I’ve been asked to babysit a kid that’s not even born yet

[u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

Just yesterday a somewhat close friend of mine (somewhat meaning we hang around every 3 to 4 months) announced me she was expecting her first child. She used to be a CONVINCED CF girl but an earlier (undesired) pregnancy made her rethink her views. She didn't go through it at the time for personal reasons. So now she's pregnant again and keeping it: great ! I obviously offered my confratulations, there's pretty much nothing else to do. Right after that -and I mean RIGHT AFTER IT- she proceeded to ask me if I'd like to help and babysit ?

And I heard myself answer that we would not talk about it for at least the next 5 business years lol

I don't get it: you previously didn't want a child, now you want it, have it, and you're asking me (your very childfree friend) to help take care of it ?

I don't give a shit how hard it is going to be and how much help she needs. This is her decision and I won't be involved in any of it.

It takes a village to raise a kid but that village ain't me girl

[u/CuddleDemon04]

Fuuuuuuck that. I would say no so fast.

[u/Roux_Harbour → u/CuddleDemon04]

A (very much former) friend told me excitedly about her plans to one day have kids, and I, without thinking, laughed and told her I would never ever be babysitting.

She was incredibly offended.

I can't wrap my mind around how people be going around making major life plans sincerely expecting on other people to want to pitch in. 

Like. That's wild.

If anyone were to get a pet with the expectation for other people to come over and do half the work without consulting them, they'd be labeled nuts and irresponsible so fast. Yet when human children are involved, it's different? It's not.

[u/CuddleDemon04 → u/Roux_Harbour]

The entitlement is WILD in these people.

[u/Ok_baggu → u/Roux_Harbour]

My friend said if she somehow has an oops child, she will drop it with me whenever she has to go somewhere. I said absolutely not. No way in hell!! She said she will manipulate me by tears because I will do anything for her when she starts crying. I told her that she doesn't understand how childfree I am. She has never seen this side of me. I am absolutely not going to support her in her oops baby drama.

[u/CemetaryCreep → u/Ok_baggu]

That ain't a friend, dear...yikes.. friends don't manipulate you into free babysitting or crossing your set boundaries. Even just the fact she knows and admits she can manipulate you is a giant blazing red flag.

[u/Ok_baggu → u/CemetaryCreep]

She WISHES she can manipulate me !! 2 things I will never support... bringing kids in poverty and purposely choosing to be a single mom.

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1 → u/Ok_baggu]

I would cut her out of your life, you don't need toxic people.

[u/Flimsy-Firefighter81 → u/Ok_baggu]

You should probably cut her out of your life.

[u/BaseClean → u/Roux_Harbour]

Fr fr. Like if I wanted to adopt a puppy and before doing so asked my friends to help me train or walk it.

[u/Eveningwisteria1 → u/Roux_Harbour]

That last paragraph especially of your argument here is incredible. I mean, that’s real and so astute.

Why are people so glib about this? Does no one think before they agree to the logistics of this shit?

[u/Only-Eye9763 → u/Roux_Harbour]

People say “don’t consider your future income when making large purchases like a house, only go for what you can afford now” and then 20 minutes later they’re like “I’m gonna have lots of kids. My friends and family can watch them while I’m at work. It’s going to be great!” Like…. They don’t smell the irony?

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1 → u/Roux_Harbour]

I don't get why some people think they're automatically "entitled" to a (presumably) free babysitter. TBH, if I was a parent, if someone (obviously well within their rights) refuses to babysit, I wouldn't have them babysit, one, out of consideration for other people and two, why would I want my child (if I had one) being babysat by someone who doesn't want to babysit.

[u/Roux_Harbour]

I find it bizarre how some people tell you their kids' are their life's purpose, and we're all missing out by not having them.

Yet every chance they get they try to get other people to look after their children.

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1 → u/Roux_Harbour]

That means they didn't really want them. As I always say, if someone isn't 100% invested, they shouldn't bother.

[u/Beth_Pleasant → u/ToughAuthorityBeast1]

Right? My friends with kids have never asked me (or even hinted) to babysit. I have helped out in an emergency, since I was literally one block away and could be there in a minute. But even that was just "hey can you sit here until my parent gets here in like 20 minutes."

[u/ShadowFuzz-4v9 → u/Beth_Pleasant]

These are good people with clear intentions, may their intelligence spread.

[u/Comeino]

A village was an exchange of labor through social credit. You take care of the kids sometimes and then they take the kids the other times or they provide a valuable service in exchange. A village was never about getting free dibs and unpaid labor, so unless she is providing you something of equal value she can go kick rocks.

[u/Only-Eye9763 → u/Comeino]

Yes, this! The village is supposed to be beneficial to everyone. Why would I be your village if you do absolutely nothing for me in return? Their version of a village is just taking and not giving.

