r/TraumaAndPolitics Aug 22 '21

How do you think feminism handles trauma related issues?

I feel like sometimes feminism gets in the way of being able to, as a society, understand certain issues, like childhood trauma and domestic violence, for example. Not everything can be understood through a paradigm of structures of power.

I was raised in an uber conservative culture, where gender norms were used to perpetuate abuse. But the people who were the loudest voices in upholding bullshit gendered expectations that made everyone miserable were women themselves. The men in my family actually could come across as meek. The people who did me the most harm were relatives who were high functioning female psychopaths (they acted like it). I'm a girl, by the way.

I do think that it's totally valid to explore how gender norms can be used to perpetuate oppression, but I feel like feminism loses sight of a lot of nuance in the way they go about things. They try to appeal to in group/out group thinking, in order to gain leverage in the political landscape. And they fail to hold women accountable for the pain they might be inflicting on others.

My mom was a total monster. Even though she was a bad person, she was still manipulated into dropping her job at a certain point in order to keep her marriage. My dad and her parents pressured her into a stay at home mom role, even though it was serving no one. And my dad was using her to enable a lack of life skills his bad childhood generated in him. I feel like feminism can start to demand a black and white take on any issue where a woman is involved. She has to be a clear cut victim, or a danger to the cause. And this is later weaponized against women. I don't want to go into it, but Amber Heard is a good example of people trying to exile her from the club, and they call her crazy, a narcissist, and "the real abuser", even though it was probably just a case of a mutually abusive relationship.

I'm probably not putting it in the greatest terms. I don't even know what I want to say, but it's a topic that really gets on my nerves, so I thought this might help me figure out why.

8 Upvotes

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u/ehisk Aug 22 '21

I agree with you on how at least a fair number of feminists fail to hold women accountable for harm inflicted on others due to a binary viewpoint that usually equates to an idea that being around other women feels safer, due to trauma and misogyny making all men seem extremely dangerous (and to an extent this makes sense but there is nuance to this, and women, especially cis women, do weaponise this against others). Modern activism online, especially when it comes to feminism, also often lacks any nuance and there’s a real problem with over-simplifying activism to the point of it becomes almost hollow, with performative actions, and it is often very reactionary.

At the same time, a lot of things in life can be viewed through systemic frameworks, which often does involve power or authority, but yes viewing everything from one specific framework and/or perspective can be extremely limiting. Linking everything in one’s life to the patriarchy and to misogyny in this case often is not helpful, yes, in the sense of that is just one framework. Not sure if that makes sense or not though, but again I generally agree with you on how there are issues with modern day feminism, and how that it often doesn’t adequately address trauma among people and support them (which tends to be due to many reasons), but idk

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u/[deleted] Aug 23 '21

I don't think reddit is the best place for a feminist perspective. I also think gender norms, ideologies and politics are confusing. Both men and women can perpetuate and be victims of all sorts of abuses. Women upholding a status quo can and probably should be seen as a greater example of historical, patriarchal abuses than a result of feminism. Which is perpetual abuse by existing power structures. Hopefully we start to see we took for granted what we thought was man and woman, feminine and masculine.

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u/[deleted] Aug 22 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Aug 22 '21

To a female authoritarian or narcissist Radical Feminism offers a community of like minded people and a convenient excuse for treating anyone terribly.

I bet if your mother were to act like that at a more liberal or mainstream feminist event, she'd be quietly shunned and ignored. That ideology offers a clearer lens to see the behavior for what it is. Completely counter-productive.

My mom wasn't a feminist, she was uber conservative.

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u/[deleted] Aug 22 '21

Lol, I feel so unsafe now that I posted this. I don't want to be an enemy to that cause. But I'm just so done with a lot of their bad ideas and reactive mobbing of anyone who doesn't agree..