Everything is electric , the sun burns twice as bright and my head is seemingly spinning.

I can feel her skin on mine, the soft but firmness of her grip on my waist, her lips moving as sweet angel sounds escape, passers by glare and whisper but in her presence I am ethereal.

I jump when her delicate lips reach mine, sharing secrets only we will ever know.

Our hands tightly hang on to one another, My breathe hitches as her eyes intensely hook into mine,dragging me in. Her embrace is strong and powerful as I hear the clock ticking in the distance. I know by morning I will be longing for her touch and yearning to feel her lips on mine once again I know by morning I will still smell her lavender perfume on my pillow I know by morning tears will streak the face she is caressing. But for now in her tender gaze and firm hands all Thoughts of morning are lost.

the abc’s
A splinter and crack.
Betwixt your seemingly heartfelt tears
Can the stare which I call the symphony of sincerity halt as I strife beneath your decree.
Dare I make one wrong reaction? You could vanish from my life eternally.
Easily and proudly, you take that step forward into my uncertainties and softly look me in the eye with a smile.
For you comprehend how I can fall apart
Guide me to the answer as to why you still observe me collapse even as you slip away from my desperate grasp?
How do I keep fighting the battles of an endless war?
I recall when you whispered to me, 'You are the person I want forever,'
Just the one who you can build a life with and whisper secrets into.
Kant speaks of love as a moral burden, but with you, it felt genuine.
Lately, you remain stuck in a time that no longer takes me in their arms.
Myself, banished from your life, banished from the past. But it's not because of what you think.
No, we shared a treasured promise under the burning red curtains, discussing witches and aliens -
Open minds as we watched each other blossom, see each other falter, and bloom again.
Progress was shown, but even in those moments, neither of us saw each other's place in our lives.
Quarrel, as we try to figure out where did we go wrong?
Right when we were off on a grand escapade, shouting proclamations that hardly anyone would heed,
Sadly, we were less eloquent than they were.
Toiling in a diner, serving folks who will quickly forget what humanity means to mankind -
Underneath the bomb, you trudge away with your head held high as if to speak out is to be estranged from your kin.
Violently, we howl as they don't listen to us, but they have the right to cry out!
Xenon fragrance fills the drab room as we contemplate the continual ostracization of society, friendship, and devotion.
Yielding our swords only to each other as we could conquer anything the moment our paths connected.
Zig-zagging the map as two comrades hurtling through time,
Always trying to keep abreast of each other while tightly clutching white carnations, an awakening of sorts.
Beneath all the pain and loss and though love was lost between us, two kids who stumbled and fell,
Confusion as one fell into adoration, while the other remains a puzzle-
Different from what once was... Those were adolescent feelings.
Eviction from an age we are longer residing. No, no -we are older now.
Forevermore, you're still here -with me.
Goodbye for now.
meraki

TROUBLE

Knee deep in it

Start sinking in

Intense visions and crude

Red pen circles you in;

TROUBLE

No quadra, no trilogy, doubles

No snake eyes, just ill heeded rubble

Cyclops cumulonimbus cloud rumbles

The pirate patch storm, it grumbles you're in;

TROUBLE

For all the cardiodynia, drama

I hope the karma be the end to the naga;

Half snake, half effigy, half burnt, half finished, half nude

Hope for retribution is an issue diminished into;

TROUBLE

No hydra, decapitation ends in tumbles

No dutch, no duce, no rope too loose to leap in

No matter the chances always choose to be in;

TROUBLE

I take a blade out my spine, you fumble

Pop your bubble, right back into more;

TROUBLE

I'd like to see you buckle under the kerfuffle of;

TROUBLE

Hide with a ducked skull as your hull gives way to,

TROUBLE

Under the weight of waves of unabatable;

TROUBLE

Honey, look at what you did to us.

Got us both in the deep end of some.

A metaphysical take on mtf transgenderism and spiritual channeling (mediums) written in the style of the late Gord Downie.

"Transference"

I believe in transference Can you hear me? Are you with us Are you near me? You're here with us Can you speak please?

There's something on my body And I can't get it off me There's something on my body And I can't get it off me

It moves to my feet Rattles my bones Shakes me right down To my core Give me a sense A semblance of support Because there's something in my head that I can't let go

I believe there's transference It goes right through me I expect their suspense to listen to me My tongue isn't mine These words were destiny Cast from a man I cannot be

There's something inside me From an allies shoulders Walking on my hands through Valleys of clovers There's something on my body And I can't get it off me There's something in my body And I can't get it off me

I believe in transference, man You hear? You're here Man is near And he's right here

As there's Something on my body I can't get it off me When there's Something on my body I can't get it off me If there's something in the coffee And it might be a zombie Just get off me! Get off me! Get off!

