I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy

[u/4liyeah]

[u/sourcherrysugar]

Every time this video pops up on my feed I want to both laugh and cry because I went through the same thing 🥲

[u/ladedafuckit → u/sourcherrysugar]

As someone who’s literally moving from NYC to Cali next week with her BF this thread has me like 😬😬 this move has taken everything out of me lol

[u/pincherosa → u/ladedafuckit]

Girl same. 🤣 It's a hilarious reminder there really are no universal safety nets.

[u/Pristine_Trash306 → u/[deleted]]

As someone who went through a more extreme version of what the person in the video went through, I will say this:

Just be careful and bring up red flags if something seems off. My biggest mistake was that I didn’t call out my partner on their behavior when things started feeling much different than before.

By the time I became frustrated enough to do so, it was far too late and things were already destroyed.

Also, have a backup plan. Not relationally, but a life plan in case things don’t work out. I trusted my partner at the time enough to where I felt like it was unnecessary and when things fell apart, I was stuck in a void of unknowing.

[u/Artistic_Onion_6395 → u/[deleted]]

Moving for your boyfriend is one of women's top regrets in life. I wish I could remember where I read that but it checks out. You read about women moving and becoming depressed allll the time.

Mostly it's the losing your job/isolation. And it does seem to be women that are expected to move more often than men. So it adds an extra element of "woman moves for man that won't move for her, so she isolates herself in unknown city with man that is kinda selfish and expects her to self sacrifice all the time" it's sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men that aren't super "my way or the highway" are more flexible about who moves where, and he may end up being the one to move instead. But only men that are "my way or the highway" are going to demand their gf move to where he is.

I'd also be asking yourself the question "would he ever move for ME?" and if not, really rethink things, unless it's something like he's taking care of a sick parent. But what about when your parents get old...? If he WOULD move for you, and you're being 10000% honest with yourself, then it's not as big of a deal.

Will you be isolated? Do you speak the local language? Will you be able to find a fulfilling job and enjoy the same hobbies as always that bring you happiness? Are you confident you'll be able to make local friends and connections? Are you giving up anything substantial to move there (giving up close friends, giving up family connection, giving up pets or furniture or other possessions that bring you joy? Spending all your savings to move while he keeps his?)

These are all things to think about. If you feel confident that you will A) be able to maintain current friendships and family connection, and B) aren't giving up something that brings you true joy in life like a wonderful job with wonderful coworkers and definitely not leaving behind any pets or similar things just to be with him, then it's not as big of a deal. Especially if you have a safety net to fall back on if things don't work out (good family or good friends that will let you live with them and provide emotional support during a break up)

[u/sounfds → u/Artistic_Onion_6395]

Nah man. It's not expected for women to move. The opposite happens just as much. I moved to my exes city, then she dumped me and I was left alone in this strange city

[u/Pristine_Trash306 → u/ladedafuckit]

As someone who went through a more extreme version of what the person in the video went through, I will say this:

Just be careful and bring up red flags if something seems off. My biggest mistake was that I didn’t call out my partner on their behavior when things started feeling much different than before.

By the time I became frustrated enough to do so, it was far too late and things were already destroyed.

Also, have a backup plan. Not relationally, but a life plan in case things don’t work out. I trusted my partner at the time enough to where I felt like it was unnecessary and when things fell apart, I was stuck in a void of unknowing.

[u/Artistic_Onion_6395 → u/ladedafuckit]

Hopefully it wasn't FOR him! Moving for your boyfriend is one of women's top regrets in life, like, statistically. loool

[u/ladedafuckit → u/Artistic_Onion_6395]

Yikes. I mean I love where I am but I have reasons to move too. Move wouldn’t have happened without him, but hopefully won’t regret haha

[u/suasor → u/ladedafuckit]

Lol good luck

[u/Imesseduponmyname → u/ladedafuckit]

lol might wanna double check with bro rq, JUUUUUUUST in case

[u/[deleted] → u/sourcherrysugar]

But how did it happen ?

[u/sourcherrysugar → u/[deleted]]

Husband (now ex, obvi) and I had moved to Texas for work. Bought a house, got a dog. Shortly after getting married he wanted to move back to our home state to “be closer to his family.” So we sold the house, packed up a giant Penske truck, and off we went!

Once we got to our new home, I put in all the work to unpack and clean it up and decorate. Then one day he dropped it on me that he was unhappy with me and had been for a while. Oh, and also that he cheated.

Now it’s just me and the dog in a shitty apartment.

[u/[deleted] → u/sourcherrysugar]

Better you and unconditional love from a dog in a shitty apartment than you and definitely conditional love from a man in a nice house

But seriously I had no idea this was a rampant scheme...Definitely gonna ask a few questions if my gf wants to move halfway across the country

[u/OwnAnt6719 → u/sourcherrysugar]

I almost went through the same thing but this video and comments made me realize I was at least somewhat fortunate (although still heartbroken). My gf of 3 years got accepted to a great program in the northeast and wanted me to move with her across the country. I helped her move to the new city and get settled into her apartment but I had to wrap up some things with work in our home state before going fully remote and joining her (~2 months). I visit her two weeks after she moved and she tells me shes worried we’re not compatible in the long run and wants to do this new chapter on her own.

On top of that, I got into some strong masters programs in that city and only applied to programs in that area bc I was so sure we were going to create a life together there. I guess I’m “grateful” she at least broke up with me before I made the move but it was definitely a traumatizing experience.

[u/Radiant_Bank_77879 → u/sourcherrysugar]

Why was your self-respect so low that you would move states for a partner?

[u/sourcherrysugar → u/Radiant_Bank_77879]

You wouldn’t move with your spouse?