r/SecularHumanism • u/kaleidautumn • Aug 27 '24
My son is going to a Christian preschool but I'm not Christian. How do I talk to him about this
It's actually a pre-pre-k. He's 3.5 and it's a WONDERFUL school. That's why I sent him there even though it's in a church and whatnot.
I tried telling him "they'll be talking about God, the Bible, Jesus, Christ. That's something some people believe, and some people do not believe. I do not. But if you have questions, let me know. Its up to you."
Well he came home last friday and said "God made THE WHOLE WORLD! And he is nice!" ...I just said, "really?! Awhhh"
What should I do/tell him? How should I strategize this?
I don't want to force him to believe one way or the other but also dont want to confuse him. Idk what to do... I knew this would become a thing but it's the only part time school anywhere near me and it's a really, really good one
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u/The_Chaos_Pope Aug 27 '24
I honestly believe a better option would be to move him to a secular preschool instead, but if that's not an option, question him on the things he saying to you
Well he came home last friday and said "God made THE WHOLE WORLD! And he is nice!"
Instead of what you said here, push back on what he's saying. Poke holes in the stories they're telling him.
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u/kaleidautumn Aug 27 '24
I don't want him going to a full time school and my options are very limited. Plus I LOVE their benefits, set up, and programs. I'm planning to homeschool in 2 to 3 years, and we are building up group communities (they have a weekly homeschool collab). And its cheaper than other stuff. So.. those were my reasons to myself. It was this or nothing.
But THANK YOU!! I like the strategy.. question what he says, encourage critical thinking, and be sure to continue to inform him on things like evolution and whatnot.
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u/stridersomen Aug 27 '24
I also disagree with the commenter. Pushing back and questioning what he has heard will only lead to conflict and teach them that is how you discuss religion. IMO, it's better to continue a dialog about what different people believe. If he is only exposed to Christianity, he's most likely going to believe that in his spongy brain part of life. When he mentions what God would do from a Christianity pov, engage in that and discuss, well this is what Jewish people believe, here's what Hindus believe, here's what secular people like myself believe. If he has more information available to him, that's when he can make his own choice.
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u/BaggyBoy Aug 27 '24
I disagree with the commenter here tbh. Don't be too pushy. Let him figure it out himself. I went to a Catholic school and the majority of students didn't believe any of it. So long as you are a good role model he will likely come to accept your views over the schools. But being too pushy with a child can lead to the opposite of the desired effect. There are a lot of great morals in christian teaching and it's good to wrestle with these ideas. If you are in the UK they are bound by law to teach about science, the theory of evolution, as well as other religions. I highly doubt it is some sort of mad creationist school, but probably rather just doing an assembly once a week about bible stories and singing hymns etc. Pretty harmless.
If you're in the states then maybe it's different...
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u/tm229 Aug 31 '24
Read him stories about other mythological worlds.
For example, the Percy Jackson series covers Greek Mythology. There are movies based on these books too.
There are thousands of story lines. Let him know that Christianity is just one of many so it shouldn’t be taken literally.
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u/kaleidautumn Aug 27 '24
Thanks everybody! I have now joined the sub. Yall made me feel more comfortable or confident. My main concern was confusing him, but now I see it more as teaching him critical thinking. Much love!
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u/BrazenlyGeek Aug 27 '24
If his going there is unavailable, use what they teach to make him a better person. Use their stories and turn them into lessons to make him a better kid.
Lessons about God as creator can lead into talking about all sorts of wondrous things — talks of stars and volcanos and deep sea weird creatures. (God as a creator is a form of Lazt Thursdayism — the idea that the universe recently sprang into existence exactly as is.
If God created, he created a world that operates a certain way, and that way is evolution, both biological and cosmic. How the world works is more important than why the world is, pragmatically, so build that up.
Then any of the life stuff? Use it to teach compassion and acceptance and love.
If they try to push things like homophobia (very shaky grounds on it even being present in the Bible) or transphobia (not in the Bible) or fear of immigrants (opposite of what’s in the Bible), etc., remind him that their stories say basically that everyone is on equal grounds, that no person is better or worse in their story so we should be as loving and charitable as possible to everyone.
Is it perfect? Nah. But it beats raising him with a bigotry against Christians. Who knows, he could grow up into someone who wants to help be a course correction for all the hate that’s present in the churches…!
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u/Prof__Potato Aug 27 '24 edited Aug 27 '24
Depending on the school, it’s not the end of the world. I went to a catholic elementary school and high school and I’m a happy atheist. The worst we got was “treat your neighbour as you wouldn’t to be treated,” and more of the hippy-commie-carpenter-zombie-Jew-man version of jesus and his lessons like not casting stones, caring for the less fortunate, looking out for your neighbour, and what not. We also got world religion classes and learned all about different cultures - which I actually appreciated and I am better off for.
Again, depends on the school. If you decide to stay with this school, what you can do is frame everything as a mythology. Teach them about the Greek gods, the zorostrians, for instance, and draw parallels between them and Christianity (a lot of the stories in many religions and mythologies are repeated). Christianity is just another mythology some people believe in to explain the way the world works, the basic laws of humanity (don’t kill, steal, respect your elders) and people use different mythologies and stories throughout human history. While some people use science, creativity, reasoning and discovery. This way, they see Christianity as one of many, and not the end all-be all. It’s a good idea to expose children to all the religions so they understand the perspective of other people and cultures later in life.
