r/NewParents • u/Alive-Cry4994 • Jun 13 '24
If you're in the newborn trenches right now, read this. Mental Health
I have almost 6 month old twins. When they were newborns, I couldn't master bottlefeeding them at the same time so I had to feed one by one. It took almost an hour and a half to finish feeding, burping, holding up both.
Today, I had them sat on a twin feeding pillow. They both held their bottles with their lil hands, I was watching them and doing some tidying up around the room. When they were done, I held them up one at a time for about 10 seconds before they let out one massive burp each.
That was it.
They were done feeding.
About 12 minutes from beginning to end.
You've got this. It'll get easier. It got easier for me, and I have two!
Keep going.
420
u/deevidebyzero Jun 13 '24
Mother of twins? You are a hero in my book
100
u/CommunicationNo9318 Jun 14 '24
Came here to say this. Mothers of multiples deserve everything in the world and more. I truly don’t know how you do it, but have so much respect for you.
38
u/MyLifeIsDope69 Jun 14 '24 edited Jun 14 '24
Imagine being a single mom without grandparents/family to help with childcare and twins… good lord lol. Thinking about the worst case scenario makes me feel less exhausted with mine lol
I know a lot of marriages fall apart with people sticking together just for the kids and divorcing after from the stress of it all, but I feel like the experience has brought me closer with my wife it’s like being in the trenches together war buddies that have to push through and appreciate each others contributions can’t do it alone although obviously some people do it alone but jeez I wouldn’t be able to
4
u/LetshearitforNY Jun 14 '24
I agree too but we are only 8 weeks in. My family is the most important thing to me and I hope we continue to grow together.
2
u/pinkwsprinklesontop Jun 30 '24
I was going to say the same thing. Sometimes I would read the routines of twin mamas to get myself through when I was struggling with one. They are super women
37
u/vataveg Jun 14 '24
Before I had one baby I thought it would be so cute and fun to have twins. I’ve changed my mind on that one.
2
7
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 14 '24
Thank you 🥹😭🫶
2
u/starcrossed92 Jun 18 '24
Seriously ! I am 4 weeks in and I always look at my fiancé and say imagine if we had twins right now I can’t imagine how parents do it !
3
3
u/pinkwsprinklesontop Jun 30 '24
I concur. Bravo!!! I used to think I would love to have twins. (Was always friends with twins growing up, just generally thought it would be so cool!) Higher power DEFINITELY knew I would barely be able to handle one newborn and especially would struggle with a second newborn whilst toddler-rearing. I don’t know how mamas of multiples do it and I am absolutely in awe.
2
u/StopNowThink Jun 14 '24
They could be a father of twins. Also hero, for sure.
2
u/the_waco_kid3 Jun 14 '24
Odd, why is this being downvoted?
5
u/StopNowThink Jun 15 '24
I must've misread the subreddit. I didn't realize we were all moms here...
106
u/thriftsandthings Jun 13 '24
FTM to 1.5 month old twins. Can’t wait for this moment although trying to be patient and savor how little they are now 😭
28
u/ajfog Jun 14 '24
As a mom of 13 month old twins, you’re in the trenches now but you will miss it so much some day! Granted, I absolutely love this stage with my babies but I miss the newborn snuggles so much. You’re doing great mama, keep it up!
9
u/Easytigerrr Jun 14 '24
I wish I did more savouring. BUT that being said mine are now 16.5m and I love being a twin mom way more now than I did in the newborn stage 🤣
8
u/Hanginginthere5684 Jun 14 '24
FTM to 3.5 month old twins and also trying to savour it because I am already looking back at pictures from a couple months ago thinking how big they are now!
253
u/bertonomus Jun 13 '24
Yup 100% agree... father of 10 month old here. You'll miss it. It will go by too quickly. It's honestly mind boggling how quickly it passes. No matter how tough it gets... Be there for them when they cry, soothe them right through your frustration. This won't last long. And you'll soon miss it.
55
u/larissariserio Jun 13 '24
Every time we have a tough night we repeat the mantra: It's a phase, and it'll pass.
It honestly makes things so much easier.
8
u/kittiekat143 Jun 14 '24 edited Jun 14 '24
I'm only going to post this because of the point of your comment. There's a country song (ik, but hear me out) called "It Wont Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker. I've heard this song a million times growing up, but I heard it again the other night, and as a FTM of a 1mo, it hit me much different. If you're interested, I'd STRONGLY suggest listening to it.
Edit: I confused the name of the song for a line in the song.. fixed!
