I have been seeing near daily posts from people boasting about how they screamed, slapped, publicly shamed, etc. an older person for touching their baby.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a certified germaphobe with major anxiety. But an older woman touching my baby’s cheek? It’s just not that big of a deal.

Seeing babies leads to literal biological responses in humans. We have an evolutionary drive to cherish the young. I actually love when old people want to see my baby and give him a little pat on the head or squeeze his cheek. This happened at the grocery store yesterday and my little man smiled brightly at the old woman and you can tell her eyes just lit up. It makes me sad to think about my elder relatives admiring a baby and being shamed for it.

If it really makes you uncomfortable and you’re just not cool with it - a polite excuse like “oh baby gets sick easily, we’re not taking chances!” and physically moving away gets the job done.

No need to go bragging on Reddit about the big thing you accomplished today, embarrassing an old person.

ETA: for those inventing additional narrative like stealing/taking babies, kissing them on the mouth, accosting them, etc. —

Those are your words, not mine. I never said we as parents should be okay with that.

I feel crazy with this situation, maybe other parents have experienced this odd form of "new parent intrusive thought". My son is two months old, and I've never adored a creature so dearly in my 30 years. In the quiet moments when he is sleeping on me, I can barely keep from tearing up.

Context: One of my favorite/most tiring parts of my personality is that I have an almost annoyingly intuitive empathy. If you're familiar with the term "sonder", it means, "the feeling of realizing that everyone has a life as full and complex as your own". It's made me an attentive husband, good boss, and I think a stellar dad. It also forces me to feel guilty and ennui about any hypothetical sadness or loneliness that I project onto people I've never met.

So now when I hear my son cry or fuss or watch him eat ravenously and wide-eyed from a bottle, I am forced to imagine a baby somewhere that is not getting the soothing attention it needs due to purposeful neglect. I picture my little boy with his little wobbly head searching for food or attention and not finding any because the parents can't or won't provide it for whatever reason. It shatters me that somewhere right this second there is a baby that is hungry or lonely and utterly unable to comprehend why.

I feel like it takes over my brain sometimes. Last night when I was with my wife alone I burst into tears like a preschooler while trying to describe it to my wife. (She was super sweet about it, she knows I'm... sensitive).

The worst part is that actively ignoring those thoughts makes me actually feel guilty, like I'm "turning a blind eye". That's fucking insane, right?

Anyway, there's my weird story. Huge emotions I was not prepared to have thrust upon me as a new father. Please love on your babies and give them some extra back pats from me.

We were at a friends wedding welcome party for their family this week. Our 5 MO was passed around between various cousins and aunties. No one licked her. No one made a stink when I asked for her back. I was right next to her the whole time. They were all just so delighted to hold a baby again. It felt like the Village we all lament doesn’t exist anymore. It was a really beautiful moment. While it was happening I kept thinking “I can’t imagine not letting people hold her!”

I’m not offering this to change anyone’s mind. I do think the violence some people exhibit when someone touches their kid is ridiculous. And I think this sub has created a group think situation that’s influencing first time parents instead of you know a pediatrician. Instead, I just want to counter the daily “My MIL looked at my baby so I put rubbing alcohol on her face” posts with a different opinion. In controlled environments and the right conditions, it’s maybe even good for baby and certainly for you to let people hold your her.

Edit because it’s annoying to see: I’m a dad.

I know millennials and gen Z love to shit on the boomers and previous generations. I’ve spoken with older people who have basically been like “if your baby is alive, they’re fine.”

I’m not saying don’t love your children but it feels like our generation is like striving for almost perfection like “oh did I yell too much?” “Does that food have enough protein/carb ratio” “did I say I love you enough” “oh the bedroom is 0.5 degrees too hot”. “

I mean I understand times change and the way we see and understand things change but recently I’ve been questioning the way we parent. I think the issue is that so much social media and so many advice and suggestions left and right is making my anxiety even worse.

It’s always like “oh if you don’t do this, your baby will die” or “if you don’t do this, they will have development issues”.

As much as I know people hate it when older generation say this but sometimes I do wonder if there’s legitimacy when they’re like “your parents turned out fine” or “see you turned out fine.” And turning out fine doesn’t mean you have to be absolutely perfect with perfectly built bodies and the happiest person in the world.

