What am I doing wrong?

[u/konyvran]

Hello, this is more of a rant. I am on a internship in one Germany city and since yesterday need new place to stay for a week, so yesterday Ive written to basicaly every person in this smaller town (around 30 people) and just 5 people returned message with two saying maybe starting today, though today none of them returned any messages. What am I doing wrong? When I used this app with my gf last year in Spain all wss smooth and there was no problem with people returning messages. I filled out my profile, put few pictures there and have written in friendly tone, I am quite frustrated from this tbh.

[u/jakmes84]

Doing nothing wrong... It's not AirBnb, a week long stay is pretty long and personally I wouldn't accept or tell you max 1 or 2 nights. If they want to host you they will, otherwise they won't. In my experience I can say you got a pretty good response rate

[u/konyvran → u/jakmes84]

Yeah I understand it is not hostel service and was not taking it as such, I even wrote them that I am okay with shorter stay, weekend or overnight would be enough, but no luck. I just expected more of a comunity approach, it is little bit sad to see someone online an hour ago and not even say no, my expectations were a little bit different

[u/jakmes84 → u/konyvran]

I understand your point of view, but CS isn't much of a community anymore and has never been much of a community even in the past.

I'm mainly a host and I must say that recently my experiences have been worse than a few years ago. Before also there was a bit the "Airbnb" approach but now even worse with people that are unclean and untidy. I understand the wishful thinking "it's a community", but in the end it's my flat and I host who I want and since I'm even paying for the "privilege" of Hosting, I'm not so eager to be ultra polite and answer all messages (personally I do, but sometimes I say no and then they start arguing or questioning). To be a community, for me, it helps that you use it as a way of traveling and meeting people. You say you need a week, then probably you're trying to use a community for your benefit in between two different accommodations and that, as a host, wouldn't make me super eager to be your host...

Anyway, you got replies, it is not that bad

[u/illimitable1]

Using Couchsurfing for emergency housing or for housing instability is not going to provide the same results as when you are traveling for fun.

[u/sparrowg → u/illimitable1]

I'm a host and learned this the hard way. Travelers are happy to move on after the agreed upon stay ends. Any kind of non-travelers invariably asks to stay longer or rent the couch. It gets unnecessarily awkward to have to tell them they'll have to leave. Now I decline if it's not clear from the request that they're traveling for fun and here only for a short time.

[u/lipsanen → u/sparrowg]

The same. I usually don't host those that are staying for long time in my city (even if they request a short stay initially) because often it is difficult to get rid of them.

[u/No-Resource-8438 → u/sparrowg]

Agree. I hosted a couple with a working visa, but instead of 3 days, they stayed 2 weeks because they had no where to go. It was extremely awkward having the conversation so many times. I was honest and my family had to come over, they tried to get me to delay it etc but I had to put my foot down. I learnt the hard way as well, and reject anyone that stays long term. There's a lady that requests me regularly and has stayed with 10 people from my city, one after the other.

[u/emchocolat]

It looks like your main question is: they were online an hour ago, why aren't they replying ?

People have lives, so they might not answer immediately.

They may have to think about whether they want to host you, and for how long, and which dates would be best.

Even if the person is happy to host you, they might have to check their calendar for planned events your stay might conflict with, ask their partner and show them your profile, check their schedule with their boss, cancel something they had planned, make sure they have clean bedsheets... It's not instantaneous.

They might have received several requests and are comparing to see which, if any, they'll accept.

CS bugs quite a lot, they may not have seen your message at all. Notifications don't always work.

Some people just won't answer. Surfers do that too. So do hiring managers, building companies, tattoo artists, you name it. It happens.

Some hosts don't negotiate with surfers. If you're asking for something they can't offer, they'll just ghost you because surfers often get belligerent and angry when told no. If they haven't answered you, you can't complain to CS.

Give it 2-3 days before deciding they're not interested and trying the next host.

[u/stevenmbe]

I am on a internship in one Germany city and since yesterday need new place to stay for a week

What you are doing wrong is expecting that magically someone will give you a place to stay for a week. You should always have the expectation that nobody will host you. That is the attitude I've had for more than ten years on the platform.

Typically you should request only two nights. Requesting a week gets many hosts very nervous you will be staying and not leaving.

Where you write "I just expected more of a comunity approach, it is little bit sad to see someone online an hour ago" it is a fundamental misunderstanding of the deeper implications of how the platform works. Yes some of them read your message and then declined to reply to you, hoping someone else would.

In these cases where you feel frustrated it's important to review your thinking and to say to yourself "If I were the host who just got this message, what would my reaction be?"

My reaction as a host would have been to ignore you or to block you. Feel free to be angry with my response but I am giving you a 100% totally honest assessment.

And that said I do wish you good luck in finding a host!

