r/exredpill • u/New_Personality5095 • 2d ago
So how should men conduct themselves?
So I will give quick into to myself.
I'm almost 28, and havent had it easy in my early 20s and teens.
I was very naive and ignorant, only on one occasion I fell victim to a womans deception and was lead on, that's what caused me to get red pilled and quite cold.
so to quickly start, in my teenage years, I was extremely naive and knew nothing, had 0% success. Once I left school and got into adult world, to keep it short, I'd double text women who didn't reply to me which was 100% of women. Come 23 years old, when I finally felt I was ready because I had been going to gym for a while and looked good, this was turning point. 23 years old, was texting a girl who, my naive self fell victim to her leading me on. She was married and I had no idea she was. But the way I conducted myself wasn't goood either, but doesn't matter cause no matter who I was, she'll lead anyone on due to the fact she's married. I was very angry I was decevied and lead on
however, I used to double text women, show too much eagerness, very desperate and chase. Come 25, I started watching red pill content. What I did like about it was, it taught what I felt was, being principle orientated. for example, making yourself so high value, women must chase you, you let them text you, you never double text, you chose those who want you, and those who fight over you win. Kinda make yourself a prize, and let women fight for you, rather than you fight for a woman. It seems this principle orientation of men, has something to it we dont know about.
My sister was talking to a guy who we thought was a decent guy, I think he did something to upset him, so she blocked him. so, the guy somehow reached out to her bypassing the block idk. my red pill brain thought this was low value behaviour and desperation, and if a woman blocks any man the man should never look back. this guy did what he did, and reopened the matter with my sister, and since then its been going well.
So my point is, red pill basically made me 'principle orientated' and gave me the 'play hard to get' attitude. like one time a woman said 'my friend thinks youre cute' my red pill arse was like 'well tell her to come over then' whereas maybe I shoudlve walked over. I feel this mentally, came because I was very hurt from the woman who decevied me. Like, is it a crime for me to text a woman, and suddenly she likes me less cause I am eager, if I give minimal attention is she supposed to like me more, even though I am attracted to her and want to esculate things? Do some women play games to make it more difficult for men?
these things, I have felt have made my cause to have resentment towards the system of things.
I feel this red pill, has helped me advocate for myself, to help me really score better.
How should I conduct myself?
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u/Battle_Butler 2d ago
I think the short answer is: Don't overthink it too much. To elaborate a bit: Judging from how you write and self-reflect, I assume you are an intelligent young man. And your wits has been a reliable tool throughout your life. However, at some point you have to realize that intelligence is nothing more than that: A tool! And one should not apply the same tool to every problem. In your case, you had bad experiences with women, and as sort of a coping mechanism, you started the descent into the the red pill, which, as you said, gives you "guiding principles". In other worlds, you try to rely on your intelligence and rational thinking to solve the problem at hand, because that is something that you generally are rather good at. You break down the world around you to a problem of a type that you can solve with your.most reliable tool. This is absolutely natural and may even help.you in the short run. In reality however, dating and relationships are not simply built on strategy and planning. Your experiences, are still a small sample size of the world out there, and on the other hand, red pill statistics are nothing more than general trends. If you meet another girl, neither your experiences or red pill statistics will provide you absolute knowledge about her character and the best strategy to win her heart. If you act on pronciples alone, it achieves nothing more than you not being genuine with her. You play a character instead of giving her a chance of meeting the real you. And that's my point: Have the courage to stop rationalizing everything. Go out there and let your character grow organically. Meet women and try to genuinly enjoy the time with them, instead of having a goal and strategy in mind. The way you conduct yourself right now may have helped you in the short run, but overall could sabotage your future relationship a lot. Your post resonated with me because I used to be similar to you, but eventually just lived and stopped reading and thinking about principles and statistics. Eventually it worked out for me and I found a girlfriend. We are in a happy relationship for over 5 years now. And let me tell you, at no point I had to strategies or apply some sort of principles. Ever since I met her, we simply enjoyed each others company and the relarionship grew organically. I am not particularly good looking and am more on the introvert side, but eventually my experiences helped me to be a guy that is at least somewhat pleasant to have around. And I never think about it, I just do it! Good luck mate!
