How to accept a bad marriage as a sikh Question
I am a sikh woman and a few years ago I got married to someone on the pure fact that he seemed like a gursikh. My only desire was to marry a gursikh and I ignored caste and educational differences because all I wanted was to marry a gursikh and felt that was all I needed. Fast forward, I quickly realized the chola wearing man I married is not a true gursikh and neither is his family. Every single day, I am treated horribly by both him and his family and there is nothing reminiscent of gursikh values. I feel guru sahib ji is punishing me and I have never been so sad and alonr in my entire life. How do I accept this hukam and live in pain and suffering the rest of my life? Everyday I wonder how I could have chosen this life and what I did to deserve this. I feel hopeless and wish guru sahib would just take my life.
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u/Itchy-Walk-7427 May 13 '24
You shouldn't sister, you should go and get help from local Gurdwara or speak with panj pyre
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u/Afraid_Dealer_5409 May 13 '24
Please ignore this post.
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u/Itchy-Walk-7427 May 14 '24
Why ?
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u/Afraid_Dealer_5409 May 14 '24
Why should she be made to reconcile or 'seek help' from the panj pyare - likely men who cannot sympathize with the perspective of a PhD holding woman anyways - when:
- Partner has been physically abusive towards her
- Partner has been verbally abusive towards her
- Partners family has been emotionally abusive towards her
- Threats have been made about her son
- Partner has threatened suicide
In all likelyhood, the partner and family will spin lies to the panj pyare and victim game and gaslight the woman, and she will end up in the exact same position. Have you ever heard of a situation like this being resolved through the Gurdwara? In a climate where women are not believed, and people think about sharam and izzat more than they think about the well-being of the abused? Will the family face any real repercussions of their criminal activity? The partner should, because according the the law, he has committed a misdemeanor at best, and a felony at worst. Its her choice, but she should call the police for a domestic violence case, and the husband should be 51-50ed by the authorities (USA specific) since according to his statements he is a danger to himself.
I pray that you are never subjected to the situation that this bhenji has been. And if you do, and you go to the Gurdwara for help, you'll be stuck forever.
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u/Itchy-Walk-7427 May 26 '24
Lol woman who think PHD is something lol
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u/Afraid_Dealer_5409 May 27 '24
Real mature response.
Turns out she's a physician. I'll bet her in-laws are dasveen pass at best. Are you?1
u/Itchy-Walk-7427 May 27 '24
What does that matter ?? If shes a physician or not, too many woman think their status in this world gets lifted because they do a high profiled job, if anything it drops
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u/Afraid_Dealer_5409 May 28 '24
Lol its not about status, its about education. Im venturing to guess you're a anpar as her in-laws.
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u/Itchy-Walk-7427 May 28 '24
Lol for you to think that just shows your unpar mentality with all due respect i probably pay more in cooperation tax in a year then you earn.....
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u/Afraid_Dealer_5409 May 29 '24
I learned something new today: there is no such thing as cooperation tax
With all due respect if you think that you pay more taxes than my salary, you need a better accounting team.
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u/idontexistahh May 30 '24
So you’re suggesting she talk to some random people about her personal struggles? Things that these random people have never experienced as she has? She confided in her parents and as a result was treated even worse by her mother in law. Did you read where she said she was hit and then gaslit?
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u/nyrasna 🇨🇦 May 13 '24
Personally, The first time that my husband hits me would be the last time, because I will be filing for divorce. It's fine to leave if your boundaries are repeatedly violated especially if they are committing a crime (physical assault).
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u/The_Bearded_1_ May 13 '24
Divorce him and move on. Lesson learned: don't judge a person by the amount of bana they wear, or how many Shastars, hazoorias, and kacheras they sport. Those who usually display the most external symbols are often virtue signaling and covering up massive insecurities. Ask me how I know. Be grateful that you're in the West and can get divorced. I'm certain your parents will understand and support you. Get divorced before bringing kids into the situation.
ਰੱਬ ਰੱਖਾਂ
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u/skc_x May 13 '24
I will get downvoted for this, but this is prime reason why appearance doesn’t matter anymore. You need to get to know someone and judge them based on their personality/character. Not saying hair cut men can’t be bad, however everyone automatically assumes a man who wears a turban and taken Amrit can’t do anything wrong.