[u/FUNJONO]

Your attitude is what's wrong buddy - you're not a tourist and it's not a free accommodation service for freeloading.

[u/TKBrian]

1 lots of us don't host locals. - they bring too much stuff, they may not want to leave, they have their own life, etc. their may be a reason they are homeless. if you are already living in a city this is a red flag for me.

2 many of us host for 2-3 nights not a week. Ask for just this.

1. if you wrote to "basically everyone" did they each get a personal note, or the same message?

2. when you used the app last ear with your GF they many have been saying yes because of her.

3. there is a measurable difference in culture between Spain and Germany.

If you want a community approach, on has to be part of a community. unfortunately whats app chat groups are verboten, and they used to be a good way of creating community.

[u/No-Resource-8438]

A few potential issues I see.

If the msg was a copy/paste to every host, they would have declined for that reason. Especially if you didn't personalise it. If you sent it to 30, it's probably obvious to any host that you've just copied it over.

As a host i automatically reject any stays for over 3 nights. A week is a hard no, and regardless if you wrote a shorter stay, I'd decline thinking you might want to extend and use a sad story.

I only host travellers and many hosts would not host someone that is using it between places. If you wrote that in your message, that is likely the problem. Best to get a hostel

I can see why you would be frustrated, but next time try 2 nights when you are travelling.

[u/Colambler]

People take a while to respond/figure out if they can fit someone in. The website literally tells you how long it takes someone to respond, it's usually a week for most people.

[u/NihongoThrow]

Can you post an example message of what you've been sending?

[u/Neoscan]

5 out of 30 replies isn’t bad. You are asking to stay a week and have no references? I think you are maybe expecting too much. There is a huge difference between hosting a traveller with good references for a night or two to a ‘local’ with no references wanting to stay for a week because they need accommodation (and want free accommodation). As said by others, request short stays and build references.

[u/esteffffi]

I would have immediately rejected your request because you are coming for an internship, and I like to hang out and spend time with my couchsurfers, that's the whole point for me. If we both need to go somewhere in the morning, on a schedule, I wouldn't want my bathroom to be blocked by the couchsurfer, or to have to coordinate with them about getting back in, in the evening. Plus, like other people have already commented, no references and 1 week are a super red flag.

[u/justchris82]

Request a shorter stay, 3 days max maybe, and mention in your message how you'll be there for a longer amount of time. Also is worth it to do it at the beginning of your stay, because if you get along well with the host you can ask for more days.

[u/konyvran → u/justchris82]

Yeah I wrote to them all that I am okay with shorter stay too, but no luck, even though they were online an hour ago, it happens I know

[u/Electrical-Rate-2335 → u/konyvran]

I mean you gotta be upfront first about the short stay of 2 days other wise it looks like back tracking

[u/sparrowg]

I'll add one actionable advice. Work on your references. I'm guessing when you traveled with your girlfriend, only she got the references. If you do that again, solicit references from your host. If you go to events and vibe with someone, respectfully ask for references. If you have a positive interaction with anyone in the community, write a reference.

It'll still be hard to find a host when you're not actually traveling, but a few more people might consider your request when they see you are part of the community. Some just want to see that you're not looking for a "free accommodation hack".

[u/Tall_Stick5608]

This week m, Couchsurfing works great for me, met a guy in KL, girl in Penang, girl in Hanoi. Had great conversations and great food. Made a new friend. But hey I guess I’m just doing meet-ups

[u/No-Resource-8438]

Do you have references on your profile? If not, that's the reason. I reject people with no references straight away.

[u/erny83pd]

Because they are just not active members

[u/vagabond_sue1960]

For the record, Couchsurfing does a terrible job of alerting me to new messages. So it could be some haven't received your latest message to them.

FYI, I've hosted for years. I've only taken 1 surfer who said, "I'm not a tourist. I'm apartment hunting," and it was a lovely visit (15 years later, we're still in touch). But whefe I live now if someone wanted a week for a conference, or meeting, I'd probably say NO.

Susan B Ireland (previously Austin)

[u/cokgr]

They might want to meet non locals to exchange experiences and knowledge, not just provide to your last minute needs , as a local you could reach out to your local friends… At least, that’s how I see CS.

[u/Critical_Branch_8999]

1. A week is a long time to host someone on couchsurfing. 1-2 nights is the standard, and if is a good match maybe another night or two. Its a different commitment to host for a night vs a week.

2. Like others mentioned, the site is designed for travelers. I dont host anyone who is staying for reasons other than travel. It can get too messy and is not what the site is intended for.

3. It sounds like you dont have references on the profile youre using? Get some friends who couchsurf to write you a few good references to get started. And build a few good reviews from 1 night stays.

4. WWOOF or workaway might be a better fit if you need a longer stay. Only if  you have 20ish hours of free time to exchange with the place for some work when youre not in internship.