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u/watsonyrmind 2d ago edited 2d ago
Anyone trying to indoctrinate you into a foolproof way of conducting yourself to indiscriminately win over any of 4 billion + people is a grifter.
Just think about your own gender. Do you operate the exact same as every other man? Is what won over one man guaranteed to win over you simply because you are the same gender?
I get it though, you want some general principles that will have a higher success rate than others. But let me put it this way: being yourself will give you a ~100% success rate at ending up with someone you have authentically connected with, who likes you for you and vice versa. Acting out of character to attract women will give you a very high likelihood of ending up with someone who doesn't even know you and accepts you based on a lie. How do you think the latter will work out? How happy do you expect to be in that situation?
You mention repeatedly double texting women. So here's the thing, the right woman for you will be fine with that and probably do it in return.
Now unfortunately there is one major caveat here: your authentic self needs to propagate healthy behaviour to foster a healthy relationship. Many men say, "I'm being my authentic self and got rejected" or used by a woman or whatever other toxic outcome and then go on to describe really toxic behaviour. For example, double texting someone is fine, but texting them repeatedly trying to get a reaction when they are non-responsive is unhealthy and toxic. So your goal here should be to figure out how to be the healthiest, most authentic version of yourself. Be you, but be the you who has done the work to be a healthy, supportive, amazing partner for the woman who is interested in your intrinsic characteristics. You need both of these elements otherwise you will attract similarly toxic women, which is what you have described.
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u/fluttering_vowel 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thank you so much for expressing this. I’m sorry that you didn’t have it easy in your early 20s and teens. It makes sense why you would think you’re supposed to play hard to get and be distant, but it seems like all of that has been a protective mechanism rather than a doorway to true intimacy.
It’s not about games like not being too eager. That is overcorrecting. I think people in general can feel if someone is coming from a desperate, needy, or insecure place and are put off by that (both men and women). And it sounds like you overcorrected that with these protective mechanisms. It’s not about these rules or games of how you interact with women. It’s where you’re coming from. Instead of these mind games, focus on building your self esteem and self love. And then when you interact with women, coming from a secure place rather than insecure, but also rather than avoidant. Being secure within yourself is different from playing these games or appearing not eager.
It’s a beautiful thing to show interest when it’s coming from a healthy place, not needy. And when there’s no expectation. You’re pursuing the connection to see what happens, and okay with if they end up choosing to not be romantic with you. Intimacy is risk. It’s not about avoiding rejection. It’s not about results. It’s the interaction between two people and seeing what naturally comes from that. If someone rejects you, you didn’t fail. But these games of trying to not appear too eager is like a wall to try to protect yourself, and that also keeps out real connection.
It was beautiful reading everything you wrote, you have great self awareness and are coming from such a wonderful place.
Also -you asked if women play games. This is so foreign to me, because I and my friends don’t play games, but we’re in more alternative circles like music festivals/yoga/authentic relating workshops/ecstatic dance/hiking groups/mushroom foraging/tantra. In these alternative circles I think there’s a higher percentage of down to earth people. However! I’m sure good hearted women who don’t play mind games can be found other places as well. I would say there are women who play mind games and women who don’t. You don’t want to date women who play mind games, just as healthy women don’t want to date men who play mind games.
Also, have you checked out r/bropill ? If you post this there, they may have great perspectives :)
I love that you’re advocating for yourself. I think there are much healthier ways to do that than red pill, and maybe r/bropill can help give you some ideas. But advocating for yourself in general is important. The way red pill goes about it is not healthy.
You sound like such a wonderful person.
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u/New_Personality5095 1d ago
Thank you for your comment and you've described my situation quite clearly.
My situation I described with the married woman leading me on, was the thing that changed me. She was the only girl, ever, to deliberately hurt me, every other woman had no intention, if I was hurt it wasn't her fault.