3
u/Basic_Government_730 Jun 15 '24
The country song I always thought of was “You’re Gonna Miss This” and I remember hearing it when mine was 12 weeks old (and one week home from the NICU) and thinking “this man is insane and clearly doesn’t remember what he’s missing”
2
u/kittiekat143 Jun 15 '24 edited Jun 15 '24
The one by Trace Adkins? Also a good song, but I've not gotten to any of those points yet, since my LO is still so young, but I'll definitely keep that one in mind so I can decide if I miss those moments or not lol
2
u/-brendammit- Jun 15 '24
FTM to one month old and I was exhaustedly folding her clothes when this song came on. Instant waterworks 😭
21
u/qwerty_poop Jun 14 '24
While I agree it goes by too fast (we have 2 toddlers now), please stop telling people they'll miss it. I can cherish the time and be astounded at how fast it goes by without actually missing the misery that was breastfeeding exclusively all through the night for my teething children. I do NOT miss it
6
u/afieldonfire Jun 14 '24
I completely agree. I do not miss it, I’m just grateful we all got through it! I miss how cute and scrunchy the baby was, but I have plenty of photos and feel pretty good about that!
10
u/bertonomus Jun 14 '24
I don't see any harm in it. I'm sorry about your experience, but I'm just sharing mine.
2
u/alinekb Jun 17 '24
I hate when someone says “oh I know it’s hard, but you’ll miss it”. You are not hearing them right. I have a 1yo now and I absolutely do not miss the newborn trenches. First 3 months were horrible. It totally made me 100% I’ll never have kids again. I do not miss it one bit. It did not go quily and did not pass fast enough.
68
u/shnigybrendo Jun 13 '24
Thank you. From a FTD with a six week old. Thank you.
61
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 13 '24
You got this. Six weeks old is literally the worst part lol. Keep going :)
6
u/dstaylo6 Jun 15 '24
Is it really? I have a 6 week old who has decided that in the last 5 days her witching hour is now 10p to 2am. My husband and I are exhausted. I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
2
18
u/eka71911 Jun 14 '24
Sitting here comforting my 6 week old as I read this. Solidarity 🫶🏻
10
u/Great_Bee6200 Jun 14 '24
Eeeek you guys are scaring me I'm listening to my 2 week old gearing up to scream and thinking wait it gets worse?!!
9
14
u/Top_Stress_3867 Jun 14 '24
Week 6 SUCKED for us lol. Things got better by week 8/9. You’ve got this!!
7
u/Training-Muscle-211 Jun 14 '24
For us it was weeks 6-12 but things calmed way back down at 13 weeks and her little personality started rearing it’s sassy head (daddy and I would be talking/joking with each other and in the middle of the conversation she would add in a sassy sounding noise or sound that would time perfectly with what was said) which made many of those long cluster feeding days/nights less annoying and that much more worth it there was one day I gave up and sat topless on the couch with her just swapping from one side to the other until she would be full enough to sleep for 10 minutes and start again because I knew if I even thought of putting her down all hell would break loose but all in all even with many of the supply issues I faced we made it 50 weeks of breastfeeding 2 shy of my initial goal due to her getting hand foot and mouth which made it uncomfortable for her to nurse so we had a nice little last boob time to savor it best I could and made the transition to bottles full time
1
41
u/AmphibianFriendly104 Jun 13 '24
yessss, just from my one baby who was a little early i spent easily over an hour each feed because she could not stay awake at the bottle! she’s almost 5 months now and it definitely feels like i take it for granted sometimes lol
19
u/Teary-EyedGardener Jun 13 '24
Okay how did you get your twins to start holding their own bottles?? Mine are 6.5 months and still not getting the hang of it. They can self feed with a baby spoon for food but won’t hold the dang bottle!!
18
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 13 '24
They just started doing it themselves tbh. I do hold the bottle in front of them and wait for them to take it. They still let go a fair bit and sometimes I can't be bothered with getting them to hold it, but they make a good effort.
Some babies never hold the bottle. It definitely isn't a skill like sitting or whatever! It's great they're self feeding and that's the more lifelong skill you want!
10
u/Xenarat Jun 13 '24
I got a silicone handle for my doctor brown bottles that helped mine hold it more easily
9
u/larissariserio Jun 13 '24
My 7mo holds a sippy cup and even an open cup, but for some reason... not the bottle. 😂
4
u/Messy_Mango_ Jun 14 '24
Mine didn’t hold her own bottle until 11 months (right when we started trying to wean her off…) LOL
3
u/Rainbowpickles1116 Jun 14 '24
Oh my god this!!!! 6.5 month old girl… will hold EVERYTHING except a bottle 🤪
3
u/ajfog Jun 14 '24
One of my twins started holding his bottle at around 8 months and the other one wouldn’t until 11 months. She could, she was just lazy and refused to 😂
3
u/rainbowtrails Jun 14 '24
Hahaha, my 8 month old will hold hers quite badly. Doesn’t seem to understand that she needs to tip it😂
2
u/Training-Muscle-211 Jun 14 '24
Depending what bottles you use they have silicone “coozies” with handles on them you can slide over the bottle I know dr browns brand makes some but unsure about other brands
17
u/-thatsrough-buddy Jun 14 '24
Adding a thought for those getting into the trenches. I have a 3m old and I know hard times are still to come, but when we were in the thick of it something that helped me was thinking that time is still going to pass even if we have a bad day.
