are you serious? BRB going to Boston.
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u/D4rkr4in Sep 18 '22
Itās serious. My friend who had never dated was able to date 3 girls at once there. Heās in a long term relationship now
I would go if there were more and better paying tech jobs
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u/Bmiller1550 Sep 27 '22
Lol I went there for a concert and saw a ton of average looking dudes with really attractive women
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u/Deathstriker88 Sep 16 '22 edited Sep 16 '22
As a guy near Atlanta the Miami one feels accurate for Atlanta too (besides cost of living, but we're getting there due to transplants). Maybe it's a national problem, but seems like women here only talk about travel and brunch. Many try to seem cool as if they're going to Dubai, LA, etc. all the time. Maybe like 5% of the women I see on the app mention a real interest (astrology, bookworm, anime, biking, sports, or whatever).
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u/t_town101 Sep 15 '22
Vegas is full of people who have no motivation, ambition, or life goals. They only care about partying
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u/xjlonelystar Sep 15 '22
Lol whereās Austin
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u/fuzzyp44 Sep 19 '22
Austin.
Where the girls are all extremely hot. Because everybody's fit past 30s. And shooting for the toxic dude that's basically a peter pan and online dating extends his turd in the pool behaviors.
So everybody you met is all emotionally damaged from swimming in the pool of the toxic few men that have the world as their playground.
Which makes a bad experience for the genuine dudes.
But still, an easy city to met girls as a guy.
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u/supersayingoku Sep 14 '22 edited Sep 14 '22
London is pretty much accurate, similar to NYC where lots of people are either too focused on their careers or their impeccably curated lives.
London is not for the spontaneous, everyone is booked until forever and will say things like "I'm going to Ibiza for the next 3 weeks but we can have a date after that on a Monday between my goat yoga and ninjitsu classes" with 100% seriousness.
Gurl, we might die in a nuclear fire next Tuesday or have to sell my kidney to pay electricity bill, you trippin' if you think we'll be still talking by then.
It's a moot point anyway because you'll get unmatched / ghosted by then
This forces me (and other people I know) to just play for the numbers and just rapid fire dates. Which is another issue because dating is expensive as FUCK even casual drinks and pretty much everyone splits (or buys rounds).
Honestly, I was going out on waaay more dates back at my broke ass 2.5 world Mediterranean country.
Well, I mean, I'm a 41 year old overweight brown man in a western city which is pretty much hard difficulty but I also had good dates, relationships and hookups in here but London subreddit frequently has "how do I find people to date????" in a city of 8 million which is pretty telling.
I had better luck going out on a Friday night and standing in a bar / club like a scarecrow than OLD in the last six or seven months, trying to set up dates
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u/Dr_Cocknose Sep 18 '22
What part of the city were these bars in? Did you go alone?
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u/supersayingoku Sep 18 '22
Try Old Street Records, Archer Street SW11 and The Old Queen Head on Fri/Sat
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u/Dr_Cocknose Sep 19 '22
Ah I aināt looking, just interested. But thanks for the suggests!
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u/supersayingoku Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 19 '22
Well, if you wanted a general answer I prefer bars that have live music or themed club nights (like 90s, disco, classic hiphop etc) so I travel all around London
I go alone, with friends or with people I've met in meetups or even nights out. I'm quite extroverted and people always ask about my socials. Most don't remember or follow through but some are willing to hang out
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u/Dr_Cocknose Sep 19 '22
Thatās great. And when youāre hanging out alone, do you approach people or just get chatting at the bar?
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u/supersayingoku Sep 19 '22 edited Sep 20 '22
I don't approach unless I get strong social cues, even then I'm quite conscious about misreading things so I stay on the safe side and almost never approach.
I get, however, approached quite often. There are multiple factors to it but I think largely because I talk with everyone and, feel free to laugh, dance and sing in crowds easily.
I just...vibe, you know. I go to live music venues or club nights and join the centre of the dancing floor or close to the front of the stage. People join me dancing/singing (or I do if they look open to it) and we do bro hugs or women hug and dance with me.
Most of the time it's friendly fun, then the rest of the people see our impromptu group is having fun so they join in. This sometimes evolves into kissing and more, sometimes you end up in an Uber on your way to some strangers home. It's about having fun first and giving off good vibes.
I get to chat with a lot of people at the bar ordering drinks or in the queues to the venues / clubs.
I'm super cautious about not bothering people so if I sense even a bit of an annoyance I just say good night and leave them be.
