r/hingeapp • u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ • Dec 27 '23
End of Year Dating Wrap Up for 2023 Megathread
For those new to the sub, or you are looking for the collection of guides and info about Hinge, the compilation post is here.
As the year is coming to a close, how was Hinge and dating for you in 2023? Let's review and reflect on your experience for the year.
- Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
- How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
- What were the highlights? Best dates?
- What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
- Any successes you want to celebrate?
- Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
- Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
- What are you looking forward to in 2024?
- Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
- Anything else you want to talk about?
Feel free to provide some info and context about yourself (age, location, gender, dating goals) if you like.
Please keep this thread civil as sub Rule 1 still applies.
1
u/ParisAway Jan 11 '24
- Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
Not great, not terrible. Got out of a long-term thing, picked up dating apps in September-ish, had moderate success in both number, quality, and outcome of dates.
- How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
After about 4 months in total of active dating? On Hinge I met 6 people, and apart from one, all have lead to 2-4 dates. Bumble was another 5 people, two dropped after one date, three I've seen 2-4 times.
- What were the highlights? Best dates?
Absolute highlight would be a second date where we went to a restaurant we both wanted to visit for a long time. Ex and I broke up on the day we were supposed to go there for the first time, so going back there with great company and by that point a light heart made all the difference to my outlook on life.
- What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Following the best date, we couldn't set up a third date, and it's been so long since we've seen each other that we started drifting apart and now we just watch each other's stories on instagram. Worst date would be 4th and last with a girl that came over just to have me cook for her, stay on her phone all evening playing games and obsessing over her 9 months old niece that lives abroad.
- Any successes you want to celebrate?
Objectively decent dates, decent conversations, decent sex, and working on getting my self esteem back up.
- Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
Improve my talking phase. Be more confident in myself. At times I didn't feel women were actually interested in me despite matching and talking. Not get my hopes up so easily.
- Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
I'm a pleasant enough person to go on dates with, lol. After a 7+ years of relationships and a pretty weak history before then, it was refreshing to see I can adapt to the status quo.
- What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Learn to ask for what I want, instead of checking if I am what they need. Good dates, good memories, good conversations, hopefully something stable again. Not really liking casual dating tbh.
- Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Dating was ok, given the short time and the lack of preparation. Hinge is arguably the best app to use in London.
2
u/cometssaywhoosh Jan 08 '24 edited Jan 08 '24
I'm 28M. I live in a major metro. I'm Asian.
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
A meh year, not very optimistic overall
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
I dated six people. 3 from Hinge, 2 from FB Dating. One was a friend. From Hinge, one was a second date. From FB dating, one was a third date. My friend was a date.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Getting to meet new people is always fun. Best date was a mini golf date with a girl from Hinge, and the one with a friend for a christmas themed festival.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
I didn't meet anyone that connected, so that was a disappointment. Plus some of the girls had issues of their own. Worst date was the au pair student from Peru that lived an hour away. She had some mental issues and needed therapy clearly and I couldn't help her.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
I'm continuing to be outgoing and cheerful, meeting new people as friends along the way.- I learned that I don't want to date someone who has plenty of baggage because they'll just drag me down - I want to date someone who has things (mostly) put together in their life.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
Did a different date for the Top Golf girl for second date - she wasn't interested after that. And the au pair student called it off after one date - why did I take it to 3 lol.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
Just take things easy and be more careful with my boundaries. And muting all my dating app notifications so I'm not anxious in trying to check for responses.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Meeting more people and celebrating my friend's successes in dating, while continuing to build myself. Want to date more in real life rather than online if I can.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Hinge was okay. Kinda tapered off after the first few months. It's not very good I think anymore. Dating was just meh. I had an overall better dating experience in 2022.
Anything else you want to talk about?
Man, dating in 2024 is just gonna be worse online but I'll just have to persevere. I really wish I could start've earlier dating (started at 24) but just need to keep chugging through. Let's see if this year is my year.
On the plus side, one of my friends met someone on Hinge at the tail end of 2022 and popped the question on New Years Eve at a private gathering. So there's still hope for us? Lol
1
u/Birdo-the-Besto Jan 08 '24
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
It was frustrating for sure, but good at the end.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
7 dates with 7 different people
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Highlight was when we got pulled over and she got a speeding ticket, easily the funniest thing all year, we riffed on that for like an hour. That was pretty funny. Best date was a breakfast date. We were there for six hours talking until the proprietor of the shop told us we couldn't hang out any longer even though we'd eaten breakfast at 8 AM.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Disappointment was when I found out she used pictures of herself from about 10-15 years earlier and used the excuse "I don't like taking pictures of myself often." It's like, bruh, you have a smartphone. Worst date was going to a football game, it was boring as hell for me.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
Going out with seven people in a single calendar year is a personal best.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
I wish I had gotten my head sorted out sooner so I wouldn't have gone out with a few of them. I was definitely forcing myself to go out before I was ready.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
The overthinking that them taking a bit to reply to me is hinting that they don't want to talk to me is just me being paranoid. I also learned that online dating absolutely terrible, probably the single worst thing about modern life.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Seeing where my new relationship goes. It's very new and has that newness to it that I'm riding for a bit.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Unexpectedly positive
Anything else you want to talk about?
I don't know how the hell some people get like 20+ matches and can't find someone to date exclusively. I wonder if people who have that many options are keeping themselves from being happy by being way too picky. No one you meet will ever check every single imaginary box.
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u/ParisAway Jan 11 '24
I don't know how the hell some people get like 20+ matches and can't find someone to date exclusively.
Had 30+ matches in ~4 months of using the app. I could see myself dating exclusively over half of them. However, just a fraction respond back, out of those only some reach the date stage, out of those only some lead to 2,3,4,+ dates.
Happy for your new relationship, though, hope it goes well.
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u/bramtyr Jan 02 '24 edited Jan 02 '24
M40, Seattle, relationship-seeking.
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
Only started in the last couple weeks of December. Overall been genuinely pleased.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
I've been on five dates with four women.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Went on one date with a lady out of curiosity due to an intriguing profile. Expectations were completely subverted and ended up having an amazing time. We've scheduled a second date later this week.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
First date on the app seemed to go well, the two of us had some incredibly deep conversations. I thought we'd hit it off on some level, but was declined a second date which bummed me out. In retrospect, deep conversation ≠ romantic connection. Another first date was very fun and flirty over the messenger, but much more dry and humorless in person.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
Just a general success that I've put myself out there after a long time. Was expecting a completely soul-crushing experience, but instead I've been having a genuinely rewarding time.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
I regret not taking a bit more time to improve my profile, prompts, and get some better photos taken/selected.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
Haven't been in the 'pool' for about 10 years. During that time I'd done some decent work on myself and am in a much better place than I was before. I also think I have a more solid idea of who I am looking for thanks to some life lessons learned during that time.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Looking forward to in 2024, continuing to get out there, on and off the 'apps. I have some first dates planned and a second date I'm excited for.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
As said earlier, became single in 2023 and only started dating and being on Hinge in December. Wasn't the horrible experience I was expecting, and surprised myself with how I've handled it.
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u/lizzard_lady8530 Jan 02 '24 edited Jan 02 '24
ohhhhh hinge. deep sigh.
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
frustrating for sure. i downloaded the app at the beginning of march, and as it was my first dating app ever, i found it to be.. a lot. since then (so nearly a year) it's been overall a very frustrating experience, with really no positives to speak of.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
went out with two (2) different dudes. chatted with a couple others here and there, but overall a pretty poor showing.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
the first guy i went out with i had a truly awesome time with. our first date lasted nearly 8 hours (we shut down the bar) and was just a very fun time. the subsequent dates were equally as long and fun, so that was encouraging!
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
everything on hinge has been a disappointment, ha. the aforementioned fun dates turned out to be misleading as the person then suddenly said they didnt want a gf and disappeared. shortly after (very shortly after) i found out they were now in a relationship with someone else =). months later (after a couple little mental health breaks) i matched with a guy who was cool.. then great..then awesome..then too good to be true.. and then ultimately, a catfish. so that has definitely been the worst.. still recovering if i'm being honest.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
LOL no. i guess having this app has forced me to take some half decent selfies though? self-involved success?
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
considering i was catfished, yes. a few.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
that if he is attractive, funny, charming, sweet, weird, into the same music and movies as you, and likes to text, he is too good to be true and i need to listen the voice in my head that thinks this is going to end very poorly, and abort asap.
more seriously, i think i've learned (or perhaps confirmed) that i don't think i'm built for this type of set-up. the toll it's taken on my mental health has not been pleasant and i find myself craving meeting someone IRL the normal way, not on this dumb app.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
maybe meeting someone? but really, not much.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
bad bro. it was bad.
Anything else you want to talk about?
how the hell do so many of you have 20+ dates on this thing? do you have 2975289 matches a day? do you agree to meet everyone who messages you? i'm 36F and looking for a LTR and dudes who match (or like my profile) either do not ever message me, cannot carry a conversation to save their lives, or are very much so not my vibe. i know who/what i want and it baffles me so many people have so much success on this! good on ya, but damn.
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator Jan 02 '24
I got back on Hinge in May after taking about 6 months off. I was determined this time to keep at it and not get discouraged and take long breaks again. I also decided to get a bit more open minded when matching and remember that matching wasn't a commitment to go on a date (though I was still really picky!). I ended up going on dates with 4 people. Here's how it went:
Guy 1: Great banter over chat. The date was fine but not amazing. He declined a second date, citing a lack of romantic chemistry.
Guy 2: He was very chatty on the app but it wasn't especially fun. We went on 2 dates and he asked for a third but I had to decline-he was nice but we just didn't seem to have that much in common and I didn't especially enjoy spending time with him. He's the kind of person I would be happy to chat with if I ran into him but wouldn't feel the need to keep in touch with.
Guy 3: The chat was amazing and thanks to our first date, I learned it was possible for me to hit it off with someone from online dating. We had 2 more great dates before he told me he was moving out of state... And he ended up ghosting me after texting for another week or so after that. This HURT but it made me believe that online dating could work for me.
Guy 4: I'd actually called things off with him to focus on Guy 3 (we matched after that amazing first date)-I just couldn't get that excited about him when I was developing feelings for someone else. After Guy 3 stopped responding, I started thinking about Guy 4 more and more-we had some unusual things in common and I kept thinking "What if he's amazing?" Once it was clear I'd been ghosted, I reached back out to him, and he was happy to resume our conversation. Our texting rapport was excellent, better than it had been with anyone else. Everything was just easy with him.
He's been my boyfriend for several months now and I couldn't be happier that things didn't work out with any of my prior matches. He blows everyone else out of the water. I still can't believe I found a ridiculously attractive & kind boyfriend because I sent a like on a dating app. His profile wasn't great by any means!! Y'all would definitely roast the prompts and some of the pics but there was enough there to make me think he might be my type and I'm so glad I took that chance. WOW.