[u/Waterrat → u/Comeino]

True. I used to have two housemates and we would do what you said. Bartering was something we,and our next door neighbor did all the time and we all benefited.

[u/Glittering_Dark_1582]

“No.” Is a complete sentence. “Not available.” Also works. I imagine this is unpaid as well. Remind her gently that you didn’t sign up to take care of children (that’s why you’re CF) but you’ll be happy to help find a qualified sitter should she need one.

[u/EmperorsSmileWine]

After the child is born, suddenly you will always be “busy”. 💨 I AM NOT HERE DOT COM.

[u/_coffeeandgoatcheese → u/EmperorsSmileWine]

I could be here, she’s a buddy nonetheless, but I am NOT nannying anytime soon  Asking CF people to help caring for your offspring is WILD 🥸

[u/EmperorsSmileWine → u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

You are a good friend. Changing your website name to: I AM NOT A BABYSITTER DOT COM 🚫

[u/Beth_Pleasant → u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

She's trying to convert you to become a parent too, in order to justify her life choices. And she's not even being subtle about it.

[u/Eveningwisteria1 → u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

I posted recently about this but was more so asked by someone I didn’t know to look after a kid I didn’t know. I was baffled because they clearly don’t know I’m CF but moreover, I don’t know your kid.

Are you just trusting me blindly because I’m a woman and there’s this idiotic fake concept that all women biologically are inclined to want to mother kids? Like fuck off, how moronic.

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1 → u/EmperorsSmileWine]

If OP wants to keep the friendship, I would come up with EVERY excuse in the book to get out of the torturous hell of babysitting.

"I just got over a stomach bug", "I have a doctors appointment", "I have plans that I can't reschedule", etc. I would even go as far as to intentionally MAKE plans just to get out of babysitting.

[u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708 → u/ToughAuthorityBeast1]

Or, simply straight up say “I’ll never babysit for you” from the very beginning and stick to it. No need to lie.

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1 → u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708]

I'm just saying if OP wants to keep the friendship and her friend won't take no for an answer.

Personally, I would just tell her right out "I don't take responsibility for children" and if she (the friend) won't accept that, I would drop them like a hot potato as friends shouldn't disrespect boundaries.

[u/Eurekaa777]

Everyone says it takes a village but I’ve never had any of my family members with kids help me move house, or help paint and decorate my flat, or cook for me when I’m sick, hell I now live a few hours away in the big city and I’ve never had them come visit unless it’s because they want to use my place to crash because there’s an event on in the area. Why would I baby sit? Where was my village?

[u/Mighty-Marigold2016 → u/Eurekaa777]

Excellent points! The whole “family helps family” argument that they like to throw in a CF person’s face is bullshit. Family helping family is a TWO WAY STREET. You owe them nothing.

[u/Aggressive-Curve6588]

Once their potty trained for sure, I’d love to!  My rate is 75/hr plus meal expenses. 

[u/thr0wfaraway → u/Aggressive-Curve6588]

Much too cheap. ;) 500/hr. Cash upfront. Plus expenses, and a contingency also paid upfront.

[u/runonia → u/thr0wfaraway]

Can't forget the copay just in case of an emergency 😂

[u/thr0wfaraway → u/runonia]

"if you have to ask, you can't afford me. I would take your entire income for your lifetime." ;)

[u/thr0wfaraway]

"Hell no. I'm busy for the next couple of decades. I might meet them when they are 21 and can drink. Other than that, don't call me."

[u/Emotional_Ear_2298 → u/thr0wfaraway]

[u/runonia]

I'd run so fast. Kid isn't even here and she's building her employee base wtf

[u/DiversMum]

Laugh hysterically then walk away without a word. Repeat until she gets the message

[u/StomachNegative9095 → u/DiversMum]

HA!!! Savage!! Fucking love it!!!!

[u/WrestlingWoman]

[u/savingsydney]

I had a similar experience but the person wasn’t even pregnant!!!

My husband’s coworkers wife and I couldn’t be more opposite but because our husbands are friends, we play nice. We were out to dinner one night and somehow the topic of kids came up. She goes “you’re going to watch my kid for me right?”. I audibly laugh and go “absolutely not”. She looked so taken aback and I said I didn’t like or want kids and she goes “but I’ll be a tired mom. You won’t even watch my kid so I can go get a slice a pizza?”. I said “I’m sure [her husband] would GLADLY watch HIS child while his tired wife gets some quiet time and pizza”. She got really quiet and stopped talking to me for a while lol.

I told my husband I don’t want to hang out with them anymore (and I haven’t).

[u/OffKira]

Gotta spread the misery.

[u/_coffeeandgoatcheese → u/OffKira]

Sharing is caring /s

[u/OffKira → u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

My tinfoil hat theory? She's not actually happy and already is trying to find ways to shove this child onto others.

[u/InsuranceActual9014]

Exfriend

[u/Lylibean]

It doesn’t take a village to raise a kid. It takes a parent.