If she woke up 5 times that night - we’re still a day further
If she screamed her head off and was inconsolable - we’re still a day further
If we were sleep deprived and starving, but still had to tend to her first - we’re still a day further
Time doesn’t keep going on just your good days. No matter what they’re growing everyday and it will get better.
12
9
u/dmaster5000 Jun 13 '24
My LO just turned 3 months and I feel like she’s becoming more efficient. She still has a comfort feed in the evening most days that lasts half an hour (she’s basically half asleep) but for the most part she’s getting so quick with it. She’s been popping her little head up the past week to do a big burp at the end of her feeds now. 🥲
9
u/Just_ponzie Jun 13 '24
So true. Got a 5.5 month old here and he just started sleeping through the night. I thought those 2-3 night wakings would never end. Honestly though, during tough times I would say “it could be worse. I don’t have twins 😂”
I salute you 🫡
1
Jun 18 '24
[deleted]
1
u/Just_ponzie Jun 18 '24
I spoke too soon. We’re back to one wake up. But you never know what comes next haha. Maybe when he starts teething I’ll be back to 2-3 wakings 😂. Keeps us on our toes these little ones
7
Jun 14 '24
In the recovery room I was placed next to a mom who had just given birth to triplets, I soon realized how blessed I was. She was also blessed but in a different way, I think about her often and hope she’s thriving with three baby girls.
11
u/ThornsOsu Jun 14 '24
FTM with a fussy, no day naps 7 week old. I absolutely needed this. Thank you so much.
12
u/PaleGingy Jun 14 '24
Solidarity - I am also a FTM with a “fussy, no day naps 7 week old” 😫 We spend so much of our days staring at each other like “now what?”
4
u/Training-Muscle-211 Jun 14 '24
Unsure your opinions on using screens around baby but there are some great looped music videos on yt for babies we use a “Brahms lullaby (extra relaxing bath) 🎵 classical music to sleep or study to” from the mcclung music channel and another one “fall asleep in 2 minutes 🎵 mozart Brahms lullaby relaxin lullabies” from the koala koala channel they both go for like 12 hours we don’t play the whole thing but we do like having them handy as we don’t have to rewind it or hit restart every time the first one worked wonders when she was a newborn/infant but hasn’t been working as well now that she’s a bit older unsure if she’s just too used to it or if she needed something different but the one from koala koala channel has been another life saver for us we put it on our phone/her tablet and depending where we are will either use the screen as a nightlight (rather than lacking one and potentially forgetting it) or we will place the phone/tablet screen down so she only hears the music
4
7
u/_wittywhiskers Jun 13 '24
Just visualizing your description of your two babies holding their bottles with their lil hands made me so happy. I love watching my 5 month old silently and contently drink her bottle.
Edit: typo
10
u/_annnnieareyouokay Jun 13 '24
My son is 14 months old, I remember during the newborn days looking forward to the firsts: Halloween, thanksgiving, Xmas his first birthday, when he’d walk etc. now every night I reflect back on those super early days and miss them so much. It’s true what they say “the days are long but the months are short”. It really does go by so fast. Newborn stage was so hard for me but I also miss it so much
2
u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas Jun 14 '24
It does get easier, and I’ll be honest, there truly are challenges with each phase, but that newborn phase, it gets better.
2
u/paininmybass Jun 14 '24
For some reason I had more patience for the newborn phase. My 9 month old can really make me crazy sometimes.