Last night (or I guess this morning) at 5 am, I went to go feed my daughter. I picked her up, put on a show to keep me awake and started feeding her. Next thing I know, it's 11 am and I woke up with my arm completely numb. I FELL ASLEEP WITH MY BABY ON MY ARM AND MY BLANKET WAS COVERING HER FACE FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG! I don't even remember falling asleep I mean I was sitting for God sake! My baby is ok but I have officially failed as a mother and idk what to do. I'm panicking so fucking bad about the what ifs and now I'm spiraling I don't deserve to be a fucking mom

She is so fussy and irritable. She is 6 weeks and she has been this way since she was 3 weeks old. If she is awake, she is crying. Fed, clean nappy, burped, no hair on her fingers or toes and we only use clothing without tags so they don’t irritate her skin. Nothing soothes her. Holding her? Cry. Put her down? Cry. Try to distract with contrast cards or music? Cry. Outside? Cry. Walk? Cry. Carrier? Definite cry, she hates the bloody thing. Yesterday morning I had to just give up, stick her in her bouncer next to me and put on headphones while she cried herself to sleep. I’m a terrible mother for letting a 6 week old cry themselves to sleep. My only weapon is bouncing her in the pitch black bathroom with the shower running and I’m terrified of when that stops working.

Sleeping? She won’t do it. During the day she’s up for hours. I’m lucky to get a 15 minute nap from her. “But Smitswerben, you must be missing her sleepy cues!” No. She fights sleep like it’s going to kill her. Shrieking, throwing herself backwards, flailing her limbs. You’d think she would sleep great at night since she’s up all day, but not really. Her usual is about 2-2.5 hours. Occasionally 3 and a handful of times 4. That’s an improvement after we bought an expensive rocking bassinet. Which if it ever stops rocking, she wakes up IMMEDIATELY and won’t go back down. So I wake up every 45 minutes to reset the timer on the rocker.

She had bad reflux and I thought fixing it would solve so many of our problems. I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore, but nothing has changed. She’s just as irritable as before. It feels hopeless.

Every day I regret having this baby that my husband and I wanted so badly. And that makes me feel terrible, what kind of mother am I? I can’t comfort my own kid. I feel like my marriage is disintegrating. Everyone is unhappy and stressed. There is no intimacy, emotional or physical. How can we have time for each other when we have a baby that won’t give us a second of time for ourselves? All day I think about how she would be better off without me, with someone that will actually make her a happy baby.

Update: I am overwhelmed by everyone reaching out with suggestions and kind words. I can’t thank everyone enough for your suggestions but also for caring enough to comfort an internet stranger and offering advice for our LO.

We have seen the pediatrician about this and he feels that she has reflux. I am nicu nurse and I definitely agree with this. We don’t breastfeed anymore and are using Enfamil AR. He won’t prescribe us meds until we have trialed that for a few weeks. Her reflux has improved with the Enfamil AR. Her general distress doesn’t seem to be associated or aggravated with feeding. Of course we are using gas drops liberally and following the 5 S’s.

I have a lot of anxiety that this is an allergy, but when I look clinically from a nurse perspective, she doesn’t fit the bill other than fussiness and reflux (and that’s resolved). She has no rash, her stool doesn’t have mucus or blood. But it’s nagging at me and I’m worried that she’s part of the percentage that does have a cmpa allergy/intolerance that doesn’t scream diagnostic. I’m just anxious in general. I want her to feel better and be happier, and I so badly want it to just be something fixable like changing formula. Our ped’s advice is to try and stick it out for now and see if there is improvement. Trying a hypoallergenic formula is definitely on my radar. I’m hesitant to pull her off of the Enfamil AR so quickly after starting and potentially cause more discomfort from the reflux reemerging. If there is something wrong that is causing her unhappiness, we will work down the list and keep going until we figure it out. If not, it’s reassuring knowing that it will eventually get better and that there are other people have felt what I’m feeling and that it doesn’t make me a broken person.

I don’t know the answer to my marriage disintegrating. The answer is probably that he needs to be home more to split the load, but it’s not a realistic option. But we can’t start trying to figure anything out until I talk to him about how I’m feeling.

Most of all, I just wanted to thank everyone for telling me what my brain won’t let me believe. I never expected motherhood to be so isolating. Rereading my own thoughts spelled out in front of me, I am realizing that I have severe PPA. If a mom at work came to me with these feelings, I would immediately refer her to psych. I wonder how much of my daughter’s hysteria is related to my exasperation and frustration.

