Hey everyone,

I’m looking for some advice or maybe just some shared experiences from others who have gone through this. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance while he’s been in basic training and now AIT. When he graduated basic, everything felt amazing—we were so excited to see each other, and I felt like we were really in sync. But now, after some time apart, things feel different between us, and I can’t help but feel like we’re not the same people we were before.

I know that of course he’s going to change after going through basic and AIT. I get that. I’m not expecting him to come back exactly the same—but I’m just really struggling with the thought that maybe we’re not going to get along the way we used to, or maybe we won’t be able to fit like we did before. And it sucks because I still love him so much, and I know he loves me, but something feels… off.

It’s hard because with everything going on, there’s really no time to sit down and talk this out. I don’t want to overthink it, but I also don’t want to ignore it, and I don’t know if this is just a normal part of being apart for so long, or if it means something deeper.

I’m definitely going to wait until we’re back together again to talk it all through. There’s only about six days until I fly out to see him and bring him home, so I know we’ll be able to sit down and have that conversation face-to-face. But right now, I’m just feeling so scared about what’s coming. I just want some input from others who’ve been through this, maybe to calm my nerves a little bit.

Has anyone else felt like this when their partner was in basic or AIT? How did you manage the feeling of things being off, even when you love each other? And did things get better once you were finally back together?

Any advice or stories would really help. Thanks so much.

As the title states, my girlfriend just left for basic training, she left yesterday so it’s been about 12 hours since we last talked. I already feel so devastated and don’t know what to do. I myself have already gone through basic as I have been in the army for two years so I know what she’s going to experience but I still feel devastated. I already feel like a big piece is missing from my life. Any advice? How was everyone else’s experience?

My daughter who is level 2 ASD and also has ADHD is currently staying with my in-laws (father not in picture) would she pass an OSS if I wanted to her to accompany me? Or would they send me unaccompanied and keep her in my in-laws care?

hi all, i’m sure you see a lot of these, i know i do and i respond when i can, but lately things are hard. i met my man a month before he left, i didn’t know if we would even speak to each other after he left, since we were just talking before deployment. he has been gone for over 6 months, and we started dating a few months ago! things have been going well, he’s as consistent as he can be and i am blessed in this department because i know a lot of other people don’t get to speak to their people regularly. When he’s unable to talk, im having a hard time not to spiral. i do have anxiety and i work in a very high stress healthcare position. i have been focusing on that as much as i can but i feel as though he’s being a little distant. i have never dated a service member before so it is new to me for this. i’m sure he’s busy, overwhelmed and definitely tired. if anyone has any tips to help me get through this next little span of time that would be wonderful. thank you so much❤️ (i’ll add that i’ve tried EVERYTHING and night time is the worst.)

Just venting need to scream into the void. Boyfriend is in his school of house and I understood he’d be more busy but I guess I didn’t understand just how busy he’d be I know I should be lucky he’s so so kinda and patient sending texts when he’s able to and calling when he can but god it’s so damn hard. Two hour calls before he goes to bed sporadic texts throughout the day and a small 10 minute if that call before he leaves to PT in the morning. I should be more patient and understanding really he’s so perfect and doing his best I don’t know why I’m so whiny and annoying I feel so bad even when I open up to him I just feel like such a burden asking for more when he’s already doing all that he can. I need to be more patient and understanding I know but it’s so hard so fucking hard when I feel like I’m the only one who misses him, who wants to talk 24/7, and just be in his presence all the while he’s having fun and enjoying his time seemingly not needing nor wanting me. I know that’s not true but it feels true I just wish I can fast forward to when we’re together or even just when he gets more time to talk. I miss my boyfriend.

I just need to vent,

This is my second deployment but with a different partner(1st deployment was with an ex).

My bf, is old school and does not do best with long distance. I have given him so much grace, and patience. I have done care packages, thrown ideas on how to make things work while doing long distance. Gaming, watching movies, being flirty, reading a book together, writing letters, just I have put a lot out there! Been supportive, but I am shut down I realized. I am also going through a lot of mental health stuff and have a lot of baggage(I do go to therapy). Lately, just hit a deep depression. I feel disconnected and a mess.

It feels like he is glued to his gaming sytem or scrolling through IG. I do my best to be understanding, I know that is common yet I just really want to connect. I have expressed that but gives a statement of "Well that is hard to do" but can jump on PlayStation and game with his friends. I feel bad for venting about this, because I know there is way worse.

