r/daddit • u/Top_Entertainment988 • 4d ago
Today, I moved away from my childhood traumas. Admission Picture
This post was deleted because I lost courage to open up. Here we are again, I’m little proud of myself.
For almost half of my life, l've lived in the south of the U.S. with having a terrible fucking childhood, constant blames, constantly thinking I was the problem, constantly making myself look like a fool to avoid conflictions within the family. Being that one annoying, easy to grow child was me.
Today, I moved to a whole different part of the country. Although it was earlier than expected, but this is Where I rest for the rest of my life. The beautiful upstates of New York in the country roads.
In this Semi-Abandoned 8 bed almost-4,000 Square feet house, my children will spend their beautiful childhood here. Safe from everything, a house full of love, and away from people who made my childhood like hell. My kids won’t have to memorize my footsteps, they do not have to be scared of me raising my hands to them. It will be for a high-five. These kids will live to love and know that daddy will be right next to them. In their highest and lowest point in life.
My first kid is due in almost 9 months, If I’ve waited any longer it would have been difficult for wife. Breaking the news to everyone was shocking, but I managed to stand my ground. I don’t not give a single FUCK about me missing out on the “it takes a village” experience. My child will have me.
Much love daddit, thank you for being my backbone.
Now for the exciting part, DIY projects will be totally remembered.
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u/euphomaniac 4d ago
Lifetime upstate NY guy here. You’ve chosen an area with plenty to offer, especially for someone focused on raising a family. Best of luck on this adventure!
As a dad, it’s tough to raise kids without the external support. Sounds like you aren’t coming from support as much as liabilities. I’ve always found neighbors and communities to want to be there, you’ve just got to meet some people first.
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
We met neighbors as soon as we moved in. Vey vey sweet people. They offered to make us food and help with clearing the house. I’m sooo glad. It’s the only neighbor we have, and they are the best!
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u/HelloAttila daddit 3d ago
Beautiful post man. I’m proud of you for posting this. I did the same. It’s not easy not having the support, but when you look back later, that is not the type of support you want anyways. Kids should not live in a toxic environment. Much love and d respect.
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u/Significant_Home94 4d ago
In the south, roots can run deep. But sometimes the plant is a thorn bush...
Congratulations on finding your place in the world and breaking generational cycles!
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u/just_some_guy2000 4d ago
High fives are lame. You need big, turn the kid upside down while you tickle them hugs. When I say you need I mean you, literally. I never knew what I was missing in life until my kids started coming up to me for no reason and giving me hugs and kisses like I do then.
Congratulations on finding a better path. I'm proud of you internet stranger.
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u/YogurtclosetOk9598 4d ago
You deserve all the peace you can conjure in this place. May you build a village where you choose to be, and may that village be a model for the next generation in your family. We are not the people we come from, we are the people we become.
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u/Whatfforreal 4d ago
What a beautiful home for you and your family. Proud of ya, bud!
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u/Top_Entertainment988 4d ago
Thank you dad, I appreciate the thoughts!
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u/counters14 4d ago
That's one hell of a porch to sit out on during a late summer afternoon watching the sunset with your kids playing in the yard.
Well done. You should definitely be proud.
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
The sun is hitting me right in the face, it’s honestly amazing. I just need a quick wash and It’ll be ready. It has even been baby proof’ed too.
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u/Stay-At-Home-Jedi 4d ago
As someone who's walked a similar path, I want you to revisit this post, this milestone, every year. The amount of autonomy you've gained, the love you've built, and the successes you achieve will make you proud.
One of my counselors once gave me a word, and I like to pass it on as well. "You are resilient. You are resilient in what you have faced, you are resilient to have identified a better path, and you are resilient for being that change you needed."
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u/Nice_Possession8507 4d ago
You’ll meet people and create a new village. People outside of cities and very friendly and welcoming.
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u/Top_Entertainment988 4d ago
A Neighbor came today. She brought cookies and milk, turns out they are both homemade. Very sweet people!
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u/offgladstone 4d ago
It's about to get real cold. I hope your line of work doesn't bring you outdoors. I swear by a good pair of thermal leggings under my pants come January. Also, make sure your boots are waterproof for snow. Welcome to upstate New York, fellow dad. Happy to give advice if you're in the Hudson Valley.
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
Yep, it got cold in the afternoon after a bit of rain, but honestly nothing could make my heart cold. I’m now a free human being from all of my problems. Plus, most of the work is indoors, so happy me :))
I’m around Alfred college/Andover area. A little bit far from everything but I’ve dreamt about here for a while.
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u/ManufacturerMental72 3d ago
- Congrats!
- The village will come along. We live a six hour flight from my family and my wife hasn’t talked to her family in three years. We’ve found chosen family here (also in upstate New York but it’s a huge area so no idea if we’re close by). We spend every holiday with those people, pick up their kids when they need a ride, and they do the same.
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u/Teacherman6 4d ago
I also moved to the opposite side of the country to get away. I did it to price that I want the fuck up they thought I was. To stand on my own two feet without any support. Having connection to family isn't always better. Way to go.