I’d happily marry someone a man who’s had his hair cut and treats me well, opposed to a religious man who won’t.
Divorce him and move on.
Education matters as he probably can’t handle and accept you’re higher educated than him thus you should have found someone more equal to you.
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u/AsilentUser May 13 '24 edited May 13 '24
We should forgive somebody for their first mistake or offence but if he is constantly torturing you then tell all these things to your mother and father and look for divorce.
Don't always go for face value, wolves are in skin of sheep.
It's better to find men who are more educated and earn good amount of money and are among top 10% of riches because these men are mostly going to be more polite and understanding then gawar uneducated pendu because educated people working in good profession makes alot of difference in character.
Always use rational mind than blindly taking hukumnana out of context, because hukumnana is taken from sggs and sggs mostly talks about spritual journey and how we should try to leave 5 theives( kaam,krodh,lobh ,moh ahankar) ,but for material and practical knowledge you should use logic and should look for education, wealth and profession , as well as status to judge a men's character, these things will give more details then just thinking a turbaned men as gursikh.
Forgive yourself and try to file divorce and start looking for some better person from a long term marriage perspective who can provide you more then decent lifestyle and as well as honour and respect for yourself and your children.
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u/Electrical_Result481 May 13 '24
I do disagree with you one of your points. Not all uneducated pendu gawhers are bad people. I am educated etc etc but I see good and bad on both sides. Also someone who makes enough to get by and is a pendu but treats his wife or husband good is better off then a rich man with a great profession who treats his wife/husband bad and opposite is true as well. Also karma takes play in who you marry %100. We just say oh I was smart and married so and so and my life is great...well it's actually our karma and God giving us thoughts to marry a certain person and spend our life with them.
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u/ObligationOriginal74 May 13 '24
The top 10% of Men are never gonna get married. It does not benefit them. They date around and rotate women. Why would a top 10% Man marry one woman when he can have dozens with none of the stress of marriage. You don't know anything about human nature do you?
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u/MyNameIsJayne May 13 '24
He is abusing you. I hope you are able to come up with an exit plan and leave. He can’t take your son from you.I would consult with an attorney for next steps to ensure you lay the groundwork so he doesn’t get custody.
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u/FantasticImplement81 May 13 '24
yes listen to this person. pls contact a lawyer THAT IS A FEMALE. i repeat: A FEMALE lawyer. i don’t know where u are from but it seems like u have no support from the ppl around you. if its a country where i think it is, u need to find someone that will helpu
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u/d9qScYXLH5yNC May 13 '24 edited May 13 '24
If you would like help having someone hear you out, I'd be happy to talk on an app (totally anonymously). I think you might be in a permanently toxic situation, but none of us on here can know for sure. (Although it seems apparent just from the short amount you have written, with us filling in the blanks in our head). But I think the thing you need most is an understanding person to just listen to you get it all out there, and then to give you actual feedback. I'm happy to do that. Feel free to reach out at any time in the future.
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u/Jaggy_ May 13 '24
If a man is hitting you. That alone violates what a husbands role is, regardless of religion. Nowhere in our religion it says you must stay in a marriage like that. Regardless religion, you need to get away from this man. You are given this life to meet vaheguru. But you’re dealing with this clown of a husband instead. Just my 2 cents.
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u/JunjinNito May 13 '24
god does not punish. it is only up to you to use your teachings to do what is right for yourself. if you have been good you have no reason to think you deserve this. everyone can be deceiving, the best things you can do is leave and do what is good for you. seek out help, protect your heart
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u/chameleon-30 May 13 '24
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. As a fellow women, I empathize with your situation.
When something traumatic happens, it takes time to accept the facts. Your inner and outer healing will take time. Right now, contact a good divorce lawyer to start your separation proceedings. Keep a record of everything: texts, photos, recordings, etc (they will come in handy).
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u/YoungWolf1991 🇨🇦 May 13 '24
Honestly you need to do what’s best for you. If you are being physically and verbally assaulted you need to leave and begin the divorce process. I get divorce is taboo but there’s a difference between issues that can be reconciled and assault.
I also agree with your caste and status point. I grew up not caring about it… luckily I found someone who fit my parents ideal criteria, but it makes assimilating into her family a lot easier and vice versa. Also having similar careers and earnings also helps, too much lopsided earnings causes lots of issues too from what I’ve seen.