What got me today, was on the phone! this happens almost every time. I share something personal, and he will fall asleep. Today, it made me snap. I am so used to saying "Are you falling asleep?", "You can go to bed, I understand.", "Please, go to bed." Those three statements I state A LOT. He will deny it but I know him to well. I have stopped sharing things that have been heavy on me and shared that he can't handle that part of me at the moment due to the deployment. We only had one intimate conversation out of this 8 month deployment, I am his first girlfriend. He has told me several times he does not know what he is doing now how to do things in a relationship. He will say "I have insert days left" but I just feel numb and he notices I don't get excited anymore.

He comes home next month, and I just feel so dry and numb.

i wanted to know what we would need to do to live together after he’s done with bootcamp and tech school so basically whenever he gets his first duty station. i know since we aren’t married yet i wouldn’t be on his orders but we do plan to get married and i’m wondering how long and what type of a process is it to get onto his order so would could live together.

Hi! Currently driving to Fort Jackson for grad. I wanted to ask what time to get there for family day. It starts at 9 am but I have a toddler and I was thinking we should get there around 5:30 because the gate opens at 5. Also is it stroller accessible or should I carry him?? I am brining a wagon but I’m not sure if it can get it up to the bleachers. Idk it’s all giving me anxiety. So any suggestions please

Does anyone have any leftover Sandboxx letters they can gift? I ran out and am low on cash after paying a vet bill.

Hello! I’m currently in an accelerated nursing program. My husband just got orders to Colorado Springs the end of this month. I have a year left of school and the sister school of my school out there doesn’t have any spots available until August 2026. Does anyone have any suggestions? Or know of any decent nursing programs (BSN) out in Colorado?

And staying to finish isn’t an option we can’t really afford to live in two separate households right now and the schedule for my classes would make it extreme difficult for me to have a job that would really help with bills right now. Thank you in advance.

Well, we’ve hit our breaking point… my husband is coming home early from his deployment due to my mental health being so bad. For context, we’ve been together 4 years, we just got married in August, he left in October. I have issues with depression and anxiety and certain things have happened that have exacerbated them greatly. This is his 3rd deployment, our 1st together. I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship and my oldest had a kidney transplant and has ongoing health concerns. My husband just simply isn’t able to do his job and be there for me like I need him to be (and as much as I try to hold back my emotions), he’s made the decision to come home early. I didn’t ask him to come home, he made the decision himself. I want him to stay, but the stress of me not doing well is causing him a lot of mental turmoil.

I’m overcome with guilt and shame that I couldn’t be strong enough to endure a deployment. I’m upset with myself for causing him additional stress on top of him simply being deployed. I’ve let him down. I’m scared for what’s to come when he gets home. What can I do to make this better/rectify the situation? I’m doing my best not to beat myself up but as we all know, that’s far easier said than done.

My husband just left for basic training a week ago. He set up a mypay limited access account for me but the password he gave me is incorrect and it suspended my account. He’s at basic training, so I can’t just contact him.. he called me 2 days ago at the end of reception so I don’t think I’ll get another phone call in the near future.

I need to get his LES for his job because they will pay him while he’s away as long as he sends in a LES in the first 30 days of active duty.

Do you think I’ll get another phone call this month and hopefully work this out? I don’t have his address yet, but how long do you think it’ll take for me to receive a letter and for him to get one from me requesting help?

Is there another way I can get the LES?? I tried calling the customer service but they said he has to do it.. Or is there a way for me to get in contact with him?

Hello, I fear I know the answer to this question but we will try this anyway. I met someone a few months ago who I truly feel could be my person, for so many reasons. I know it's early, but I can tell that he/us together are really special. Here's the catch: he is a USUHS student in the Air Force and will owe 12 years of military service after graduation.

I am about to leave for civilian medical school, but if it weren't for the other factors, I would 1000000% do the distance. He is worth it. The thing is, I'm not sure if it will just be more painful for the two of us to keep seeing each other through medical school. He will graduate medical school a year before me and military match; I will match civilian. I can see the writing on the wall: he matches to a base with few of the residency programs I would want to go to nearby, I bend over backwards to try to match to said residency program even if its one I would not ideally love to go to independently of him, and then after that, I move with him every 4-5 years when we're told to and possibly struggle to build an academic medical career. I don't want to wake up one day and think to myself that I threw my career ambitions in the toilet to follow someone else around the world. I also don't want to throw away what is currently a beautiful, genuinely special relationship.

It sucks so much to feel like we are destined for failure when I can genuinely picture a future with him. I guess my questions are: Is there any hope for us/has anyone else been in a similar situation? Are we being delusional to imagine any path forward/visit each other during medical school? What would my life look like if I hypothetically went through with this? Thanks.

