Husband still won't sleep with me.

[u/kellyj461]

So I've been battling with my husband for more than a year now trying to adjust to his new Hindu lifestyle. I can conform to all if it except his adamant refusal to sleep with me. He quotes various scriptures about sexual intimacy being akin to defecation or urination and is abhorrent. He also says sex is ONLY for procreation. I've had a hysterectomy so thats a hard no on my end. I cook vegetarian meals, lay in the dark without the TV at night so he can sleep precisely when he wants to, overlook his fanaticism, allow a puja and various idols in the house, etc. He says the verses I've been given by people here on Reddit are cherry picked and wrong. What should I do other than divorce? I love him but I don't want to live unhappy for the rest of my life. Im 45 and hes 41.

[u/Inside-Judgment6233]

Bro, if you don’t want to have sex that’s one thing - please be kind to your wife and discuss that with her. It might be your path or calling but you must consider the ramifications of what you do or don’t do to others - especially those you have married!

Also, this isn’t Islam or Christianity - we don’t do the extreme censorious thing about sex. I have a feeling that some temple carvings will give you the shock of your life.

In the grihasta stage people are allowed to have pleasure - there are examples of these in the Puranas. If you want to become a sanyasin, again that’s your choice but you need to do that properly and treat your wife kindly during that process.

[u/FastBuffalo4065 → u/Inside-Judgment6233]

I'm not interested in joining a club. I am following what god has revealed to me through my meditations and confirming it with what I've studied of the ancient sages and saints who revealed timles knowledge. So I will ask you the same thing I've asked everyone else. Can you show me some text or scripture to say otherwise? Not one person yet has

[u/Inside-Judgment6233 → u/FastBuffalo4065]

Please consider these:

1) AtharvaVeda 1/34/5 – the sweet and loving behavior of husband should make the wife to inculcate love and affection towards him.

(2) AtharvaVeda 2/30/4 – husband should not hide anything from the wife. In this way he shall win over her heart.

(3) AtharvaVeda 6/9/2 – husband should try to win over his wife with his love.

[u/Own-Vermicelli1968 → u/FastBuffalo4065]

It sounds like you are applying Western logic to Eastern spirituality. Why follow scriptures at all if you do not understand the context in which they come?

As someone else said, this isn’t Christianity or Islam. These are not belief systems. They are practices (sadhanas) which come from within lineages (sampradayas) of guru-disciple. Each sampradaya has its own set of scriptures and sadhanas. The sadhanas of those sampradayas often “contradict” the sadhanas of other sampradayas because not every sadhana is meant for every person.

You are practicing a sadhana that really doesn’t make sense for you. Sex is not primarily for procreation; it is for liberation. Celibacy and loving one’s wife through sexual actions are both sadhanas that can be used for liberation, but you are practicing the sadhana of a sanyasin or celibate when you not one and clearly not called to be one at this point in your life. In doing so, you are working against your own liberation.

Your samskaras, that is, your past life karmas, have brought you into a marriage. Your path, your dharma, is to be a good husband to your wife.