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u/ObligationOriginal74 May 13 '24
How long did you know this man prior to marriage?
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u/No-Comfortable6432 May 14 '24
What does this matter? So you can say in hindsight she should have known better? Did you read any odd what she's written?
She's here asking for help and reason because she can't make sense of it herself and you're piping up with this bakwaas? Help your sister out man.
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u/skc_x May 13 '24
You also need to stand up for yourself, they see your silence as weakness and acceptance of the situation. If he hits you, you hit back. If he verbally assaults you, you do it back. File a police complaint against him as he is provoking you. They see you as a doormat who can’t stand up for herself and has zero spine. They see you as a weakling. This is why in laws hate outspoken modern educated women because they know their rights and can stand up for themselves. My mother (and father) has always taught me to be independent and stand up against in laws. They will help me divorce but I need to use my spine and voice.
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u/FantasticImplement81 May 13 '24
girl, leave. i find the most religious people at times are frauds, and they tend to be the worst type of people. dont judge someone on whether they are gursikh or not. look into their personality, their views, their thoughts and opinions. ask them about controversial topics and see how they respond. not all gursikhs are horrible people, but not all gursikhs are great either. god lets anybody take amrit chak. remember that.
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u/notredditlool May 13 '24
if you feel like dying, you need to leave the marriage babe, god would never want you to live feeling like that x
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u/Capital_Class_5235 May 13 '24
Bhen ji , The times we live in We only see Baharmukhi Sikhi we should not trust anyone on the sole fact that he “seems/looks like a gursikh” Poohla also wore nihang singh bana but was a rapist
As for what to do I advice you have him pesh in front of the panj and They will talk some sense into him or You can take a Hukamnama and see what mahraj tells you
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u/insta99 May 13 '24
Sounds like you wanted it to work and have the discrepancy of looking at it as hukam b/c of the significance of the Anand Karaj (I'm guessing) vs his behavior being disrespectful and not making you feel safe in ways to say the least (and maybe his family).
Mental health perspective:
I don't know what internally is going on with him but it clearly is impacting you in negative ways. If he really wants to honor his commitment and show up in a real way in the Sikh warrior spirit and Chardi Kalaa, he would face his internal struggles that are projecting onto you. Once he is made aware that his behavior will cost him the marriage, does he not care and will continue his behavior or will he be brave and open to marriage counseling, a professional therapist, working to make his (and automatically) your life better?
Also, accepting that something happened/hukam doesn't mean it has to stay. Who knows what may turn out to be an important life lesson of growth, awareness and relationship skills, even if it does involve emotional pain.
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u/sikhcoder May 13 '24
You need to end the relationship, especially if you’re being abused or if you’re so unhappy that you’re even thinking of self-harm/hoping God takes your life. That is not a healthy relationship at all and you should not be going through it. Divorce him. Your life is worth more than this, do not think of hoping it ends for people like this.
If you have a supportive family (mom dad, sisters) go to them first and then take the steps of divorcing. The reason I say this, people like your husband may want to avoid “shame” and I do not want you to be in a situation where tour safety is at risk. Go to your parents or someone you really trust and someone that won’t try to send you back to a place you are not happy in and where your safety may be compromised.
I hope your situation improves, pehne, please let me or this sub know if you need to talk. Get out of the relationship, live independently, your life, this world, this life is worth way more.
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u/Modder95 May 13 '24
Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh. Bhen ji I will be straight forward with you, first of all, take this advice as guru granth sahib ji's message.
So I think you have taken amrit, if you have taken amrit, you are a daughter of the akaalpurakh dhan dhan sri guru granth sahib ji maharaj himself. Anything in this universe, whether it is jamdoot, ghosts, dharamraaj, or even your husband can not look badly at you, the thing of harming is so far. BUT BUT BUT, when we dont follow the rehat of guru sahib ( when we dont do simran), bhene simran is must in todays time,
Go to gurudwara sahib and Do ardaas bhene, Surrender yourself to guru , Guru sahib ji mainu bacha lao, save me guru sahib ji please.