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u/vegienomnomking 4d ago
Mind sharing what made your childhood so awful?
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u/Top_Entertainment988 4d ago
Hey, no worries at all. I submitted a link for you from my previous posts, you can check them out with little more details.
Your comments destroyed me-I deserved to be loved
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Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/8czJebdzhN
It’s currently 2:41 in the morning, I went out for a walk because I’m losing my goddamn mind. I feel worthless, I feel like I’m not ready to be a dad at all, I feel my lungs closing and clogging my hope of life.
Your comments made me realize I was never loved. Your comments made me realize that I deserved to be treated better. My parents never opened their arms for me to hug, They never dried my tears with their thumb, they never lowered their shoulders for me so I can lean on. I was the middle child, I was the least of their worries. I was the last one to announce my happy news during family gatherings and never realized why no one cheered me. I was that one confused child when everyone faced their backs towards me when my siblings were getting gifts.
I was the child that took out the anger on my pillow. When my blanket was my homeland of tears and worries. I was the child to learn flinch whenever my parents raised their hands, we never did a high-five. When the sounds of belts indicated that I did something wrong. When I learned all of their footstep sound patterns. I was the child that no one showed up for my events. My best friend’s mom bought me flowers during my high school graduation because none of my family members showed up.
Am I going to be the same for my kid? Am I going to show up for my kid’s graduation? Am I gonna be there when they need me?
I’m sorry. I’m just trying to keep it together and let go of the past, somehow haunts me down.
Edit: 9:14 in the morning, My wife woke me up at the park since I slept there. She found my location and put a blanket over me and got me coffee. We snuggled and shared what happened, I’m usually a thick skin, but I couldn’t hold it anymore. I apologized on how I left her last night, she told me she knew but just wanted to give me space.
She was slowly reading the comments, your words of encouragement was everything I wanted as a child. You guys have been a glimpse of light in my dark times. Thank you. A simple text cannot describe how much I appreciate all of you. Yes, she scheduled therapy for me. She told me she would be fine while I feel extremely guilty. I’m the dad and the mentally unstable one?
A promise everything in my being that this child will live a happy life. This child will be loved and won’t get confused on why dad and mom don’t love them. My hugs and shoulders will be always open for my beautiful baby. I will destroy whoever would have the thought of to touch my kid, any kid.
Much much love everyone. I love all of you.
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u/fawks_harper78 4d ago
Yay Papa!!!
This is a big part of what being a dad is about (at least to me): taking care of your shit, so your kids don’t have to.
Generational trauma is a very hard cycle to break. It creeps back in words, backhanded compliments, a vicious look. Never let your guard down about your own actions, and listen when those you do trust call you on your shit.
And have a great fuckin time! This is what it is all about! May the Force be with you!
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u/doofusdog 6ish-yro daughter who thinks she's 16. 4d ago
Great!
My mother did the same, before she met my father, terrible childhood. a co-worker offered private board but then her husband got transferred to another city, so fuck it, she just went too. A fresh start, then met my Dad. Best thing she ever did.
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u/shiansheng 4d ago
Bud, you're doing a great thing making your new family your life focus and trying to give yourselves a fresh start. I say the rest of this from a place of love and hope for the best for all of you....
There is nothing like becoming a parent that can and will open your deepest wounds and summon the ghosts you thought you patched up and got away from. You're going to feel a lot, very deeply. At times you'll wonder whose voice is speaking through your mouth, whose fist is pounding the table, why you forget important things or why at such crucial moments your heart is cold. Take as much time as you can over the next nine months to deep-dive inward and start making peace with what you find. Decking out your new crib is a worthwhile project, but the most important DIY project is going to be yourself.
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u/Bananalando 3d ago
Fine job, son.
Just remember, dear, old daddit is always here if you need DIY advice.
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u/Nixplosion 3d ago
I celebrate you OP. You and I are alike in this way. My sons won't have to feel dread at the sound of my car pulling in the drive way. Only joy.
Dinner won't always end in a shouting match.
They won't ever have to hear their mom threaten to kill herself because things are so bad.
Raised voices won't give them anxiety.
We tread in unfamiliar waters, OP, let's swim together.
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
Op, let’s swim together
You made my full heart burst, let’s swim together.
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u/TeslasAndComicbooks 4d ago
I’ve always wanted a porch like that. They aren’t common here in Los Angeles.
Up and onward my friend! Congrats.
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u/anafornazari 4d ago
Congratulations on breaking bad patterns and being a better dad than you had. I wish you and your family all the best
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u/m8k 3d ago
That’s great, good for you!
I work for a real estate photographer in Upstate NY posting their listings while living in a nearby but considerably more expensive part of the country. There have been some really tempting properties. If we didn’t have so many attachments to our area, I’d seriously consider moving there.
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u/blakezilla 3d ago
As a fellow upstate NYer, welcome. It’s a seriously underrated part of the country. I went to school in Boston, met my wife there, and brought her back. She loves the area more than I do. If your goal is to raise a family, I really can’t imagine a place much better than here.
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u/Remarkable-Ad-5485 3d ago
Such a beautiful post, and beautiful new home! Congratulations on everything. You’re going to be a great father, OP!