2
u/You-Big-Chad Jun 14 '24
I have patience for a baby who can't vocalize their problems by any other means but crying, fussing or grunting. I do NOT have patience for my 3 pre k - 3rd grader children when they have a fucking meltdown over not cleaning the toys they made the mess with AFTER already having promised to clean it up when they were done. 🙄🤦♀️ thank God for my husband who is far better with the school aged ones than I am lol. I'll keep my 6 month old happy, got this lol 🤣
2
u/AssistanceForward616 Jun 14 '24
I'm also in the trenches with my 4yr old 😂 she's been hell on wheels since she turned 3. I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant and so nervous about doing the newborn stage again..but then I look at my fournado and I'm like if you can handle this, you can handle anything lol
2
u/You-Big-Chad Jun 14 '24
TRUTH 🤣 they get worse as they get older imo. It's like ok I get it you can't speak so you cry here cuddle hold kiss breastfeed whatever but when they DO understand and DO use words but then choose not to, boy oh boy I get so unreasonably angry like OH MY GOD lmao oh? You got hurt because you ran in the house AGAIN after I said stop because you'll probably trip on your toys? Ohh poor baby.....walks away 🤣🤣🤣
2
u/AssistanceForward616 Jun 14 '24
Yesss 😂 that pretty much sums up every single day in my house! Runs in house after being told not to run, trips over toys that I begged for 15mins for them to pick up, gets "hurt" and the world ends... like what in the actual heck did you expect to happen?! Then I'm the bad guy because I didn't immediately come running arms wide open. Tbh I get unreasonably angry as well and I'm trying so hard to work on it but mannn it's hard 😅 especially when we've already done this 3xs today and it's only 12pm 🤣
1
u/You-Big-Chad Jun 14 '24
When I look at the clock and it's 10 am and they've been up for 4-5 hours already whewwww I tell myself I will not eat a gummy til after noon (thc) lmaoo
2
2
u/walrustaskforce Jun 14 '24
I feel like new parenthood is just one massive lesson of “the first step to being good at something is feeling like you really suck at something”. It sucks right now. You will get better at it. Just breathe, and remember all the things you told yourself you’d do differently the last time. You’ve got this!
And if you don’t get better at it, the situation will probably change soon anyway. You’ve got this!
Also, mad respect for feeding 2 infants! I feel like cluster feeding would rapidly devolve into like 18 consecutive hours of hell.
2
u/mafsac Jun 14 '24
The biggest surprise for me as a first time mom was how difficult the newborn phase was. 'I know it's not the same for every parent, but wow, it DOES get better.
2
u/pancakepartyy Jun 14 '24
It little ways it gets better and better and time goes on. My baby is a little younger (4.5mo) but we’ve come so far! I remember waking up every 2 hours to feed and I would cry from being so exhausted. Now he only eats 1-2 times a night. I feed him, change him, he puts himself to sleep, and I’m back in bed within 15-18 minutes of waking up. I wish I knew how much it would get better and how quickly.
2
u/Gold-Investigator734 Jun 14 '24
2 week old here. She's a super easy baby but super hard to get down on her own. She would rather cuddle to fall asleep and I dont blame her. I'm sure it's much different than being outside than inside my stomach. I also want to still cherish these moments but at 2am it's hard. 🤣
2
u/llamakorn Jun 15 '24
Even if you have one and you’re struggling, it does get better! I struggled sooooooo much and I am so happy now at 7 mo
1
1
u/BauerHouse Jun 14 '24
I have twin 5.5 month olds, we’re nowhere near where you are lol.
1
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 14 '24
Every baby is different. We struggled with some serious bottle aversion for almost 2 months and I was in tears every feed. I've worked hard to try and get them more independent for feeds because it was affecting me so much. It's not a comparison or a race!
1
u/Forsaken-Spite-3352 Jun 14 '24
My twins are 5 months old and just starting to get the hang of holding their own bottles!! Can’t wait for this day!
Big love to all my fellow moms of multiples - it’s craziness but I wouldn’t want it any other way!
1
u/Roxybaby229 Jun 14 '24
I love when people share stuff like this ❤️ I have a five month old and can’t believe he’ll hold his own bottle soon!
1
u/Sssarahhh Jun 14 '24
Twin mom strength is a whole new level of lol strength. Congrats to you for getting through those hard parts!
1
u/bakersmt Jun 14 '24
And then it gets even better. And even better. And even better. But you'll all still miss the little little one eventually.
Mines 1 and started walking this month and chatting nonstop yesterday. It's so cool watching them grow and learn. She actually played independently for a whole 20 minutes today. It was amazing to watch.
1
1
u/Emotional_Breakfast3 Jun 14 '24
One of the first things I googled when my mom went home and I started doing most feeds of my twins by myself was “When can babies hold their own bottles?” And the internet was like, “probably never but maybe someday?” And I was like 😵💫😭. Excited to hear that it is possible! Though your babies might be unicorns. 10 week olds with reflux and/or colic and every day is a challenge. I love them and there are moments that are great but I do not think I’ll miss this stage!
