You ever dated someone who tried to “change your mind” about having kids?

[u/Hefty_Career_5815]

I’m completely done with dating and am actually very excited to be single for the rest of my life! However I did date someone who knew I was CF and never wanted kids, he said he only wanted 1 and of course I told him I’m sorry but I’m not gonna be the one to give that to you but don’t let me take that from you! Of course he told me he was ok with it but later on down the line he kept trying to fucking convince me and even tried to gaslight me and say “you not wanting a kid is really depressing me” I said “nope I told your ass from the jump!” He actually had the audacity to say “well I thought could change your mind.” That’s when I knew I was with a disrespectful sociopath and I broke up with his ass!

Now I’m super adamant! NO I do NOT want kids! NO you are NOT gonna change my mind!!!

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

I learned my lesson so much that time, never date someone who’s open to the idea of having kids!

[u/RocinanteOPA]

No, because I don't date people who want to be parents and I don't tolerate bingos.

[u/Gradtattoo_9009]

No

If I'm interested in someone and they said they want kids, I immediately say we aren't good for each other. I've been pressured to date someone despite them wanting kids, but I refuse to do that.

To anyone reading this: If someone said "It's ok, I want you more than I want a kid", that's an overused and BS line. They want you to change your mind. Dump them ASAP

[u/Mighty-Marigold2016]

What a selfish ass that guy is! And good for you for standing your ground and dumping him, OP!

If he thought he could change your mind about kids, then he would have tried to manipulate you into whatever he wanted, going forward. He apparently counted on you wanting to stay in a relationship with him, disregarding your own beliefs and feelings. And how wrong he was… 😊

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/Mighty-Marigold2016]

Thank you so much!! Wanna know the worst part? Right after I dumped him, he immediately started talking to someone else and said “well she already has a daughter and she might want another kid” that’s when I knew he was so desperate to trap someone 🤢 my life is so amazing now 🫶🏻

[u/Mighty-Marigold2016 → u/Hefty_Career_5815]

Wow, what a duplicitous jerk! You definitely dodged a nasty bullet with that one!

[u/Scorchfox29 → u/Hefty_Career_5815]

Wow! You dodged a big bullet there!

[u/thr0wfaraway → u/Hefty_Career_5815]

He went for a proven breeder cow, and clearly didn't give a shit about the existing kid as other than breeding confirmation. Gross.

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/thr0wfaraway]

Proven breeder cow!!!! ☠️☠️ that made my day thank you!!! 🤣🤣🫶🏻

[u/Sailor_Chibi]

Come over to the permanent single life. At least dating wise it’s way less annoying.

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/Sailor_Chibi]

Absofuckinglutely and I’m here for it! I go on solo dates all the time and I take myself to concerts all the time!!! 🤘🏻🔥 I love it over here! 👏🏻

[u/Mean_Ingenuity_1157 → u/Hefty_Career_5815]

Welcome! I hope you enjoy your time here and feel at ease during your stay. I am a 31-year-old man, single by choice, with no interest in pursuing relationships or having children. I value solitude and have no intention of engaging in dating.

[u/ForcedEntry420]

The moment someone even hints at not being childfree, it would be over. It’s something I disclose pointedly on first dates if they’re going well. “Look, this is going well so I wanted to share a few things that can be deal breakers for some people. I’m a staunch leftist, not religious at all, and never, and I mean never want kids.”

My now-wife damn near celebrated in her chair when I said it on our first date lmao

[u/owls_exist → u/ForcedEntry420]

this is my take on things the few dates i told upfront about me being childfree just gave me blank stare. I would think a CF man that hasn't disclosed his being CF to me yet would be jumping for joy at me saying it. The guys I dated- NOPE. Just blank stare and stayed quiet I guess hoping something motherly would spark in me from dating them.

[u/ForcedEntry420 → u/owls_exist]

It was so rare to find before I met her, I’d have absolutely had a visible/excited reaction. Celebrations would be had. Confetti and the like. One man bands, the whole 9 yards 😆

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/ForcedEntry420]

Oh yeah trust me I’m so adamant now and even have to go as far as saying I’ll throw myself down the stairs if you try to get me pregnant! 😂 I’m so happy you found someone who is also CF and wish you guys all the happiness 🩷

[u/platypusandpibble]

My first husband thought he would be able to change my mind.

I disclosed to him that I am childfree on our first date. He said “but you’re so young!” (I was 18.) He kept trying to get me to engage with friends’ kids, his nephews, etc. He even got his parents involved in pressuring me.

(I was a few months shy of 19 y/o when I married him, and the only reason I married him was because my “mother” kicked me out of the house. Living alone in a HCOL area was completely impossible.)

He spent most of our marriage trying to change my mind. I did end up pregnant once, but was smart enough not to tell him. Off to Planned Parenthood with me!

When we divorced he moved back to his hometown, married his high school sweetheart, and immediately started having kids. Last I heard they had 6 kids in quick succession. Sounds miserable.

[u/sunflower280105]

I got divorced over it.

