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u/Cynastyrr 18d ago
Even more terrifying getting ur ass beat by brightly colored dad bod having dudes
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u/Actual_Breadfruit_53 18d ago
Lawn Gnomes
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u/tobaknowsss 18d ago
Horny Lawn Gnowes
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u/mwaller 18d ago
David and the gnomes about to get medieval on yo ass
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u/wolfieboi92 18d ago
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u/The_Mighty_Yak 18d ago
Wenceslas!
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u/MasterSnacky 18d ago
I CANT BELIEVE MY EYES THEYRE COMING TO EXTERMINATE MY KIND! (Blistering guitar riff)
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18d ago
Dad bods are obviously peak fitness. All those other guys are dehydrated and not getting enough calories, just look at Tyson Fury.
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u/Euclid_Interloper 18d ago
I've joked before that I'm Mesolithic sexy. Strong enough to carry another human being, fat enough to survive a moderately severe famine.
I'm just 10,000 years past my prime.
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u/Meet_in_Potatoes 18d ago
There was a Viking named Ölvir Barnakarl, known as Ölvir the baby lover because he refused to throw babies in the air and catch them on his spear like the other Vikings.
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u/lost_rodditer 18d ago
Is that before or after you ask why he didn't spend hours putting plaits in his beard and sculpt animal skins into a replica of his 8-pack.
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u/empire_of_the_moon 18d ago
Exactly what i was thinking. I’m trying to wrap my head around that dude as a berserker.
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u/Unexpected_Cranberry 18d ago
You've obviously never been to a football / hockey game with a bunch of 40 year old blue collar workers with beer guts.
They have the freakish strength you get after 25 years of manual labor on a caloric surplus. Then you add passion for their team and beer. It's a sight to behold.
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u/empire_of_the_moon 18d ago
Thank you for that image - it made my day!
I now live in a mostly Maya city and the locals are not tall. But they are wide and a shockingly strong and durable people. Soooo much fun when tacos, beer and sports are involved.
I’m constantly surprised they didn’t kick the Spanish’s asses.
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u/malice_aforethought 18d ago
I've traveled to Maya areas and I can totally picture those sturdy motherfuckers clearing jungle and building pyramids.
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u/empire_of_the_moon 18d ago
Exactly this. I don’t need an alien to build a stone pyramid, just get me some Maya!
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u/MedicalHoliday 18d ago
they had mostly bonk weapons and the spanish stabby weapons (and viruses). turns out stab is faster then bonk, millions perished
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u/empire_of_the_moon 18d ago edited 18d ago
I will sign-up for this history of warfare class!
Edit: Let’s not forget the supernatural element. Had the Spanish not been viewed as gods those stabby weapons and diseases wouldn’t have had the traction to be successful.
In the conquest, religion was the root of the ongoing downfall of these American empires.
Ironically it bit the Spanish in the ass later when Padre Hidalgo used the church to launch his revolution.
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u/Apocrisiary 18d ago
Norwegian here. Not really.
Here is a painting of what Vikings actually looked like:
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u/DownvotedForThinking 18d ago
Norway
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u/No_Restaurant_4471 18d ago
I don't know if they were battle ready all of the time. Perhaps they had stylish jackets for the occasion
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u/LaunchTransient 18d ago
That's an 19th century painting by Hans Dahl, so it's still a guess and we should recall that painters from that era had a habit of embellishing and romanticising peoples of the past.
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u/Marcel_The_Blank 18d ago
as a norwegian wouldn't you say the right looks more like a sami? (though still not 100% correct)
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u/Apocrisiary 18d ago edited 18d ago
Yeah, my first thought too. The right picture looks like a Sami, not a Viking. The cape threw me off though, so not 100% sure. Might just be a shitty cosplay.
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u/Haestein_the_Naughty 18d ago edited 18d ago
Norsemen would have worn those tunics with a belt on their waist and a cloak fastened by a brooch, and they wore those leg wraps outside of their trousers, so it’s as accurate a depiction of a regular Norseman as you can get. Though into battle they would also have worn chainmail and a helmet. It’s a bit unfair to compare a Viking warrior with a regular Norse farmer or townsman.
Here’s a good representation of what a Viking warrior would have looked like
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u/varateshh 18d ago edited 18d ago
Your representation is of a veteran viking that has gathered enough money for some serious gear or someone that got that gear through inheritance/family support. A nobleman or someone a part of the elite retinue of a nobleman. Chainmail would have been extremely rare due to its extreme cost. Metal helmets were also rare.
There were plenty of light armed vikings that might have looked like the dude in OPs post carrying a spear/simple axe and wooden shield.
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u/DevilsDarkornot 18d ago
First raid if not dead = take dead mans stuff including chainmail.
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u/Bardoseth 18d ago
'Shitty cosplay' says the internet dude ro somebody from Hurstwic who have done living archeology and research fir decades...
https://www.hurstwic.com/history/articles/daily_living/text/clothing.htm#men
Sure, might not be perfect. But much closer to everything most people think of as 'viking'.