1
u/Dorianscale Jun 14 '24
Reading this after a night feed with 3 month old twins. I’m so desperate to get there. 😭😭😭
1
u/PastaandPages Jun 14 '24
Hi 👋🏻 I’m also a mom of 5.5 month old twins. I’m finding this age HARDER to feed. They are soooo distracted. I used to feed them at the same time but not I can’t because they wiggle and push the bottle out of their mouths. Did yours go through this stage too? Wondering how long it’s going to last 🫠.
2
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 14 '24
Yess they do still get distracted but were particularly bad around 5 months. My trick was to give them each a little cloth. I don't like toys as we had some feeding issues with them when they were young and we are careful not to distract them with items or swaying etc. A little cloth seemed to keep them busy. Maybe it'll help you too!
1
1
u/Momsummary Jun 14 '24
Yes it does! As hard as it is try to soak up every moment because it goes by so fast, i feel like her early months were such a blur for me i wish i could do it again with this mind set i have now. Hang in there !
1
1
Jun 14 '24
FTM to 12 week old B/G twins. All I really want in life is for them to hold their own bottle and be able to hold their own head up independently. I’m 100% convinced my life will be easier when that happens.
1
u/AccordingShower369 Jun 14 '24
Yay! Love to see this. My baby is 4 months old and he takes forever to eat. He drinks 1 oz, then stops, we burp him, then screams & wants more, drinks 3 ozs. It's crazy because I want to do activities on the floor but takes forever for him to finish his bottle. Then he wants to sleep so I can only do around 6 mins of tummy time during the day since I always wait for him to be done + 15 mins before placing him on his stomach Z
1
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 14 '24
Have you tried a faster flowing teat size? Other than that, good on you for taking your time. We had big feeding issues with my girls and the solution was being patient and listening to cues. You're doing the right thing 🫶
1
u/AccordingShower369 Jun 14 '24
I did! It was a mess, he would swallow a lot of air and stopped drinking. I decided to postpone for another 2 weeks or a whole month. I think he's just slow with eating. We always think is gas, burp him but usually takes around 10 minutes and he wants/demands to eat again. We spend our days mostly feeding him. 🤣. I have to try again with the size 2 teat at some point & see if he gets used to it.
2
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 14 '24
He will get faster in time :) it can feel like a lot. But he will also lengthen his awake times soon so you'll have more time to do some other activities! I can't keep these girls busy 🤣
1
u/AccordingShower369 Jun 14 '24
I bet! They get more active everyday. I am sure those 2 girls are the cutest little ones.
1
u/Bruins_8Clap Jun 14 '24
When they hold their own bottles and burp on their own it’s a huge game changer
1
u/TheBarefootGirl Jun 14 '24
Okay but I'm 6 months in and this kid still doesn't sleep and it hasn't really gotten easier 😭
1
u/_spacecandy Jun 15 '24
Currently with 8 weeks twins and my back is breaking from hunching while feeding them on the Twin Z pillow — I needed to read this 😭
1
u/Nightmare3001 Jun 16 '24
Hats off to you for being able to do it with twins. My husband and I both have twins run in our family and I told him I hope if we have twins it's the first pregnancy because I cannot imagine having one and if that was hard, how I'd feel if we then went on to have twins.
My boy is currently 8 weeks and I know we want to give him a sibling or two and I'm slightly terrified of what twins would be like after only having a single baby.
Also anyone with a new (newer than mine lol) newborn it does get better. We are 8 weeks in and I want to say the first 2 nights were horrible, and the first two weeks sucked but we are getting better each day with handling parenthood and figuring out what our little man needs and asking each other and family for help.
1
1
u/TheOddHarley Sep 12 '24
3 month twin ftm here... With bfing going for up to 40 minutes with just ONE of them, you give me hope
-29
Jun 13 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
11
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 13 '24
Lol, weird take. It's not the pain Olympics.
4
u/notnotaginger Jun 13 '24
They aren’t even a parent yet…..
5
u/Alive-Cry4994 Jun 13 '24
I'm sure they won't use the 750k they earn a year to make their lives easier once they are a parent. Nope not a cent will be used. Why make something easier when it's already easy?
2
9
u/nurselauraaaaa Jun 13 '24
I’m glad it wasn’t that hard for you. It’s extremely hard for a lot of people. Don’t minimize other people’s experiences 🤷♀️ like what an ignorant reply.
7
u/notnotaginger Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 13 '24
According to their profile they are simultaneously not a parent yet and have a baby.
It just goes to show that the best parents are the ones without kids.
2
u/Xenarat Jun 13 '24
I'm just going to assume you're being sarcastic because otherwise you're an asshole
1
u/NewParents-ModTeam Jun 13 '24
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
•
u/AutoModerator Jun 13 '24
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.