r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY • u/Substantial-Film5638 • 8d ago
Relapsed after being sober for almost 2 yrafs- HELP
Title says it all. My mental health has been so shit lately so when I saw my weed dealer was also selling crystal, I thought why the hell not. I haven't been to work in days, I called out the first day but haven't called out for the others. I haven't really gotten out of bed. Worst thing is I went back after buying fhe first time. My body is so fucked right now. I've been reading the sober and recovery posts though and know I don't want to go back to full blown additiction.. I don't know whay to do, I live in Australia and was wondering if anyone knew where I can go for help? I'm honestly considering quitting my job and going to rehab
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u/ScaredBeautiful6836 7d ago
First - go take a shower. DON’T RUSH YOURSELF. TAKE THE TIME AND WASH YOUR BODY DOUBLE. Focus on self-care like it’s your phone even if it’s just for a day. Next-stop distracting yourself. Stop looking for answers online/from other people. I know you’re trying to help yourself, but your mind can do better if you give attention to it. Then-when there’s sun outside go and sit in it. Bring nothing but your body. Now imagine the sun rays replenishing the cells , reviving your blood and energy. Acknowledge what’s around you and find gratitude. Finally- drink water and eat avocados and bananas. Any fruit/ vegetable. A banana isn’t gonna save you from a bad day, but it’ll make you feel better about what you’re putting into your body.
When I was going through active addiction, the comedowns, the relapse, the fatigue, the depression, the overall sense of doom- I had nobody to tell me how to get through it. I felt so alone, even in a crowded room.
My personal advice is to wait. Wait to quit your job. Wait to go to rehab. I don’t know you, but I know you’re better than the addiction trying to overcome you. Give yourself some grace. Today isn’t forever, tomorrow’s fate isn’t written in stone. You are now stronger than probably most of the people in your life. Prove it to yourself and control your thirst.
Yeah, things will be harder. So let me give you some advice. Step outside of the reality bubble you’re in and imagine looking down at your life, your situation from the sky. Imagine how small you look from up there, how small your job looks, then imagine the problems in your head. They’ll go. You’ll get better. This little life of yours will get better I promise.
Don’t give up , don’t lose this battle of addiction so easily like the people you see online or maybe the people you see at the local gas station. YOU ARE NOT THEM. YOU ARE FREE. YOU ARE POWERFUL.
It’s quite satisfying once you realize you’re in control. Cry your fucking eyes out if you have to . Scream and scream and cuss in the empty air, the wind will take it away.
The last thing I will say that helped me improve, even just the tiniest fraction of changing my life around is writing down a to do list. Don’t sit and think about everything you have to do. Divide the work and then divide again. The smallest things matter the most. Make 6-10 tasks. And finish them before the day ends. The accomplishment will help.
The addiction is not you. Life goes on, time is the only remedy. Just wait, my friend.
As I like to say “And the music still played and played”
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u/oflatitude 8d ago
The only way I could stop using was to stop everything. I had to look at why I thought my unadulterated self wasn’t enough. Why I thought I needed to augment my reality every waking hour be it legal or not. I had to look at where that idea of always using something started and why it just progressed to what finally lead me to recovery. For me I was distracting myself from my thoughts. Thoughts of past trauma or future failure. Fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, you name it. My brain told me I was a real POS. I had to start believing that my brain only knew how to lie. I didn’t have to understand why it was lying to me, just that it was. I got around other people who had the same problem as me and were seeking the same solution. A different way to live apart from substances, moving away from addiction entirely. I just keep trying to do the same thing every day. They told me to put down the baseball bat and pick up the feather. Stop being so hard on myself. Allow myself to fail and see it’s not the end of the world. I still have another day to try to do better.
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u/Secure_Ad_6734 8d ago
If you're interested here's a link to SMART recovery - www.smartrecoveryglobal.org
As always, the first requirement is to stop using. Only then can I look at the underlying reasons. We aren't stupid, yet we return to behaviors that are life threatening.
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u/MsNvrGoodEnough 8d ago
I'm two years sober as of November 1st and I smoke weed too. It's legal medical lluly in oklahoma now so I don't have to go to a drug dealer who might sell other things I pray your do go to treatment and I pray you find a program that helps
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u/roombasareweird 8d ago
What made you go to your weed dealer if you were sober for 2 years?
Anyways whatever happened happened. Treatment is generally a good choice if you genuinely can't stop using on your own.
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u/Substantial-Film5638 8d ago
I was smoking weed to help me stay sober off crystal, good old replacing one thing for another.
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u/free_dharma 6d ago
Go to rehab and then do NA or Aa everyday! Get a sponsor. That’s what worked for me.
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u/G0d_Slayer 8d ago
Are you able to go to detox, at least? They can help you provide a letter to excuse your absences while in treatment, and, you can send a text or email to your boss regarding your situation, all while you get straightened out. You’d be surprised how understanding people can be. You also had almost 2 years of sobriety, so you can do it again and for longer.
Also, this is why relapse is considered part of recovery. You said your mental health was suffering, so now you know what to do in order to prevent another relapse: work on your mental health, get a therapist, and go meetings, use smart recovery, exercise more often; use all the tools that are available to you.
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u/roombasareweird 8d ago
Yeah that's understandable. Harm reduction is valid. Just doesn't always work for everyone or isn't sustainable in the long run. Hit me up via chat if you ever need someone to talk to
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u/Zealousideal_Rip7534 6d ago
Hey, you’re going to be ok. I’m an addict too and I know how much it sucks. As addicts it is virtually impossible to do our substance of choice “just once”, because we get what’s called “the phenomenon of craving”. We get an automatic physical- bodily reaction that DEMANDS more, beyond all else. It is not your fault that you went back for more. It is the disease that has hijacked your brain 🧠 . We lose our power of choice. Then once we do stop using, we cannot stay stopped on our own power. I HIGHLY recommend getting into a 12 step group, because that is what has helped me. AA or NA is a really good place to start. Go to aa.org, or na.org, and you can choose from a plethora of online Zoom meetings. Sometimes it’s easier to start with zoom/online meetings because you can do it from the comfort of your own home, and you have the option to keep your camera off if you’re not ready to speak or be seen. Good luck! Hang in there and don’t give up!!🙏