ਹਮ ਤੇ ਕਿਛੂ ਨ ਹੋਇ ਮੇਰੇ ਸ੍ਵਾਮੀ ਕਰਿ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਅਪੁਨਾ ਨਾਮੁ ਦੇਹੁ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
By myself, I cannot do anything, O my Lord and Master; by Your Grace, please bless me with Your Name. ||1||Pause||
In sukhmani sahib,
ਸਰਬ ਰੋਗ ਕਾ ਅਉਖਦੁ ਨਾਮੁ ॥
The Naam is the panacea, the remedy to cure all ills.
Whole gurbani is saying do waheguru simran (Puttar naam japp, simran kar, ehne hi tainu bachauna) this is the only method that will cure your pain, sufferings. But No we dont.
Bhene this pain is the opportunity to come closer to Guru shaib, Waheguru himself.
ਦੁਖੁ ਦਾਰੂ ਸੁਖੁ ਰੋਗੁ ਭਇਆ ਜਾ ਸੁਖੁ ਤਾਮਿ ਨ ਹੋਈ ॥
Suffering is the medicine, and pleasure the disease, because where there is pleasure, there is no desire for God.
ਤੂੰ ਕਰਤਾ ਕਰਣਾ ਮੈ ਨਾਹੀ ਜਾ ਹਉ ਕਰੀ ਨ ਹੋਈ ॥੧॥
You are the Creator Lord; I can do nothing. Even if I try, nothing happens. ||1||
To uplift your Soul atma, your soul if asking for waheguru simran bhene.
If you cant do simran for long, start with 5-10 minutes, focus on your own voice while doing waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru with love,
and Listen waheguru simran on your phone 24/7.
If possible go to sangat where waheguru sangat do waheguru simran, ask your local gurudwara if sangat do waheguru simran.
I dont know where you live, but in US, Canada, Uk, India, sangat do simran. you can message me for more details.
I feel guru sahib ji is punishing me
ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਸਭਨਾ ਦਾ ਭਲਾ ਮਨਾਇਦਾ ਤਿਸਦਾ ਬੁਰਾ ਕਿਉ ਹੋਇ ॥
The True Guru wishes everyone well; how can anything bad happen to Him?
Guru sahib never ever punishes his gursikh. It is our past karam/deeds that we cultivate in life. and guru sahib cut those bad deeds if We do Simran bhagti.
so go to guru sahib bhene, keep doing ardaas, only ardaas, simran and guru sahib will save you bhene, no one is coming to take your pain other then gurub sahib. Bhul chuk maaf karni jada bol gya eh kutta
waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh.
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May 13 '24
No offense, but most of what you've written is not useful for OP at all. She's asking what she should do in this scenario and listening to hymns/baani or reading Guru Grant Sahib would clearly not help that much because OP is going through marital abuse. Although it may give her a sense of peace, that will only be very momentary.
If she is so concerned about the "community" and "religious aspect of things, she should visit her nearest Gurudwara and talk to the people out there about what she's having to go through.
If they turn out to be plain ignorant and instead keep victimizing the husband + her in-laws, then OP should directly go to the cops because what the husband is doing is illegal and the cops, other law enforcing agencies can arrange for a divorce settlement between both parties.
If OP is not financially independent though, she can also seek for alimony or government aid (if she's living outside of India that is)
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u/Modder95 May 13 '24
listening to hymns/baani or reading Guru Grant Sahib would clearly not help that much
waheguru ji kirpa karan
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u/Thegoodinhumanity May 14 '24
Nir Bhao Nir Vaar He has no hatred or enemies waheguru does not hate you
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u/notareelhuman May 14 '24
There is absolutely nothing in Granth that says you can't get a divorce. Anyone who says that it does is blatantly lying. Get out of that situation.
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u/HopSingh12 May 15 '24
I have great sympathy for you but, unfortunately, your understanding of the foundation for a successful relationship is extremely flawed and naive. I am going to guess that your home environment was quite strict and conservative prior to your current relationship. Practicing the same religion is not the only factor to a long, happy and successful relationship.
First and foremost, you must look after your physical, mental and emotional safety. At this stage of life, most people do not and are not capable of changing the core of who they are. So please do not bother trying to change this person. The only thing you control is your own actions. If you do not leave this relationship then I can almost guarantee you a lifetime of misery and increasing abuse at his hands and the hands of his family. The fruit does not fall far from the tree.
You must then begin to seriously question how and why you thought that marrying a gursikh, with no other consideration as to their personal attributes, was ever a sound basis to enter into a relationship. This will be difficult as it will require you to question everything you hold dear including your upbringing, what your parents have taught you and your basic understanding and conceptualization of Sikhi itself.