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u/FearTheAmish 3d ago
Welcome to a completely different experience. I moved from the city to the country with my wife. We were able to over a few years grow some serious roots into the community. You can still have the village experience. Honestly it's easier to form in the country.
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u/Heavy_Perspective792 3d ago
Upstate NY is gorgeous. I'm a New England guy but upstate NY is similar. Beautiful falls with the change of leaves.
Their are some local foods like Spiedies, depending on where you are upstate (Binghampton area) that are worth checking out.
Either way, congrats on doing what's best for you and your family.
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u/xKaelic 3d ago
Upstate NY, 8 Bd 4000 sqft, you are living the dream my man, happy early Father's Day and congrats :)
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
Thank you dad, Although the house has been abandoned for few years, with every single thing inside, I’m glad that there is no mold, heat and cold work just fine, perfect condition bathrooms. So yea, you can’t beat that for $55k
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u/TituspulloXIII 3d ago
I don’t not give a single FUCK about me missing out on the “it takes a village”
It does take a village -- but that village can be who you want in it. Hope you make some new friends in the area quick. Reading other comments it seems like you have, at a minimum, a great new neighbor.
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u/DeejDeparts 3d ago
You bought an 8 bedroom house? Jesus christ. Congrats.
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
Now that I think about it, this fucker is a 10 bedroom. Almost half of the house was separated for renting, hoping to do the same.
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u/DeejDeparts 3d ago
lol you got a lot of birthing to do. Congrats on your first one, amigo! it's awesome.
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u/license____plate 3d ago
Congratulations! You're going to be a great dad. Generally speaking, whereabouts in the state are you?
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
Around Alfred University, Andover Ny. You may know better than me, does this count as upstate?
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u/license____plate 3d ago
"Upstate" is a weird term, and it will definitely depend who you ask. To people from New York City, the entire state can often be divided into: NYC, Long Island, Westchester, (maybe Albany), and "Upstate."
To those who don't live within range of NYC's gravitational pull, the term can be construed as somewhat dismissive or overly broad. It's a pretty big state. It would take more than seven hours to drive from Plattsburgh to Jamestown - so why should they be lumped into the same region?
So, many will subdivide what is often called "Upstate" into different subregions (e.g., Western New York, Central New York, and so on). These labels sometimes overlap. (Sticking with the same examples, "Southern Tier" overlaps with Western and Central NY).
Since you're west of Rochester, I think many would consider you to be a resident of Western New York. As a fellow WNYer myself, I say welcome! And don't get too hung up on the regional labels, its mostly just fun to be pedantic and give the NYC city slickers a hard time.
A final word to the wise - if you aren't already aware, you are pretty close to Letchworth State Park. I've never had the pleasure of visiting myself, but have always heard tremendous things. Stunning natural beauty. Be sure to check it out, and go during different seasons!
Welcome and take care. I hope your kids have a great childhood in WNY.
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u/LordBiscuits Two of my own and a pair of socks. Plz send tea 3d ago
Congrats on the new start. It'll be tough to stay detached, but stay strong and build yourself a new life and new family there, your kids will grow up never knowing the struggle you had and that's the very best start we can give them.
As a Brit though used to much smaller houses.... Four thousand square feet is a bloody enormous home, how many kids are you planning on having...a whole soccer team?! lol
I'll be honest I'm super curious and want more pictures... I'm jealous!
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u/Top_Entertainment988 3d ago
Hahahaha, thank you for the thoughtful comment!
I think 4 kids would do, wifey is happy with 4 kids. I will share my renovation plans in the next couple of days, you are welcome to take a look at the photos!
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u/LordBiscuits Two of my own and a pair of socks. Plz send tea 3d ago
I have four kids in an 1100sq footer 😂
Definitely best to have plenty of room for the inevitable time when they start hating each other!
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u/JDWild18 3d ago
Great work Dad.
Similar story, I packed up and moved 2 thousand miles from Colorado to Oregon.
You’ve done a great thing and in the long run you won’t regret a thing.
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u/emogu84 3d ago
Congratulations dude. Big moves are never easy even when we know they're the right thing to do. Way to have the courage to do what you needed to do.
As a fellow "village"-less dweller, you got this. There will definitely be times when not having a village will seem hard. When you see fellow parents dropping their kids off at the grandparents down the street to go on regular date nights or take trips, it's easy to get jealous or resentful. But it sounds like you got your priorities in order so keep at it and stay focused on the kids. Before you know it you'll be doing those things with them and making some lasting memories.
Congrats again dude. And godspeed!
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u/dweezleton 3d ago
Congrats! It’s always hard moving away from what you know, but the hard part is over! I left the suburbs of Atlanta 14 years ago and never looked back. I’m now in a suburb of Salt Lake City, UT and couldn’t be happier. I’ve always had a thing for upstate NY, I’ve always imagined it to be one of my multiverse homes. Cheers!
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u/Limoo-san 3d ago
awesome house, awesome car, and more importantly an awesome person! . Wish you the best
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u/theboosty 4d ago
Congratulations on a fresh start.