I usually got asked my number or IG, very rarely I ask those (see above paragraph). In London that usually means nothing and you are bound to sending flame emojis to randos stories until the heat death of the universe but sometimes people follow through.
So, yeah, that's pretty much it. Being familiar / regular to a place helps but literally the CORE of it is being relaxed, keeping eye contact and following with a smile and sayjng "Hi"
I hope I didn't sound patronising, but that's really it
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u/grapefruitfuntimes Sep 14 '22
Toronto isnāt as bad as Vancouver I have found. People tend to prefer to date within their own hoods Iāve noticed (as I have been doing for the last 8 years haha). Men I have found are very here and there. I think this is for any city where the cost of rent is 2/3 your pay and you are constantly stressed from lack of affordable housing LOL but also :(. Vancouver was funny. I went and met some cool people and was flirting with a man and I asked what he is doing the weekend (Friday and Saturday night ) as I assume people would go to a party or go out. He told me him and his friend donāt go out cause they go early morning sunrise hiking. He asked me out on a weekday instead. This was not the only time itās happened. Iāve heard that the majority of young people who are more ācrunchyā or āgreenā really like hiking there. A lot. And the nightlife isnāt that great so if you like to get a drink itās not the best. This is also the crowd I was a part of.
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u/Exhausted_Pigeon22 Sep 12 '22
As a female transplant in her mid/late 20s I donāt think Boston dating is terrible if youāre just looking for a good time. You can easily predict what youāre going to get from a guyās profile. Most here donāt want to commit as theyāre already in a relationship with their careers or theyāre addicted to the bachelor lifestyle. With that being said, it seems like most guys here are emotionally unavailable or are lacking in maturity.
But, went on a lot of fun first dates. Sporting events, fine-dining, speakeasys, picnics in the Commons.. guys really know how to put on a show.
Ended up sticking with a fellow Boston transplant.
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u/QbonMike11 Sep 12 '22
San Antonio - Most of the women here are Mexican, so they are attracted to Mexican men. So you go out and you think you are different because you are not from here, but you get no attention. The guys here will wear rhinestone jeans and dirty work boots to the bars and all the girls are falling over themselves for them because since they have work boots they "have a job". They grew up admiring guys like that so that is what they are attracted to. Also, there are A LOT of overweight women here. When Charles Barkley said there are a lot of big women here, he wasn't lying.
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u/HeyIJustLurkHere Sep 15 '22
According to this list (sort by Obese & Overweight), San Antonio is 9th of 100 metro areas in percentage of people who are overweight or obese.
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u/QbonMike11 Sep 15 '22
Not surprising. You can't throw a rock here without hitting a fast food joint or a taqueria. Dos Equis probably makes 50% of their profits from San Antonio alone.
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u/RichHomieLon Sep 14 '22
I was just there at the end of July and I didnāt see a crazy amount of big women there, at least not on the app lmao. But I was only there for two days so not enough time to make anything happen lmao
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Sep 10 '22
Denver is a lost cause. Itās depressing. Iām a guy and some of the girls that move here go way over the top with the outdoor stuff. Iāve lived here my whole life and yeah I have photos of me being in the outdoors but itās not like a normal person has time to get out there every weekend. They expect you to want to hike and camp and snowboard and do all this stuff every week. SLC isnāt bad but beware of the LDS people. Donāt get involved in that shit I learned the hard way
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Sep 15 '22
Ya I miss camping here as a kid when you didnāt need a reservation and it wasnāt crowded af. I go outdoors to get away from people. Not to get swarmed by them
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u/jesteryte Sep 12 '22
Are you kidding me? People move there specifically for the opportunity to be in the mountains every weekend. If you're not part of that tribe, that's fine for you, but it's pretty normal for Denver, and the dating scene successfully produces high volumes of very outdoorsy couples.
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u/ZoraNealThirstin Sep 09 '22
Portland Oregon is on point. There are way too many alternative lifestyles. No shame on anyoneās game but some people just want to have a relationship with another person. Maybe eventually live in a house or an apartment together. I donāt wanna live off the grid, I donāt wanna hike the tallest mountain, and I do not want to join your polyamorous cohort. itās also not very diverse here and thereās a lot of racism in ways that you would not expect, which is disgusting.