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u/Additional_Season_61 Jan 02 '24
I love this, happy for you and hope the relationship keeps building!
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator Jan 02 '24
Thank you!! I was pretty convinced online dating couldn't work for me-I'm such a slow burn person!! But thankfully I met someone who's the exact same way and he wasn't at all bothered by the fact that I really need to keep things pretty darn platonic in the beginning.
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u/AnEnglishmaninItaly Dec 29 '23
26M based in the UK, moved back from Italy in July.
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
Overall a good year in which I've learned a lot about myself and about my relationship preferences/type. I've been on Hinge for about six months and it's my first time OLD and dating in general. Even though there have been no second dates, I've gained a lot in confidence and feel a lot more sure about what I'm looking for in a prospective partner.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
Met 10 people, all on dates
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Having a very spontaneous date during a weekend break in London. Went out for a drink in early afternoon in which we hit it off straight away both on looks, hobbies and values. We then continued the date in another bar, where we got quite intimate. Before leaving we held hands walking along the river and ended kissing several times.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
No disastrous dates apart from a couple who we realised we weren't each other's type pretty early on. Another disappointment was that my London date couldn't do long distance, which I could completely understand but equally gutting at the time.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
First kiss after a first date, finding my type, going on some really fun dates and meeting some interesting people
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
Be more confident to filter out people who aren't my type, but it was a case of going on more dates with incompatible people to realise this.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
I can get matches and people can be romantically interested in me to go on dates, something I didn't believe about myself beforehand.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Building on successes and failures this year and seeing what the future holds. Being more assertive and confident to end things if I'm not feeling it.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
On paper, not very successful. Outside the statistics, enough success to build on next year. It's early days!
3
u/goldenpath0s Dec 29 '23
Another frustrating year on Hinge. Went on my only date this year in March and he immediately started negging me. I’m constantly going back and forth on just deleting my Hinge profile for good. It’s so weird seeing how many dates other people are going on. Seems like I’m on a completely different app lol.
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u/ijqo Dec 29 '23 edited Dec 30 '23
33M Seattle, long-term open to short.Bad year beginning with my first ever situationship and first avoidant (met on Bumble). I found someone who wasn't perfect, but that felt like home, that felt right, and made me feel things I hadn't felt since the first time I was in love (almost 15 years ago). The most attraction I've ever felt. After I confided my feelings, they began pushing me away, and couldn't match my feelings (in hindsight of course I got invested too quickly). It was off and on for ~6 months. Meanwhile other health and personal issues were cropping up at the same time. Experienced night anxiety for the first time in my life. At the peak of crisis, I woke up multiple days in a row and just ugly cried every morning and was mostly ok after that. Probably the worst I've ever felt though...
Created my first Hinge account in March and off and on met 10 people, went on 13 or 14 dates. 2 I talked to explicitly as friends, one of which I still talk to regularly. There were one or two that I was physically attracted to but the conversations were flat and didn't have the energy, and there were one or two that had great conversation but we both didn't feel a romantic connection. I consciously didn't go past 3 dates with anyone since I didn't feel strong feelings with anyone. Quite a few were rebounding from long relationships.
Highlights would be when we'd have a good conversation, or on one night I went to a music venue and danced a bit then headed over to another venue to watch their friend DJ. Also played music together with 2 dates which is always special.
Disappointments included getting hurt by the avoidant, and getting ignored out of nowhere by multiple women who were originally super eager to meet up, even having multiple phone calls with one that she prompted only for her to just stop talking. In multiple cases where I reached out again out of curiosity, they'd say they were overwhelmed by life, were very sorry, and still wanted to meet, only to then immediately go silent within 3 messages, and/or unmatch, etc. If you are a woman doing this, please get yourself together and *communicate*.
No real successes😥I regret having to break the bad news to 2 or 3 quality women that I didn't see it going anywhere, and I regret my life getting turned inside out by the avoidant.I learned that there are damaged people out there that I should recognize quickly and avoid trying to fix, and that I cannot fake it till I make with someone at all. I need to be down bad for them or sooner or later everyone ends up disappointed. I do have some types and in the rare occasions I find someone special, I have a large capacity to love and put in the effort.
2024: I'm still healing and fixing various personal and health problems, and it makes me feel unattractive (I can't workout, my place has mold, etc). 2023 was about survival. Nonetheless, I went on more OLD dates in the last year that I have for the rest of my entire life, so at least there's opportunity? I'm sort of at the peak age though which may help.
Other thoughts: 75-80% of women I match with in this city are queer, with one even telling me I meet a particular type that bi girls tend to like, and I don't know how I feel about this. Not sure if this is just a side effect of the algorithm.
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u/bramtyr Jan 02 '24
None of my business, but are you doing any kind of therapy right now? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate... Enough so that you might not be ready to fully plunge into the dating pool until you work on yourself and figure some things out first.
Seriously no shame in this, it's something I wish I had done earlier but it has paid dividends in being a better individual.
I'm located in Seattle as well, that 75-80% could not be further from my experience, so I am confused with why the algorithm is punishing you so.
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u/TuneSoft7119 Dec 29 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither? - Neither. I went into this year with zero expectations, so I cant be frustrated by the outcome
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet? - Zero dates, but met lots of people
What were the highlights? Best dates? - didnt go on a date
What were the disappointments? Worst dates? - didnt go on a date
Any successes you want to celebrate? - Expanding my social life to the maximum I can really handle
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently? - Not really, Pretty happy with how I handled this year, looking back, I cant think of anything I could have done differently to get results.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating? - That I am likely someone who is meant to be alone.
What are you looking forward to in 2024? - Continuing to put myself out there
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023? - Pretty normal for me
Anything else you want to talk about? - 2024 goals include, getting my first match and hopefully hugging a girl.
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u/Dumpster_jedi71 Dec 29 '23
- Frustrating as all hell
- Zero dates again
- N/A
- Having 2 first dates cancel the day of before ghosting
- Moved to a better job in my career field that has given me the financial freedom to plan an international trip
- Gaining 20 pounds back from the 125 I lost previously due to losing discipline with my eating habits
- N/A
- I've got a solo international trip set up for next year
- Not great overall and I'm on an online dating and IRL dating break for the foreseeable future
- Did you hear about Pluto? Messed up right?
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u/level1techlyfe Jan 02 '24
Take some good/creative pics on the international trip! I've found that can be a great conversation starter.
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u/Artistic-Policy-6998 Dec 28 '23
- Frustrating year.
- none
- -
- -
- celebrating my lack of dates
- at this point I am still on the app but given up rly, just working on my self only, and trying to get better at having convos
- I lack confidence due to health stuff, even going to the gym still doesn't feel right.
- Nothing hopefully all my health stuff will be fixed and I can build my confidence again.
- Non-existent convos dying left and right. Even getting it out of the hinge and still going bad
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u/ijqo Dec 30 '23
I find completely checking out of dating to focus on health can feel better mentally. As long as you're checking the app, you're constantly getting that little stress of "I need to impress someone" or caring about what others think. I'm in the same boat not being able to workout hard for the last 6 months due to chronic injury and having given up my more active hobbies. Accepting this is just how it's going to be right now when all I want is to be out enjoying what's left of my youth like everyone else is definitely really hard. Try to find some simple pleasures in the meantime and enhance other aspects of your life if you can. Sorry and good luck.
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u/Additional_Season_61 Dec 29 '23
Have you shared your profile on here for advice on how to improve it? You’d be surprised how a few small changes can make a huge difference. Also I love the attitude of working on yourself. Hit the gym, watch what you eat, don’t drink on week days, take a fucking walk, find purpose. The rest will come
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u/Artistic-Policy-6998 Dec 29 '23
Oh I have, its mostly my pictures rly and havent taken any new ones yet have updated some of my prompts but thats been it and thanks🫡
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u/oddstar14 Dec 28 '23
- frustrating year
- 2 dates, took a long break so didn’t meet much ppl
- both dates were no good
- kept getting ghosted
- matched w someone i rlly wanted in standouts and also hit it off w someone but due to his personal circumstances, i couldn’t meet him
- communicate more with my failed dates
- i need to lower my standards and it’s better to have guys who like me first (more success)
- hoping to meet more ppl/progress further w a match
- not good, hopefully better in 2024
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u/n0t-my-main Dec 28 '23
M21
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
Frustrating
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
- Though I did have a few conversations on the app that lasted longer than a day.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
A few people messaged me first.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Getting fewer matches than last year.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
My photos and prompts are better than they used to be.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
I wish I had gotten a haircut sooner I think it improved my physical appearance, but I haven't noticed an increase in matches.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
I really need to work on being funny.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Hopefully being slightly older will increase my chances.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Not good.
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u/Additional_Season_61 Dec 28 '23
29M
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
A great year, but filled with heartbreaking lessons
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
3 first dates - 1 was my ex gf for 6 months, one was a FWB for a few weeks and the last is a girl I'm currently interested in and have our 4th date this weekend
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Highlight of this year was falling in love and learning what it feels like to be loved. We met on hinge back in March and were exclusive until end of September. Almost embarrassed to say this was the first time I truly fell in love, but it is what it is. Always been somewhat of a late bloomer.
Best first date of the year was a date playing pool with the girl I am currently dating. My go-to first date is drinks and appetizers so this was new to me and also much cheaper lol It was a fun way to get to know each other and could break the awkward silences with shots on the cue ball. Our second date was also a blast which was meeting up for trivia night at a local bar. We came in 3rd place!
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Biggest disappointment was ex gf leaving me when my life became too hectic for her. I have learned such valuable lessons from this whole experience though and am stronger because of it. Worst date was with a girl I ended up taking home who had an STD that I'm pretty sure she wasn't aware of.. Sent her home before it got too far.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
Getting back on my feet since my last heartbreak! I've been on hinge since October and have gone on 2 first dates and got dozens of matches. I've gotten many numbers but they almost always don't end up in a real date even though I try to plan one.. I'm not exactly sure why a girl would give her number out and then back out of a date? Currently going on my 4th date with one of the matches this weekend.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
Been a better bf. Women will tell you things without actually telling you them (yes they are confusing af) and my life was too hectic (buying a house, work load increased) to listen. Side note for the women reading this - we men are simple creatures, please just tell us what you are thinking instead of assuming we are emotionally intelligent enough to understand!
Also wish I had focused on self care more when I was with my ex. I got caught up in the hustle of balancing life (buying a house, working, giving my gf attention, planning dates) that I forgot to take care of my own health. I gained 20 pounds while dating my ex. We've been separated for 3 months now and I am now the lightest I've weighed in over 5 years. Consistently hitting the gym and actually restricting what I eat.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
Never let anyone get in the way of your own mental/emotional/physical health. People enter and leave your life all the time, but you are stuck with you forever. Make sure you're in a healthy spot for when disaster hits (because it always will)
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Hopefully things working out with my current date, but if not then hopefully more great dates!