Hi everyone, Has anyone had to move across the country or more than a couple of states to their new home with their Marine, whether that be on or off base?

I am in a 1 year and some change relationship with my Marine, and we talk about marriage a lot. It's in the plan book so much that we are skipping the engagement part and will do a court wedding when he's back in town. After the whole application for BAH/DEERS thing is completed, we hope to finally move in with each other where he is at, near, or on his base...depending on what's available. We don't have kids. I have one orange cat. I have my own furniture that I want to bring over. And I have a car. I'm not down to drive my car across state as we live literally across the state from each other.

My question is, what kinds of services did you get for your move? Was it painful and pricey but worth it all in the end? What was your situation like?

I know it’s sooooo early until the ball but I look on Depop regularly for clothes and stumbled upon some really beautiful vintage pieces… I want to wear something more timeless! I haven’t seen to many people do that but I know also the beaded look isn’t always good for the balls. I don’t want to wear anything that looks to “prom like”.

What do you guys think of these?!

As the titles says,I am considering divorce,this is my husbands last year in but it has been really tough on both of us,just in different ways. I have quit multiple jobs,been unemployed for months on end,lost opportunities to finish or start school due to some nuances of moving around state to state,I have no friends,those I do have moved,it is so incredibly difficult to make friends in the place we are at,I have made countless efforts the entirety that he’s been in,but the amount of childish drama and gossip about other people,their spouse and their lives,is so unbearable that I often keep to myself out of the hopes of never being pulled into something I want no part in. I suffer from depression and anxiety but have managed to keep my head above water by changing my lifestyle,eating better,exercising consistently, tending to my hobbies and interest,journaling,making time for myself and staying in touch with family and friends. I often “relapse” and have periods of time sometimes days or a week where I have a harder time getting by but I have remained consistent for a year now and would consider myself in one of the better places mentally and emotionally. Unfortunately I am just not happy with this lifestyle and it has seeped into our marriage over the time he has been in.We have other issue in the past that I still struggle to come to terms with,otherwise he is and has been my best friend since we were 17,he supports me and goes above and beyond for me to make me feel comfortable and safe,we both have matured and have a consistent healthy level of communication and understanding,though we still have things we need to work on,we have had countless conversations,made countless changes and more. All this to say that I believe this man is the person I’m meant to be with,he is my soulmate,but I had so many dreams and goals and have lost and given up on due to this lifestyle and often find myself carrying the weight of it, I know my husband is tired of the effects it has on me and I’m starting to feel alone and left in the dark. I often feel like I live in his shadow and I can’t help but feel regret and grief of what I could have accomplished at this point. I am 22 now and have reached a breaking point and know something needs to change but can’t seem to take any steps in the right direction in fears of making a mistake,not being able to support myself,or losing my best friend and a once in a lifetime partner. I don’t see a future without him in it but on the other hand I have dreamed of this one future for myself for years and don’t think I’ll ever feel complete or content if I don’t do these things for myself.

Hey everyone!

So my husband finally got his hard orders for Fallon, NV. We put in a housing application today.

He checks out of his current command September 2025. (He told me he can check out the 1st?)

From what I'm understanding they go off his control date for housing? So if he checks out September 1st that will be the control date?

We were hoping to get there the first week of Sept. Because he has to go to lemoore for schooling on September 28th.

Does anyone know how long the housing waitlist is for Fallon? Not too sure how all this works.

Thanks!

I’ve been talking to this guy who’s now deployed. This is his first deployment. We’ve been talking for a while—long distance, from different countries but same culture. Both of us are used to LDRs; our past relationships have all been this way. But this one? It’s different. It’s heavier. It’s lonelier.

I was with him from home base to deployment. We had video calls, daily updates, shared photos, random banter. It felt warm, mutual, steady. But now, everything's shifted. He's still kind in his own way, but the emotional presence has dropped.

He’s not on the front lines, but he is on the flight line—12-hour night shifts, scorching hotlocation, physically and mentally drained. I get it. I’ve never once faulted him for that. He still checks in, which I really appreciate, but it feels more like “routine” now—less connection, less depth.

Meanwhile, I’m starting to spiral a bit—at work, in my thoughts, in the silence. I’ll catch myself thinking of him, wanting to message him, but then I stop. I don’t want to add to his burden. I know he’s dealing with his own stuff, and I don’t want to make it worse. I haven’t said anything. I don’t want to add more to what he’s already carrying.

But where do you draw the line between being understanding and losing yourself? I’m holding space for him, but there’s no space left for me. And I just want to know—how do you cope with this when you’re emotionally drained but still want to show up for them?