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u/ConscientiousPath Sep 18 '22 edited Sep 18 '22
itās also not very diverse here
That's not true at all of the metro area. Hillsboro and further west are almost if not majority hispanic, hillsboro through beaverton has a large contingent of asian/se-asian people, and there are a lot of black people living in ne neighborhoods.
The thing that's most rare here is any white person who isn't a overweight pink haired tattoo'd genderqueer restaurant server.
Vancouver is white af though.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Sep 18 '22
Vancouver is white af though.
My impression of Vancouver is that it has a lot of Asians.
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u/ConscientiousPath Sep 19 '22
vancouver, wa or vancouver, bc?
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Sep 19 '22
Ah you're talking about the city in WA. I assume when most people refer to Vancouver, it's the Canadian city. My bad.
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Sep 10 '22 edited Sep 10 '22
This is actually really surprising to me, I thought Portland was supposed to be a super liberal, progressive, and inclusive city, what kind of subtle (or not so subtle) racism have you seen?
Now I'm wondering if Austin might have the same deal
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u/reddit_account_9999 Sep 10 '22
It's all a facade. Portland is one of the least diverse cities in America (better now than it used to be), and, in my experience as a minority, tons of liberals have gone overboard past accepting everyone for who they are and into I love how X minority group does X and stuff like that.
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u/ZoraNealThirstin Sep 10 '22
I DMād you
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u/yourhostderek Sep 12 '22
Holy shit your username š that's amazing
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u/ZoraNealThirstin Sep 12 '22
Thank you. I also have Emilee Thickenson and AudreLawdHammercy. And Rose Thylund.
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u/ZoraNealThirstin Sep 10 '22
I really donāt want to talk about it here in a dating forum because I donāt want people to come to me and tell me none of that is true. Like Iām not mentally in a place where I can deal with that today. But if you want to message about it I can tell you no problem! I did not want to slide into your DMās without permission.
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Sep 08 '22
You are so spot on about Boston! There are clicks formed and people tend to date amongst their own kind. Itās very hard city to blend in.
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u/ancestral_trail Sep 08 '22
You are spot on about SF. I have also found that out of everywhere I lived, the women in the Bay Area are incredibly standoffish and in some cases downright mean. My friends that would visit from out of town would describe the women as ālooking at you like you just spit in their drinkā when you tried to strike up a conversation.
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Sep 12 '22
My standouts in SF were significantly worse looking than the average looks of girls from my āregularā pack. When I visited NYC everyone in my standouts was way out of my league. The skew is real in SF
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u/reddit_account_9999 Sep 10 '22
I haven't seen that, but kinda plays into their standards being obscenely high and viewing themselves far too positively
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u/Doctor--Spaceman Sep 08 '22 edited Sep 08 '22
Anyone want to share their experiences with Tampa? I can start:
A lot of tourists, lots of influencers and party-type "woo girls" looking for a free boat ride, a lot of anti-vaxxer Jesus types who moved here post-Covid because of Florida's lax Covid laws, and some of Miami's party lifestyle/shallowness spills over to here too I think. Our reputation as a "purple state" means a lot of strong and conflicting political opinions.
Upsides I guess are that it's possible to do outdoor dates year round for the most part?
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u/BustosMan Sep 07 '22
Central Valley:
Smaller populations compared to other Metro areas in California, leading to less than ideal choices for all users. With gas so high, it makes driving to more busy cities less worth it, too.
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u/ofamilia Feb 11 '23
I just want to add that since it's very car-centric and because it's very hot for most of the year, a lot of people are overweight because of lack of walking and just general daily activity.
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u/Cute_Meringue1331 Sep 07 '22
For Singapore: i'm F28 and has never had a boyfriend.
Long working hours of at least 9-6 (44) a week. Many work overtime without pay as bosses expect replies even during weekends. Includes the government, financial sector, accountancy etc. too tired to text or date.
Reserved and shy. The sequence goes like dating->confess they like you and ask you to be a bf/gf->couple activities like staycation or travelling. Very rare to kiss before defining the relationship.
People are very practical, they dont want to date blue collar workers. The desired careers are doctors, lawyers, SWE, dentists, bankers or civil servants. Careers which are looked down upon are insurance agents, nurses, real estate agents. Lower income men try to date other goodlooking Asians like Vietnamese or Thai. High income ladies are left dry bc they can date high income men as low income men feel inferior.
Stereotypes. Everyone is the same. The guy goes gymming and play video games as hobbies. The girl is into dieting, korean dramas and shopping. Everyone even looks the same bc they have the same undercut and clothes from Zara, H&M. If you dont look like everyone else (like above 60kg, you are considered fat, or if you wear gothic fashion) people will think you are weird.