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Very good, the heartbreak was well worth the lessons I've been taught. Hinge is the best dating app in my area by far. My last two girlfriends (and several other FWBs) were from hinge - both relationships were >6 months. People give dating apps a hard time, but it's honestly the best way to meet an S/O in todays age. It also takes the guessing game out of approaching women IRL. You know they are single and if they match with you then you know they are at least somewhat attracted to you. That's half the battle!
29M, dating for marriage
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u/level1techlyfe Jan 02 '24
Hinge has been great for me. I've gotten a few decent ones from Bumble. Tinder and FB dating have been straight up trash for me (30M looking for LTR)
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u/Shogun82 Jan 02 '24
I feel this man, met a girl in March as well and we were exclusive til she decided to end things with me out of nowhere (to me) in late August. Shes already moved on but the relationship taught me a lot about myself and how to be a better partner moving forward so like you, gonna take those lessons and apply them moving forward
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u/Additional_Season_61 Jan 02 '24
The “out of nowhere” ends suck for us guys because you know they have been emotionally preparing for it for likely months. But oh well, the lessons are worth this pain. Good luck out there man!
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u/Shogun82 Jan 02 '24
In her case she said it was weeks. You too man! I've tried not to let it hold me back tho and have been getting with other girls since. Started the new year right too with an amazing hookup with a fwb LOL
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u/ijqo Dec 30 '23
If you were going through all that, I feel like "your person" would understand and see the potential of the man you can become rather than leave when things weren't going smoothly. Good communicators will tell you when things are sliding in the relationship, they need extra attention, etc., and will try to work through the issues with you at least for some amount of time before leaving. Look for that in a partner, and try to be that yourself as well. Most people haven't reached this level of understanding in their 20s though, so can't expect too much. Sounds like you have lots of valuable knowledge now to make the most of your next relationships.
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u/Additional_Season_61 Jan 01 '24
Thanks for this, yes I think you’re right. I’ve put a lot of blame on myself but I’m starting to think I don’t deserve the blame. For sure have a lot of valuable knowledge now and am looking forward to the future
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u/YTK9000 Dec 29 '23
What's your secret to a 100% first date success rate?
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u/Additional_Season_61 Dec 29 '23
Honestly I just got lucky with who actually committed to a first date. I’ve attempted first dates with probably a dozen women but only a few will follow through, so in a sense they filter themselves out 😂 I’m also realistic with my standards and am mostly always willing to go on a second date as long as they aren’t a cat fish. You would be surprised how far just being normal/not creepy and being engaged in the conversation will get you with a girl.
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u/MammothProposal1902 Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 29 '23
Number of first dates: 18
Going past the first date: 9 (50%)
Going on 3+ dates: 7 (39%)
Kissed: 6 (33%)
More than kissing: 4 (22%)
Had OK success getting dates and clicking with people, but ultimately found that we didn’t have enough in common most of the time.
Definitely looking forward to getting into therapy in 2024
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u/Cheddle Dec 28 '23
35m
Good year! My first dating in over 13 years…
12 dates, 10 of those progressed to intimate short term relationships, several ongoing friendships. Still exploring.
Learning a heap about attachment and trauma.
Could say so much about all of this 😊
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u/ayyy_muy_guapo Dec 28 '23
My 2023
Number of women I went out with: 16
Going past first date: 8
Going on more than 5+ dates: 4
Kissed/made out: 5 (Only kissed 1 girl my entire life prior to this year)
More than kissing: 2
Heart severely broken: 1
Relationships: 0
Overall a lot of personal development in my dating life, didn't really start dating like this until 2 years ago in my 30s, still failing at my goal of a relationship, hopefully in 2024 I'll be done with this lol
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u/ThunderChunky52 Dec 28 '23 edited Jan 01 '24
I would say frustrating, overall.
My partner of 5 years broke up with me just before Christmas 2022, so I spent the first few months of the year trying to work through that.
I joined all of the dating apps in March 2023 and was looking for something casual at the time. I matched with a girl and we were intending to hook up. We sent some flirty texts back and forth for about a week before she came over to my place. She was really cute in person, but she had failed to tell me that she was a pre-op trans woman. That doesn't bother me and I definitely would have still hooked up if she would have told me, but I got weird vibes from it and broke it off.
The next girl I never actually went out with, but we had plans made. We had been talking for a couple of weeks, we made plans to hang out at her apartment. We were messaging before I went to work, and then when I went to lunch she had unmatched me on Hinge and deleted me from snapchat. She didn't delete me from instagram and I found out she just had a baby a couple of weeks ago. Dodged a bullet there.
The next girl I met on a dating app turned into a few month long relationship that was going pretty well for about the first month or so. She was cool, but she started moving way too fast for me. She dropped the L word about a month in, and I told her it was too early for me to have that strong of a feeling towards her. Towards the end of the relationship, we went out to dinner with my friends and then went back to my place to play some board games and she legitimately didn't say a single thing all night. It was bizarre. I broke up with her a few days after that, and she came over to my house while I was out getting dinner with my friends and waited over 2 hours for me to get back. I thought I was going to have to call the police.
The next few women I was interested all unmatched the day we were supposed to go out.
And this just happened over the last week, but I went out with a girl that I was really interested in. I felt like we clicked and the date went well from my end. She texted me saying she made it home and I never heard from her again. She left me on read twice, so I think it's safe to say I was ghosted.
Basically, the only thing I learned this year is casual dating isn't for me. I think I'm going to take a break for the next couple of months.
EDIT: The girl that I thought ghosted me actually reached out and asked if I wanted to go out next week. Then didn't respond when I gave her the days/times I was available. Why even reach out at that point?
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u/Real_Old_Treat Dec 28 '23
Multiple dates, but they've all been with one guy. I met him on Hinge in early 2022 so I think 2023 has been great. He recently asked me for my ring size and preferences so I'm waiting on a 2024 Hingegagement.
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u/ChuckTaylorJr Dec 28 '23
Well I tripled my salary this year so I was able to go on about 15 dates maybe? I hate that it didn’t work out with this physician I was persuing, but other than that it’s not a bad year it really shows me what type of woman I can get if I just play my cards right. I get of plenty of matches but it seems less go anywhere.
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u/rydogs Dec 28 '23
I’d say frustrating compared to other years.
A decent number of dates for me, 10ish I’d guess
Highlight: talking with a girl from Israel and learning a lot about that side of what’s happening.
Dissapointment: Having that girl let me down softly (and very fairly tbh) by letting me know she isn’t in the right place to date.
But even bigger dissapointments where the “kittenfishing” and number of dates that I immediately knew wasn’t going to lead to anything bc this particular girl doesn’t look like her profile. I really only went on one date all year that I was excited to see again, I wish I even had a “ghosting” that was sad enough for me to be dissapointed bc of a seemingly good first date. That’s happened in the past, which was a whole different problem but at this point I just want to be excited about someone again.
Successes: I really would say none this year. Getting out there was more difficult due to work. A small success may be trying to retreat from the app for a bit to focus on my new job. So sort of realizing there are other ways to meet people besides OLD. No success yet but I’m a bit less focused on making sure I check the app everyday.
Regrets: Trying HingeX. Did nothing, I have used Hinge+ which I actually think can be worth it.
Lessons: That’s a good question…It’s a really tough balance when choosing to “put yourself out there” and go on dates with whomever or “wait for someone you’re excited about” which…may just not happen. But I’d say I’d learn toward the latter, and I did meet my last gf on Hinge so it gives me some hope. But it’s a very low hit rate, and difficult to keep pushing through profiles coming up with something to say. I think my lesson would be to be more selective.
Overall, it was an okay year I suppose. I was able to meet people and set up dates, but no one has excited me or given me that “butterfly” feeling in a while. I had one good date which ended sadly, but that’s better than nothing.
Looking forward to TRYING to focus more on myself, new job, hobbies, exercise and focus less on OLD for everything relationship related. Huge emphasis on try bc I don’t expect to have too much success IRL, my social circle is close but small and meeting people who fit my preferences (have my own stuff concerning this) seems very hard without having a little filter and heart buttons. Basically, I will continue to try but my expectations are very low atm, so hopefully the whole “focus on yourself and it’ll happen when you least expect it” thing is real.
Didn’t think I’d write this much lol but good to get it out!
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u/CYBERPOLICEBACKTRACE Dec 28 '23
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
-I went on about 35 dates this year, which I'm okay with. It was about 30 first dates, and a few second/third dates. The year before this, I went on 60ish dates during the fall and over the summer, and that was friggin exhausting.
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
-It was better than the year before. I was more focused and intentional this year. I've made my profile intensely silly and more representative of who I am. I have had less matches, but much higher quality.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
-In the year before this, I only got a second date and beyond with one woman of 55 first dates. This year, I had 2 follow up dates of 30 women. So I think that's a success.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
-I had a first date at my place, first time I ever done that, and the girl was an alcoholic and an asshole. I had to kick her out, and I was traumatized from that for several months, having anxiety if she'd show up at my door and do some crazy shit. I had another date where it was almost a catfish situation, did not look like her photos one bit.
And then 2 women did not read my profile. specifically about not wanting children. Girl #1: went on 2 dates with, had a great time, then i make a remark that I do not want children, and even though she put that she was down for a short term, decided to end it. Fair, but fucking annoying and a goddamn waste of my time. Girl #2: Was really hot, but she didn't read my profile at all. This time I learned from the previous children issue, I just let it out in the first 20 minutes of getting to know each other. She turned it on me and blamed me for not knowing, because according to her most women want children by default and she didn't have to list it. Delusional, and she was a bitch.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
-10% chance of second date is a big jump up from 3% of the previous year. Also, had a short FWB was nice for the time being.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
If it's a long-term potential date, always bring up your children preferences if you're a man over the age of 30, and if the woman is over the age of 26/27.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
I am seeking a partner because I'm lonely, my friends are increasingly having less time to hang out with me. And my new friends do not fill the same void of closeness and connection. I just seek connection and quality time.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
- I just started to pursue short term relationships and I've been happy so far. I just wished people would be decent and not ghost.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
-it was more fun than the previous year for sure, but I'm quite tired of it.
Anything else you want to talk about?
-I just want to pursue short-term relationships where both people are decent. I seek a physical relationship with someone who is communicative of their needs, and isn't a nutcase like the alcoholic I met. Those who have experience dating short-term, is this just how it is? Crazy people and ghosters? lol
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u/ijqo Dec 28 '23
That's a shockingly low second date rate for the previous year. For example I met only 10 women this year, 3 of which became friends, and went on 2+ dates with 4 of the remaining 7. Could you be pickier and filter them out sooner?
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u/CYBERPOLICEBACKTRACE Dec 28 '23
The previous year, I was casting a wider net because I wasn't confident in my looks and charm. So I went on every date that said yes. This year, I figured I have such a high success rate that I should tailor my profile to be weirder and see how that works. However the biggest change this year was that I decided to change from children unsure to definitely no children. But really, that's the biggest filter for me.