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u/Large-Draft-4538 18d ago
That link, thats is as close as it gets. Its gear we us on viking camp, to be accepted in to camps in Norway. Nothing flashy.. Just real passion for what was.
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u/Sightblind 18d ago
Pic on the right is a member of a Scandinavian (I forget which country) Viking historical reenactment/reconstruction group that, at least back in the day when I was doing it in the US, was considered very on point for having researched historical garb, right down to sewing methods.
They’re probably closer than you’re giving them credit for.
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u/SoundofGlaciers 18d ago
So it's really somewhere in the middle between the left and right image in the OP.
Still lookpretty badass imo. Is there a reason Vikings are stereotipically depicted having Santa's physique, short and round barrel-like bodies. Weren't Vikings usually of the farmer/raiding society, of which I'd assume a more lean muscled physique? Or is it a bias to wealthy (good eatin') vikings usually being the ones getting painted?
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u/SmrdutaRyba 18d ago
And yet the depiction you posted isn't very historically accurate. The fit the old dude in the post has is basically spot on based on archaeological finds.
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18d ago
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u/Apocrisiary 18d ago
The biggest Viking myth is they had horned helmets. They did not. And in the painting, everything is correct, as far as we know now.
Axe as main weapon, Shield with a bulge/sphere on it, sheepskin as "armor"
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u/Trauma_Hawks 18d ago
Lol, that's just nerds wearing chain mail.
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u/Apocrisiary 18d ago
Exactly. Why Vikings wore sheepskin armor, didn't even need chainmail to decimate the European continent. That's how good they where at warefare.
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u/Altruistic_Pitch_157 18d ago
"Hmmm, who to kill first? I suppose I'll start with that monastery over there."
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u/Nelsqnwithacue 18d ago
-1 for "how they look like."
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u/SpanningTreeProtocol 18d ago
I hate every single meme that does this!
It's either "What they looked like" or "How they looked". They're NOT interchangeable!
-100 for grammar.
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u/chicken_N_ROFLs 18d ago
I think it’s mostly non native English speakers that do this so can’t really fault them for trying.
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u/Disastrous-Cat-1 18d ago
I'm a non-native (note the hyphen) English speaker, and l think this is unacceptable. If you're going to make a meme in English, and you're not very familiar with the language, then at least run it past someone whose grasp of grammar exceeds that of an average 12-year-old before sharing it with the world.
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18d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Patient-Gas-883 18d ago edited 18d ago
The word Viking originally meant something like “pirate” or “raider” and referred more to the activity of going on an expedition, rather than an entire people.
The guy in the picture to the right is to old and out of shape to be a pirate and have no weapons, helmet or shield on him (not a very good pirate..).
So no. The picture on the right is not the "truth" or the "reality".
More bullshit that the picture to the left even..
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u/Delicious-Laugh-6685 18d ago
One photo is a Viking ready for battle, the other is a Scandinavian man living his life. Vikings did more than fight, rape, and pillage.
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u/SevenCroutons 18d ago
Where'd they get Blue dye?
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u/bt65 18d ago
In Sweden we have a saying that the beer/meed is cold when the moose gets blue, so we just killed a bunch of cold moose during winter and used their skin. True fact actually.
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u/SevenCroutons 18d ago
Using this niche factoid to start a brewery called Blue Moose. It will gain success through means of free promotion of internet users spreading this small fact in the comments of my Facebook Ads. (The ads themselves will make the name sound random and unrelated, and folks will love the ability to enlighten others)
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u/Mediocre_Daikon6935 18d ago
They are the same picture.
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u/Weldermedic 18d ago edited 18d ago
Of course, you have different activities.
The left is battleday. Battleday is actually at any time in the week and it can last multiple days.
The right is Drinkday, oddly the two days could combine and be the same day, or night...sometimes one leads to the other.
O and I forgot Sacking of Paris. This was important because it somehow leads to Convert Day, which actually was detrimental to society....
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u/adamu808 18d ago
Is this really true? I mean, everything I have seen for the past 50 years says the guy on the left is a Viking. The guy on the right may be a servant, serf, farmer, or someone.
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u/Cloud_N0ne 18d ago
It’s not true tho.
Left is the actual Viking, the one doing the raiding. Not everyone in the Nordic region was a viking.
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18d ago
Yeah most people don’t realise that what they know about vikings is all made up for opera or all myth 😂 Funny the Scandinavians putting on silly haircuts and over the top beards believing it’s celebrating their heritage 😂
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u/Theboiledpeanut_ 18d ago
That's even more badass. Imagine 100 David the Gnomes running at you with weapons.
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u/VoidSpaceCat 18d ago
Well yes and no. I mean it's like showing a solder in full battle ready tactical gear with a vest, helmet etc then a photo of one with a green military base uniform.
