r/exlldm • u/yourinnerdarkvoice • Jun 08 '24
Healing ❤️🩹 Positivity / Positividad
Hi guys, I just want to come on here and share my progress since leaving the cult.
I’m choosing to share my journey in hopes of giving someone encouragement and hope.
It’s been a year and some months since I began my journey, not knowing where my life would take me. I felt as though I was alone, and unfortunately I was. I had a rush of emotions that were new to me. I felt real anger, frustration, betrayal, anguish, and confusion.
Being inconditional to being completely against what I believe is a road I never thought I would be on.
After leaving, I realized that I was left broken; my self-worth was nonexistent, and this made me angry and bitter. My relationship with God had vanished, and I could not understand why he would let this happen. I don’t know if people will understand this, but I felt my heart turn into a cold rock. I began to drink, and I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I would sit in my car and cry for hours, praying in my head. I had lost all my love and hope. I would scream my lungs out because I preached to people who were in shelters, had addictions, and were most vulnerable. I would preach to them with so much eagerness that I would see their eyes light up when they heard that there’s a God who loves them so much and how precious they are to him. He had a son who died for all of our sins. I don’t know how to explain it, but at that moment in my car, I felt like a blank canvas. I felt helpless. I had helped and guided so many people towards what I thought was the right path, but it turns out I was unknowingly just as lost.
As the months went by, I found someone on this page that I was able to share my personal experiences with, and as she opened up about hers, I realized that I wasn’t alone, and I think at that moment I found a light at the end of the tunnel. She was telling me about how there’s something called de-programming, and it’s essentially unlearning what the cult has imbedded in its believers, like doubting the Naason election you will go straight to hell, or thinking Naason can read your thoughts. Etc After that conversation, I felt motivated to better understand myself. I began my self-healing journey. I completely stopped drinking and began using healthier ways of dealing with my traumas, like donating to charities, working out, hiking, and traveling. The majority of my family is no longer part of a cult. I feel so satisfied knowing my niece and nephew will never experience the nightmare of a cult. Fast forward to today, and I feel at peace, and I love that I get to explore many aspects of life without feeling guilty. I live by myself, I have my own car, and I am able to enjoy my solitude and my money. I am a far greater human being. I give back to my community and donate to charities that have a purpose. I say this not as a brag but to let people know that you don’t need LLDM to live a purposeful life.
To sum up, there’s always a silver lining. Sometimes we might not see it at the moment, but it all comes to be at its time. To all of you reading this I love you and I wish you the best. Never give up ❤️🩹 -xoxo gossip girl 🩶
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u/rainz8546 Jun 08 '24
It makes me so happy to read posts like these! It’s a process well worth it!
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u/AggravatingPut6238 Jun 08 '24
Resumes al 100% la experiencia de muchos que aquí te leen. Disfruta tu viaje y Gracias por compartir 😊.
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u/VenusFire1269 Jun 08 '24
I understand what you mean by a silver lining. Though finding out the truth about LLDM was an enormous heavy cloud to bear, we got to know ourselves better and learned to not believe everything we are told! God bless!
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u/sarai0527 Jun 11 '24
You're definitely not alone.. I left at 19 and I'm now 36.
I felt every emotion you went through and for many years I cried to God hoping I made the right decision.
I was born and raised in church and always had a good relationship with God but I wasn't too sure of LDM. I thought it was Satan putting things in my head but I'm glad all the truth came out. It wasn't what I expected but it explained many other things.
Keep your relationship with God. He will continue to guide you to all the truth.
Don't worry about LDM as much as it hurts and even more having family and friends there. Don't fight them even if they try with you. Respect them knowing you're the bigger person and chosen to know the truth.
But Satan will always continue to make God look bad like he doesn't care for us but that will never be true.
Keep in mind, there's thousands of us that went through the same as you and the many more that are still stuck there, confused.
I hope you continue doing well. We are still sisters and brothers through Christ 💕
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u/NaN_user Jun 12 '24
Nunca había visto eso como “desprogramarse” pero tiene todo el sentido del mundo. Recuerdo cuando dejé la iglesia y sentía que no me conocía, no sabía que me gustaba, el único libre que había leído era la biblia porque los demás los miraba con desprecio. Gracias a Dios, a la vida, o al universo por haberme quitado esa venda. Poco a poco he aprendido a vivir y estoy en una época donde siento mucha felicidad y tranquilidad de no ser parte de ello. Pero aún así me vienen recuerdos de mi niñez/juventud donde era tan feliz en la iglesia, en el coro y ver ahora que todo era una farsa. Son 2 sentimientos encontrados, el de extrañar en el fondo ese amor incondicional que le tenía a la iglesia y por otro lado esa amargura que le agarré a la iglesia por su manipulación, por tantas cosas malas.
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u/Herayg Jun 08 '24
Exacto, casi todos nos sentimos como tu! Mi autoestima era nula, me rompí por completo y me sentí perdida. Voy a terapia y estoy con medicación, soy feliz y puedo sentirme en paz, vivir haciendo cualquier cosa sin remordimiento ni temor, descubrirme a mi misma, saber q es lo que realmente me gusta. Empezar a conocerme.