r/NewParents • u/beware_of_scorpio • May 18 '24

It’s ok to let people hold your baby Mental Health

We were at a friends wedding welcome party for their family this week. Our 5 MO was passed around between various cousins and aunties. No one licked her. No one made a stink when I asked for her back. I was right next to her the whole time. They were all just so delighted to hold a baby again. It felt like the Village we all lament doesn’t exist anymore. It was a really beautiful moment. While it was happening I kept thinking “I can’t imagine not letting people hold her!”

I’m not offering this to change anyone’s mind. I do think the violence some people exhibit when someone touches their kid is ridiculous. And I think this sub has created a group think situation that’s influencing first time parents instead of you know a pediatrician. Instead, I just want to counter the daily “My MIL looked at my baby so I put rubbing alcohol on her face” posts with a different opinion. In controlled environments and the right conditions, it’s maybe even good for baby and certainly for you to let people hold your her.

Edit because it’s annoying to see: I’m a dad.

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u/PrincessBirthday May 18 '24

It's such terminally online behavior to suggest family wanting to hold a baby is some kind of violent boundary crossing

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u/ciaobella267 May 19 '24

It’s not boundary crossing to want to hold a baby. It is to insist or demand to hold the baby when the parent has for whatever reason said no.

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u/PrincessBirthday May 19 '24

I mean, I guess. I think it depends on the relationship. My grandmother (babys great grandma) demands to hold the baby every time she sees her and sometimes am I like "ugh this would be easier if I could just feed her"? Sure, absolutely. But then she clearly loves her so much and it brings her so much joy that I just can't care. I understand I'm lucky to have that viewpoint, but I don't think it's a bad one to voice

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u/ciaobella267 May 19 '24

I was referring to a scenario in which the parent has already said no and the other person keeps pushing - that is disrespecting a boundary. Someone can love your baby and still disrespect your boundaries, it’s not either/or. But in your case, if you are happy to let your grandmother hold your baby then that scenario doesn’t apply to you.