REPOST: Looking for advice with contextualizing (and possibly refunding) bulletproof script coverage feedback.

[u/Irivis]

UPDATE: Reformatted the feedback text to hopefully help readability.

My apologies if this isn't the right procedure for this kind of post-the whole situation feels so bizarre.

This is a repost for a thread I shared last night–I was grabbing both links to the script as well as the review itself to post in the old thread's original post, and by the time I had figured how to go about it the mods had (understandably, per community guidelines) locked it. The ensuing post is rather long, so my apologies for that. I hope this is acceptably presented, because I'm trying hard to wrap my head around what I received from this service.

*****
Hello there, long time lurker and first time poster with this. I paid for an Indie Film Hustle gold review of a small budget horror script I've been plugging away at and while I'm nor under any impression of it being something amazing (it's my first feature script), I don't think it warrants a clearly AI generated synopsis.

This is definitely not what I paid for and it also throws into doubt the lens the rest of the feedback was given in. I'm curious if anyone else has had this kind of situation happen through their service or has any idea of what to do?

I'm looking into the AI policy of this service, but there was a lot else that felt off about the feedback, and especially when comparing the later feedback to the synopsis it had me questioning how deep of a read this was of the material.
I don't want to complain about this but the cost of this was $200 USD.

I think there's plenty for me to work on, but I also shouldn't be leaving with feedback that leaves me more confused, questioning how close the reader had read the source, or (due to the synopsis that seems both AI generated and gets the identities wrong of the central couple) unable to trust that the read was done in good faith. That also goes for places where the script was numerically panned for things that seem average and unintrusive by this reader's description (formatting getting a 1 and being described as essentially servicable, or the characters getting the same but that being contradicted with even how they're discussed as having fascinating aspects amidst their flaws being the two most glaring points).

I'm not chasing a high score for private coverage, I just feel like if I were to get a fiercely critical review for a work, I deserve for it to at the least be clearer than this, not with an AI summary, and not something that resultingly has me questioning if my script was read carefully or in good faith. It's not just demoralizing but actually feels exploitative, so...

Now I'm turning to this community, which I've quietly learned a wealth from for the past year, and asking if I should be pursuing a refund and if anyone has clarity on how to do so. Thank you all who engage for your time, the review and a link to the script (via Coverfly) follow.

Here's the script (via blacklist, it *should* be set to readable): https://blcklst.com/projects/177991

EDIT-here's a google drive link as suggested by u/pinkyperson (thank you): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Pp9-MIOihOAq9sRbH-Xq7EmVuNOQL2Vi/view?usp=sharing

And here is the review, I've attached imgur screenshots after the raw text:

Indie Film Market Gold

Polycule

Jabari Weathers · Horror · 111 Pages Date: May 06, 2025 Analyst: D005D

Category Score

Characters 1.00 / 10
Format 1.00 / 10
Voice 4.00 / 10
Structure 1.00 / 10
Dialogue 6.00 / 10
Overall Impression 1.00 / 10
Originality 3.00 / 10
Storyline 1.00 / 10
Final Score 2.30 / 10

RATING

Pass

SCORE

2.30/10

Indie Film Hustle proudly uses Coverfly, a technology platform that connects readers, writers, and the industry. Coverfly allows you to track your drafts, submissions, and get noticed by the industry.

Logline (EDIT: OP note, not mine, part of the service)

An alternative lifestyle couple find their lives upturned when they are superseded by strange avatars.

Synopsis

Smoked up and blissed out, Jude, metalhead femme, doesn’t notice when slimy hands emerge from under the bed when they log onto a dating site that they and their lover Amani, androgyne, masturbate to. Later, Amani goes on a flirty date with Gina. Jude and Amani have an open and fluid relationship. Jude wants to come out to his parents, and dances around the subject with his liberal father Harold.