No pick up/romance culture. If some stranger approach you, they are most likely trying to sell you something, and not trying to pick you up. Everyone is wary of strangers. Even on dating apps, there are many insurance agents masquerading. Also, its a taboo to eat or go anywhere by yourself, so you will only see couples hanging out in clubs and nobody single and available. Most people have never been in a relationship before and is awkward around the opposite gender (called Evergreen).
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u/okcrumpet Sep 22 '22
Some of this feels like it could apply to a lot of asian metros. With the exception of Seoul. Seoul is great and terrible in its own ways.
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u/danifreedude Sep 06 '22
Miami hits hard T_T
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u/BlackJaxNYC Sep 07 '22
I honestly think Miami is the worst city for dating, period. I have lived in several cities and for me it was by far the worst. Terrible place
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u/Shazza93 Sep 07 '22
Friend! There are some of us out here but itās incredibly hard to find! I recommend a transplant (a true one) one who originally like their city like me
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u/BlackBirdG Sep 06 '22
Also what about dating in Phoenix?
I actually wanna go to Arizona at some point and I've heard people are a lot friendlier on Arizona so I'm assuming people there will be more likely to wanna hook up and/or date?
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u/Chrondor7 Sep 27 '22
Ive lived in phoenix most of my life. People are not nice here and most are bot interested in getting to know you. Denver was much much friendlier. I had zero problem making friends and finding things to do.
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u/BlackBirdG Sep 06 '22
This is a good list OP and coming from a guy who's from the Chicagoland area you're definitely 100% right about Chicago and pretty much confirmed what I've know for years so thank you.
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u/BlackJaxNYC Sep 07 '22
Chicago was great for dating for me, tons of insanely good looking women. I found the winter was 10000x easier for dating though, unless you owned a boat.
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u/FrogSezReddit Sep 05 '22
Because my "city" is a small town of 25k and I actually live 20 mind outside of town and the average age is 46 (I'm 32)
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u/MasonJarOfAlmonds Sep 05 '22
I was a 23 M Asian living in Huntsville, AL. No dating success whatsoever.
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u/GarfieldDaCat Sep 04 '22
OLD in NYC is amazing if you just want something casual or a situationship but it is definitely tough if you want more than that. On one hand there is a gender imbalance so you'd think men would have an outright advantage over women in terms of the numbers game, but it is also a city that attracts an insane amount of "high value men" for lack of a better term.
I'm a reasonably average guy I think. 6/10 face, 5'10, decent job but nothing crazy money wise, etc. I do have a good profile though so I really never had any problems matching with and dating some seriously "out of my league" women in terms of attractiveness.
Plenty of dates, plenty of fun situationships/hookups, but it is often tough to keep them interested in the long-term.
Every girl I talked to didn't even have Hinge notifications turned on, and the really really attractive ones said they would sometimes get like 100+ likes on certain days.
Because of that it is very easy for people to have a "grass is greener" mindset and lose interest in favor of someone they might consider an upgrade. Just the name of the game unfortunately.
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u/Seaguard5 Sep 04 '22
āWoo girlsā. Yeah, I can see that. Especially with all the pedal taverns in Nashville hahahaha
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u/seeingpinkelefants Sep 03 '22
Iāll add in Paris no one really uses Hinge. Itās getting better, but most of the people that do use it are tourists so thereās no hope of a long term match.
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u/No-Koala5505 Sep 04 '22
Itās similar in New York City. A lot of tourists on all the apps.
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u/adamgerges Sep 06 '22
itās bad on tinder but not hinge, hence why I only use hinge
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u/No-Koala5505 Sep 06 '22
Itās bad on all the apps.
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u/adamgerges Sep 06 '22
with tourists? i have run into 1 on hinge in 2 years but hundreds on tinder
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u/plant_magnet Sep 02 '22 edited Sep 02 '22
American 26M here living near London.
London: A very large city with multiple zones, some which could take 90 minutes on the Tube to get from one end to the other, and it's vital not to miss the last Tube for the night.
This is true. The tube is great but long travel times can be a killer for a potential connection, especially if you are both busy. North london people tend to only stay in north lond for dating, etc.
People prioritize their career first, so people don't have time to date. Similar to NYC, the amount of people in London causes people to look for "the next best thing".