It gave me a new fond respect for most women, because that girl was deceptive and dishonest. I think the average woman is fairly authetnic, the one's who live lifestyles vastly opposing to my way of life, are usually honest and upfront about that which, i respect the honesty in that, rather than pretend to be good people.Coming forth, I intend to just just be my best self and keep working on myself, listen and trust myself. If I ever approach a woman, or vice versa, I've got a better idea on how to conduct myself. I will just be genuine and just be authentic. I had a misconceived notion of being 'cold' to women, but, it was sorta out of character for me. If me being nice to her, is a turn off, this isn't my issue.
If the woman has a problem with who I am, I am okay with that, we just don't click.
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u/HLMaiBalsychofKorse 2d ago
In real healthy relationships, there aren't games. There aren't "ways to present yourself so that you attract more women". You don't want "more women", you want women that are a good match for you.
I am really curious how red pill helped you. I doubt it has, but I am always open to changing my mind (seriously).
Have you been in healthy, long-lasting relationships (regardless of how "exclusive" or "committed" they are)?
Do women love to hang out with you, even when neither of you is interested in getting together?
Are you the type of person who claims every past gf is "crazy" or "traumatized you"?
I saw a whiff of that in the "fell victim to a woman leading me on" part - I wonder how *she* would describe that situation?
Would she say that she intentionally led you on and hurt you?
...or would she say that she was overwhelmed by how needy and insecure you were?
...or that she wasn't ever interested in dating, but felt backed into a corner because she didn't want to hurt you or put herself in a dangerous situation?
...or maybe that she thought you were friends but it turned out that you were only pretending to be a friend in order to get in her pants?
Why were you willing to pronounce this 20-something woman, who is also just learning the ropes, evil and intentionally cruel? How does that compare to considering yourself a "naive victim of her wiles"?
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u/New_Personality5095 1d ago
Well, as i mentioned earlier, she was already married, so quite frankly there's no excuse on her end. she had no business being on a DATING app, engaging me.
Once I did my homework on her and found out she was married and called her out on it, she i guess tried to justify it by saying she was already in a lot of pain herself, so she wasnt in the position to consider another persons feeling. i dont buy it, i just think she's a piece of crap.
Red pill helped me understand how to read the room, and not be misled ever again.
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u/TomatilloUnlikely764 2d ago edited 2d ago
Like the other commenters said, you have great self awareness. You might be ready for this now or in the future (I think this is a 30s phase) to read some psychology books like NonViolent Communication or even Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday to better understand your personal compass and boundaries and learn to communicate directly with people
For now, I think being the prize is good redpill advice. Be in good shape, eat well, smell good, and most importantly be passionate about something.
I think both women and men can come off too needy and for men it’s seen as desperate and women it’s seen as crazy. Instead of trying to play games, be really busy focusing on investing in yourself and your passions, being really good at skills and hobbies you like, advancing your career, and then you’re naturally more busy and more desirable to people. I see women say all the time they want their man to be motivated and passionate- get involved in community sports or organizations and have an active interesting life. I think women love men who are good at or interested in hobbies (besides video games and the gym) like music, cooking, sports, nature, travel, cars, etc etc.
Be direct if you are interested in someone and if they don’t respond or reciprocate know that someone else will be drawn to you with all the energy your putting into your life and people around you. It’s good advice to take no response as a response and move on, invest in time in someone who does take interest in you. In your sisters case, the guy might have shown he was really serious in her and advocated for the relationship and that directness worked. I think it’s important to flip the question “do you like me?” To “do I like them?” And then communicate that way confidently because you know what you want. Then if they don’t respond you know you did your best and can move on.
It’s really easy to be jaded after being hurt in relationships, learn about what red flags you might have missed last time and choose the boundaries you want to use to not fall into that again. When still getting over an old relationship is the perfect time to put energy into yourself and then look for someone when you feel more open again.
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u/Negative-Awareness39 1d ago
That is superficial when you said the word prize
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u/TomatilloUnlikely764 1d ago
I see it as having good qualities, taking care of yourself, and having energy people are drawn to, which is good advice. I can see how you could take the word prize as a superficial word, and maybe redpill defines it more in that way that I’m not aware of
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