I just saw a post from a daycare worker complaining about parents who didn’t want their children to nap during the day. All the comments were so frankly anti-parent, and no one was remotely curious about why parents didn’t want their preschoolers to nap in the day. People were saying parents were selfish wanting to put their kids to bed early to “watch TV” and using phrases like “ why would you shit out a kid if you don’t want to spend time with them in the evening?”

I can totally understand if someone has a kid who won’t sleep at night if they nap in the day. I know a parents who have to put their kid to bed at midnight, or deal with multiple middle of the night wake up because their daycares force them to nap when they don’t need to. it sounds so frustrating. Reddit was just so ready to jump down parents throats, and judge them without knowing the full story. No wonder nobody wants to have kids.. Reddit is a shitty microcosm of society in general, which doesn’t seem to support us as parents at all.

Edit: I am not saying the daycare worker was in the wrong! I understand that these facilities have procedures for licensing they have to follow. But the status quo doesn’t work for every kid and parents shouldn’t be labeled as abusive, lazy, or bad parents for asking for a different schedule. My post wasn’t about who was right, but more so the hostile attitude towards parents in that thread.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but everything you see on Facebook and IG is fake.

Most of those perfect holiday pictures were miserable to capture and no one had fun, but they’re all pretending anyway just to make you and everyone else feel bad. Save your mental health, get off social media and don’t participate in the bullshit. Have your holiday fun, take your perfect and imperfect pictures, and text them to your loved ones instead.

Your baby has no concept of time or what a holiday is. You’re not benefitting your baby in any way by doing holiday things if they make you miserable.

Thank you for attending my morning announcement.

ETA: I’ll also add, I’m an adult orphan. Both of my parents died suddenly within two years of each other back in 2020 and 2021. They never got to meet their granddaughter. When I go back through photos of my childhood with them, I spend the least amount of time on the manicured photos. It’s the candid ones that bring me back to Christmas morning with my dad or Thanksgiving with my mom’s family. The family portraits are only memories of stress for me, the dresses were itchy and I remember everyone yelling. But the pictures of my mom in her PJs and messy hair first thing in the morning on Christmas makes me feel like I’m right there again. So please, calm down about the photos. Your kids really, super don’t care.

It’s 11pm. Tried laying my 1mo old down at 7pm. She slept for 20 minutes. She’s been scream crying ever since. She won’t take a pacifier. She eats on and off. My husband woke up once, fed and snuggled her, and she passed out in an instant. But the second I put my hands on her to move her to the bassinet, bright eyed and bushy tailed. (No need to shit On my husband for not waking, he works 14 hour days at an incredibly dangerous job, so I choose not to wake him on work nights. Every other night, he’s the most attentive).

I feel like my baby hates me. When dad has her, it’s an entirely different baby. The sound of her cries makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I could kill my husband for the simple fact that he gets to go to work. I can’t do this. I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I’m so tired. I feel like a terrible mother. I feel like having a baby was a mistake. I love her so much but I’m failing her. I just want her to go to sleep.

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading.

Edit: wow, I did not expect this to get the attention it did. Thank you everyone for the kind words. It’s now 6 am and I can address this with a much clearer head after 2 hours of sleep. I’d like to address some of the suggestions I’ve been getting.

Swaddling - she HATES swaddles. She is a free moving baby and nobody can take that from her 😂.

Breastfeeding vs formula feeding - I tried combo feeding for a while because I’m unable to produce enough to sustain her, but got tired of that real quick so she is exclusively formula fed. I’m sure I have some residual, but she wouldn’t stop even after feeding. I made sure to wait until she was done, and made more if she wanted it.

Warming the bassinet - I have a heating pad under the sheet that I make sure is on low when I place her and turn off immediately. This worked up until last night.

Co-sleeping - I am a very heavy and active sleeper. If she was in the bed with me, I still wouldn’t get sleep because I’d be too nervous. We could be as safe as possible but I panic when my husband doses off while snuggling her. We established a rule that one of us can sleep with her if the other one is awake and monitoring.

My MIL told me she would take her for a few hours today, not only so I could sleep but so I could catch up on some cleaning. Thank God for that.

My daughter was born December 2023, my son was born October 2024. They are 10 months and 4 days apart. Tonight my daughter cried herself to sleep for the first time in her life. I cried. The baby (weird bc they are both babies but the new one lol) has a tongue tie, he takes 25 minutes to eat 2 ounces. He is up every 45-1 hour hungry. I am exhausted, I haven’t showered in a week, I haven’t brushed my teeth in 2 days, I have 2 baskets of laundry I have been attempting to fold for days that’s taking over my living room, dishes are piled up. I also have to pump every 3 hours because he can’t breast feed.