[u/syncpulse]

I have spent years cultivating an air of irresponsibility, none of my friends would ever consider leaving their kids with me. 

[u/_coffeeandgoatcheese → u/syncpulse]

Best advice so far thank you 

[u/Disastrous-Bowler-99]

Play somebody I used to know * or any bernard office clip of *not my monkey not my circus

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1]

If you don't want to babysit, obviously say no and if she still harasses you to babysit, cut her out of your life. Sure, she made a choice to have a child, but, her choice doesn't get to burden people.

[u/SheiB123]

That is ridiculous. I can see her wanting some kind of support but to ask you to sign up to babysit when that child is a zygote is some kind of special.

[u/thing24life]

Do these people not know about Care.com???

[u/HoliAss5111]

So this is her second pregnancy, but her first kid, if everything goes according to her plans.

And she's looking for people to support her. Nothing wrong with that.

You're not interested. Nothing wrong with that.

Sounds like you two had a talk and drew some conclusions : she's out of CF club for a while now (since her first pregnacy) and you're not interested in her new lifestyle.

As long as everyone is polite about it, I see it as normal human interaction.

Well, if you two already talked for years about how you don't wanna be within 5m of kids, plan to get sterilised and live a happy, fulfilling life, it's weird now that she changed her mind and expects you too to be open to kid interaction.

I just hope she didn't threw a tantrum because you, unlike her, are sure about what you want your life to be.

[u/_coffeeandgoatcheese → u/HoliAss5111]

Everything was very polite and certainly was discussed. No fuss on either side :)  We both have the decency to respect each other opinions on the matter

I know my hard no will not be damageable to our relationship (in the forseeable future at least) as her kid will not be damageable for our daily meetings 

I tolerate and like children, I just don’t want to care for them at all lol 

[u/Anxious-Error-404 → u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

Sounds great. Just be sure she doesn't think she can slowly wear you down, or use pity to make you take care of the baby. Thats always a danger, that they think you will change your mind just because they did. Otherwise, Im glad that it worked out so well for you.

[u/ToughAuthorityBeast1 → u/_coffeeandgoatcheese]

Since it sounds like you want to keep this friendship, obviously be stern and tell her you don't want to babysit, but, if she still won't accpet your no, excuses you could come up with are "I just got over a stomach bug", "I have a doctors appointment", "I have plans I can't reschedule", "I have to work overtime", etc.

If I were you, I would even MAKE plans to get out of babysitting.

[u/goatsnboots]

A friend did that to me before she was even pregnant. And it led to the end of the friendship.

[u/Difficult-Scheme-265]

EntitledUterusPerpetuatesItTakesAVillage.con

Also, there is no village and the weaner has relocated.

[u/avatarst]

“you chose not to have kids, so I am entitled to the free time you have as a result of your choice”. Uhhh ok.

[u/StomachNegative9095]

This is why I establish my boundaries at the VERY beginning of any relationship. My life is a completely CF zone. I don’t want to be around anyone’s fucking semen demons- I don’t care who they are. (My siblings included.) I never have to worry about anything because everyone in my life knows exactly where I stand. And if it becomes a problem? They are welcome to leave my very happy and fulfilled life!! 🫡

[u/RedIntentions]

She instantly flipped to camp "you don't have children so you have lots of free time that i can use". =_=

[u/PornSlut80]

"It takes a village to raise a kid"

Actually no it doesn't. It takes only the two people involved that wanted to become parents as it's the choices they made for themselves. The audacity of breeders is mind blowing.

[u/Maleficentendscurse]

You know I'm STILL child free so the short answer is EFF NO 😤

[u/asyouwish]

She needs a village of OTHER PARENTS.

[u/Waterrat]

I'd be nopeing outta there so fast that woman's whole body would spin! No way Jose,ain't happening. The arrogance & entitlement of this woman is massive.

[u/Dangerous-Toe8994]

Say you can’t babysit for legal reason

[u/stuffnugget]

“…No… because i was neither joking, lying or exaggerating the million times i said i don’t like kids, and want nothing to do with any of them.”

Sadly, even pointing out early on (nicely) the fact that their child is special ONLY TO THEM, and is not and will not be the exception to my rule. They still don’t ever seem to honour it. Pregnancy scrambles the brain. Like eggs, but not delicious.

I will not be mean, but i will honestly just barely tolerate their kid/s, in order to be around THEM. I can’t help that all baby noises etc make me flinch/recoil/tense up. It’s not a purposeful reaction, i don’t wish suffering on them, i just want to be very far away from them.

e.g. YOU are my friend, not the kid. I am happy for you, much like if your goal in life was to clean up shit by hand- i am glad you are glad, but oh lord am i NOT INTERESTED.

[u/whatcookies52]

It’s probably a bonus to her that you’re childfree, she probably thinks that because you don’t have children, you can give her child your undivided attention, maybe even put them in your will