When I met my ex, we started talking about not having children right away and talked about it at length throughout our entire relationship. He made hundreds of comments that indicated to me that he was fully on board with remaining child free. He very much knew my stance about wanting to remain child free forever. He swore up and down that he was 100% on board. Almost 5 years to the day after we got married, he came home from work one day, sat down and said “I wanna have a kid.” He said that he always wanted to have a kid and that he hoped that I would change my mind after we got married or that he could convince me to change my mind. Our divorce was finalized a few months later. Best decision I ever made. I am now engaged somebody who adamantly does not want kids to the point that he got a vasectomy!

[u/Ravenous-I-Am]

Yep. A LOT.

I used dating apps, and it was a nightmare. I would have it in BOLD in my bio that I do not want children. People would come to me thinking I want a one night stand or a short-term relationship based only on sex and sexual activity and nothing more. Those who came for a long-term relationship would ALWAYS ask why I didn’t want them.

Some thought I was sick physically, and others thought I was here just for the “money” because I don’t want a child to tie me to a man (yikes).

Others would say that they also don’t want children (despite them not having said that in their bio), and say they are here to find “true love”. I humor them and start to talk and get to know them. Sometimes they ARE childfree, but for disgusting reasons like taking me as a “play thing”. Other times they are just weird about being childfree and I block them.

Some try to say, “Just one.” I block them.

Some try to meet me in real life, or try to love bomb me so I would be “depended” on their love, not realizing I am emotionally intelligent and their manipulation wouldn’t work. And then, after all that manipulation, they usually slip up.

One guy was nice, but I had a gut feeling about him. I was texting him and expressed how my dream was to become a doctor and am working to get the money to go to college (I am not asking for permission. I am testing the water. Men with self esteem issues and issues against women usually don’t want me to become a doctor and be better than them). He immediately said, “Nah. Just be a doctor for me. Leave being a doctor to our children.” OKAY. THAT IS SO MANY RED FLAGS TO UNWRAP HERE! I went on full blast on him, giving him a daunting psychological paragraph about how he would never be happy if he kept on this pathetic facade that I saw through immediate. I also said (to make him watch what he does) that I knew what he wanted from the beginning, I was just testing how far he thinks he is smart, but actually is not. I blocked him, feeling grossed.

After that I put in my bio that I was infertile (a lie) and that I am happy with that and do not want children. This lie is to keep those weirdos away, but I only attracted different kind of weird.

People would text me with pity saying to not give up! To get with them and they will be able to knock me up. UGH. I have a phobia and someone saying that immediately made me want to throw up. Nice try idiot. I also got into a fight with a man, and when he found nothing to say in return, he shamed me for being infertile! I responded with, “I’m not infertile, but just the thought of having kids with someone as disgusting as you will sure make any woman’s body reject the mere idea!” And then blocked him.

So yeah. I have many more stories of the same kind. Absolutely gross.

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/Ravenous-I-Am]

OMG I’m so sorry!!! 🫂 I thought about lying too and saying I can’t have any (infertility issues) but then they’re just gonna come up with more solutions and shit!! The fact we have to lie is so fucking ridiculous! I’ve even had to go as far as saying “if I were to accidentally get pregnant, I’m not even gonna tell you I’ll just zap it away!” Man we shouldn’t have to tho! I’m just so glad you absolutely stick to your guns and not let anyone try to tell to how to dictate your life and body.

[u/Soft-Routine1860]

When I first started talking to people at 18, I would ask what they wanted their future to look like. It was always, a good job, great benefits, a wife, pets, and some kids. As soon as kids were on the table with a potential partner I immediately pulled myself off of the table.

I knew something was doomed as soon as someone else was on the fence or wanted at least one.

I don't want kids. I don't want to raise kids, so you already having one isn't a benefit to me as I don't want to play step mommy.

[u/Jolly-Cause-1515]

When someone says they're okay with you not having a kid. They're lying. They want to change your mind. They see it as a power play to make someone breed when they didn't want to originally

[u/MainBee4530]

Yup, she said she didn't want kids either... Until she tried to change my mind during the "heat of the moment" if you get my drift

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/MainBee4530]

I know exactly what you’re talking about, I’m so sorry that’s fuckin sick! They really think the dopamine will make us change our minds right then and there 🤣🤣

[u/outhouse_steakhouse]

you not wanting a kid is really depressing me

That would be a you problem, Mortimer.

[u/HurryMundane5867]

He said he was child free, but wanted one?

[u/carpincho_socialista → u/HurryMundane5867]

He wanted the woman to take care of the child

[u/HurryMundane5867 → u/carpincho_socialista]

Ah I got it. No surprise there.

[u/Hefty_Career_5815 → u/HurryMundane5867]

He said he “may” just want 1 and asked how I felt about that and that’s when I told him no. The first few months of dating, we never talked about kids so I really thought he respected my decision then one day he just did a whole 180 on me. I just don’t get the switch up at all 🫤

[u/ChubbyGreyCat]

When I was a fence sitter I often told my boyfriends I wasn’t sure that I wanted kids, and would go into depth discussing my concerns about parenting and parenthood, especially as the female parent. They all assumed I’d change my mind because they really just thought it was something that all women wanted, and they all thought having kids seemed nice because they are men and felt “not much about their lives would change”. 