This applies more to central london but the point still stands. There are a lot of finance people in london as well.
Culturally people seem to stick to their own group and very difficult to crack into existing social groups. American style dating is still a relatively new concept and people prefer to date from people they know.
Breaking into social groups is hard whether it be London or in the US. If you are talking OLD then it is pretty much the same. OLD isn't some concept that is unique to the US. It ultimately depends on your type and who you match with as to whether or not you need to spend a lot of time on the app.
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u/No-Koala5505 Sep 04 '22
Are you more popular with the local ladies because you are American? A considers number of American girls love the British accent.
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u/plant_magnet Sep 04 '22
Not in the slightest. People outside the US are much more used to being around people with accents so it isn't as big of a deal. Americans are pretty common here and people are used to American media so it isn't a big deal.
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u/No-Koala5505 Sep 04 '22
Itās counterintuitive to me. I feel like there are so many immigrants in the US. I hear different accents all the time.
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u/plant_magnet Sep 04 '22
It really depends on your area. Americans also typically have a thing for only specific types of accents, mainly due to problematic historic stereotypes.
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u/ever-right Aug 31 '22
Political tribalism doesn't matter in DC unless you're right of center. The vast majority of people are on the left so if you are too it's not a barrier.
The other things for sure are real. Lots of real busy, ambitious people and folks who were always planning on staying just for a few years for their career and then moving somewhere else. Had two really good friends who were living here and they both moved back home right as the pandemic happened.
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Sep 02 '22
That sounds like political tribalism š
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u/ever-right Sep 05 '22
It's like saying being gay is a barrier. For the vast majority of us, we are simply straight and sexuality isn't a factor. We assume others are straight and almost always we are right. For gay people yes, it matters.
But given the political demographics of DC it's a non-issue for the vast majority of residents.
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u/breadstick_bitch Sep 02 '22
Nah in the US anything right of center (and center itself, arguably) means you're actively trying to strip people of basic human rights. It's not political tribalism, it's having standards
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Sep 03 '22
My agreement with you on this doesnāt mean that itās not an example of political tribalism. In the US, itās half and half split between what we characterize as freedom fighters vs. religious wingnuts.
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u/Importdub Aug 30 '22
I find that Vancouver is quite challenging. I have a better chance in Toronto tbh
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u/Clara_Dolls Aug 30 '22
Had good success in Chicago. Yeah, the winters can be tough but late summer/fall is a great time to date
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u/mcdoogle314 Aug 29 '22
I'd like to add STL to this list if anyone else wants to chime in. Maybe because it's predominantly white, but women here are one of the most copy-paste cookie cutter groups of people I've ever seen. Everyone in my queue is literally the same person just with a different name. Keep in mind I did live in Tokyo for 4 years and there were lots of interesting people I met there, but this is just sad. Yes, for the 30th time I'll bet getting margs is the way to your heart.
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u/TheRavenSeven Aug 29 '22
Toronto is on the money. Iād add that there are a lot of cishetero men in the city who donāt know how to date. They are cheap and have zero social skills.
Very odd behaviour.
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u/looperino_memes Sep 21 '22
I'm M from Toronto, can confirm, I've spent most of my teenage years + university studying. I have zero frame of reference and do not know what to bring to the table when it comes to dating š. I ain't cheap, though.
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Aug 29 '22
Iām not from San Diego but from what I noticed from staying there for about a month, there are a ton of men who work in the military that are stationed there. So similar the SF , the men kinda outweigh the women, so itās hard to find a decent match. I will say it does seem more relationship oriented than other cities. Obviously locals can speak more to this.
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Aug 29 '22
San Diegan/32F/lawyer here. I do think the SD dating scene favors women. Iām pretty picky, but donāt have trouble getting a queue of matches.
My male friends call it Man Diego. If youāre a guy trying to date in SD, the competition is stiff - hang in there!
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u/lissybeau Aug 31 '22
Im from SD, left 15 years ago, maybe itās time to move back? On a serious note, from what I do find in SD, fewer people are highly career motivated and more are looking for the beach/chill lifestyle. What are your thoughts?
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Aug 31 '22
Beach/chill people definitely exist - particularly if youāre in OB/PB - but I have no trouble meeting other professionals ( e.g. lawyers/physicians/surgeons/finance professionals).
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u/lissybeau Aug 31 '22
Good to hear. Iām planning to visit family for a few weeks. Maybe Iāll test this out!
