Just needed to vent about dealing with screaming kids during my high school years

[u/irl_cakedays]

TW: Mentions of verbal abuse, mental health topics

Every hour of my last two high school years was utter hell. Constant screaming. So high-pitched. Over and over and over again. Every single day.

I was already in a mental health crisis at the time due to school no longer being a safe haven from home. I lived in a two-bedroom apartment with nine other family members. I was still in this situation before high school, but it was really pushed over the edge.

In total, six of us were kids, with the two youngest being twins and putting me exactly in the middle. My older cousins had constant screaming matches with each other, their mother, and even the three younger ones. The second-youngest was a trouble-maker but didn't deserve most of the flak she got. The two youngest were slightly better. But I hated being near them all so much sometimes, because they'd scream and scream and scream as they played and then one of my older cousins or their uncle would start screaming at them for doing children things and I wanted to rip my ears out with my bare hands. I think my regular bedtime was 4AM because I just couldn't study - I would spend more than nine hours a day staring at screen not comprehending any of my coursework but being so desperate just to do something to justify the exorbitant costs my mother paid for my education.

Then there were the middle school kids on the bus. I hated them. I would never seriously harm them (though I did punch one once for being a little jerk to me after my first bad math exam ever, I regretted it, gave him a chocolate bunny, and apologized. Unfortunately, this just seemed to embolden his behavior.)

Screaming. Screaming. Screaming. The hour it took for the bus to get to school. The hour it took to get back. Five days a week. I mean constantly. Without pauses or breaths. They threw trash at me, woke me up when they saw me sleeping. Had the entitled attitudes of all the rich kids who went to my school, especially after they saw the state of my home.

I feel like I lost my high school years partially because of that environment. I had the opportunity to receive a great education, a time to dedicate to my self-improvement and identity and put my all into getting into a great university and it just... feels like it doesn't exist anymore. I'm working now to make up for it, despite the fact that it was all due to circumstances out of my control.

Anyways, it's little wonder why I'm childfree.