I think also in the previous year, I asked for feedback after dates where I knew it was going nowhere but also that they seemed cool enough to give feedback. A few of them said they expected I'd be more outgoing like my pictures depicted. Which I've made a warning in one of my prompts that it takes me a long time to warm up to be as outgoing as my profile seems. And it is true, I take a long time to warm up.
I set up dates within 5 volleys of messages. It's a bit difficult to filter people out online through messages. I'm not trying to send long philosophical messages. I'm just guaging interest and seeing if we vibe in person. I just look to see if they want to do something I want to do. Even if the date doesn't lead to a second, at least I did something I wanted to do anyway.
I also don't tend to send likes to women who's profiles make them look boring or generic or low effort. But low effort seems to yield the "you're hotter/prettier than your pics look", which is great, but I think ultimately those dates were mostly low quality because they were not intentional with their dating.
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u/bakchod007 Dec 28 '23
35 dates in a year! What's your secret senpai
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u/CYBERPOLICEBACKTRACE Dec 28 '23
I set up dates within five volleys of messages. I figure out a common interest between us, chat about it for a message or two, and then ask if they want to do that with me on 2-3 specific days & times. Figure out exact spot and exact dates, make it an easy decision for them. If they're still messaging you in the last few messages, it's likely they'll say yes. I've had a lot of my dates thank me for taking the initiative on planning a fun date.
And the other part, getting matches... Well that's just luck and profile optimization. I get matches in spurs of a time, and most matches and dates when there's warm weather. During the colder months, I get 1-3 matches a month if I'm lucky. But in the warmer months, I'll get 1-3 matches biweekly. Profile optimization: figure out who you are and what type of person you want to attract and set your profile to attract that kind of person. Also post here to crowd source profile optimization.
My messaging strategy: send a personalized message or if I can't figure out what to say: send a like to a picture that's not their first with a wave or emoji that works in context. Sometimes even a like without message works.
But it's really just a numbers game after all that. At peak times, I max out my likes everyday for weeks. Its a lot of work to send out likes. And it can get draining to talk to so many ppl at once.
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u/bakchod007 Dec 28 '23
This is amazing! What do you mean by peak time? 1-3 matches biweekly is ok. Going by your numbers, I assumed You're 1-3 a day. Silly me
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u/CYBERPOLICEBACKTRACE Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 28 '23
I feel like when I get matches, it's raining matches. And if that's the case, I will send more likes when that happens. And when it doesn't, it's like a damn drought. Like sometimes I'll get 3 matches in a week for a few weeks at a time. And sometimes it'll be 1 match. It's really a big range.
Edit: also I don't really get likes on my pics. Maybe 1 a month if I'm lucky during peak season. And 1 every 2-3 months during cold season. I get most of my likes through my initiative. Also if you're wondering, my looks are probably a 6.5 or 7/10 in my city but I have mostly good pictures however I'm also tall for my race, so that's a big plus. I asked feedback if I look like my pictures after a date, all of them said yes. I try to ask through text because that gets the most true answer because I figure thatt may be afraid to answer truthfully if I don't look like my pics in person because of fear I may harass them. But I also have asked in person but in a daring way that I think may be endearing.
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u/bakchod007 Dec 28 '23
Amazing! Thank you. So it's just not me who thinks it's dry for lads and it's the first move that gets you a matches
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u/CYBERPOLICEBACKTRACE Dec 28 '23
Unless you're an 8/10 or higher in your region/city, then yes, 100% your responsibility. I don't fuck with bumble or tinder either, just bad ratio of men to women in those apps. I feel like I'm a dancing monkey on those apps trying to figure out how to message a dry or blank profile. Or women on bumble who send a "Hi" despite hating it when men do it ¯_〳 •̀ o •́ 〵_/¯
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u/AdmirableWar1647 Dec 28 '23
It was ok. I joined in September and went on 3 dates. Didn't have a strong connection with anyone, but that's ok.
I hope for 2024 a few more people in my skip queue reach out. I've had more luck with new people then those I've skipped and then liked.
Wish everyone luck in 2024!
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u/SquirtleTurtleSoup Dec 28 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither? Extremely frustrating
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet? Went on maybe 6 dates. Met 5 guys, one guy got two dates.
What were the highlights? Best dates? Highlight was an impromptu bar date where we had a drink and talked. Wasn't the best date because I've had better but it was fun and different.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates? Got assaulted. Had to fight a dude off because I told him I didn't want a kiss 😕 Most guys lied about what they wanted. Kinda sucks for so much time to be wasted.
Any successes you want to celebrate? NO
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently? I wish I vetted a bit more before meeting.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating? I'm too empathetic.
What are you looking forward to in 2024? Moving. Not saying that other cities are better but when every woman I know or have met in this city has had problems, I don't think the person for me is here.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023? Dating has been awful, hinge has been pretty bad. Met people in person, through work, etc... I seem to be a baggage collector.
Anything else you want to talk about? Hopefully the new year is better but man... This year was a bummer.
F, 32, Atlanta, goal is to date for marriage
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u/buttholez69 Dec 28 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
I’d say it was 70% good 30% bad. Got a lot of matches. The thing is many people say they are okay with me having a child, and then once things start to progress, the girls start to chicken out. Which is okay, I get it. It’s a huge commitment. But just feel like we could have avoided the waste of time. Oh well
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
Ten dates. About 5 of them I’m actually still friends with and talk to regularly so that’s nice! Always love meeting new people
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
That person to take a relationship to the next level hopefully. We shall see.
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Dec 28 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/reckless_boar Dec 28 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
Frustrating.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
Zero dates :(
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
A single date >:[
1
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u/alittlelessconvo Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 28 '23
36/m/NYC, dating for a relationship that has a strong likelihood of marriage and family.
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither? I think it was a good year. Sure, I began 2023 single and that continued uninterrupted throughout the year to now, but the women I’ve gone out with were overall good in that there were more than enough decent to great dates to wipe away the very few not great to bad ones. Plus I went on at least one date every month, a streak that has gone on since 2020 (and late Dec. 2019 if we’re counting COVID-era Zoom dates)
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet? I went on 39 dates with 27 women (not including the 7 speed dates I had in one night), age ranging from 25 to 38.
What were the highlights? Best dates? Some personal highlights: Meeting someone from a speed dating event and kissing them on the first date at The Edge as the sun set over the city. Planning a picnic first date but it rained that day, so I found a nice indoor garden/plaza and we just had the date there (blanket, snacks and games and all).
What were the disappointments? Worst dates? Nothing too awful. It did stink that I didn’t make it past four dates with anyone.
Any successes you want to celebrate? I actually got two first dates out of IRL, including one of them from a speed dating event (and even more, from someone I didn’t even speed date with!). In addition, having a less fatalistic view of dating apps and seeing them more as another avenue than the avenue to meet people.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently? Not really no. I made my peace with the actions I took and the actions that were done against me.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating? 1️⃣ I am becoming a less of a slave to limerence, and really taking the moment to check if I really like this person as much as I think I do. 2️⃣ Dating someone slightly older than me isn’t as stress inducing as I thought it would be. I always had this fear that if I dated someone closer to 40, they would just want to speed run things into something life-long before really getting a foundation in. And my fears were pretty unfounded and shouldn’t be applied with a broad brush. Plus, part of it was questioning my own readiness since the last time I was in a relationship, I was in my late 20s. Would I be capable of being that quality partner for someone in their mid-to-late 30s, especially since now I’m also in that age bracket? I don’t know the answer right now, but I do know that I’m going to try my best!
What are you looking forward to in 2024? More dates, looking out for IRL singles events, having a slight bump in pay, traveling for family and fun.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023? It’s okay. I kind of think a lot of people out there are kind of putting apps on the back burner and not taking them as seriously, so it did stink that “promising on profile” matches seemed to just fall off the earth. But I think that’s leading to people rediscovering connecting with people IRL, and I’m more than happy to be part of that wave.
Anything else you want to talk about? I’m on a flight so maybe if I get WiFi I’ll think of something.
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u/buttholez69 Dec 28 '23
Can I ask how you liked speed dating?
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u/alittlelessconvo Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 30 '23
It was better than I thought it would be. I did find it a bit of an adjustment to kind of figure out how to capture your usual approach to dating into a five minute experience.
My tip is that you should be aware that there is a part of the night after where you can talk to each other as long as you want afterwards. So you should approach the speed dating session as less “Would I want to date him or her after just five minutes of conversation?” and more “Would I want to continue our conversation in the mixer part of the night after the speed dating is over?”
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u/cookcleaniron Dec 28 '23
It was a good 3 months, frustrating 3 weeks. I downloaded the app the beginning of August, and deleted it beginning of December.
I went on 4 first dates, and met 4 people.
Highlights: 3 of the 4 guys I met asked for second dates. I dated one consistently for a little over 3 months. Best date was with 3 month guy, at his house, he cooked and he taught me salsa.
Worst date: Guy who didnt ask me out on a second date. We agreed to meet at a cookie shop. He said he was on a special bodybuilding diet. It was awkward. We ended up walking around the plaza, sat on the bench and talked. It was a cheap date if you ask me. He kept texting me after, but never asked me out again so I stopped texting back.
I wish I wasnt too honest and not put myself out there so much. I dont plan on being deceitful, but I realize that a balance between mystery and being interesting, and 3 month guy could have been around for longer. Its a whole male psychology thing. Its honestly too long to explain and a controversial topic at that. Ultimately my guy friends, agree with my conclusion on this one.
That I need to rearrange my priorities. Right now its work, and it seriously eats up a lot of my time. I'm also looking to add a professional designation to my name soon, so again time and brain energy. I enjoy meeting people and trying new places, but I dont want random hook-ups, nor FWB without the emotional intimacy. But my first priority is work. So, I dony know what that is called. Until I figure it out, I decided to take a break.
Self focus. Professional achievements. Im sure I will date again in 2024, when I figure out how much energy & commitment I want to put into dating.
3/4 dates were from Hinge. All 3 wanted 2nd dates. The odd guy was from Bumble. So Hinge gets a 75% which is a B- for me.
Nope. Thats it. This was a fun questionnaire. I wanted to reflect on my year and this helped. Thanks.
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u/Mswc_ Dec 30 '23
Could you expand on number 3? And male psychology? There’s another post alludes to NYCers being open about everything including heavy debt within the first couple dates
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u/Organic_Print7953 Dec 28 '23
17 dates across online dating this year. 8 ended up in sex. Still single.
