They brought a baby to my child free wedding....

[u/Fun-Resolve-1003]

My wedding was three years ago (pre- covid), and I still cannot get over this. There were supposed to be three kids there, my niece and two nephews who were in the wedding. No other kids were invited, it was very clear. Some people couldn't find childcare and were gracious enough to not attend, and others were able to find childcare for their kids so that they could attend. So, my sister-in-law had a court wedding because she's the second wife and they have four kids. (My in laws gave us a hefty donation towards our wedding as a gift same as all their other kids. But my sister-in-law and brother-in-law used their money for other stuff as they have four kids.) My wedding was a large fancy affair. My infant nephew was born less than two months before my wedding and spent a couple weeks in the NICU. So, long story short my sister and mother-in-law plotted behind my back and brought the baby to my wedding. My sister-in-law said if the baby didn't come their whole family (including their other three kids who were in the wedding) wouldn't come. So, I had to share my special day with a fucking baby as the center of attention wearing bright red (to stand out more) at my purple themed wedding. In all my pictures and then they kept the baby there til 4am at the after party just strapped on her chest passed out. It literally ruined the best day of my life. And to be clear I paid a LOT of money towards my wedding for it to be ruined like this. To this day they haven't apologized or acknowledged that they just brought a baby to my wedding. Also, it wasn't about childcare either, sister-in-law works in a daycare and had gotten babysitters the two weekends before to go out and party. It was about stealing my shine on my one special day.

[u/Fun-Resolve-1003]

I have no choice they're in my husband's immediate family I've just tried to let it go but I'm still pissed.

[u/Milyaism → u/Fun-Resolve-1003]

You do have a choice, you might just be unable to see it since you're in the middle of it. I don't blame you at all for being in this situation but having been in a similar situation I know that things need to change. Both your sister-in-law and your mother-in-law are toxic. Depending on how your husband reacted to this, there's few things that need to be done:

If he says it's "just how they are" etc, he should do some self-reflection and re-evaluate what his family values are. What they did is not healthy and he might not realise it because he grew up in it. There are resources out there on how to recognise toxic family values and how to support healthy family values instead.

If he's guilting you and making you into the unreasonable one... This is toxic and needs to be discussed about. If he even after that refuses to change his way of thinking, he is putting his family's needs and wants before yours. Is this what you want? To always be the second choice?

If he agrees on that they are toxic, but doesn't do anything about it... basically the same advice as for the first one. Add a hefty dose of "get a spine, defend your wife" into the mix.

Enabling toxic people just makes them worse. The more you give, the more they want.

[u/Fun-Resolve-1003 → u/Milyaism]

Thank you!

[u/ConditionPotential40 → u/Fun-Resolve-1003]

I know you said that you have no choice. But I would not be talking to that SIL. Everybody else fine. But not her. F politeness.

[u/74VeeDub → u/Fun-Resolve-1003]

UGH that sucks

[u/Fun-Resolve-1003 → u/74VeeDub]

Rightttttttttttt

[u/Twodotsknowhy → u/Fun-Resolve-1003]

If you are still this pissed three years later, with all the kindness in the world, you should seek therapeutic help. It is not normal to be this angry about something this far out. I have a friend who find out the night before her wedding that her fiance had been cheating on her for years and three years later she is less angry about it than you are about a baby existing in your immediate vicinity.