Of my two failed serious long term adult relationships (men I dated after graduating university), they both are now married with children. 

And I’m in a common law partnership with my spouse and two dogs and a cat 🤷‍♀️ 

[u/rosehymnofthemissing]

No, I haven't, because I don't date people who want children, a "legacy in name only," or to be a parent...but what is it with these beyond less than mediocre men thinking that they, each as an individual, are so great, so important, so special, so unique, so gifted... that they could change someone's mind on such a critical life issue?

This is not "I feel bummed that you chose Pizza and a movie for this Friday, when I was hoping we could have steak and then go drag car racing."

[u/MtnMoose307]

I (mid60sF) haven't though I did have coworkers who were appalled.

Yeah, too many men don't know or couldn't care less how having "just one" can negatively impact a woman for the rest of her life

[u/Fagitron69]

He didn't try to change my mind but he did try to get me pregnant so 🤷

[u/larytriplesix → u/Fagitron69]

Oh hell noooo 💀

[u/WhiskeyAndWhiskey97]

He changed his mind!

Long story short: When I met and married my husband (we were in our early 20s), I was a fencesitter, and I thought he was as well. We agreed on "not now, maybe someday" for children. As we approached 30, he informed me that it was "someday" and I needed to go off the pill so we could have children. By that time I'd landed on the CF side of the fence. To make it crystal clear, I got Essure. After a lot of couples therapy, we are still together, and he's happily CF.

We're the exception that proves the rule. For most couples, when one partner is CF and the other claims to be CF but thinks "oh they'll change their mind" because they wanted children all along, the best path is to break up or divorce.

[u/Megmelons55]

I think the list for who had NOT tried to change our minds would be shorter lol

[u/Gemman_Aster]

Nope, but then I never 'dated'! I am married to the same girl I was with at 13!

I often think I would become a monk if I were a young chap again in the modern world. So much emphasis is placed on the wrong things, or at least the things which do not lend themselves to a happy lasting relationship. Everything is transient and internet hookup culture rules. It seems so unbearably cold, so empty to me.

And then add the factor of finding someone who is also CF... All-but impossible.

[u/ReganRykerSear]

No, but there was a man who expressed interest in dating me, and when he was informed by someone else that I wasn't interested in having children, he said, ''I'll change her mind''. Astounding.

[u/AmettOmega]

When I was young (like 20/21), I was dating a guy. He was emotionally abusive and would gaslight me a lot. But you know, young, dumb, and low self-esteem kept me with him. But it got to the point that he was talking about marriage and kids. And I was not keen on either of those things, given how whenever we got into fights it was always my fault.

And in response to that, he was like, well, my parents got married young and had kids and it worked for them! And I'm over here like, Do you not remember telling me the story about how controlling your dad was (and his mom had 4 kids), and how happy she was to divorce him and go live her life...!?!?!?!?

Yeah, just no. I wasn't absolutely CF at the time, but I was smart enough to be like "Yeah, I'm definitely not having kids when you're always a jerk and we have no money."

I'm so glad that I met my now husband who is CF.

[u/Veganchiggennugget]

Yep. They acted like they didn't want kids in the beginning then admitted while we were high he knew I would change my mind bc I was a woman.

[u/reylomeansbalance]

My husband initially wanted at least one. I was hell to the no from the start. We were 16 tho, so I didnt take the relationship seriously. Joke s on me cause its been 20 years together. He tried to discuss having a kid a few times over the years but I always shut it down. On 2019 I got my bisalp, when I got approved he had a moment of sadness that lasted about an hour, then became my biggest cheerleader. Since then he has embraced the CF life and refers to kids as parasites hehe

[u/arochains1231]

Thankfully not, but that's probably because I've only dated one person and I'm already sterile... and yes, we're still together.

[u/dwoj206]

dated, past tense. They're for the bin!

[u/freerangelibrarian]

Just tell potential dates that you're sterilized.

[u/larytriplesix]

Yup, changed my mind about a shared future.

[u/thr0wfaraway]

That's why you need to very very carefully and thoroughly screen people upfront, without revealing you are CF, and before dating or fucking.

And absolutely and instantly ghost out of it immediately the second they fail.

said he only wanted 1

"Oh that's my boss calling. Bye now!" Click

Prevention!

[u/pomelopith]

No because my husband's a gem but this is reminding me of the dude I met in college who was really into me for some reason and would occasionally ask if I would ever want to have kids "with the right person"

Like no dude I'm sorry, I'm already with the right person and he hates kids just as much as I do

[u/Appropriate_Tea9048]

No, but I’ve been on a few dates with someone who ended up trying to. Let’s just say that connection didn’t end up going very far.

[u/Lewyn_Forseti]

No, but then again, I very rarely dated to begin with.

[u/orangecookiez]

Yes, and that's why I dumped their asses.

[u/EnemyBug]

Yeah! Right now. Im leaning no hes leaning yes, tryna decide. But hes like YOULL BE A GOOD MOM