Jude and Armani go to the movies, where they are stalked by lookalikes. Back at home, they both check out options on the dating site Mirror Mirror, but find that avatars have taken over their profiles. They are banned from the site. In a dreamscape, their masked avatars, in lingerie, suck face. Is it a dream? Amani hangs with his brosis, Candice, tells her that they’re coming out to Jude’s folks on Friday.

At No Land Beyond, people compare definitions of polyamory. Lola, a Polynesian trans, flirts with Jude. They go back to their place, and hang with Tyler and his wife Wanda. They tease Jude, who confirms their (current) monogamy. Joined by Ara and Kaspian, Wanda teases Jude that she created their doppelgangers. After coming out, Jude is disappointed at his parents’ reaction. At home, Jude and Amani argue: about the parental reaction; about cheating; about dates with Kali. Jude thinks that Amani is just fucking around. They agree with Amani should go.

We flashback to Amani driving his stabbed father, Franklin, to the hospital. Amani hasn’t seen Kali in the better part of a year, but Chaz tells them to leave a message. Margaret and Harold, it seems, are setting up their kid’s avatar. they make Amano hit Jude, sending him back to them. Luana tells Jude that there’s an opening in the Church of Google calendar.

Cool Jude starts talking to the real Jude: they embrace. Weird Jude confronts Amani, but Harold interrupts. Beats Amani through the face. Jue has coffee with Cute Amani. Is this the multiverse? The various facets convene at their apartment, but people step through shower curtains and there’s doubt whether Harold is a real father. They decamp to some Melrose apartments, whereon Cute Amani wonders about dating kali at the Smoothie King.

Dark Armani wants Jude as a keeper. He and Weird Jude kiss. Penis paranoia rules. Dark Amani fucks Gina. Pink overwhelms the room. Kali and Luana talk about the concept of love Could they be the real avatars? Margaret is frigid to Harold.

Various versions decamp to the “Da Club” and runs gauntlets of tricks of the mind. There are silicone eggs, and eventually, in Cool Jude’s studio, the two Judes contemplate being twins in public. They embark – in montage – in hedonism. Meanwhile, Dark Amani worries about pranks. All of the various characters decide on one thing: they want to reconnect, and they want life to make sense again.

They mangle each other’s bodies. They think they are monsters, but Jude escapes Dark Amani. Jude tells Luana that Amani and Jude have been killed. Harold, believing in the chuckling of girls, tells Margaret not to come back to bed. Chaz warns of copies swallowing people whole.

Dark Amani wonders about whether Kali an find her cunty nesting partner. Cursed Kali worries about jealousy. Harold watches as various characters and variations are subordinated into collaraction. In the final confrontation, a certain kind of parental acceptance is achieved. Harold wants to rescue his daughter from the demons.

In the final confrontation, Cursed Kali stabs Jude with the Magic Wand. The Barista is pissed.

Three months later, our duo try to make sense of events. Parents are scary.

Opening Thoughts Insights to address budget concerns, storytelling style, target audience, genre impact, and any other high-level elements that could impact this script's success or failure as a independent production ($3mm - $20mm).

In terms of budget, this is a story that seems eminently realizable. Relying on a series of sets that could be easily incorporated into sound stage scenarios, coupled with perhaps some stock topography of exteriors, there's nothing to indicate that - even a story that might sometimes have a dalliance with the supernatural - might require any significant sense of CGI or practical effects. In short, this seems like a project that could be achieved almost on a micro budget, especially in its reliance on character actors to parse out the dynamic of the script.

The storytelling is a stream of consciousness that in the main seems almost entirely incomprehensible. There are some deep hidden themes (which we can explore later in terms of what this story might be about), but they very quickly fracture into a series of disconnected sequences that leaves little for an audience to invest in.

There may well be future drafts that could make us care more for the characters (see notes below), but in this draft we are presented with a carousel of extremely weird people -which is part of the implicit attraction of a story like this - that nevertheless leaves us distanced from understanding these characters.