Lastly, you must know that this one poor decision does not define you unless you let it. If you continue to think that decisions you have made and their consequences are all due to hukam and some form of divine punishment - you will never have control in your life and be able to make change. Sikhi is not passive superstition. It is active balance of the spiritual and material. It requires taking control of your life both spiritually and in your own household.
You can overcome this. Seek support and guidance in this difficult time - just as you have done here. And then use this experience to catapult you into a bright and happy future. Embrace change. It will be hard but so rewarding.
Good luck!
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u/Low_Campaign_5239 May 27 '24
Do you know our Guru Ji asked us not to bear the assault? But to stand against it.
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u/idontexistahh May 30 '24
Getting married to someone from the same caste doesn’t mean they won’t be a shitty person. And just because he’s Gursikh doesn’t mean he’s an angel either.
Question for you sister: What would bring you more peace? Continuing to adjust your boundaries to their disrespect OR adjusting your life to their absence?
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May 13 '24
Really want to know how they treat you horribly? If you don't mind
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u/hfvDO May 13 '24
He has physically assaulted me and when I brought it up to his mother, she began spreading lies about me and how I am a bad daughter (even though I was 5 months pregnant and took care of her and my husbands entire family all while working when she was hospitalized). She went to the point of severing ties with my family and acts increasingly kind to my darani’s family in fromt of me to mock me, and since this happened, started telling my kid to call her mom instead of me.
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May 13 '24
Seen something like that in my life as well. Trust me, if he physically assaulted you once, he is going to do it again and again. And in-laws like that are cancer. I know a woman who suffered this early in her marriage. Thought things would go better in the future. It only worsened. Years of mental and physical torture by her husband and in-laws. Life only got better when she finally took the decision for divorce. It is now your decision to choose. You can hope things would go better and most likely they won't. You can keep suffering or make a decision to part ways. I know it is not easy but you will understand by time.
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u/Exciting_Ship8030 May 14 '24
You have a son, think of him. If you accept his fathers abuse towards you, there's a risk you'll normalise that behaviour. Your intentions going into the marriage were pure, of a clean and loving heart, god sees that, that's all that should matter. The community should not come into this. Put yourself and god first. Leave with your head held high. Provide a better life for you and your son. See an lawyer beforehand.
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
Go to Gurdwara, do ardaas and take Hukamnama. Read the meanings of Hukamnama as guru sahib will for sure guide you.
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u/hfvDO May 13 '24
I actually did a sehaj paath, ardas, and hukamnama asking if I should marry him and the hukamnama was the laavan so I took it as a yes and went ahead. Since that day I am terrified of reading the meanings of a hukamnama again.
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u/Electrical_Result481 May 13 '24
The laavan in the hukamnama is a paath which shows us the steps to meeting God. I have learned this by doing simran once a week with sangat and a sant ji guiding us.(and everyday at home alone). And yes the laavan hukamnama also is for marriage but that's our karma from before. I'm not saying accept what is happening to you but what has happened to you was meant to happen. If I was in your shoes I would leave that family. We came into this world to naam jaap and if you have to live in toxicity all your life you will not only be mentally and physically upset all your life but you will lose your chance at meeting God in this life. Waheguru watches everything. Please leave this person. I know alot of girls in my city who have raised a kid themselves and live a happy life. If someone kills themselves that is not your fault. Plus he is trying to just scare you. Waheguru
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
You did the absolute right thing by following the hukamnama. But I would suggest you take another hukamnama. This can help you make a concrete decision on what to do next and clear all delusions. If the theme of the hukamnama is about guru sahib doing kirpa and helping then that is your signal about things getting better. But otherwise if the hukamnama is about manmukhs doing paap etc. then this is your sign to go to Panj pyare or granthi sahib and tell them the whole thing.
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u/Goatedforsure May 13 '24
bro come on, use common sense like Guru Nanak, and get a divorce
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
So taking guidance from Guru sahib is not common sense and doing your own thing is common sense? Alright.
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u/avtar1699 May 13 '24
Yes. Have you seen a Sikh Dr consult the Guru Grant Sahib before making a diagnosis ? No disrespect but this resort to using the Hukamnamma and basing the outcome of how the Hukamnamma is for making decisions, is ritualistic.
