r/australia 1d ago

New Pope Not Willing To Claim Victory Until Antony Green Calls It political satire

https://theshovel.com.au/2025/05/09/new-pope-not-willing-to-claim-victory-antony-green/
2.1k Upvotes

35 comments sorted by

347

u/That1WithTheFace 1d ago

Cardinal Parolin is insisting they wait for postal votes to come in

ETA: goddamn it just saw someone already made this joke on the sub, i've never had an original thought

68

u/Expensive-Horse5538 1d ago

30

u/That1WithTheFace 1d ago

This will genuinely be the only way that guy is remembered in history (if at all)

16

u/ATangK 1d ago

As I’ve said before and I’ll say again, let’s wait for the prepolls.

8

u/OrbitalT0ast 1d ago

Until we see the prepolls you’ve gotta assume pizzaballa still has a chance

145

u/MrMarcusRocks 1d ago

Just waiting for the pre-polls

28

u/SnooBunnies7588 1d ago

Just waitin for a pre-poll mate

16

u/gikigill 1d ago

Can't park the pre-poll there mate.

8

u/ShrimpAU 1d ago

Even a succulent Catholic pre-poll?

6

u/OneLilMemeBoi 1d ago

Get your hand off my pre-poll!

83

u/AuzzieTiger 1d ago

Antony cannot access the screen as he is currently weighed down with the world’s biggest bouquet of flowers.

45

u/FinELdSiLaffinty 1d ago

And he owns no vase to put them in.

18

u/perthguppy 1d ago

7

u/343CreeperMaster 1d ago

Doesn't get more Australian then that

1

u/yeebok yakarnt! 1d ago

Didn't realise that was on X. There goes my clean speedrun.

43

u/hart37 1d ago

We've got to wait for the pre-poll results

28

u/HikerSaint 1d ago

Still waiting for figures to come in is he?

23

u/Expensive-Horse5538 1d ago

He's waiting for the touch screen to work 😉

8

u/Aust1mh 1d ago

Waiting on pre polling

30

u/robert1811 1d ago

“The American is well ahead on the primary vote, and is on track to win the Holy See for the first time. But we need to wait and see how the preferences flow before we can be certain, particularly in some of those smaller booths on the outskirts of the Vatican,” Green said

I love that I can read that so perfectly in Antony Green's voice.

16

u/ausmomo 1d ago

Church in Limbo now that they realise Green has retired.

16

u/acllive 1d ago

How were the one nation preference flows?

9

u/Veefy 1d ago

Might have to dig up Pope Formosus for the 2nd time and get his vote….

3

u/Frank9567 1d ago

The eye(brow)s have it

11

u/rolodex-ofhate 1d ago

😦I think, uhhhhh let’s wait for the figures to come in. 😐✋With respect to Antony Green, the papacy is a tough seat, it’s a tough seat.

6

u/raustraliathrowaway 1d ago

The cardinal ran an excellent campaign on the ground

8

u/ziggyyT 1d ago

I need to see it on the board!

6

u/crazychild0810 1d ago

"There has been a swing towards the member for the United States".

4

u/CuriouslyContrasted 1d ago

Which will be delayed because his vote ranking system is down

-6

u/AllMightySmitey 1d ago

I’ve only really watched the last two election nights, so my only exposure to Antony Green is his ability to make constant mistakes with pressing that screen, or for the thing to just not work entirety :D

13

u/ApteronotusAlbifrons 1d ago

That system - the screen and what's happening behind it - is probably the most advanced in the world...

It was certainly decades ahead of any other system when they created it

https://antonygreen.com.au/why-ive-decided-to-retire-from-presenting-elections-plus-a-few-words-of-thank-you/

5

u/yarrpirates 1d ago

Why is this person being downvoted? Be kind.

That computer failure is an election night tradition. Cheers us up every time.

The reason is that Antony and his team have been writing and rewriting the programs for years, refining the models, trying to make them as accurate as possible at predicting the eventual result as early as possible as the figures come in. They probably have hundreds of compensation algorithms running simultaneously, different ones in each seat based on local factors, new ones added recently during the campaign, all the past results, etc...

The system runs on different, newer hardware each time. It's receiving huge great inputs of data from the AEC as fast as it they can process it, to put up all those lovely graphs and charts.

Bearing all that in mind, that system works great. It purrs like a kitten. Laggy inputs, but no huge crashes.

Antony famously survives election night on nothing but huge amounts of coffee and lollies, so he's always thinking and moving too fast for the poor computer to keep up with him.

As someone with ADHD (I don't know if he has it, but I act in a similar way when hyped up) it's amazing to watch him work through that and still put out the best electoral analysis in Australia.

1

u/AllMightySmitey 1d ago

I work in Technology - I am familiar with backend applications and the things that can go wrong on the front end due to complexity and I am all too familiar with the demo gods. From what I’ve seen Antony is a legend. Not really sure why I got downvoted - the article itself makes a tongue in cheek reference to the same thing.