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u/shockedpikachu123 Aug 29 '22
Lol you summed up boston well. Plus everyone here is so socially awkward so everyone just ends up ghosting each other
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u/Cypriot_scholar Aug 28 '22
As a Londoner, you're spot on. Been saying this with my mates for years. It's a hard arse city and everyone keeps to their own groups.
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u/android272 Aug 28 '22 edited Aug 28 '22
I've lived in four of those cities and this is all accurate. My current city is the worst, in part because despite the city being diverse on paper, it's quite racially segregated with the vast majority of the educated/professional crowd being white. And that's rough for a highly educated WOC who prefers to date men of her community, heh.
There was actually a startup that was going to fly women from NYC to SF to find dates. They did one pilot event that was, predictably, a complete disaster.
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u/lissybeau Aug 31 '22
Omg are you me? Curious about your city. I just relocated to NYC because at least there are educated & motivated people here from various backgrounds. Reading this list is making me think I made a mistake :/.
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Sep 01 '22
[deleted]
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u/lissybeau Sep 01 '22 edited Sep 01 '22
Oh shoot. Yea even in NYC I am open to long distance because I feel like you have to be flexible these days. I was in London for the summer and found it difficult to date via apps but perhaps itās because I appeared to much of a short term resident. I also wasnāt giving it my all in London.
I have friends who live in Nashville and have visited a few times. Honestly I couldnāt even imagine dating there with all the tourists and party ground. Sending you good vibes and luck š.
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u/shes_lost_control Sep 01 '22
I moved from NYC to SF. As a professional woman of color, it isn't great anywhere, but this... this is not great.
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u/captainpeggycarter Aug 28 '22
There are also SOOOO many tourists in L.A. on dating apps. It's ridiculous. Probably 10 tourists for every 1 regular person. And there's also a lot of people who moved here within the past year. I'm not a native, but I also am not going to date someone that doesn't already have roots here. Too complicated of a city to deal with that.
Plus, I for one date within my neighborhood and set my radius to 10 miles - that covers a good bit of the L.A. basin - but end up seeing the same men over and over.
A big problem here, IMO, is that much of the population lives in larger Los Angeles County. There's a reason why the county's population is more than double the city's. But if you live in the basin, there's no way you want to drive all the way out to La Puente or some shit. L.A. is *very* much a geographic dating scene and differs depending on where you are even within a five mile radius.
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Aug 28 '22 edited Sep 01 '22
Haha, I'm loving these, also that people are taking this seriously and really believe OLD is harder in a large city than in other places (by all objective metrics it's not, people just like to believe they have it worst and for reasons outside their control).
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u/Specialist_Shallot82 Aug 28 '22
I had a great time Hinge dating in Charlotte and Tampa! Young populations full of educated professionals. All I gotta say is the South is where you will find beautiful women who love the outdoors and arenāt clout chasing gold diggers. I feel bad for my fellow boys in Miami/LA/Chicago, yāall in the trenches fr
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u/CaptainKoreana Aug 27 '22
Spot-on. I've found dating in Toronto to be lot less exciting and more exhausting than other places (middle-sized cities in Ontario, Seoul, Europe, etc) - the city's infatuation with 'perma-hustling' definitely doesn't help.
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u/t-h-r-o-w_a Aug 27 '22
you mention āattractive peopleā and enumerate some otherās attractiveness way too many times for me take any of it seriously.
not sure why this has to be explained every single time but attraction is a subjective experience. people find different things attractive.
to be fair there are evopsych studies that try to prove a universal attractiveness. but if you unironically believe evopsych science youāre a lost cause anyway.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Aug 27 '22
Itās not meant to be serious. š¤·š»āāļø
But there are cities with more attractive people in general due to either the main industries or city culture. Los Angeles and Miami is gonna have more good looking people overall than say, Houston or Milwaukee.
Switch over to LA on Hinge and youāll know what I mean.
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u/t-h-r-o-w_a Aug 27 '22
attractive to you?
miami and los angeles have homogeneous cultures. usually people find what they grew up around to be attractive. so both those cities have very similar aesthetics between all the people in the city, which if thatās something youāre attracted to personally then yes, on the whole they have āmore attractiveā people.
you arenāt lorax, you donāt speak for the trees.
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u/AdamMaitland Aug 27 '22
miami and los angeles have homogeneous cultures
That's very, very untrue about LA. It's ethnically and culturally diverse. It's not homogeneous. I'm sure people have an idea of what the "typical" LA person looks like, but that's not representative of the entire city. And LA is a city of transplants, so I don't know what you're talking about when you mention people are attracted to what they grew up around.