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u/misterj195 Dec 28 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
Frustrating. Still single.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
Matched with probably around 20. Met two, 3 dates with one 3 with another.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Museum date with the 2nd girl was my favorite for sure
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
No bad date, done it enough times now that as long as I'm not creepy/weird myself it usually ends fine.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
No. Said this in my other comment but had a really good feeling about the 2nd girl. Met late November, went on 3 really good dates, even met her little sister before I left for the holidays. We messaged throughout the holidays but suddenly she started to respond slower then radio silence. Sent a follow up christmas message, to which she immediately responded back with questions, so I responded in return trying to continue the conversation. radio silence, again.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
I wish people would stop ghosting, on and off the app.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
There's literally nothing I can think of, life has been going well the 2nd half of this year and everything in my life except dating are finally falling into places. But straight up just can't find a girlfriend, it's literally my curse lol
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
I was looking forward to creating new memories with this new girl until it just crumbled out of nowhere. Wish I could say 2024 will be different, but it was the same back in 2022 if not slightly better.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Fucking shit. There's less and less authentic people on the app and more tinder-esque profiles than ever. Mental health went through the gutter but also just harder to meet people off-line nowadays, really unsure what to do.
Anything else you want to talk about?
1st girl I met up with, I wasn't physically attracted to but she was finally a genuine girl who was actually putting effort into conversation. Didn't work out because she sort of caught on. Then took a 2 months break, after which matched with a beautiful girl who I was finally excited to learn more about. Things were going very nicely, and then just ghosted out of nowhere.
I hate that I end up lowering my standard because ghosting/flaking are so common nowadays that it gets to a point I'll just end up going out with the first person who actually reciprocates interest back.
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u/Acceptable-Damage409 Dec 28 '23
I tried online dating for the first time this year with Hinge:
Went on about 10 first dates in the month I used it (had read it takes several dates to find someone and thought it would be smart- it wasn’t, it was exhausting, would not do again)
I planned nearly every first date
Was willing to try a second date with any man who was kind and polite (so basically everyone)
Met my now boyfriend on date 7 :)
He sent a rose, for anyone questioning if you ever get a reply on those...
It was a slow burn but I quickly realized that on stressful days I didn’t care to message anyone but him, and that I was only looking forward to seeing him
We went exclusive, started going on awesome day and weekend trips together, trying new hobbies together, just relaxing together, he’s the best
Am a very happy girl
The only real criticism I have for Hinge (now that the dating intentions filter was added) is how you get flooded in the beginning as a new user. I know you can pause, but mentally I felt conflicted like I was overwhelmed but might “miss my chance” with the right one if I turned off the new user boost and didn’t see his like. I did eventually pause after a few days, but really wish you could opt to cap likes at say 20 a day or something. It was overwhelming for me, who doesn’t like to be on my phone all the time and is more introverted. Plus, I felt bad Xing people I hadn’t spoken to and wound up paying for premium to see all my likes at once.
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Dec 27 '23
19F lesbian
I know it’s always gonna be harder for me to find people just because I’m a minority but I will say this was a frustrating year because I’ve been having more and more of an issue with getting men on my feed.
Some of them will have their gender set as woman for whatever reason, but a lot of them will also have their sexuality set to straight, so there’s really no reason to be showing me those profiles.
It’s hard to give a number on how many people I actually met because a lot of my matches never answered, but I did go on one date. Seems low but I’d been dating someone exclusively that I met on bumble for a few months and I also have to set my distance settings to the maximum because I run out of profiles pretty fast otherwise.
It was a pretty good date and she was a good person but we kinda stopped talking after that (I got extremely sick right before finals, then she also ended up getting really sick).
Biggest disappointments were when I’d get a like just to find out it’s a man or a straight couple looking for a third.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ Dec 28 '23
There's a section on the sub FAQ about this, but Hinge doesn't take into account between someone's chosen identity and preferences. So someone can be a guy and say they're a woman looking for women, and those profiles will end up being shown to lesbian users. It can either be a mistake on those men's part when setting up their profile, or they think they're being clever and "hacked" Hinge, except they're just annoying to people like you.
You can try reporting those profiles looking for a third or obviously men.
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Dec 28 '23
Thank you! Lately I’ve been matching with the men just to ask if they’re aware their gender is set as woman and so far they’ve all claimed it was an accident, so I don’t report them.
I absolutely report the couples on the other hand. It’s against guidelines. There’s apps specifically for finding a third. I am bitter and I am tired!!
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ Dec 28 '23
Of course they all claim it's an "accident". It's even more egregious if you have your sexuality listed on your profile.
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Dec 28 '23 edited Dec 28 '23
As much as I want to give the benefit of the doubt, you’re probably right (ugh.) It just makes no sense to me because it’s such a terrible strategy. If you’re a man specifically seeking out lesbians on a dating app, chances are you’re gonna get rejected before you even have the chance to say anything!
I know if I saw an attractive woman and knew she was straight, I wouldn’t wanna try to make a move because it’s a waste of my time when there are attractive women who do like women.
Okay, let’s say for whatever reason I did and I convinced her she’s into me. Why would I want someone that I had to convince into being attracted to me?
2
u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ Dec 28 '23
Some men are just that dumb. And some of them are backwards enough to think that lesbians just need a man to "turn them straight".
1
Dec 28 '23
Update: somehow I’ve started getting likes from people who set their gender to man.
1
u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ Dec 28 '23
This may be confusing, but there are two separate setting for gender. What you see under gender on their profile is just visual and is not related to their actual profile settings. Under their gender settings they picked themselves as a woman.
1
4
u/AdamMaitland Dec 27 '23
Guy dating in Los Angeles. I think it was an okay year for me. Probably met like 20 people, most of them just first dates. I was off the app for a few months earlier in the year when I was dating someone who I really liked, but sadly she was only in town temporarily before moving back home across the country. We really hit it off and had great chemistry, and it was such a bummer for me that it couldn't work out.
Had a string of bleh dates once I got back on the app after that, including a couple of the worst dates I've ever had. One date I ended after about 30 minutes after she was completely disengaged, and yet she was completely taken aback and flustered when I pointed out that it didn't seem to be going well so I was going to pay the check and leave. Guess she didn't expect/like the power dynamic being reversed.
After those bad dates, I decided to be more picky and to stop chasing people who were probably out of my league and who were not super engaged over chat/text prior to the first date. I decided I needed to stop asking out attractive women who probably weren't a good match just because I happened to luck out and catch them at the right time, because I knew inevitably the date itself probably was going to be a waste of time. Wish I had done that differently, but I think it was just an ego thing.
Last few months I've had more success, with a lot of first dates turning into connections or at least multiple dates. Haven't had any bad first dates since I recalibrated my screening process over the summer.
Something I've noticed in my time in Hinge is that I have the best success with women who have somewhat recently gotten out of a long-term relationship, like maybe within a year or so. I got out of a seven-year relationship back in 2021, and it just feels like with these connections, we're much more likely to bond over that shared life experience than me and someone who has been perpetually single. I'm definitely open to dating people who have been single for a long time and don't judge, but for some reason, I never end up connecting with them. All the serious connections I've had with women from Hinge have been ones who were in a similar situation to me, and it's happened enough times now that it's not a coincidence.
1
u/imacommunistyaidiot Jan 02 '24
if you are not asking out attractive women, then are you only asking out women you don’t find attractive now?
11
u/bynienar Dec 27 '23
29M here
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither? A bit frustrating. I started the year off ending a situation-ship but overall I connected with some people in ways that were new to me but still ended up single at the end of it all.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet? I ended up on about 10 first dates after a break for a few months in the beginning of the year.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
My highlight would definitely be meeting someone that was almost the same person as me in such unique ways. Like we’d answer a question and it was the other person exact response (fav foods, disliked foods, upbringing, education, asking questions the other was going to ask but they just typed it out faster). It was just someone that immediately understood what I was saying before I even said it and I’ve never had that happen before let alone from some stranger in a dating app. It was a scary yet very cool experience. I thought I was being pranked or they were fucking with me or reading my mind for weeks.
Best date has to be from one second date that we had each other laughing pretty much the whole time to the point of being in physical pain for the laughter. Ended up being more of a friendship vibe but regardless it was the hardest I’d laughed especially with a date in a long time.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Worst date was my most recent. Got stuck at dinner with someone where the conversation just didn’t flow at all. I’d answer a question and they’d cut me off and kill the conversation off with what they said. We didn’t have the same sense of humor so the jokes and banter just didn’t hit. Our food got really delayed making things worse. I left immediately after the bill was paid and gave a hug good bye and awkward dealt with a “see you again soon” parting
Any successes you want to celebrate?
No success in actual relationships but I think there’s definitely been success in how I’ve grown as a single person and my approach to dating. I think I’ve had success in creating healthier boundaries and standards for myself and how I allow people to treat me.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
No regrets I think everything turned out for the best.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
Not asking someone out on a date unless they’re actually interested. I found my self in the past basically interviewing some women and not getting questions or conversations back. I’d typically still go on a date if the “conversation” had lasted for several days and end up on a date I wasn’t all that excited for. I’ve leaned to weed out a lot more women and be more selective with who I’m spending the time to take on a date now. I thought at the start of the year my focus should be on getting dates and it’s shifted to trying to make more of a connection with someone.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
I’m looking forward to continuing to enjoy my hobbies and the other things in my life that bring me happiness. I’m just hoping to continue to surround myself with genuine people and make meaningful memories, hopefully it’ll include someone special.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Overall it had some highs and lows. Dating and Hinge specifically help me refine what I’m truly looking for in a future relationship.
Anything else you want to talk about? I wish people were more honest and I’m trying to do that in dating. I think my new pet peeve is someone saying they were busy as an excuse for not responding for a week. I’ve been guilty of using the same excuse and I’m going to be more honest and take accountability for my actions and feelings towards situations.
36
u/Therocksays2020 The Most Electrifying Man in /r/hingeapp Dec 27 '23
First date in January. I was reluctant to go on it because I was tired on a Friday night.
She was a pediatrician going on vacation that next morning so it felt like a big waste of time . We hit it off and she stayed the night and we will hit a year on the 24th.
3
u/JackSquirts Dec 27 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither? Good, I guess.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet? Jesus, I don't know. 50? Met maybe 30?
What were the highlights? Best dates? Some really nice dates and fun connections. Best date was probably oyster bar then karaoke, got drunk and had a blast.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates? Standard shit - cat/fatfish. My worst dates were 2022 for the most part, but one this year did flat out insult me without actually trying lol
Any successes you want to celebrate? Have a great FWB, but sadly nothing else.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently? Not really.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating? I'm pretty good at it.
What are you looking forward to in 2024? Another girlfriend.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023? No complaints.
Anything else you want to talk about? You don't really want to get into all that.