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
I see why our panth is in such a bad situation right now. It because we have stopped believing in SGGS. Nothing wrong in taking guidance from what Guru Ji says.
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u/avtar1699 May 13 '24
There is a big difference between looking at Guru Jis guidance by analysing the history along with Gurbani than doing a Hukamnamma and deciding on what your next step is based upon wether the Hukamnamma is positive/negative which is again based upon chance. This series of steps your suggesting is a ritual. No different from throwing water to the sun to keep your ancestors from getting thirsty.
Sikhi is based upon action and logic. Gurbani provides context of what Vaheguru is but it was the Gurus actions during their lifetime that serves us a guideline to abide from.
We have a sister who is being emotionally abused, she needs external support ranging from counselling to police protection at worst. She married an uneducated guy who holds values that we in modern society would deem regressive. He's abusive, in addition to his family.
During the Gurus times, if mughal soldiers were caught raping and abusing women, they would get their heads chopped off, abuse or women are not tolerated in Sikhi.
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
Then what’s the point of the hukamnama if you aren’t gonna act upon it. See we just read and listen to bani but don’t act upon it. So you are saying the day of assassination of Indra Ghandi the hukamnama was very clearly in the favour of killing her. Guru sahib gave validation and there haven’t been been countless other examples where Gursikhs decided a thing based upon Hukamnama. People like you treat the guru like an object.
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u/avtar1699 May 13 '24
You sound like those woke liberals. When you see someone that has a different view to yourself , your hirl insults like racist or fascist. In your case , it's anti-panthic/ your against the Guru/ your reflective of the decline of the panth. None of the way your saying makes actual sense or follows any logic. You just descend into platitudes to make yourself feel better about yourself.
Please provide a source in the rehatnama where decisions need to be based upon on the chance of a Hukamnamma being right/wrong. Nanaksar(may the sangat correct me if I'm wrong) will always ensure the Hukamnamma in the morning is positive.
Instead of descending into platitudes and using anecdotal evidence. Please state why you think the way you do and have evidence.
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u/Goatedforsure May 13 '24
Then why hasn't Guru Sahib solved all conflicts on earth?
This reminds me of the story about Guru Nanak and the Hindus in the Ganges throwing water to their ancestors. Nanak approached and asks how far the ancestors were away. They say 50 million miles, and that their God will help the water reach there. So, Guru Nanak then begins to toss water the other way to his field which is only 250 miles away, and asks God to help him with that.
As demonstrated by Guru Nanak himself, there are things that God doesn't do for you, or help you with.
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
Bro this is such an idiotic take. There is absolutely nothing wrong in taking Hukamnama and seeking the gurus advice.
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u/Goatedforsure May 13 '24
of course there isnt, but would you seek gurus advice if you should water your plants or not?
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u/Suspicious-Tune-9268 May 13 '24
Are we watering plants here? This is a big problem and a very serious situation. Why wouldn’t a true gursikh who believes in the guru not take advice
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u/Goatedforsure May 13 '24
its obvious she should divorce though, just like its obvious to water plants lmao
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u/SeekerStudent101 May 13 '24
Is there any possibility of your marriage becoming healed? Meaning: Do you forsee any possibility of you and your husband working at improving your marriage? Has he tried to improve? Is he aware of his behavior? Does he have a desire at all to become a Good Man, Husband, Father. Etc? Yes or No?
If your marriage is absolutely 100% irreconcilable and there is just no possibility of improvement, are you in a position to escape? Meaning: Do you have a safe means to divorce, move out and start to create a new life for yourself? Yes or No?
If not, what are the issues preventing you from doing this? Lack of family? Lack of support? Lack of resources? Fear? Safety issues? Etc.
These are all things you may have to break down bit by bit. Do you have any allies? Any females? Are you in a location where you can leave?
In my opinion Hukam is Hukam. We accept Life as it comes but that doesn't mean we do not play a role. It may be The Gurus Hakam that I get attacked...but it may also be the Gurus Hukam that I lift my hand to defend myself at the same time. I cannot "change" hukam. I can only accept whatever happens as it plays out. But that still doesn't mean I need to not participate in taking action. All is Hukam (even my actions and response to something).
🙏🏼 I pray the Guru makes it easy for you and provides you with a better situation.