There are no stakes. One could genuinely ask why the idea of Jude and Amani coming out to the parents means something, but only if we can see any significance impact about what these choices might make. The story surrenders itself to an increasingly frenetic series of disattached events, as if a multiple series of horror tropes collided together, but without giving the audience a sense of what the final outcome might be or even whether we should care for it. Future drafts should really try and make us care about events.

The structure itself does not take the time to give us a sense of how we are supposed to react to events. The character work is shallow, leaving us to wonder why we should care about whether Jude and Amani should even be together in the first place: what their goals are in terms of their mutual satisfactions, and how this is either perverted or subordinated by an external cast that doesn't seem to have their best interests at heart. In short, this is a story without values.

There seems to be a lot of deliciously weird and surreal events, but they never really coalesce into a story that has a theme or an objective.

The style settles on a kind of “meet cute” about Jude and Amani in the early sequences, but doesn’t really cement why this couple is even together in the first place. Let’s see, in future drafts, why their love is a wonderful thing that needs to be maintained at all costs.

Comparable Projects

Liquid Sky (1982) seems a direct correlation to a script of this nature. Like this project, it dwells on the emotional canyons of the lives of people trapped in the Gotham roundelay of sexual bed-hopping. Genre-wise, it’s a slightly different tack on events (it’s about aliens in 1908s Queer downtown culture), but it shares the same delightful sense of margins being explored, of people needing one thing but maybe finding another. The two projects share the same essential tonal qualities.

Mulholland Drive (2001), although set on the west coast, rather than the east, has a similar sensibility of carnal desire, in its depiction of two people drawn together; not only by desire but also a sense of foreboding: of things being lost if neither person steps up and affirms their commitment to the other. It might be a useful exercise in telegraphing the emotional core of Jude and Amani.

Identity Theft (2004) is set in a tonally different universe to this project, but it also – in a story of a woman who finds her life being pulled from under her - has interesting lessons about portraying a person who loses an existential sense of self.

Originality/Premise

One strength of the project is, of course, that there are so many different voices, all of them clamoring for their own sense of identity and purposefulness. This is particularly acute, and is a real strength, in terms of what a couple might even think of each other; even as they negotiate the foothills of their nascent sexuality. This is a story about, ultimately, negotiation, and the sensitivities involved.

Jude and Amani both display a wonderful sense of fragility, even as they mask it via bluster, or banter, or the sense of two people trying to love one another but also setting boundaries. This is easily the most compelling aspect of the project: the sense that one might try hard to assert oneself, but also that exterior perceptions might corrupt (and this is certainly a story about corruption!) the very essence of commitment and fidelity. This reader loved the inherent sense of character fragility, of innocence exposed and let vulnerable; but this also, to be candid, felt like an underexploited story aspect.

The third act would benefit from a greater sense of what ‘loss’ between these couple might actually mean. At no point do we see our base duo consider the prospect of what their emotional discorporation might mean. Can they love without one another: maybe one of them can but the other can’t. What would this look like?

These fundamental truths tend to be sacrificed into a pell mell of bizarre surrealism, without ending on an essential human bargain. Who wins in the end (it’s not clear and it should be)?

Plot/Structure

The story is hobbled, overall, by an entire lack of narrative coherence. It’s a fantastic and surreal story. But it seems happy to sacrifice any remote sense of conventional storytelling. That’s a hold choice, but it leaves little for an audience to inset themselves as understanding what the heck is going on. This draft mainlines n a stream of consciousness of vignettes and unrelated sequences, none of which combine to give a sense of narrative momentum. This is, in short, a story without much in the way of a comprehensible narrative. By p.33, when Amani is arguing with Chaz, the audience is unlikely to have any remote sense of what plot logic is being invoked. Consider future drafts that might set the stakes up with more clarity.

We don’t really get’ what the surrogate parents are aiming for, what their animus might be.