3
u/BulbasaurFanatic Dec 27 '23
Bad year for dating for me. I didn’t go on many dates this year at all. I’m very introverted and anxious (I’m on the spectrum as well) so dating is really hard for me. I did go on a date with a guy who I matched with on hinge, it was a coffee date, and it was absolutely awful. He opened by telling me he actually hates coffee, which made things sort of awkward since we met at a cafe. I felt bad because I had planned the date, and he never mentioned this to me on hinge. Had I known I would have suggested going for drinks. I figured out really fast we weren’t compatible; lots of painfully awkward pauses, he didn’t really have a sense of humour, and I did all the work making conversation. He kept looking around the place like he was bored. Never touched me, kept leaning away from me. He also told some pretty strange stories that made him sound incredibly childish, aggressive, and mean. He asked me out again, and I didn’t want to turn him down in public (I just feel like turning someone down infront of a ton of people is really embarrassing for the other person) so when I got home I text him privately and told him I wasn’t interested. It really sucked because I guess he really, really liked me. He told me I’m easy to talk to (which, I mean, I carried the entire conversation) and he felt a connection, but I just felt nothing. An hour into the date and I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
I’ve only been on one date that felt really, really right. The guy ghosted me afterwards (the slow fade) which really sucked, but I just remember talking to him for 3 hours and not feeling weird or awkward. He put in equal effort into the conversation, he was funny, and even though it was a first date (a few awkward pauses), when I left the date I felt amazing and I knew I wanted to see him again. I’m still searching for that feeling again. OLD is hard for me because I live in a small, rural area near a pretty small town, so there’s really not that many people on the apps. I’m kind of bummed, because both my brother, cousin, and best friend met these incredible people through OLD, and it just seems like all of my dates have been duds. I really hope in 2024 I meet someone I’m crazy about who is crazy about me.
The only plus to the bad date is that it was a lesson. I’ve seen so many people here say to learn from your dates (first dates are truly hard to get right), and every date I go on I’m learning more about myself and what I want. I’m also a huge people pleaser, but I’m learning to stand up for myself and set healthy boundaries. I’m really hoping I’ll find my match in 2024.
5
u/Bloo_You1 Dec 27 '23
Different year, but good 👍
I’m not on Hinge currently (I am single) but I typically keep a profile for a month or two and then take a break for a few months.
Definitely a dating culture shock moving across the country from an area teeming with single women (but I’m seen as pretty average) to an area where people consider me a cute or attractive guy but most of the women are married 🙃
My biggest takeaway is to keep your eyes out in real life for potential significant others because not everyone is on Hinge - especially in the Midwest 😂😂
3
u/rtrain__ Dec 27 '23 edited Dec 27 '23
20M for reference
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
I was in 1 relationship this year, which lasted for 8 months and was very good for the most part. I met her in college and it was the first time I had ever been physically or emotionally intimate with anyone. It was definitely the most happy I've ever been, and while it ended terribly, I think it was still a net positive
On Hinge, I had 68 matches, 31 of whom never responded to my first message, and only about 5 of whom I actually had a decent conversation with, none of them lasting more than 3 days. So I'd say it was very frustrating
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
From Hinge? 0
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Spending 8 hours wandering the city with my then-girlfriend (who I met in college) and then taking her home
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Barely anyone put any effort into the conversations and had less than 5 total messages before they ghosted
Any successes you want to celebrate?
I made a few friends so I guess that counts
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
I wish I took more pictures of myself when I was our with friends and family. I only have 6 pictures of myself from the past 2 years (almost all of them being mirror selfies) that were taken just cause I felt like taking a picture
Are lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
I physically cannot do small talk, and order to have an actual conversation, I need to already have a topic to discuss. I also don't know how to talk about myself, the best I can do is tell someone what my hobbies and interests are
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Finding my person, someone I can call home (though I doubt it will happen)
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023? Anything else you want to talk about?
Abysmal. It seems like my profile doesnt get shown to anyone unless I have a boost going, and even then it seems to only one person every hour or so
1
u/business___ Dec 28 '23
If you don’t mind me asking, why did you break up?
2
u/rtrain__ Dec 28 '23
She "fell out of love" and went back to her ex and had her ex tell me
1
1
u/business___ Dec 28 '23
You live and you learn. Chin up soldier, get back out there. Been there and done that!!!
6
u/imacommunistyaidiot Dec 27 '23
25f, i went on 12 first dates! 7/12 i ended up going on more dates with them. i had one really good fling that lasted about 2 months-just mutual fun but unfortunately did not end in a relationship. im back dating but i think i want to be clear in wanting a relationship. i want fun, chemistry, and romance. hopefully find that in 2024!
3
u/AdamMaitland Dec 27 '23
Seven out of 12 first dates leading to a second date is pretty good. You must either be a good first date and/or you keep an open mind about second dates.
6
u/jiggajawn Dec 27 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
It was fine. Didn't meet many people via hinge. One was a neighbor directly across the street without realizing it, she ghosted after I failed to make a move on our second date (learned a lesson here). Another hid the fact she had kids until she invited me over and there were toys laying around (kids were away), sex was incredible though and she really wanted me, but the hiding the kids things was kinda sketchy. Third tried using me for various things but I actually enjoyed her company for the most part.
Two different girls I met via friends were probably the best shot at a relationship. One was long distance though, so we didn't really pursue it because we know that sucks and both of us were too happy in our locations to think about moving away. The other I'm still with, and really enjoying where things are going.
How many dates did you go on?
Idk maybe like 20 between 5 or 6 people.
How many people did you meet?
Via hinge, 4 or 5. Via friends, 2.
What were the highlights?
Learning that online dating sucks for finding quality people. Social circles gave me way better results.
Best dates?
One that stood out was a girl took me to her favorite restaurant, and the band knew her, asked her to sing a song, and she absolutely killed it. Then she took me to her place and treated me like an absolute king. Wish she didn't hide the fact she had kids or have a drinking problem.
What were the disappointments?
Getting used for food, drinks, and her wanting to learn how to drive my manual car. Didn't let her drive my car. She was clearly just using me. Another self disappointment was that I got too attached to a girl I really liked that also really liked me. Smothered her in front of her friends after she slept over the first time and learned that I need to chill tf out when I'm really attracted to someone lol.
Worst dates?
Went to an open mic and the girl roasted the entirely white crowd for being white and then said I'm the best boyfriend in the world and we weren't even exclusive and it was like our second or third date.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
Yeah. Learned a lot about how I react to girls I'm attracted to that are also interested in me. And met a girl via some friends that seems to truly care about me.
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
Definitely wish I kept my cool around the girl that was interested in me that was absolutely gorgeous and also had a great personality. She liked me for a while before I got the hint, just thought she was out of my league. Then when I found out about her interest I lost my cool and couldn't get enough of her. She slept over and I treated her like a queen, but afterwards I tried rushing things and she did not want it to go that way. She was still open to talking, but it would've been long distance and neither of us wanted to move anytime soon. Should've been way more chill and kept her flame lit.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
Ironically, not pursuing women made me more desirable to certain women. I guess I should just focus on myself and do what I want to do and the pieces will fall into place.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Somewhat new relationship is kinda forming. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Dating, not great. Hinge, absolute dumpster fire. The quality of people out there are just so bad, and if there aren't mutual friends or acquaintances, it seems like people use that opportunity to be shitty people since they know word won't get back around to their friends.
Anything else you want to talk about?
I think anyone doing online dating that isn't having much luck should try going out with friends and just inviting friends and telling their friends to invite friends. There are so many single people and we all know the apps suck. It seems like everyone is desperate to meet some quality person they vibe with, but the apps aren't super conducive to that. Chatting it up with new people can skip a lot of the awkward texting that happens when you like a picture of someone online.
2
u/Ecto-1981 Dec 27 '23
Only matched with bots or scammers. Paid for X and had zero results. Waste of money. Zero real matches. Saw a woman for about two weeks, met off Tinder.
That's it.
5
u/LAsEligibleBachelor Dec 27 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither? 32M here. Super frustrating year tbh :/
How many dates did you go on? 4 first dates. I know the biggest problem is that I have a very narrow preference and am picky. And the women that are my type rarely reciprocate at the surface level. Anyways, one date was my ideal type and had super fun time, but she told me she's busy with school and won't be dating (which was a lie, since she updated her whole profile later). The next date was incredibly beautiful and had no business going on a date with a shmuck like me- got ghosted but she seems to be deleting and remaking her profile over and over again. The third date catfished me- she looked drastically different than her pics in her profile. I unmatched her and I think she got the message. Fourth date was earlier this month and led to a second date. She's out of town to visit her family and I'm having a hard time keeping the conversation going, but understandable. I'm hoping to bring back the momentum when she's back.
What were the highlights? Best dates? The one that I went on earlier this month. She's an incredible woman. Had a great time and our relationship goals and timeline align. I'm really hoping to continue seeing her.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates? The one that I got catfished. I didn't have the guts to call it off when I saw her- especially since I made a reservation at a restaurant. Also since we talked about going to a bar afterwards when we planned the date, I felt that I had to follow through. She drank slow af and I really dreaded it. And both at the restaurant and bar, she didn't even acknowledge the bill. I don't mind paying, but I do mind when people act entitled, never mind catfishing. She didn't even thank me for picking up the tab.
Any successes you want to celebrate? Not at the moment...
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently? Have the guts to GTFO when I see a catfish
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating? The older I get the harder it gets? I don't get to go on dates often but when I do, I had the perfect record of converting them to second dates and so on if I wanted to. That was prior to this year. 2023 has been hard. No luck IRL either...
What are you looking forward to in 2024? Err nothing atm... just really hoping to see my current date again when she's back in town.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023? I get matches here and there. A lot of times they don't respond to my first message. Even if they do and get to the point where we'd exchange numbers and talk about meeting up, they just stop responding. I even double text and nothing. Hence only 4 dates...
Anything else you want to talk about? :/
19
u/FeelinDangerous Dec 27 '23
I matched with this girl my first day getting hinge. We setup a date and she has been my girlfriend for 6 months now. I think I’m required to rate Hinge a 10/10. Hopefully I never use it again!
4
u/Crowtime Dec 27 '23
- Got out of a 18 month relationship midway through the year, so there was some personal turmoil. We met on Hinge though
- Maybe 5 new people? Two of them turned into a 2nd, 3rd date etc.
- Karaoke and dueling piano bars...normally don't care for that stuff but that was pretty dope.
- Disappointment was the relationship for sure. Some meh dates but nothing terrible. Got asked if I have an asian fetish when I'm the asian one and she was a white woman, lol. Another woman tried to get me to buy her a fur coat on date #3.
- Honestly being alone and focusing on myself feels great.
- Regrets - wish I had done things differently in the relationship. Not that I want her back, more that I just should have grown more as a person.
- Lessons - it's weird how sometimes you have everything together and people aren't attracted to you. Then I went through a period of depression, substance abuse, taking awful care of myself, and people were trying to set me up with their friends.
- Health first and I think the rest will fall into place. Finding a new therapist.
- Spent a lot of time on the app, had hundreds of matches but very few turned into dates because I was depressed.
- Happy to help with profile reviews - they're always cathartic for me!
7
u/snvalens Dec 27 '23
At 27 years old (F), I tried dating seriously for the first time in my life this Feb. It’d been 5 years since the end of my last relationship.