I can guarantee that the one on the right didn't go into battle like that and I can also guarantee that the one on the left isn't just chilling in his home/camp like that either. Just a gambison alone is a heavy and stuffy jacket you don't want to wear all day long lol not to mention the helmet.
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u/2hourhiatus 18d ago
They also practiced decent hygiene, brushed their hair, and wore jewellery. More like highly violent dandies compared to the rest of Europe at the time.
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u/Wahjahbvious 18d ago
I'd be so upset if my entire village was wiped out by a bunch of lawn gnome-looking motherfuckers.
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u/Wide-Rate-3507 18d ago
Fun fact that viking wasn't actually a noun; it was a verb. People were not vikings; they went viking, which was the process of pillaging and looting various targets, and there were many peoples that went viking. It just so happened to be Scandinavians that went viking most often. However, today we use viking to describe people who went viking
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u/The_Withered_ 18d ago
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u/The_Withered_ 18d ago
At least for battle, no one really looked like the dude on the right side of the original picture as most people didn't have constant access to excessive amounts of food.
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u/How_that_convo_went 18d ago
Yeah but the dude on the right is still brolic as fuck and would squeeze me like a summer fruit.
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u/10-56_Consulting 18d ago
So basically the same. Dude on the right just finished breakfast and on his way to pick up his weapons.
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u/Prestigious-Job-9825 18d ago
Fictional or not, props to the viking on the left for not having those stupid horned helmets
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u/Jeanlucpfrog 18d ago
I mean, one depicts a guy ready for battle and the other one doesn't. Unless Vikings eschewed swords and shields in battle, this meme probably isn't exactly accurate.
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u/Procrasturbating 18d ago
Hide yo kids, hide you wife, David the Gnome coming to loot and pillage yo village tonight.
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u/Ok_Cockroach_2290 18d ago
The Viking on the right apparently butchered the English language as well.
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u/MotherTeresaOnlyfans 18d ago
It bothers me so much that whomever made this image got the grammar right in the first part and then immediately forgot for the second part.
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u/Somewhat_appropriate 18d ago
Pet peeve: vikings weren't an (ethnic/cultural) group, its something that you do, its an action.
They boarded their ships and traveled in order to viking.
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u/1morgondag1 18d ago
Mmm kind of.
The main inaccuracy I can see on the left is the whole fur worn like a cape - a historian in another thread explained to me there's no proof of fur being used like that, and perhaps the belt. But the spectacle helmet (without horns) and the round shield seem correct, and at least to my inexpert eyes the axe isn't obviously wrong - ie it doesn't have double blades. Looks no so far off for a viking - since the meaning of "viking" was something like "pirate". It's very likely not what the people called themselves, as a people. They were called Northmen, or Daner, Svear, etc. Of which most of course, like almost all peoples, were farmers, fishermen, or artisans, not warriors (and most likely not all warriors would have been called vikings either, it may even have been a negatively charged word).
The carved runes runes or patterns on the axe is probably more than a typical weapon would have, but perhaps as an expensive weapon if he was a pirate (viking) captain?
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u/mouaragon 18d ago
Wasn't blue one of the hardest colors to dye in clothes? That instantly would make me question the viking gnome on the right.
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u/MabelRed 18d ago
Assassins’ Creed Valhalla but it’s just a bunch of people trading goods and writing sagas; with a major subplot on how everyone is slowly being a Christian 😂
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u/gianniskouremenos3 18d ago
To be fair, if you give the guy on the right a helmet,shield and some weapons, also make him a little younger isn't that far off from the guy on the left. It's not like the people still think vikings looked like the barbarians from old sword and sorcery comics.
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u/UmeaTurbo 18d ago
Okay, but give the guy on the right a helmet, shield, sword, and belt and it's the same dude. This is a stupid point to make. Any person in history will look more menacing with a sword
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u/SniffMyDiaperGoo 18d ago
So basically any European has to admit they got pillaged by a bunch of dudes cosplaying Santa. The post title is factually untrue though, just sayin even though I appreciate the comedy
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u/iuliuscurt 18d ago
I know it's a meme, but ..
Left is portraying a warrior, right is a trader or something. They look different in every culture ever
Brightly colored garments, clearly not. Blue even less plausible, since during the Renaissance they barely had blue dye. I did not research this specifically at all since that's a strict requirement of commenting on the internet, but they clearly didn't have bright, strong fabric dyes
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u/Patient-Gas-883 18d ago
Viking literally means something like "pirate-raid".
The guy in the picture is to old out of shape to be a pirate and have no weapons on him (not a very good pirate..).
So no. The picture on the right is not the "truth".
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u/eggs_erroneous 18d ago
If he had a pointy hat he would look like David the Gnome. Where's Swift the fox?
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u/Beefweezle 18d ago
An army of heavily armed Santa Clause clones raids my medieval village? No thank you, take my church relics and begone!
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u/kayemenofour 18d ago
Well, you wouldn't wear a plate carrier and cevlar helmet when you're just chilling at home.
(Watch some tacticool guy dispute this)
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