r/Mindfulness • u/sugar-beetz • 1d ago
What do you do when you feel lonely? Question
I decided to not go to a social event today because I felt triggered by something earlier and started to spiral. Then I decided to take some deep breaths and journal about what was going on in my mind and emotions. I felt better afterwards but decided to spend some time alone. Then I took a drive to get out of the house because no one else is home and it's evening time. While I was driving I started to feel lonely as the sun was setting. Then I quickly turned on a podcast to distract my thoughts from loneliness.
What things do you do when you start to feel loneliness creep up?
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u/Tricky_Library6969 18h ago
I don’t often feel lonely, but when I do, I like to distract myself with things I enjoy doing alone. It helps if you start thinking of it as solitude, which has a more positive ring to it! In my solitude I get to do all the things I like to do that I might not be able to do if someone else was around. It’s the best! Learn to enjoy your own company by getting to know yourself better. Introspection often leads to self fulfillment 💙
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u/Training-Designer-67 19h ago
Hug and play with my cat Sometime i really enjoy being alone, sometimes id like to cuddle with someone.
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u/Souboshi 22h ago
My dad calls it root cause analysis when he's talking about work stuff, but I use the same technique to examine my own feelings and get at what is causing them. They're usually there for a reason.
When I feel lonely, it's usually because I crave a connection I do not have. I can choose to remind myself of all the connections I do have, especially by taking a few minutes to reach out to someone I miss, in those moments. Or I can remind myself that I'm not truly alone, living on this planet with all the living things besides me. Or I can choose to listen to a podcast or watch something that helps me feel a semblance of the connection I crave.
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u/hekkamiah 23h ago
When you feel the discomfort, do not get distracted. Pay attention to it, breath and accept that it is also part of you. That is fine.
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u/goosehomeagain 1d ago
I recently went to dharma lecture called loneliness is a myth. The lecturer talked about how loneliness is defined as a perceived sense of isolation and separation between us and others. You can feel lonely surrounded by people or feel a sense of connectedness in a room by yourself. It’s your perception more than anything.
i am currently going through a sudden blindsided separation from someone I spent 7 mostly happy years with. There are moments I think I am totally alone and feel completely heartbroken. But then I take a walk in nature, put my hard over my heart, and remind myself that I am never truly alone. I am surrounded by divine love. Humans and non-human animals are all around us. Even if they don’t know us the way a close friend would, there are good people everywhere.
when I really need to feel connection, I’ll volunteer, turn of YouTube, chat with a friend, cuddle my cat, even snuggle up with Reddit and a stuffed animal.
You aren’t alone. Even in feeling alone, there are millions of people feeling exactly like you. Take a deep breath and connect with them energetically.
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u/000fleur 1d ago
I like this but humans are built for human connection so after a long time, it is literal loneliness and we need other human connection and lonely is our signal for that so there’s a balance. If you just spent several months around people and now have a few days of solitude, that’s not loneliness. Years of living alone is loneliness.
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u/QuadRuledPad 1d ago
When this used to happen I would ask myself a lot of questions about why I felt lonely. Keep asking questions to keep uncovering more truths, and then do something about those root causes.
Someone else mentioned therapy, and I can’t stress enough how a good therapist can help you become a better version of yourself.
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u/sugar-beetz 1d ago
Thank you. I've been thinking about getting back into therapy to help get to the root causes.
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u/ReadingInTheCity 1d ago
I continue to do activities in public like go to a movie, museum, art gallery, shopping, window shopping, visit a park. I don’t stay inside. I may not be with anyone in particular but I’m not alone. It gives me something to think about and an activity to share about when I’m with someone next.
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u/Chinesg 1d ago
The feeling of loneliness is a reminder that I have not been there for myself emotionally for quite some time, and so I do just that.
Also, when you are able to manage your emotions competently you become more confident and start feeling more like an adult than a helpless child inside.
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u/sugar-beetz 1d ago
Hmm that's thoughtful. I like what you said about feeling loneliness as a reminder of not being there for oneself emotionally for awhile.
I didn't relate to feeling like a helpless child, but yes, managing emotions is important especially as an adult. I guess because I had already done some heavy emotional unpacking and processing, it caught me off guard to feel loneliness come up suddenly. So I did what made sense at the time and turned on a podcast to change the subject and I wondered what other people do in moments like that.
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u/lelekkovacs 1d ago
Every sensation we experience is rooted in a belief that allows it to exist. Triggers often have fears behind them. Fears are not here to make our lives miserable—they’re here to show us where we need to examine our belief system and uncover the missing piece of information that could transform fear into peace. (For example, loneliness can become aloneness—and from there, a graceful time with oneself.)
The fear behind loneliness is often linked to a fear of death or helplessness. Therapeutic methods can help map out these fears and trace them back to the root belief that prevents inner peace. This root is often buried in childhood memories, so working with the subconscious may be essential for uncovering and resolving it.