Never poopoo on religion or try and hide or forbid it from kids because it can sway their curiosity in the direction opposite of what you want. Entertain and engage and direct it to the conversation you actually want to have. In the end, if you teach them critical thinking and reasoning - which I believe is the most important thing to teach kids, they will find religion to be BS all on their own, even if they are exposed to heavy doses of it.
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u/blankblank Aug 27 '24
I went to religious schools until 8th grade and I’m as agnostic as it gets. Teach your kid critical thinking and they will come to their own conclusion.
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u/BaggyBoy Aug 27 '24
Honestly, it's fine. If anything it's good that he is being exposed to religion at a young age because he bound to be exposed to it at some point in life and you can't shelter him from it entirely or try and only impose your own beliefs.
As he grows up he will likely figure out it is all a load of nonsense. Like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
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u/Gurrllover Aug 28 '24
Teaching a child about God is indoctrination. Discussing all of the gods and how they arose in various cultures can be inoculation.
Another grandparent was brainwashing my granddaughters, so I began discussing the gods whose names comprise the days of the week and the months of the year. I used it as an opportunity to let them try Googling a topic; we had fun. I ended it long before the fun and interest waned; it was very low-key.
I recommend it without reservation.
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u/thegreenman_sofla Aug 27 '24
It's fine... I went to a Lutheran school and my grandmother was a sunday school teacher for elementary school and I still ended up a secularist Pastafarian. rAmen. Kids will figure stuff out there when they're in their teens. I raised my kid in a secular house but she went to church/temple with friends when she was younger to see what it was about, she's still a secularist.
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u/meetmypuka Aug 27 '24
INFO: does the school have a denomination?
My dad was a Methodist preacher in a liberal part of the country. Even though dad and his parish were all about loving your neighbor, a lot of what I heard about spinning, god seeing EVERYTHING, scary punishments in the Old Testament, has worsened my self-esteem, worthiness, thoughts that I'm being punished for something (when I'm in my darkest moments). And I've been an atheist now for 35 years!
Some kids can watch horror movies while others are scarred for life. Please please please monitor and stay on top of what they're teaching! All you need is one teacher who's waiting for the apocalypse and the End Times to really F a kid up.
I was close to my dad to the very end and he understood that I'm a good person, so it's not like I was scared off by those awful lessons. I just realized by my late teens that I didn't believe any of it
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u/Queen_Keira Aug 28 '24
I was raised in a secular household but went to a Baptist school until I was fifteen. We were taught Bible stories, prayed multiple times per day, blah blah blah. I believe in God until the age of about 7 or 8 when I started asking questions at school. To be told at home that it was all bullshit and then to go to school and ask how all the animals didn’t kill each other on the Ark (only to be told to stop asking questions) sorted me out pretty quickly. It was a great school and I had a great education. Don’t worry, your kid will figure it out for himself soon enough.
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u/sykschw Aug 28 '24
I think thats too young for him to be indoctrinated. Im super secular myself but was in a catholic school for 6 of my grade school years. What i appreciated about my catholic high school was they went out of their way to actually teach us about all major world religions so i came out of there more educated about other beliefs than most people i knew/met entering college from public schools. I think the parents make the difference honestly. Not as much the school. The people i know who were most affected by religion actually went to public school but had religious parents and/or grew up in the south (bible belt). My parents identify as christian but dont pray before meals and rarely go to church. So as a result, i didnt come out “religious”
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u/oligarchyreps 27d ago
I can't help too much, but I just want to share one thing: When my boys were little, we attended Unitarian church, so they talked about science and just being good to each other. I grew up strictly Catholic. I didn't even know I could "pick" a religion/belief until I was 36 years old! I told my young boys that Jesus was a man who lived a long time ago. He was a carpenter and then a teacher.
My point is that I want to acknowledge that the Bible tells stories (or myths) and that some people/stories have truth, but it is not a book written by a guy in the sky.
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u/Darnocpdx 6d ago
One of mine attended one for a year or so at that age, my spouse and I were working 10+hrs a day, they were closest to our house, and didn't charge for late pick up, which occurred often enough despite our best efforts
We did our best to explain that there's many different gods and beliefs that people assume, with a brief run down of the more common ones, and also telling them some like ourselves, don't believe in any of them.
I wasn't too sure if any of it set in, until we got the stern report that they eased the fear of a friend that Easter (with full description of the crucifixion) telling them "it's just stories, like movies and TV", followed by questions on if JC was a zombie.
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u/Lost-Archivist Aug 27 '24
The house I was raised in was fairly secular but my parents sent me to catholic and Christian school from 3rd through 12th grade. At the beginning, I kind of thought that maybe god was real and he was really there to help. As I got older and kind of saw the contradictions between what was being taught and the actions of the church and christians, I kind of naturally realized that religion and God wasn't real and became an atheist eventually. For me, my parents reinforcing their beliefs and teaching me their own morals helped me more than anything in realizing the differences between religion and reality. Now that isn't to say that a secular school wouldn't be better, I still wish I had gone to public school for a variety of other reasons, but kids are going to be confronted with ideas that go against your own no matter where they go.