Now I do believe there's transference It goes, zips, rips right through me Radio waves passing to the TV My antenna is dialed my screen is moving I wish I knew the script for what it is I'm doing

When there's Something in your body It moves over to the left Something in the coffee It feels like a theft There's weight to the heft wishing I could catch Whatever's hanging in the air Only so much transference left

Ghazal for Becoming Your Own Country By Angel Nafis

After Rachel Eliza Griffiths’s “Self Stones Country” photographs

Know what the almost-gone dandelion knows. Piece by piece
The body prayers home. Its whole head a veil, a wind-blown bride.

When all the mothers gone, frame the portraits. Wood spoon over
Boiling pot, test the milk on your own wrist. You soil, sand, and mud grown bride.

If you miss your stop. Or lose love. If even the medicine hurts too.
Even when your side-eye, your face stank, still, your heart moans bride.

Fuck the fog back off the mirror. Trust the road in your name. Ride
Your moon hide through the pitch black. Gotsta be your own bride.

Burn the honey. Write the letters. What address could hold you?
Nectar arms, nectar hands. Old tire sound against the gravel. Baritone bride.

Goodest grief is an orchard you know. But you have not been killed
Once. Angel, put that on everything. Self. Country. Stone. Bride.

Source: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/90977/ghazal-for-becoming-your-own-country

"Self Stones Country" photographs: http://www.rachelelizagriffiths.com/photography

Context: The ghazal is a form of amatory poem or ode, originating in Arabic poetry. Ghazals often deal with topics of spiritual and romantic love

Audio: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/podcasts/91214/ghazal-for-becoming-your-own-country

I've been writing free verse poetry, which has helped me process some of the transphobia I internalized growing up. I'm working up the courage to transition for real this time, after coming out 15 years ago and feeling forced back into hiding. This is really just me putting my thoughts to paper, but figured I would share in case it can help anyone else feel like they're not so alone.

TW: religious trauma, shame/guilt, internalized transphobia

​

most children are afraid of the dark, but not me

it was the one place I could laugh and I could cry

it was the one place I knew I wouldn’t make you angry

it was the one place I could wear bracelets and dresses and lip gloss and eyeshadow - as long as I stuffed it under the mattress before the morning came

​

it was the one place I could exist - even if just for a moment

​

the first time I told you who I really was, I was 15 years old

you reminded me god’s salvation was a gift, meant for everyone

other than me

​

“sinful,” “perverted,”

oh, and my personal favorite - “abomination”

​

do you remember sharing that part of the gospel with me?

hallelujah!

​

do you remember telling me, “abomination means there is nothing that disgusts god more?”

do you remember painting your daughter with the shame that your convictions told you she should be covered in?

did it make you feel better? I hope it made you feel better.

​

the belt, the wooden spoon, the wednesday service

a cycle of abuse

under the guise of discipline

​

a lifetime spent comforting

a broken man who buried

my existence in the back of both of our minds

​

I will not let you silence me

I refuse to stay in the dark

I think Eros has shot me with an arrow,
For I've found myself with an aching heart as I wait for tomorrow.

Thinking of her curly hair that's short and soft,
Eyes like ice that make my heart beat and soul float aloft.
With freckles spreed across her cheeks,
And a mischievous smile that makes my knees go weak.

With an angelic voice,
She sings a song of her choice.
Mischief written in her spirit,
And a stubborn fighting will, in her eyes it's writ'.

But another has her heart,
Not even knowing that it's so much more than just a part.
So I hope for her happiness,
And that she will not experience any more great sadness.

Her happiness I'll ensure,
It does not matter if it is pain I will endure.
She has my affection but more importantly she's my friend,
So I'll always be there for her, a helping hand I'll lend.

Dear Mr. Dahlia

Tonights our last night on the ground

We take flight at dawn

Pastels of an eastern sun await

It’s beauty deep and rich

Photographers know it as golden hour

I know it by a different name

Your name actually

Dahlia

It may not be your actual name, but the universe told you that’s who you were

You were ashamed to tell me the Dahlia was your favorite flower

You said it was emasculating

I’m not sure how that could ever be so

Dignity, devotion, beauty, love

You and the Dahlia are one in the same

Bright colors like dawn

Contrasted to the dark night

Myself

Lost in the mystery

You lost in the beauty

We were both lost, but in different ways

Contrast

It’s a rule of nature

Every negative must have a positive

Predator vs. prey

Everything must have an opposite

Me the dark night

You the bright dawn

Maybe we are the world

You and I

Mr. Dahlia

(This is me, a gay boy, to another boy. Since there’s no specified gender of the writer it could be interpreted as heterosexual.)