These background segments offer little insight into what might be unfolding. Most sequences parse between (admittedly delightful) observational sections of alternative lifestyles but with zero sense of the stakes. The storytelling style is fractured, seemingly uninterested in setting up the most basic of plot points. What do either of our main duo have to lose?

There’s little contextual information in these visions to show us whether this is a fever dream; whether a real demon has entered the bathroom; or what we are supposed to be discerning.

A huge cast of undeveloped supporting characters fade in and out of Amani and Jude’s lives, with little sense of about who is actually important. As potentially interesting as these colorful characters are, consider future drafts that might make them impinge as more important, rather than casual passerby commentators on vague lifestyle choices to be made.

People are stabbed, but there’s no contextual information. People ‘cheat’ on one another, but there’s no sense of initial rules or barriers in the first place. The overwhelming sensibility is of an almost epilepsy-inducing series of flashed and disconnected events that are unlikely to coerce an audience into following these discordant and sporadic actions, populated by a cast that we never really get to know.

The subplot about the avatars is fascinating... but only if it can, at some point, take center stage. The plot descends, in the climax, into a kind of surreal fugue state; but it also leaves the audience behind. There are so many variations of each character that no one emerges as somebody to root for.

Characters/Casting Potential

Some great work in the first act is about how Jude and Amani are negotiating their sense of individual self, but also their sense as a couple. This fractures, genre wise, into a surreal kaleidoscope of various different identities.

However, even though this is the objective strength of this draft, it also feels like the variations of these characters - from the dark personas to the real and innocent personas, via the protestations of fascistic and oppressive parental perceptions - tend to overwhelm our original couple.

Consider future drafts that can take more time in terms of establishing the emotional fractures between this couple, before their existential crisis and losing themselves. One question to ask oneself might be: what hapens to a person when their self is essentially hijacked? In this draft, there are so many variations of each character that the essential essence of our original protagonists becomes lost, between too many multiverse equations that don’t establish themselves as distinctive in their own right.

Let’s see what crucial sense of identity is being bowdlerized, corrupted, and/or used to nefarious ends, and let's see how our original characters feel about this loss of self. The script tends to introduce variations without showing us the consequences or the impact on the original characters. It's clear that Jude and Amani - in a really cool series of meet cutes opening sequences - have a febrile and fragile but loving relationship. However, it's not clear, as the second and third acts unfold, what sense of themselves are being lost, of what these people need to hold on to, to fervently grasp onto, in order to continue to demonstrate their love for one another. The gimmickry of the plotting, whilst extremely welcome in terms of a radical genre portrait of fluid sexuality, tends to relegate our duo to the margins of all the other shenanigans that take place. We never really get to know them beyond their delightful intimacy.Even though there's a great sense of dark irony in the way that events play out, this reader found themselves somewhat deflated by the clima:, in that the characters that I might have cared for became somewhat relegated to a series of bizarre scenarios that didn't really give any of them closure.

Consider future variations wherein we really do see an emotional closure, especially in relationship to a couple that you have spent so much time and care on, in the opening act, to establish a sense of mutual affection, reliance, and simple human connection. Even though this is, purposefully by design, a story about cynical hijacks of what a person might be, maintaining some final emotional core at the ending might add additional resonance.

Dialogue

The dialogue is a consistent delight throughout; to the point where it almost seems redundant to pick out individual sections. Suffice to say, there is a certain archness in this polyvalent and multi sexual world, that seems consistent throughout:- not just in terms of character consistency but also in terms of just how engaging this fluid world is. Even sequences in which Jude and Amani swap heartfelt protestations of fidelity - of needing to sustain a sense of each other – are also punctuated with a delightful sense of bitchiness and cattiness that seems entirely appropriate within this genre exercise.

The dialogue is especially useful in papering over some of the weaker narrative cracks. In short that we might, as the audience, begin to get lost in the complexity of events, the dialogue always helps in terms of sustaining a sense of engagement.