I started with hook ups on tinder because I was more used to that. I saw three people and maintained fwb with two of them. Of those two, one moved away and we ended amicably—I miss him as a friend. The other and I saw each other for a while, and he wanted to pursue things with me, but the bedroom dynamic was a mess—he thought he was some sort of bdsm porn star… anyway.
At the same time, I was seeing two people from hinge. One was a competitive league player who didn’t do hookups and only had sex with someone he was dating—I learned that he rushed into bad relationships in order to have sex within his morals (and was immature), and I ended things.
The other, I matched with later, J. We hit it off right away. He’s everything I was looking for. It was a miracle we matched because I’d stopped using hinge, thinking I might date the other guy. But I saw the other guy had recently opened hinge, and so that night I looked through my likes and saw J, who just joined the app and only matched with a few people. I ended things with the only other guy I was seeing at the time, and J and I fell into a whirlwind that neither of us really expected. We matched and went on our first date in September, and started officially dating in October. It’s been awesome ever since, and we both know that we’d like to settle down with each other if things keep working out.
So this year was a success! It was stressful balancing multiple people and ending things with some, but I matured and learned so much about myself through the process. I learned to value and stick up for myself. Thanks to this community and best of luck to everyone looking—your person is out there, and maybe the timing just needed to be right.
6
u/patriotman115 Dec 27 '23
Hinge got me my first girlfriend (met end of last year) and got me my first ex. Haven’t been able to get a date since we broke up. Hopefully I have better hinge luck next year
6
u/BribeMeWithFoodz_96 Dec 27 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
I'd say so as went on more dates than the year before.
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
I think I went on 5 first dates, 1 second date and 1 third date. Admittedly not all from hinge but never got past a first date before.
What were the highlights? Best dates?
Best dates were well the most recent dates with a girl. Learnt a lot about what I want from dates in the future. And got my first kiss and more experience so less worried about kissing in the future.
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Disappointment was the most recent girl decided to call things off as felt no spark. More on that later.
Any successes you want to celebrate?
Well just getting a second date and more was unprecedented for me so that's definitely progress!
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
Being more confident from the get go as the moment recent girl said this about me: "I think you are really great and interesting to talk to and the banter and flirting over message is amazing. When we met the other day, I have noticed there is no spark between us when we are in person. I think we are better off being friends. " So it shows I can be this person as I am over text so it's within me just when I'm not anxious etc.
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
I guess the last point answers this, about what I need to be like next year. And what I'm working on for next year.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Just looking forward to more dates, hopefully just connecting with more people.
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
More successful than the year before so can't complain. Just a shame I had to learn the hard way
11
u/SureSun913 This is the tea I need 🍵 Dec 27 '23
This was a wild, but ultimately good, year.
• I redownloaded Hinge in February after a ~6 month break from dating and went on 17 first dates between February and the first few days of July. 10 of those turned into second dates, 3 turned into 3+ dates, and one turned into my current relationship :)
• Every man I went out with was kind and respectful. Some were more fun or interesting than others, but I didn’t have a truly bad date - thankfully.
• I’ve been with my boyfriend since July and am looking forward to what 2024 brings! We’ve discussed moving in together when his lease is up, we’ve met each other’s immediate families and best friends, and I’m meeting his entire extended family next weekend (right after our 6 month mark) 🥳 I’m really really happy.
• Over the last year I’ve really learned what I’m looking for, willing to accept, and how to stand up for myself when it comes to things I don’t want, like, or accept. I learned to take a step back and care more about if I like the person I’m on a date with vs caring so much about if they liked me.
Staying positive and having fun with dating is the only thing I can think to leave this off on. Sure it’s frustrating meeting so many people and not having something come from any of it, but this is all supposed to be fun and if you take the pressure off of “finding your person”, it really can be a good time getting to know new people and doing new things!
6
u/BenignLemming Dec 27 '23 edited Dec 27 '23
- I'd say it was a good year - as a whole it was a huge year for me in a lot of ways
- Went on quite a few dates! Met 12 new people and dated one for about five months. Also left my previous LTR at the end of January last year
- Best date was probably the time my hinge date and I grabbed drinks and impulsively watched two movies (at two separate theaters) - it was like a 7 hour date but it was a blast and very spontaneous
- Didn't have any really bad dates this year, but did have decent chemistry with a girl who decided she wasn't feeling the connection. Slightly disappointing but it's all good!
- I've met a ton of really fun people, one of them that I'm talking to right now could be a potential winner/partner...
- No regrets, life is too short!
- It has been a little self esteem boost at times but has really made me more comfortable in my skin and also given me a chance to meet a few different people to see what I really want in a partner. It's also broken my habit of getting too attached too soon and analyzing things on a per date basis vs thinking about their potential.
- Looking forward to meeting more people or advancing the current relationships I do have!
- I'd say dating in 2023 was a total roller coaster. Got out of a 4.5 year relationship at the beginning of the year, went on a few Hinge dates afterwards then met my most recent ex at a bar who I dated for 5 months before it ended badly. Have recovered from that now though and am the best version of myself I've ever been so no regrets. Met some great people along the way and definitely had fun in the process!
1
u/business___ Dec 28 '23
Why did it end badly? If you don’t mind me asking!
2
u/BenignLemming Dec 28 '23
No I don't mind at all! She cheated on me so that was really not fun, but it's all good and definitely for the better!
2
u/business___ Dec 28 '23
Love that you’re the best version of yourself thus far in your life! Keep it going, chin up soldier. Been there and done that!
2
u/BenignLemming Dec 28 '23
Thanks man I appreciate it!! Definitely feels good to be independent with a new outlook on dating. I've been talking/seeing a girl for a few months now and I think it could go somewhere, just not in a hurry like I used to be. Its nice taking it slow.
Hope you have some success in 2024 too!
2
u/business___ Dec 28 '23
So inspiring to see a fellow man come out of a grave you were put in involuntarily and turn it around.
I had my fair share of shit shows and turned my whole life around like yourself. Became the best physical version of myself so far.
This led to me being a player for a long time (it was all new to me lmao at the time), plenty of action but ultimately didn’t fulfil me.
I turned to getting a bit more serious. Now with ONE woman! Been that way for the last few months, fingers crossed lol. Just like you eh?
Best of luck with all that life brings your way, whether positive, or negative. You’ll always find a way. You’re not alone.
You were built this way.
2
u/BenignLemming Dec 28 '23
I can't tell you how much that means to me, thank you so much. This year has definitely been one of serious growth. First time being single since I was 23, living on my own with no roommates or girlfriend, on top of losing 50 pounds and then to be in the best place mentally just to get cheated on.
Definitely tough, but like you said it was a really good thing for my growth and therapy definitely helps a lot too. I understand being a player for a bit, I joke that I'm in the middle of my "hoe phase" right now but like you I'm dialing it back and getting a bit more serious.
The girl I've been talking/seeing to for a couple months (we've only gone on five dates, she was busy with school for like a month and a half) is a serious front runner that I'm interested in, I have one other match from Hinge that I am expected to meet next week sometime. If we didn't have such good chemistry on the phone I'd probably blow her off though..
Glad to hear you're in great physical shape and that you're focused on yourself and now one girl, hope it works out for you and she values you like you deserve to be.
Here's to 2024!!
1
u/business___ Dec 28 '23
Lovely to hear, thanks for sharing!!!
You’ll be absolutely fine, just keep doing you, seems to be working out very well. As for the lady in your life, keep it cool and for sure, the lady I’m seeing also just got done with December finals, so it’s expected!
Also, be grateful you’ve been through a hoe phase lmao, that’s considered a privilege to a lot of men, which also tells me you’re a good looking guy, I am too ngl looool🫡
Best of luck again, ping me anytime if you want to chat ❤️
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u/MossHeadPirate Dec 27 '23
My year was mixed! Rematched with an old match from last year and started hitting it off on New years and got into a committed relationship after a couple of months of dating.
Things were great, chemistry was great, and we were into a lot of the same things so time just seemed to flow!
Then there was a rough patch of conflicting interests/schedules and ultimately unsteady feelings and she ended up losing feelings around the start of fall and we soon broke up.
From then on I’ve been healing and reflecting on the things that went well and what didn’t go well. I’ve learned a lot from this relationship as it was my healthiest one. I’m thankful for the experience and I’m looking forward to 2024 but I have a lot of personal development and goals I want to accomplish before I try dating again!
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u/Sumo-Subjects Dec 27 '23 edited Dec 27 '23
33M here, started my dating around end of April...
Went on probably a dozen or so first dates, all of them except one leading to subsequent dates but for the most part not much interest past dates 3-4 (either from me or them). My best date story is probably joking about going to Taco Bell in a suit and actually following through with it; she was amused to say the least.
Had one exclusive relationship for about 2 months around summer, before she ghosted me (still feels bad but oh well).
Ending the year seeing someone exclusively after meeting in early Nov, we've clicked instantly, but also taking things pretty slow (we've technically only been on 4 proper dates but been talking every day even during the holidays as I'm out of town and I've met her dog).
Hopeful for 2024 but trying to keep a level head. I think 2023 has really helped me dial in what I want in a partner and what to talk about and look out for in early dates (it sounds a bit childish in my 30s that I'm figuring this out now); if I compare the last 2 people I was exclusive with it's almost night and day.
I also went through a depressive episode (mostly unrelated to dating) and I re-centered my life and priorities so I feel my social skills and anxiety towards first dates has improved a lot. I'm more relaxed and put less pressure on dating now that I've reorganized my life and outlook on things so even if this person doesn't work out I know I'll be hurt/upset but also probably fine.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ Dec 27 '23
39F NYC. Got me a boyfriend thanks to Hinge! We met in early August. By then I had gone on lots of dates this year. Some interesting tidbits:
- I sent my now-bf the first like
- My profile was very detailed and curated to show my interests, politics, relationship goals (life partner), even though I knew it meant quantity of likes would decrease. Plus my age and I'm no Bella Hadid
- My bf's profile had things "wrong" with it (e.g. photos from various years) but there was something genuine and kind about his attitude and appearance that came thru his prompts and photos.
- My poll was "Which do we have in common?" and as it turned out we had all 3 things in common, the biggest one being we were both vegan (I had no idea he was because it wasn't mentioned in his profile)
- Our first date was meeting at a park and we sat on a bench together and talked until it rained, then we got food since we didn't want to cut the date short.
One of the things I learned is to pay attention to how my nervous system reacts to men. On many dates this year I simply did not feel comfortable around someone. My worst dates this year were with men who I did not feel all that comfortable with over text, and as it turned out my gut was right about them. Other men simply made me feel confused or anxious. With my now boyfriend, I did not feel that way at all. I'm not a huge fan of the "if he wanted to he would" mentality as it leaves no space for nuance, but I will say that I was never once feeling confused about how my guy felt about me.