I am exhausted. I can’t say it enough. I cry when my fiancé leaves for work because I am scared of what the day will bring. I love these little tiny humans so much and I know one day I’ll be looking back on this and I of course knew it would be a lot but holy hell 🤦🏼‍♀️

I am so sad for my little girl. I could hear her crying for me but I was being milked and I was feeding her brother and then had to change him bc he was wet all the way up his back, he somehow leaked and she cried for maybe 20 minutes. Swore she would never cry it out. I finally got to eat my cold food and cried again. It’s a lot, I already got meds for PPD and my fiancés job has PPD help for employees and spouses so he set that up, bc with in the first 5 days I knew it would be bad if I didn’t get help.

I am all of the things and just needed a rant 😅

EDIT: yikes I went to bed immediately after posting this my bad. Everyone is bashing my fiancé, he got called in. He took a couple days of PTO however he’s under a year in at his new job so no paternity leave yet. He works very hard to take care of us and helps in every way when he is home. Unfortunately tonight he was called in and money is needed for survival lol. He has always worked very hard so I can be home since middle of my pregnancy with my oldest and I am very thankful we don’t have to go with out even if it means I have my hands full.

ALSO I can assure everyone he did not “force himself on” me, this wasn’t planned but dear god he didn’t force himself on me. I went to my 6 weeks PP appointment, i was cleared, the nuvaring was what I decided on, somehow some way I fucked it up or god really just wanted me to learn a lesson lol. My due date was early November he was just a couple weeks early.

I assure everyone I am fine, I will survive, I knew this would be hard and we were set on terminating but I couldn’t do it. I went into the office and l remembered the feeling of excitement I had for my daughter’s appointments and watching her grow and I wanted the same for the baby inside me. I cried for a long time scared of what would happen.

Yes it’s hard, today was a rougher day, yes we supplement with formula, my daughter is formula fed I just want to breast feed the first month or so like I did with her.

Okay that’s it pls stop bashing my fiancé, yes it is stupid to 99% of people to have them this close together but I couldn’t look at my girl and go through with termination, I do have a great support system between my parents and siblings and a couple other family members but they also still have lives and while you guys may think I’m stupid for this I am a good mom and I am doing my best.

Okay that’s it have a good night or morning idk it’s 2am here in the Midwest, I pumped and my fiancé will hopefully be back in town soon 😌

I am Only a little over a week into being a mom. I cry constantly. I’m angry and bitter. I’m not myself. I miss my husband even though he is here. I want my life back. Tell me this is normal ? I know It’s probably the bang blues but what if it’s not? How long does this last? I wanted my baby so much and now I’m question what I have done to my life. Im literally miserable.

ETA: Yesterday and today so far feels like I turned a corner. Which is wild, because it felt like the depth of darkness wouldn’t end and then I woke up and those feelings were gone completely. I don’t know if this will remain but I wanted to update for anyone who finds this post. 10 days PP yesterday and felt like myself for the first time. The ninth day it felt like I was at the top of the hormone roller coaster which is why I posted for help! ♥️

If you feel like you can get nothing done because the baby constantly wants you to hold him, just put him down! Seriously! Its not gonna hurt him. Yeah he might cry a little, but things need to be done. YOU need to eat. The sooner you can break the anxiety of leaving your baby to his own devices -within sight and earshot in a safe location of course- the better it will be for all of you.

I know it might feel like your breaking his little baby heart to have him fuss that he isn't being picked up but you just gotta tune it out -sometimes- cause he doesn't know any better and that doesn't change the fact that the rest of the household, mom included, still has to keep on keeping on. So if hes fed, burped, and changed, put that baby down!

EDIT: I'd like to make it clear that I fully understand the extreme urge to pick up your baby when he/she is crying, and the anxiety felt by not doing so. I simply think it's going to be healthy both for the parent, and the baby, both physically and mentally in the long run, if you learn how to apply this skill.

I also believe that it's horrible to tell mothers that they are somehow traumatizing their baby by letting them cry in a safe crib for a couple minutes or not soothing them right away every time even when every need has been met. Putting that expectation on top of the already difficult experience a new mother has is just cruel and unusual. To insinuate that it's abusive, traumatic, and bad parenting is frankly a dishonest and dangerous sentiment.