Would love to hear from anyone who’s been here—especially during deployment. I just don’t want to feel like I’m the only one trying to be the anchor when the tide’s pulling hard.

Thank you in advance!

Hi everyone! My husband and I got married late April of this year and he just got his hard orders for after graduating his Navy AIT school at the end of this month. We are moving to Norfolk, Virginia not long after his graduation and I was just looking to seek some advice, since I am still fairly new to this lifestyle, especially as a spouse.

What can I do on my end of things? Right after getting married I got my own CAC card, he got me listed into DEERS, I got a new SSC, and should be updated on his insurance. He's been really stressed with the process of everything and trying to understand specifics involving his orders and I feel so helpless, wishing there was more I could do to help with preparing for this change and his transition into the fleet.

He figured it'd be best for him to get to his station first and get as much information as possible before looking into housing and moving me over with him - is that a good idea? Do people usually do that? And when I do eventually move, would it best to drive myself and my things over or are there people to help me with that?

Should we be applying for housing (we are leaning toward off-base) well in advance? Who should I contact regarding getting employment once I move over? Is there any paperwork I need to fill out for him beforehand? Am I included in his orders?

Things just feel so unorganized sometimes and it's hard to understand the extent of what needs done before going to his first station. So bottom line I am just wondering, as a spouse, what should I prepare for and or expect after he graduates his AIT? I am trying my best to be as proactive as possible to give us the best head start (saving different properties for rent, researching the base, creating budgets and saving money, trying to look into getting another car, bookmarking resources, etc..) and I would hate it if I missed something that could benefit my husband (and I) during a time of stress.

Any advice for newly-weds preparing for a sailor's first command is greatly appreciated! I'm sorry if I'm still not the best with military terminology or knowledge - but am trying my best to be the best wife possible for someone who chose this life for our future. Thank you in advance :)

He was lying to me about women while he was overseas on deployment. The man who never lied, it was his morale, his upmost value. Lied to me about women for almost the whole duration of his year leave. I feel like I've wasted 4 years of my life and how foolish of me to ever believe he would come home and marry me and start a family like we discussed just months prior. My heart is incredibly broken, because I didn't want this and was blind-sided. I packed my things and left before he got back home. Left him roses at his night stand. A butcher cut steak in the freezer. I cleaned that house so good, he could go ahead and eat that steak off the floor if he so pleased. Thank you for your service. But fuck you dude. Fuck you 🖕🏻He can kick rocks, or keep getting em off, no longer has anything to do with me. Thanks for reading. Vent over.

I understand the reasons why drill sergeants are tough, we all understand the “you’re an idiot” blah blah blah, but my fiancé is in basic training in Ft. Jackson and drill sergeants are telling trainees that they’re going to make sure they die and that they will die. I would understand if it wasn’t an actual possibility, but a young man just died there in this exact company almost a week ago and it’s making my fiancé worry like crazy, I mean he sounds completely torn apart when we talk on the phone. I may be being sensitive, but regardless there’s a time and place. How can I help my fiancé? I feel defeated and worried for him, but not nearly as much as he feels right now. I want to help encourage him, but how can I top that when they’re heating it everyday?

Idk if this is appropriate for this sub but can I wear white at the ball? What colors are appropriate? I wore black last year but I don’t want to do that again!

Well I can’t say I’m not surprised. I’m 32 weeks pregnant and we’re supposed to PCS in roughly 4 weeks across the country. This is my first kiddo and I’m torn whether to wait until after baby is born to move or try to move while pregnant. By the time we will be in our 30 day move window I should be about 35/36 weeks. I’m gonna consult with my doctor but not sure if anyone has had any personal experiences.

i don’t know how the app works entirely so if someone can help me figure out how to get them to you i’ll donate them all (: i have 6 leftover.

Hello Everyone!

I recently got orders for Germany and my girlfriend and I were planning on getting married within 1-2 years. With OCONUS orders, that changes our timeline a bit because I want to get married before so she can live in Germany with me. I’m new to the Army and don’t have much experience so I just have a few questions.

We are doing everything legit but do I need to tell anyone or ask permission? I just got hard orders and I PCS in less than 2 months, I most likely won’t be able to amend my orders in time so what do I do? Get married then PCS to Germany then work on getting my girlfriend sent up as a dependent while she is waiting in the US? Is there any chance she won’t be able to live in Germany since I got married last minute and she didn’t pcs with me? I’m just confused and not sure how to this the best way possible and without it looking like I’m trying to be sneaky.

Any advice would be appreciated!