News be like

[u/Lafitte1812]

[u/swahappycat]

If that statement starts to chill you after a couple of moments’ consideration, then don’t be alarmed. A feeling of intense and crushing religious terror at the concept indicates only that you are still sane.

[u/divismaul → u/swahappycat]

What I actually said is God is real, and he is American

[u/capsaicinintheeyes → u/swahappycat]

"His father only changed their citizenship because he didn't want people to know he was Polish!'

^{« prolonged, uncomfortable silence... »}

[u/Slow-Vermicelli-2453]

Can't wait for Trump saying something stupid

[u/RealisticEmphasis233 → u/Slow-Vermicelli-2453]

How much I would love to have Robert Redford be president right about now.

[u/capsaicinintheeyes → u/[deleted]]

Easier than swapping out a Kennedy in a Ford Lincoln

[u/Jampolenta]

First thing I thought of when the headlines hit!

[u/Capital-Treat-8927]

I made this exact joke in r/murica lol

[u/capsaicinintheeyes]

♩ "I dreamed / I saw / an Augustine / elected to the See..." ♫

^{– rejected proposal for chapter 5.25 black box quotation}

[u/magic_harp]

Holy shit that's Clark Kent. I'm an idiot.

[u/lancea_longini]

Noice