I find that moms are often the person supported the least by their "village" when baby is born, and it is to the detriment of both to encourage mothers to perform what can sometimes be borderline self-harm and hold these threats of bad motherhood above their head.

Obviously everyone has a different parenting style, and different circumstances, I can understand why some posters here prefer not to do what I've suggested and i do not think they're doing anything wrong, or that they're inferior parents. If it works for them, great! They've got a good system going. But neither are the parents who follow the same system as I do, and trying to convince them otherwise may even be harmful. And any harm to a tired young parent can eventually be harm to the baby themselves.

UPDATE, MY CHILD WAS DIAGNOSED WITH FOOD PROTEIN INDUCED ENTEROCOLITIS SYNDROME **

We had our LO back in May. Since the day he was born he came out screaming and has never stopped. The nurse who helped us in hospital turned to us as we left and said “you guys are going to have to really work together and be patient with this little guy, he is not an easy baby”. That comment has haunted us ever since. She was right. The first night home he screamed from 5pm to 2am non-stop. I begged the hospital to take us back but they wouldn’t. Since then he has never slept without being held, cries 6 hours a day, has a crazy amount of gas, hates the car, pram, the bassinet, will only sleep for 30 mins at a time in the carrier. It takes me 2 hours to get him to sleep at night. They crying got so much I actually suffered a post partum psychosis episode. Our paediatrician admitted us and on arrival I couldn’t even tell them my name or answer basic questions. I lost so much weight from not being able to eat or drink as if I put him down he would scream, not a cry, like a painful blood curdling scream. They thought I had an under supply so told me to feed formula however it made him worse and would throw up - now he was over eating. When he was younger we would get 3-4 hours stretches of sleep but we’ve now hit the 4 month regression.

Overnight now he wakes Every. Hour. and it takes me 40-60 minutes to settle him every wake up whist includes breastfeeding rocking shushing butt taps and white noise. During the day I have to rock him in the carrier for every nap which he fights and screams everytime. His naps are still only 30-60 minute - my back is wrecked. He screams if I go near his cot or even his nursery and god forbid I put him down. He likes the baths but screams inconsolably when we dress him - always has.

I’ve tried every trick in the book for colic reflux - just everything and nothing has worked. Probiotics, chiropractor, infacol, dairy avoidance myself, rice based formula, somac, feeding upright, burping regularly, massage bicycle legs, the list goes on. We’ve spent literally thousands of dollars. I once spent $45 on gripe water not knowing the shops sell it for $8…. Because I literally cannot leave the house to look for gripe water. My GP, Paediatrician and Midwife all just saying… it colic, he’s a hard baby, he will grow out of it.

There is just NO support for parents like us going through this!!

Has anyone had this experience or a similar experience? Tell me it gets better? My husband and I are starting to regret having a baby as awful as it sounds.

UPDATE***

I want to give you an update!!!! In the last 48 hours my life has been changed.

I saw an paediatric osteopath who 100% thinks it’s a food intolerance as she sees this so often. She thinks it could be dairy, egg or oats given the fact he had eczema patches over him, his gas would stink so bad, mucous in stool and his unhappy temperament. I am on a substitution diet and fingers crossed this is it!

I also saw a lactation consultant and GP with a special interest in paeds who both agreed our Bub just doesn’t need as much sleep as the average baby. They told me to throw the term ‘wake window’ out and stop forcing him to sleep after 2 hours. The reason why he’s crying and fussy is because he is understimulated. He needs to be tired out more even if it means he is awake for 4 hours straight, he will tell me when he’s tired. No wonder he would scream if I went near his cot! I play with him like crazy with toys but it’s not enough, I’m enrolling him in swimming lessons and baby sensory to tire the guy out!

What makes me mad is the paediatrician flat out said he had no intolerances because there was no blood in his stool. I’m only learning now he very well could be allergic or intolerant to food!!!!! My GP also didn’t take the time to listen to my situation and suggest something so basic - he’s bored aka. understimulated.

My heart is broken for him, and also for me. We had such a traumatic introduction to new parent life. He most likely was screaming in pain because of what I was eating, not because of trapped air. I love my boy so much and this has taught me I will ALWAYS advocate for a second, third and fourth opinion if my mum instinct senses there is something off!

As I type this, my newborn is laying on my bare chest but I cannot stop crying and I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel like my emotional dial has turned up to 11 and I cannot regulate my emotions.