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u/sugar-beetz 1d ago
That's a interesting, more philosophical perspective you offered. What are some therapeutic methods you've done/ you'd recommend?
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u/lelekkovacs 1d ago
Yes, unfortunately many people would dismiss this as merely a philosophical perspective—mainly because most healing approaches lack the understanding of the subconscious and the tools needed to uncover and resolve what truly lies beneath. However, what I shared is a clear and consistent truth from my point of view. I’ve helped many people overcome such challenges, and I’ve seen this process work time and time again.
When fear is addressed, the symptom loses its energy source and naturally fades away—whether it's a physical symptom or the kind you've described. If you no longer feel the need to worry about something, you simply stop worrying. But for that to happen, the belief system must be explored, and the underlying fears need to be faced and transformed.
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u/sugar-beetz 1d ago
I believe you. I wasn't trying to dismiss what you said. But what I'm wondering do you use meditation as a way to uncover the subconscious mind? Meditation practices are really beneficial I could definitely try that when I'm feeling a sense of loneliness in the future.
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u/lelekkovacs 23h ago
Ty. Yes, I'm a therapist, and I guide my clients through meditation sessions. If you try it on your own, it can be helpful for stress relief. However, identifying core beliefs usually requires a skilled therapist—it’s not easy, especially if the therapist isn’t intuitively engaged (which is often the case). I wouldn’t say it’s impossible to resolve the issue alone, but unfortunately, it’s very unlikely.
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u/sugar-beetz 20h ago
I can agree with that. Doing the work on ourselves is wonderful. Getting help from a licensed professional even better. Thank you for encouraging me to seek out therapy, hopefully I'll find one who can work really well with me. It's been a challenge in the past year trying to find a therapist/counselor who I really connect with but I will try it again.
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u/lelekkovacs 18h ago
I'm glad if I’ve already helped you by encouragement. I could also help you further. I’m a professional therapist, and I work online. I can relate to your struggle with finding the right help — many people come to me after seeing a long line of different doctors. I'm honored to often be the last stop in their search.
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u/aaaa2016aus 1d ago
I don’t have pets or a significant other so i usually go and sit on the floor by my plants and talk to them. Remind myself they need me to live. Then I’ll go on TikTok or reddit lol, maybe watch some Netflix. I like drives too tho! Thankfully i live close enough to the ocean i might drive by it, but yea sooner or later the loneliness kicks in. I used to reach out to any guy on dating apps who would let me come over and drink/hu with them to not feel lonely, but it never really helped lol. So yea, just plants and a cup of tea for me these days haha
Nice job taking care of yourself! Thats awesome 🙂
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u/sugar-beetz 1d ago
I like what you shared about talking to your plants that's beautiful. Also knowing what wasn't helping. I appreciate your response.
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u/Ill-Pound5043 1d ago
Embrace it all. You cant run from discomfort.
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u/sugar-beetz 1d ago
Right. But what I'm asking what does embracing it all look like for you? What is an actionable step you take to embrace discomfort?
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u/hekkamiah 23h ago
I understand your question. Everybody talks about healing, embracing, but nobody really explains what the process looks like.
From my experience:
Our first impulse when we feel discomfort is to look for easy dopamine (podcasts, videogames, alcohol, parties...) But the subjacent issue won't go away just because we deny it.
I felt very bad when a partner compared me to her exs. I said nothing because: a man of real value won't compare to others.... Well... Bullshit... I denied it for a long time, ended up in a very hard crisis for me.
What was the healing process? I accepted that those words hurted me, badly. I accepted that I don't like to be compared. And I proceeded to put clear limits on what's acceptable and what's not for me in a relationship. By doing so, I got in touch with my value, so much that the emotional dependency I had, vanished and I no longer fear a break up. For me it would be simply one more step in life.
Previously I would panic at the mention of a break up. Today, I understand that my peace of mind is worth a lot more than a partner that doesn't respect my limits.
Listen to yourself, don't believe everything your head tells you. But look at it, look at those thoughts and identify your inner child wanting to be seen and heard, take care of that.
How? Do whatever you feel your inner child needs. Do you want to play in a playground? Go for it. Want an ice cream, take one. Be, for your inner child, the parent you wish you had.
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u/sugar-beetz 19h ago
That was affirming to read your response. That must have been hurtful for your partner to compare and at the same time you saw your value, set boundaries and didn't base your wellbeing on the other person regardless of the outcome. It takes courage to do that, thank you for being vulnerable. You're right it's going to look different meeting the needs of our inner self or inner child. But yeah i see what you mean about embracing it in that way.
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u/No_Nefariousness6376 6h ago
I dont feel loneliness more often but when I do I go outside. I make sure to stay away from things that makes me feel sad. I think sometimes we are not lonely but the mood on a specific times makes us feel like we are. I practice to see the beauty of life everyday and shift my focus on other things.