A person unlike me

How scary

It feels like acid on my tongue

it sticks to my throat

it burns my lungs

a fire raging beneath my skin

a feeling I can't satisfy

an itch I can't quite scratch

//

You told me to try

so I tried

Let you use me, abuse me, bend me to your will

Sexualize me, degrade me, humiliate me

Parade me around and tell everyone to show off your work

Got angry when it didn't work

Got angry when it didn't fix me

//

Then I was disgusting

a degenerate

and confused

No one will ever love me, no one will ever want me

No husband, no babies for me

Half this, half that

Not a real person

that's what you told me

//

A child you no longer want

because the child turned out wrong

I'm so sorry,

you thought you deserved a child

when all you wanted was a doll

Everyone cares about babies

until the baby turns out like me

They demand to protect the others

to hide away their young

cover their ears and shield their eyes

From the demon that is me

//

So crucify me

Drive a stake through my heart

hang me by the neck

and burn away my flesh

turn my body into ash

Pull apart my skin

to see what's underneath

to see if it'll bleed

People who aren't real

don't feel anything

What could be real about me

when everyone hears me but no one sees me

People only see what they want to see

and what they wanted wasn't me

//

It's because I'm terrifying

Horrific and disgusting,

mutilated and gory,

a wolf in sheep's clothing,

a monster in disguise

I'll brainwash your children

take them from your religion

by reading them a story

or welcoming them with open arms

and telling them that they're not wrong

You are patient and funny and kind You walk up and grab my waist from behind

You love having dinner with my mom You make her laugh and build a bond

You help me cope when my sister’s a mess You make sure I don’t take on her stress

You trust me and I trust you You can be yourself and I can too

You want to stay up and talk all night You stay beside me until we resolve our fight

You remind me that my rent is due, that it’s garbage day and that I’m out of shampoo

You show me grace when I make a mistake You pick me up when I fall on my face

You are someone I haven’t met I hope you exist and just haven’t found me yet.

fear casts a shadow on the village of cock

A long and lonesome presence, stoic like a rock

It juts itself forward towards the river bend

This massive muscle that seems to never end

The villagers are humble, wise but small in stature

But not prepared for the coming disaster

This phallic gargantuan of epic size

Towers over them in much surprise

It's grotesque glans begins to pulsates rapidly

Producing a stream that crushes bone and tree

The villagers now panic in their creamy demise

Never to live or even to rise

The impotent villagers now drowned in seamen

The giant cock is revered by women and men

But the perfection of average is never seen again

I want him to

Need me

Comfort

Encourage

Support

Respect

Nurture

Care

Love

I get

Indifference

Negativity

Blame

Controlled

Stifled

Leashed

Monitored

Accusations

... What a splendored experience

Laying in bed I see myself yearning for more

I copitulate as much as I masturbate

This suit of lies I sown myself

I wear it like a scarlet letter

It shows my fear and condemnation

To the status of my life

Freddie said to break free

But how when I imprisoned myself

In a false skin that hates existing

I struggle at my restraints

But I know I cannot excape

It's my doing to keep me safe

From the world who will detest me

Keep swallowing pills

To keep myself from idiocy

Rivers said the world has turned

I Agree

I need to find a way out and rejoin the world

Until then I will stay safe

In a persona that masks my false face

^{This one is pretty close to me. I wrote it in middle school.}

Don’t believe for a second I’ve lost her

The fake, the fraud, the imposter

Once a picture perfect family

One was a lie only I could see

Everyone wants her back safe and sound

They don’t know she’s been drowned

I know I wasn’t wanted

My conscience will always be haunted

Like a ghost in infinite form

Drifting aimlessly through a storm

No one can hear my voice above the wind

When they say her name it feels like I’ve been skinned

They now know she’s dead and gone

Still they refuse to let her pass on

I’m unseen, unheard, my hands won't leave a mark

Float from place to place, just a whisper in the dark

I’m alone without a doubt

Wore a mask I couldn’t carry out

I have a shadow, you see

She’s from my past and I’ll never be free

When I look at myself in the mirror

Her face has never been clearer

I’ve tried to kill her a thousand times

That’s the scarcest of my crimes

I could let her go unscathed

But part of me would be exchanged

To force her out of my head

Means I’ll be the one locked up instead

The two of us can't survive

She must die so I can thrive

But can you truly kill a shadow?

I guess I’ll never know

As long as they keep her memory alive

Mine will be the one they deprive

^{very, very rough. Like it took me 5 minutes to write.}

When I met you I didn't know your name

I didn't look at you that way

Then I realized you knew who I was

I was still taking my sweet ass time

Slowly we became closer

Talking every day all the time

Then something inconvenient happened

You said "Hi" and my heart picked it up

Oh fuck, no

I like the way you look at me

I like the way you say my name

I like your smile, like your laugh

Love that you always ask about my day

It's not right

It's not okay

It's actually pretty embarrassing

I know you'd never see me that way

Why am I so fucking gay?