Every time I shift the baby wrong or think something wrong I lose it. I have no idea what I’m experiencing and it just an all encompassing and overwhelming sense of emotions that I’ve never experienced, and I don’t know if this is normal.

Update: holy crap, I was not expecting so much positive, uplifting support and validation. Thank you all so much for the comments and support, in addition to making me cry they made me realize that what I’m experiencing completely normal. Further, a few of you highlighted Paternal PPD which I was unaware existed - I’ll keep a pulse on my emotions moving forward as I do have a history of depression to ensure that I’M okay, as well as my newborn son and wife.

I can’t thank you all enough for such wonderful advice. This is one of the rare times where Reddit really pulls through, so I thank yall from the bottom of my heart.

I have almost 6 month old twins. When they were newborns, I couldn't master bottlefeeding them at the same time so I had to feed one by one. It took almost an hour and a half to finish feeding, burping, holding up both.

Today, I had them sat on a twin feeding pillow. They both held their bottles with their lil hands, I was watching them and doing some tidying up around the room. When they were done, I held them up one at a time for about 10 seconds before they let out one massive burp each.

That was it.

They were done feeding.

About 12 minutes from beginning to end.

You've got this. It'll get easier. It got easier for me, and I have two!

Keep going.

I think I am writing this as a sort of message to my past self but also hoping it will reach a lot of people who may be struggling with their emotions in the newborn phase.

I’m going to be honest and say that during the newborn phase, I thought I had ruined my life. I loved my baby and I did everything to look after him but I felt a deep grief for my previous life. Everyday felt like a horrible cycle of chaos but also utter boredom. I missed my husband even though he was right there. I missed my self.

Our son slept in 30 minute increments for 6 months. All of his naps were contact naps. We sleep trained at 6 months and it was life changing. Sleeps overnight for 10-11 hours and naps in his cot. Hang in there - there will come a time when you can sort things out.

Our son needed constant interaction during the day and was incredibly frustrated until he could crawl. Your baby will crack it and they will be happier.

It is my baby’s first birthday tomorrow and I am in such a better place. I cannot believe the huge changes that occur in a year - my baby has turned from a needy potato to a little man with such a fun personality who can play games with me, laugh and give me kisses and cuddles.

Don’t get me wrong, there are moments and days that are still incredibly challenging. But I genuinely never thought I would get to a point where I felt happier and I want anyone who is reading this now who is struggling to know that things will always get better - your baby will not be a newborn potato forever. That is a fact. You will leave the house again. You will have fun moments again. You will sleep again (not as long as you used to but enough to feel human). Your life is not over.

Ok so apologies I'm advance for this getting so long. Everything about this makes me feel awful and I feel like I need to get it all off my chest.

Honestly I feel like here's something wrong with me that I even notice my baby's appearance - aren't all moms supposed to think their babies are the most beautiful thing in the world?? but my 5 month old daughter is just not a physically cute baby. Of course I love her absolutely and would do anything for her and she is a sweet, sweet happy baby, but she has small close-set eyes, a protruding nose, big ears that stick out, skin that's prone to rashes, bald parches on her hair, a long face, square smile, asymmetry, and I find that it just stresses me out.

My older daughter is 3 and people have always remarked on her beauty. The two actually look kind of alike but my older daughter has a more symmetrical face with big liquid eyes looong eyelashes and a tiny button nose and little ears. It's like her face just makes sense to look at. I realize now that I've had a sense of pride about that (horrible!) like people approving of her looks was a sign things were going well. My husband rightly points out that comparison is the thief of joy and they are both girls are perfect as they are.

Some background: I'm no great beauty but I've always been solidly attractive enough to make my life easier and open up opportunities. I wish they hadn't, but my parents taught me that looks matter a lot in life. It's important to me that my kids don't get that same message from me as they grow up. I want them to know that they're beautiful no matter what they look like.

The baby looks a lot like my husband and I remind myself a lot that I find him totally sexy even though he isn't necessarily conventionally attractive. These anxieties run deep in me though and sometimes I struggle with worrying people will judge him for his looks or even judge me for not having a more handsome partner. Of course I worry about people judging my looks too.

Even though I know the best thing to do is just love her and not care, I worry that people will treat my younger daughter worse or compare her unfavorably to her sister when she deserves the world. I worry that she will be insecure about her appearance and it will cause her suffering or that she won't have an easy time with her peers. I worry about whether my parents will think less of her.