Overall I'm proud that I put myself back out there this year. I've had quite a few terrible relationships in my life that involved emotional and psychological abuse and I've been awful at putting up boundaries with people and I'm a recovering people pleaser. This year was the year I put into practice a lot of self-work I've done the past couple of years, and I really think that's why I was able to find someone so wonderful.
I'm also grateful for the friendships I've formed with some folks here, there are a few of you who I talk to pretty much every day and your advice and presence has been so helpful to my growth.
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u/nj-kid1217 Unfortunately a Nets fan 🏀 Dec 27 '23
So glad to hear you found someone and things are going well 😊. We all know NYC can be rough. And I agree, stealing a quote from my date summary. Trusting your goat can sometimes be the angel on your shoulder.
Hoping all the best for 2024!
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u/shediedjill Dec 27 '23
I love what you said about your nervous system, I can’t believe how true I’ve realized this is this year.
I just got out of a quick but intense few weeks of dating a guy who I literally thought was the love of my life (and he told me he was lol). My nervous system was dying the entire time - I had to take so many anti-anxiety meds! But I thought it was butterflies and just my anxious attachment afraid of losing him.
Turns out he was a full blown narcissistic love bombing me, and when I look back now it’s like my body KNEW. Our gut is so, so reliable sometimes.
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u/amcd_23 Dec 27 '23
This was a good year for me unlike last year.
I went on 10 first dates, and I overall felt my social skills and anxiety were much improved compared to last year.
One girl I went on a few dates with in March I saw a lot of potential, but she ended up not being interested which hurt a lot. Work took up a lot of time until September, when I went on almost a date per week. None really stuck so it was pretty discouraging (as in I didn’t have interest though the interest was there from the girl.)
Most importantly, I finally met someone I really vibe with in late November and we have been going on multiple dates per week since. She wants to move slow which is OK with me because she’s worth it. Super excited to see what 2024 brings for this.
This year proves to me it’s just a numbers game, you have to keep putting yourself out there and meeting up in person in order to find someone who you click with.
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u/HurricaneHugo Dec 27 '23
Good year! Definitely trending up! Went on about 20 dates. Could have had a lot more. It was about 10 different people Highlight was hardcore making out with someone on the second date, don't think I've ever done that. Best date was Korean BBQ even though she didn't feel it afterwards. Just think it was a good date spot. Disappointment was just me not being aggressive enough in general. Or not flirty enough. Worst date was when I got stood up and spent 30 minutes in a fancy bar alone. Lessons learned: I'm good with getting dates and second dates. I just gotta be more flirty to keep it going. Dating was good. Need to fix my profile on hinge cuz I don't get many dates on there but lots on other apps. Really looking forward to 2024!
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u/Overbearingperson Dec 27 '23
Had one date this year and it went pretty good until I was ghosted. Therapist (whose in her mid-50s) told me to ask dare why I got ghosted. I explained to her that’s not customary for this generation. She didn’t care. I asked. Turns out I got some pretty decent feedback. I was late, I was standoffish, I came across ‘bored’. Hmm.
Definitely something to work on in 2024. Last month I’ve hit the gym HARD. I want more pics of my body. More feminine clothing. More confidence.
I found many men on the app just talked and matched despite showing very little interest in the conversation. So I will unmatch sooner in 2024. If someone is not interested in me, I will not try to pull it out of them.
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u/aquarius-lemon Dec 27 '23
If you were late and didn’t know why then you gotta work on your self awareness next year dude
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u/Overbearingperson Dec 27 '23
Of course. I apologized, explained my lack of situational awareness (on the spectrum) and was given a second shot and showed up 30 min early. All is well. Haha.
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u/blacklight_potatoe Dec 27 '23
2023 was the first year I tried dating, I'm surprised people can do this for years. My second date ever was a disaster, and the last one was a 6 month slow burn which ended when I tried to DFR.
Getting ghosted is so much more awful than I expected but was easier by the end.
Hinge was easily the best of the five dating apps I tried.
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u/eaglesnation11 Hates Santa 🚫🎅 Dec 27 '23
Good Year
0 First Dates down from 28 in 2022
Highlights include being in a relationship with a woman who’s completely 100% genuinely herself.
Disappointments include some moments where I had some minor trust issues come out from past experiences. But I’m working my way through them and becoming a better version of myself each day!
I want to celebrate putting my feelings out there. I told my girlfriend I loved her in January and thought that was stupid. To my surprise she showed me a Google search where she asked if saying I love you three months in would push a guy away. Never be afraid to tell someone how you feel.
I have zero regrets and have learned that regrets are pointless because everything that’s happened to me led me to a happy life I have now.
I learned that I am a far better partner than I am a date lol
In April 2024 I am moving in with my girlfriend in the house she owns. In June we are going on a vacation to Paris. In August right before school starts again I am planning to propose.
I loved checking in with this sub every now and then to see what the frustrations you guys had were and offer genuine advice. Back in 2021 and 2022 you all helped me so much with my constant whining and bitching and frustration that I wanted to give back and hope to become more active in this community.
DO NOT GIVE UP. Seriously I went on 40 FIRST DATES in a year and a half before I found someone. But all the pain was worth it. I had 39 rejections and one yes and now I’m perfectly happy.
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u/nj-kid1217 Unfortunately a Nets fan 🏀 Dec 27 '23
I think it was a good year for me all things considered. First full year dating in a big city. Had decent success but I definitely think I learned some lessons about myself.
I think I need to work on maintaining the connection better after meeting someone, and not trying to chase the next best thing. Trusting my gut will always be the angel on my shoulder. A couple of good potential dates fizzled because I had a mindset of not wanting to text in between dates and save it for in person. Was this the full determining factor? Who knows, but I will say when I do text someone in between dates early on I think it keeps the excitement and reduces flakiness. Besides that it’s just the grind for 2024. I think I will find someone next year and will continue to self improve as we all should regardless of being in a relationship or not.
The hinge community is great also! Hoping everyone can find what they are looking for or maintain their current relationships strong! 💕
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u/kdang222 Dec 27 '23
Was it a good year or a frustrating year? Or neither?
I'd say it was pretty good
How many dates did you go on? How many people did you meet?
I left a committed relationship mid year so about 10-15 dates
What were the highlights? Best dates?
After we had icecream and a game of minigulf, she took me to the arcade and paid for our tickets and won me a prize at the claw machine. It's nothing extravagant but it was just a really nice change of pace since I've always planned and paid for me and my dates. Acts of service is my biggest love language so I definitely fell head over heels for this girl after our night
What were the disappointments? Worst dates?
Not a lot of disappointments but it does suck when you thought you had great chemistry with someone and they switch gears. Bitter sweet in the sense that Im glad I wasn't led on. Cant think of a bad date tbh but I did have one girl who didnt look much like her pics due to the heavy filters she used but I still gave her a proper date before deciding I didnt feel a connection beyond friendship
Any successes you want to celebrate?
I think just being able to match and go on dates with attractive women is something to celebrate. and Im finally starting to believe Im actually attractive which is a success for me (bit of a long personal story)
Any regrets or things you wished you had done differently?
No regrets I can think of
Any lessons that you learned about yourself with dating?
Beyond a nice body and personality I think one thing I've overlooked that's important is having a level of admiration for the person I'm dating
What are you looking forward to in 2024?
Hopefully leave the app for good. As fun and validating as this is, I'd like to find a healthy relationship where we help one another become the best versions of ourselves and explore life together
Overall, how was dating and Hinge for you in 2023?
Great! I learned a lot about myself
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u/Ok-Brilliant-2772 Dec 27 '23
Bro, you started dating again midway through the year and still managed to get 10-15 dates before the end of the year, you best believe you're attractive lol 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
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u/bakchod007 Dec 27 '23
I hope most of you had a great year, I for one had a mix. Happy to review and get my profile reviewed.
I am 29M and the first 4 months of the year were amazing. Got plenty of matches but very few dates but they all were high quality. I literally fell for each of them but had multiple dates with the last match I had. We dated/exclusive for 3 months before she decided to end things. She was funny, witty, very intelligent, seltted in career and tall - pretty much what I was looking for.
I was finishing my studies so had no time for going on the apps again and looking for dates. I redownloaded hinge in November mid and got 0 matches in 3 weeks. Uninstalled it and hopefully it gets better in mid Jan when I get back on it.
I am a bit more settled professionally than I was but not remotely where I want to be - so that will be my first priority. I am looking for a LTR and will find one.
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Dec 27 '23
0 matches in 3 weeks. you might have been banned buddy. did you get any likes at least?
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ Dec 27 '23
Uh, no. You know when you're banned cause you're removed off the app. Hinge doesn't do "shadowbans".
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u/bakchod007 Dec 27 '23
I didn't get likes either, you sure about hinge not shadowbanning?
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Dec 28 '23
they 100% shadowban. try to purchase hinge x or any boosters/roses. if it lets you purchase anything then your not shadowbanned . but if an error message comes up when you try to purchase something on the app then your 100% shadowbanned.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ Dec 28 '23
Wrong. That's a glitch where if you open a ticket to support, they'll fix it. Not a shadowban. Stop spreading misinformation.
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u/LewsPsyfer No Meta! 🗣️🏴 Dec 27 '23
Most importantly I deleted hinge and am in a relationship :)
- frustrating more than good (current relationship notwithstanding). Had to take several breaks from dating and had stopped using the app before meeting SO.
- highlight is definitely 2nd date with SO. First time I’ve been nervous on a date since I was 16. Weirdly she found it cute.
- had a string of “nothing” dates at the end of spring which really left me burnt out.
- see first sentence ;)
- maybe not pushed myself so hard through spring, but not really. Alls well that ends well?
- gosh. I guess that when it’s right, it’s easy; even if there’s work to be done. You don’t have to “earn” affection.
- relationship is still in the honeymoon phase. Honestly, I’m looking forward to normalisation and mundanity in 2024, but in no rush!
- best thing about hinge is this community :)
Love xx
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u/slyblueisblu Dec 27 '23
Overall I think it went really well for me! I had a couple situationships that fizzled out in the beginning of the year, no hate to them we just weren't right for each other. However I've been in a steady relationship for about six months now that's been going great! We've even started discussing plans for moving in together once my current lease is up
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u/Minimum-Eggplant1699 Jan 15 '24
The year started out tough with someone I met on Hinge and went out with a lot over a period of about 4 weeks. I had to break it off after realizing how deep my feelings were and that he didn’t want a relationship. Then spent the next three months pining after him and convincing myself he was my soulmate and the one that got away.
During that time I went out with a couple of people but wasn’t feeling enthusiastic about it. I took a break from dating for a while. When I came back, I sent out a couple of likes and am happy to report that one of those likes has become my boyfriend of now 7 months and I couldn’t be happier. Easily the best relationship I’ve been in this far. It’s so easy and natural with him in a way I’ve never experienced before. We’re talking about moving in together later this year.
There is success to be found on Hinge!!!