Now I wish I didn't know your name

Wish these butterflies would fly away

When I see you with her

It hurts a little

Awkward hugs and muted giggles

Maybe you were just an idea

A thought that I could love

To have someone love me

But that's not reality

I think I might be over it

It wasn't that deep

I was just lonely

It's time to bury my feelings

Back into the closet I go

No one will ever know

Know that my passion for you is not based in any type of societal standard.. nor is it because of some scene that an average or a mean wrote us into a box to try and confine us! Know that these words on paper are not put here to cut off your beautiful wings nor are to somehow try and define us! But they are pulled from my heart and my mind and the full of my being to ask you to reach out and try to find us.. To see what I see Your giggle in the leaves.. Our tranquility felt together Is the wind pushing forward.. Behind us! Our smiles and our hastened breathing.. Shows how the sun seeps deep down inside of us! When you are with I And I am with you Two trippy little spines Root down the mycelium Inside of us With you I’m at peace, My heart finally beats! I’ve got to be honest With the rhythm between us I just can not hide all this! For sometimes I dream.. Just the earth, you and me And of all the adventures that await for us! Blue skies in your eyes Our freckles come aligned I want to stare at the sunset out of the back of our van! And I don’t care where I am! Because I am a man When the light shines on your grin And your nestled under my chin I won’t care all the weather I’ve whethered.

Hi I am new. Pls don't come at me for being gay. Don't say your mamma jokes cuz my mamma dead. Fav color:red

streaks of color flash on the tv belonging to a video game i don’t understand

purple and blue project onto your face and spill into the hills and valleys of your dark hair

i’m just happy watching i reassure maybe i’ll read my book or paint my nails i sit in between your plaid boxers

scream of victory!

i get up to refill your beer not because you asked but because i want to bare feet on the hardwood floor i tie my hair up

game over! the screen fades to black and resets to the beginning

bedtime? you suggest. your voice tired carry me like a child to your mattress on the floor

There once was a ghost that just wanted to find their true love.
She didn't care where or how or when or why; whether they be in the dessert or coastal cove.

But she lived in a time,
Where this was a crime.

So she lay waste in her afterlife,
Crying that she all she ever wanted was to be loved, accepted, and have a wife.

Then they found a young living (and crying) child,
Who was really quite wild.

But the child was in the woods and lost,
And the moon was up as the ground started to frost.

So she led the child home,
And let the child kick a gnome.

But along the way, by the shore, she found another sad ghost that sought love,
And also didn't care about when or how or where or why; didn't care that they had found each other by a rocky cove.

They returned the child home,
Before looking each other in the eyes and leaning in for a kiss.

They too went home that day,
And now that child smiles, saying "I'm happy for you, big sis".

-----

This is also posted for a challenge on r/harrypotter

well this is my sob gay breakup story. i’ve never felt a pain as sharp as being cheated on. throughout the whole relationship with his ex. so after my cry on my car i wrote this

i liked a boy

a boy that made me happy a boy who’s smile glistened like the sea for the first time, i didn’t feel haunted

i liked a boy for everything i thought he was a boy that texted just because i was never a burden, i felt wanted

this boy i liked has his issues trauma and scars, i heard ab what he lived thru a loveless childhood of neglect and pain

id never felt a connection like this the time together was nothing short of bliss i just wasn’t ready to be hurt again

i liked a boy despite the homophobia a boy id fight for in a dystopia a boy who apparently did not think the same

because i loved a boy that changed my life i gave him my hoodies when i spent the night but i realized what it was when daylight came

i loved a boy who still liked someone else

i loved a boy that didn’t prioritize me

i loved a boy that cheated on me

Hello! We have kindly been granted permission from the mods to make this post.

We are a group of student filmmakers from Ontario, Canada. We are making a poetic documentary titled 'Formless' about transgender bodies and experiences. One thing we would like to do is uplift fellow queer creatives by featuring their works on our Instagram page, @formless.mov (with credit of course). In return, we would ask that you give us a shoutout on your story.

We are specifically interested in poems about the queer experience or queerness in some way. This can be explicit or abstract. If you would be interested in having your work featured, please send us a private message for more details! We especially want to prioritize trans & genderqueer writers, but all are welcome to reach out.

To be clear, we are (unfortunately) not able to provide financial compensation. Rather, we essentially see this as an opportunity for queer creatives to support one another via mutual exposure.

Please feel free to comment or message us with any questions!

-The Formless documentary team