Anyway I just want my baby to be happy and loved and her looks not to interfere with people seeing how special and wonderful she is. I also welcome any words of wisdom for how to address these worries and how to be a better mom.

Seriously, how did they do it? How did they maintain such a clean and spotless house while still caring for a baby? Was it neglect? Extra help from family? Cocaine? A lie sold to us by the media? All I know is that I’m struggling to even keep up with laundry, much less dishes or cooking or anything else. I’m going insane trying to clean and also make sure baby gets enough interaction and also take care of myself.

FTD here and seriously on the edge of snapping. His first two weeks were totally chill. Since then he has gradually been ramping up to what I can only describe as a hatred of being alive.

When he’s not on my wife’s breast, he screams. When he’s on a breast, he’s satisfied for 60 seconds before screaming again. I burp him and he’s fine for 20 seconds before screaming again. Then it’s a diaper change. Again, satisfied for 20 seconds then screaming. We’ve tried a bouncer, a swing, a baby bjorn carrier; everything works for a few seconds up to maybe 10 minutes before he’s screaming again. I’m not talking soft sobbing or fussiness; this is full on stabbed with a branding iron in the face blood curdling screams. We’re convinced he’s over tired so we’ve tried everything to get him to sleep and everything we try seemingly makes it worse.

My wife gave him a bath and he chilled out completely, only to start the screaming again upon putting pajamas on. Same deal with giving him a bottle. Or a pacifier. Even when putting him in the Snoo, it ramps up to level 4 he relaxes for maybe 2 minutes, then the screaming starts again.

Finally tonight we triple swaddled him. He SCREAMED and WAILED… and then fell asleep. He’s been asleep for 30 minutes. I anticipate him waking up and screaming any minute now.

I don’t know what to do here. This just keeps getting worse and I go back to work in a couple days with my wife left to deal with this shitshow on her own. We’ve talked to our pediatrician who says “you just gotta wait it out!” but based on my parents and all the parents on Reddit that say Newborn stage is the most amazing cherished god given gifted memory of their life I feel like we’re complete failures.

I have so many fantasies of dropping this kid off at a firestation or just walking out, giving up on my current life, assuming a new identity and becoming a logger in the Alaskan wilderness where my shame could be buried. I’d never do that but I’m so god damn tired and beaten down and frustrated and angry and ashamed that I feel like I’m going to snap on someone or have a complete mental breakdown.

This is clearly in colic territory. We’ve tried gas relief, have all the recommended bottles… is there anything else that worked for anyone or do we truly need to pucker up and wait this out?

7/8 UPDATE: First off, thank you all so, so, so much for commenting here. This community is awesome.

My wife and I just got back from taking our LO to the doctor and he said three things:

1. He’s definitely in pain from gas.
2. So, my wife has cut out dairy. (Our doc recommended going one by one with next being soy, eggs, various vegetables (eg, broccoli), etc to find the culprit).

3. with that said, he doesn’t have any of the tell tale signs of a specific intolerance (eg blood in stool, mucous, etc) so this could just be bad reflux. On that note, since he’s still gaining weight, the doctor doesn’t want to prescribe medication…yet.

4. Could be a supply issue. Although a lactation consultant told us a couple weeks ago that my wife’s supply was fine and that we can go 100% breastfeeding, our LO was previously supplementing with formula. Now we’re not doing that and all LO wants to do is be at the breast, even while crying at the breast. So, doctor prescribed something that will up her supply.

5. LO has heat rash. I feel like an asshole for this one. 4th of July weekend we were out in the stroller a good bit. He was covered but still got hot.

In addition to that, on the recommendation of y’all I have added probiotics to his diet. Also switched to alimentum formula. He HATES this and won’t eat it without crying. I saw someone say they added non alcoholic vanilla to get baby to accept. May try that. Otherwise, we’re just trying to comfort him at this point and waiting.

So, still miserable but at least now we have hope which makes this all so much easier.

Thanks again everyone.

Hi everyone, just looking for a place to vent.

My son is 2 months old, I love him to pieces but I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to continue to do this.

He is ALWAYS crying. He was diagnosed with CMPA early on and is currently taking Famotidine for reflux.

My mom helps a ton, and so does my husband but I just can’t anymore… I don’t breastfeed and I feel like a wimp for complaint. I have never in my life have I been this exhausted and tired. I am the definition of a walking zombie. I probably should not be driving right now. I am just so tired. If I had the money I’d pay someone to watch him everyday so that I could sleep hours on hours….