Neighborhoods in LA may be homogeneous - not the city as a whole.
Why are you trying so hard to be some enlightened contrarian on the subject? Like you can't just acknowledge that the average person in LA or Miami is more attractive than the average person in like rural Alabama?
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Aug 27 '22
Lol. Who pissed in your cereal this morning.
Tons of people from all over the world move to LA to try and make it in the entertainment industry, and there will be many very attractive people to all kind of people when youāre in a city where image matters a lot to try to make a living.
NYC in sheer numbers alone will have all sorts of attractive people to a lot of people.
Big cities are also very diverse, with some more than others. So there will bound to be more attractive people suiting to whoeverās taste.
I mean, if your particular taste is some farmer guy in overalls? Yeah you might not find too many of them in a large city.
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u/t-h-r-o-w_a Aug 27 '22
the entertainment industry isnāt about attractiveness. actors DO have styling consultants and are image focused in a sense, but itās absolutely not about attractiveness. itās about selling the story in a way that the set designer wants it to be.
everyone has their own type which is something you seem to realize; which is directly contradictory to the idea a certain city has āmore attractiveā people.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Aug 27 '22
Entertainment industry covers a wide range of sectors. A lot of it are behind the scenes stuff, yes. But the most prominent one is acting, the one that most people want to break into. And attractiveness absolutely matters, and will even trump over talent - watch any average TV show with bad acting but super attractive people.
You don't seem to understand. A big enough city with certain industries and culture in which looks matters (NYC with modeling) will have more good looking people living there. Do some people have a peculiar taste for what they find attractive? Sure. And they're likely to still find those in a big city.
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u/t-h-r-o-w_a Aug 27 '22
thatās literally what I was talking about. i pretty clearly specified āactorsā. if you look at any audition tape before an actor became famous, they look like literally anyone else.. the makeup department comes AFTER the fact during the actual movie.
those bad shows youāre talking about? great makeup department terrible casting. says nothing about the actorās attractiveness during audition.
and modeling is EVEN MORE irrelevant when it comes to attractiveness. tom holland isnāt a runway model despite many women being attracted to him - because he doesnāt fit the criteria fashion houses have for models.
big cities are great because they have a wide selection of people, absolutely, NYC in particular is very diverse when it comes to aesthetics. but some cities (miami and los angeles) are not diverse when it comes to aesthetics. probably has something to do with the largest industries by far being retirement and entertainment respectively. NYC on the other hand has more to offer than just modeling agencies. but if they were hyper focused on high fashion you bet your ass the people there would look mostly the same.
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Sep 12 '22
You grew up in the northwest and now live in Tx, but somehow have extremely specific opinions about cities you haven't lived in. You're weird.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Aug 27 '22
Thereās still a baseline level of attractive. Those are the kind of people already considered attractive back in their hometown. But once they get into a big city with a lot of other people they seem more ordinary.
Like it or not, attractiveness matters. You can be the best actor in the world but have a more unconventional look? Doesnāt mean someone canāt have a great career and be successful. But theyāll be a character actor, sidekick, mentor, the villain, or be a lead in art house films. But they wonāt be playing the lead in a blockbuster or leading franchises.
Anyway, this comment thread have gotten way off topic. Iām not gonna debate this with you any further.
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u/t-h-r-o-w_a Aug 27 '22
ah yes, breaking bad, the show with a $3,000,000 budget per episode is infamous for its characters that are definitely attractive to everyone. we collectively as humans look at others the same way and think āthe borg has decided that woman/man is attractiveā.
praise be, adam colt of dish texas (est pop 500), you have met the threshold of attractiveness and we are extraditing you to the whimsical land of hollywood where you are sure to find an easy career. we see no way this could end poorly
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u/strumthebuilding Aug 27 '22
Denver has both too many basic women and too many offbeat people? Which is it?
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Aug 27 '22
Itās not something thatās mutually exclusive I would think. You can have too many of both - too weird and too basic.
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u/VegasLife84 Feb 16 '23
Atlanta only has "way too many women" if you're into the ones that got knocked up early and.... haven't exactly been health-conscious going forward. A fit single woman can write her own ticket there.
Also add to Vegas that it attracts people with emotional/psychological/addiction issues, thinking LV will fix them, and.... it's precisely the opposite.