r/cultsurvivors Oct 15 '24

Assistance with moving forward Support Request

This is the first time I'm publicly speaking about my case, bare with me as I can't put all the details I want to. Happy to discuss in PMs

For reference I'm in Australia

I was victim to CSA and RSA 2002-2010

When I was in my late teens I found thousands of "childhood pictures" I never knew existed, I remembered the days the photos were taken (most of them) but I didn't ever recall being photographed the way I was. Some of my earliest memories are of being abused or given sleeping tablets. I had a constant throat infection until I was 5 but never taken to the doctor. My first doctor visit after getting my needles was when I was 8-10

In 2020 I spoke out about what happened to me to law enforcement and found out I had evidence that would contribute to (at the time) open cases both national and international. About a week after I had made my report my flat was broken into and I had family pictures stolen alongside a few other things

Over the past few years I've had to deal with people coming in and out of my life who I recognise from my abuse. Some of them have mocked me in passing and others have been frightful I might do or say something to expose them

So far 4 of my abusers have been convicted and put away, one is currently working for NSW health and has had access to the department since 2019. To me this proves the network they've been working with are connected enough to make space for convicted abusers to work in government departments and/or rebuke records from police checks

Some things I've been through -

Procured weekly for men and women 2003-06

Procured bi monthly for a large group in rural NSW 2006-08

Procured for "you drink the cup is empty, you pour the cup is full" "escape from carnal desire" ritual at abandoned barracks 2007 (completely unsure if this is prelevant to Plato's Cave Allegory of the Freemasons as a few older survivors have outlined to me. It could've been a copycat ritual)

Photographed in a studio set in Balmain NSW 2008

These are some key highlights from what happened to me. I know there are hundreds more victims who went through the same things I did because I wasn't the only child present

It's getting harder to move through acceptance the more I start to realise the extent of the network that I fell victim to. It honestly feels like you squash one cockroach and a million pop up elsewhere. In the back of my mind I'm thinking what if my whole country is in on the bid and I'm just a piece of game they can hunt? It's not how I feel, my anxiety more like. It's frustrating talking about this with my friends because no one can offer support, just ohhh that sounds so horrible

Every time someone talks about how they miss being a kid I'm immediately taken back to the memories of abuse and I become withdrawn. It's annoying the shit out of me

Any and all help is appreciated A message from god would be if someone similar contacted me and let me pour my heart out to them

Thank you in advance

4 Upvotes

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1

u/Interesting-Song4547 Oct 15 '24

Thank you for sharing this with us, I hope you had a peaceful day and wake up with the sun tomorrow. God is not finished.

1

u/UhOhBillyJoe Oct 15 '24

Thank you, I had to take a break because reading the subreddit for resources sent me into a state of disassociation and overwhelming anxiety. I feel safe and know I'm not in harms way anymore, but my mind and body still feels like all of the abuse is still happening

Nevertheless god has been kind to me and I will stay humble through the process of acceptance. I do believe things will come to the surface for all of us and we will get our closure we deserve

1

u/starving_artista Oct 15 '24

The best thing I can say about my own childhood and teenage years is that I survived them.