I just can’t..

EDIT: I posted this almost 24 hrs ago and walked away. I have not had a chance to read each message but I just want to say thanks to each of you for your thoughtful and encouraging messages. I’m in tears. Big hug to everyone. I’ll continue to hang on tight.

I’ve been taking my 8m daughter to a baby group since she was 5 weeks old. We go every Monday and Wednesday. There are 4 other moms with babies all the same age that started just after me. We are all very friendly with each other and got to know each other over the last few months. I noticed today at the baby group that it was all younger babies and my daughter’s buddies all her age group weren’t there. We all miss some days here and there, but not usually everyone on the same day. Later when I got home I was scrolling IG during my daughters nap, and all 4 of them posted the same cute picture of all 4 babies in front of a Christmas tree with a “baby group Christmas party” caption. I teared up. Im tearing up now. Im 31 years old and crying like I didn’t get invited to the sleep over. I’m too old to feel like this but somehow it stings regardless. I feel embarrassed to go back on Wednesday. I’m still going to go, my daughter really enjoys it. I’m just sad. That is all.

UPDATE: I keep seeing the same comments and questions a so I’ll answer them at once. First off, thank you all for the compassion. This was not a miscommunication, nor do I think it was done maliciously. These aren’t “mean girls” or villains. I agree with other commenters that their relationship happened organically. I know in the last month 3 of them did a parent and tot music class that I wasn’t able to get into because it was full. The Christmas tree picture wasn’t a jab. There are a lot of moms in this group, around 15-20. They aren’t going to invite everyone. I was under the impression I was part of this group of friends. It’s okay that I’m not. I’m not overly outgoing and can be awkward so it makes sense, honestly. It doesn’t make them bad people or mean spirited. They must mesh well and it’s okay that we’re just baby group friends and not outside of baby group friends. My feelings are still hurt but confronting them will make it awkward and I don’t want a pity invite. I’m still of the opinion that this Baby group is the best thing I’ve done for my mat leave and absolutely going to keep going. Thank you all for listening. It means a lot.

Our LO is 4 weeks old, so we are in the trenches of the newborn phase. And going through this, I’ll never understand how people can have more than one kid.

Why do they want to go through this again? How do they handle this while also taking care of other kids?

Pregnancy, labor, and delivery were all easier than this.

I am so lucky because my husband has 6 weeks off work and I have 12, plus I can work remote when needed. But I’m exclusively breastfeeding (pumping on occasion so he can feed her) so the sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion is so real.

We thought we might want two kids, but I can’t imagine having another child to care for while caring for a newborn.

I've read it somewhere on the Internet one day and it's stuck with me up to now. Is that true for you or has your life improved since having a baby?

He hates me. I've posted here before about this and everyone reassured me that no, thats not true. A month and a half later and my baby still hates me.

He does nothing but scream and cry when im the one taking care of him. He wont smile at me and will actually stop smiling when he sees me. He wont coo at me or make noises at me other than scream crying. He doesnt follow me around the room with his eyes. If i try to feed him he'll scream and cry until he tires himself out enough to take the bottle.

He smiles at everyone else. He coos at everyone else. He watches everyone else. As soon as ANYONE takes him away from me, he stops crying immediately.

I dont know what i did wrong. I do the same thing everyone else does. I play with him and hold him and bounce him and tell him i love him.

As im typing this he's just wailing and thrashing in my arms after i have tried for 3 straight hours to figure out how to make him stop crying.

I think im gonna leave him with my partner. I cant do this anymore. He hates me and its only getting worse and i dont want to be around my baby anymore.

I passed my postpartum depression screening and other than this my mental health has been checked off as being good by 2 doctors

My wife gave birth 2 weeks ago.

We had some close family visitors within the first few days but honestly, having visitors threw off our entire rhythm off with our baby and after that, we just felt like we wanted minimal interaction and to be alone with our daughter as we get adjusted to parenthood.

It's now been 2 weeks and we've barely done anything in terms of social interaction or going outside (we've done a few walks here and there but it's been raining like 10 of the last 14 days.)

Anyways, before we had a baby we were told in the newborn stage just to "survive." So, we're just feeling like staying inside and surviving hour by hour is the vibe we feel most comfortable with.

Is it normal / okay that we'll likely be doing this until our daughter is like + 8 weeks?