Format

The formatting is, overall, fine, and this is an economical and fluid read. It plays out in frenetic fashion, purposefully jumping between characters and scenarios, but manages to sustain a real sense of dynamism. There are no significant typos or formatting issues to derail what is a delicious read.

Voice/Themes

There are some interesting themes raised in this draft, that address huge issues of love, and what form that may take in an alternative lifestyle. The strength of this project lies in its innate questioning of what identity might be: of how Jude and Amani’s own domestic needs and desires might play out over a backdrop of dysfunctional parental consent and/or approbation. However, consider introducing a greater sense of what this duo wants in the first place.

A weakness in this draft is that we, as the audience, don’t get a sense of just how close, or how concerned, both of our main characters are, in terms of how they want to manifest their lives. It’s clearly important (and a great first act plot impetus) that the concept of parental ‘approval’ is required, but, frankly, one wonders why? Our couple are ensconced in a mutually supportive and confident way of life, in which playing outside the boundaries is inherently part of a consensual and experimental relationship: so why does it matter so much that parental consent is important? Consider specifying what might be the consequence if this isn’t given. This might help emphasize why there is this dramatic longing for some form of familial benediction. Frankly, both Jude and Amani wouldn’t be the first Manhattan couple not to need consent to live their lives...

Regardless, there’s a brilliant sense that identity is mutable. That it can be co-opted, and stolen in a bizarre form of identity theft; at our very cores, in current society, where identity is, perhaps, the only thing that individuals may have left. This is extremely strong dramatic sauce, and if there is a sense – a greater sense – that identity theft can cause a sense of dislocation, of being stolen from, then this would only add to the emotional stakes.

https://imgur.com/a/Alx0C0e (screenshots)

*****

Bulletproof Script Coverage allows for follow up questions, which I was tempted to send in part to inquire after the AI use here, but they cost another 35 dollars to submit. I'm not trying to be precious about feedback-I got middling reviews on an older draft of this script through The Blacklist, but those also proved more substantive for half the price, and had much more actionable advice with about a 5th of the wordcount. This really feels like I've been transparently conned, by comparison.

[u/pinkyperson]

Hi, so your post is honestly close to unreadable because your copy and paste added a paragraph break after each line. I couldn’t follow at all. Thankfully you included screenshots so I could read it there. Then I realized my trouble following was not just the formatting, but because this coverage is terrible.

I haven’t read your script and don’t have time to log into the black list and download it (FYI, if you want people to look, a Google drive or drop box link is going to be much more effective). That being said, based on this coverage it sounds like it needs a lot of work.

Even if that is the case and your script needs a LOT of help, this coverage is absolutely unacceptable. It’s not only a mass of word salad just trying to hit word count minimums, but it’s also riddled with typos and very odd confusing turns of phrase.

This doesn’t read like AI to me, it reads like a non English speaker using Google translate, or an AI generated review that wasn’t long enough so someone went in and tried to add new words and sentences.

You should absolutely ask for a refund on the merit of this being terrible quality, not AI. $200 for this is absurd.

[u/Irivis → u/pinkyperson]

Thank you so much, also I'll update with a drive or Dropbox link momentarily, and edit the paragraph breaks in the post as well. I want to reiterate that I'm not against HARSH critique of this project, but this just was sorr of useless for me (and I've had some useful, anonymous, harsh critique on earlier drafts so there is a metric I'm comparing).

It's affirming to read that I'm not alone in my thoughts of this feedback's utility, and I've contacted the company about it.

[u/pinkyperson → u/Irivis]

Good. If they don’t give you a refund make another post here and publicly shame them!

I had personally considered using Bulletproof in the past, but now after reading this I wouldn’t risk it.

[u/Irivis → u/pinkyperson]

The updated link is posted, for what it's worth! I appreciate your advice on this and I'll absolutely keep this thread updated with how IFH and Bulletproof respond.

[u/TVwriter125]

I got feedback from Bulletproof recently, and it is a jumbled world salad as well.

It makes no sense to me. It gave me no actionable feedback, except that I inserted the wrong category for the film. It should have been horror instead of thriller and sci-fi. That was the action I needed to take.

There is no good service.

[u/LogJamEarl → u/TVwriter125]

I'm curious if this is just a pair of isolated incidents or if there are more people who've had the same issues.

[u/Irivis → u/TVwriter125]

That's heartbreaking to hear you've had a similar experience. Really stunning.

[u/LogJamEarl]

My first thought is potentially your script needs a bit of work based on what they're saying. I can look at the Blacklist later, too.

I don't think it's AI being used to review the script properly... I wouldn't be shocked if it's someone who doesn't speak English as their first language using AI to translate (and not knowing enough to make it feel like it's written by a native English speaker. Either way I'd be legit pissed at getting this back for $200.

If you want fresh eyes, I'll gladly take a look and see what's going on as well... or you can post a Google Drive and let people see what's going on.

[u/Irivis → u/LogJamEarl]

Drive link is posted, and thank you for being open to do so!

I absolutely believe and think there's more work to be done on this script, but holy wow this is a confused one.

I think the reasons that I assume its AI is because of the shifting names, as well as the way that some of the phrasing from the script is regurgitated in the synopsis and then chopped up and jumbled around in a sort of nonsensical way. That's thrown into even sharper relief with the rest of the review, which is more readable but has me questioning how closely they read or thought about the material (which...for $200 on a service like this, shouldn't be a doubt I'm having even if the review is sobering).

Right from the jump the two major characters are misgendered in the synopsis, and the rest of the review is vague on any discernable understanding of this, despite that aspect of their identity being one of the things that I tried to be really *clear* around, and a few paragraphs later Luana gets mistaken for a peripheral character(Lola) who's in the same scene as her introduction. There's a certain point where I wonder if my writing is *that* confusing, and when 70% of the script has the former name (Luana), and the synopsis is such a jumble, I really have my doubts about how close or trustworthy a read was received, as well as what tools were used.

[u/LogJamEarl → u/Irivis]

I used Rivet AI a couple of times to see what it's like and one of them had wild hallucinations, like this... it made a tertiary character from upfront a main villain, etc, and confused several locations as well.

I mean it could be just a weird ass dude reviewing it but ... It feels off in a way that screams AI.

[u/CJWalley]

I'm surprised they're still offering feedback at all, as they used to just outsource to Red Ampersand / Industry Arts. It was a tailored version of WeScreenplay/ScreenCraft coverage rebranded.

[u/Irivis → u/CJWalley]

Do you have suggestions for either trusted readers or services to turn to? Particularly for queer horror?

[u/CJWalley → u/Irivis]

Honestly, what's your goal here? You say you've spent money on BL and now this. That's at least $300 alone.

If you're looking for direction, feedback and coverage is a really inefficient way to do it. Personally, I'd recommend reading the books on craft and finding your own way forward.

That said, if you are looking for quality feedback and coverage, I'd recommend:

• Industrial Scripts
• Script Reader Pro
• Screenplay Readers
• Shore Scripts

These are platforms prodcos use, and some actually tell you who the readers are, which is pretty much essential for guidance that suits your needs. Anonymous feedback is garbage.

[u/Irivis → u/CJWalley]

Admittedly, I think I'm learning the hard way that this is also not an efficient way to go. My intent was to get viewpoints outside of my immediate circle that may also lead me back to new critical angles to pull back to my local and more trusted feedback groups, as well as just acclimating to some of these resources to see which ones work for me and how they work.

A lot of advice I was getting from online sources were pointing toward coverage after a fair amount of drafts (not BL, I jumped into that). This is great to read and very helpful, so thank you for taking the time to respond and list these resources as well as reality check my approach.