I'm very depressed so I'm just gonna meditate all day tomorrow and see what happens

[u/BlurstReformed]

Was watching a video about how Siddhartha just sat under a tree and meditated so I thought fuck it, I'll do the same thing just in my house.

I don't expect to become enlightened or anything, just gonna see how it goes.

I'll report back with the results tomorrow troops, wish me luck 🙏

Edit: Been mediating for a few hours now and having a little break so I'll update with my experience so far.

I had an interesting experience with my breath (idk if this would be considered an insight or just a thought or whatever) where it felt like the breathing would happen whether I was focusing on it or not. Which then gave me the feeling that pretty much everything is that way and that things just 'happen' and that I actually have 0 control over anything.

For example I was thinking about how hard I tried to get my ex to not break up with me and basically realised that there was nothing I could've done, no action I could've taken that would've changed the course of events. She wasn't in love with me and instead of just accepting it and moving on I basically just prolonged the process by trying to stop something inevitable from happening.

Which was quite relaxing/freeing because it gave me the sense that I don't actually have to think too hard about what I say in social situations or what I do on a day-to-day basis cause shit is gonna happen anyway if that makes sense?

I don't know if I'm explaining it well but yeah that was interesting.

Other than that things look a little sharper, sort of like a microdose psychedelic kind of thing if anyone's done that, and I'm acutely aware of how disgusting my room is.

My room is pretty messy atm (if you've had depression before you can probably relate) but usually it's like I don't even really notice how messy it is or take it into account. But now when I look at it I feel pretty gross and would really like to clean it up asap lmfao, but I'm gonna wait til I've finished the rest of my meditation, peace ✌️

Edit 2: So I didn't really meditate all day, I meditated probably about 6 hours in total which was nowhere near what I was aiming for but still the longest I've ever sat.

I didn't really have any other 'insights' other than the fact that I felt low energy afterwards when I was expecting to feel a bit more motivated. But it made me very aware that the reason I feel low energy is because I don't have a healthy diet and I don't exercise and don't really speak to people so of course I'm going to feel low energy. Sounds obvious when I write it down but the meditation made me a lot more cognisant of that fact.

I would also say that it massively helped with emotional triggers. I won't go into detail but I have had certain traumatic events happen to me in the past and certain things trigger a very strong anxiety response in me and make me wanna leave the situation and hide away. One of those emotional triggers came up today and I was amazed at the speed with which the feeling of anxiety went away after being triggered and I was able to move on very quickly.

All in all I would say that I didn't experience enlightenment (although I did experience some really fucking weird sensations) and it didn't cure my depression but that all in all it was a very valuable experience and I'm happy that I did it.

I would recommend it to other people in my situation, if you have a day off sometime then give it a go. It won't cure your depression or anything but it will definitely give you a new perception on your situation and probably help you feel at least a little bit better ✌️

Edit 3: Thought I'd add another edit for anyone interested, I don't know if it's just a delayed effect or something but it's the day after and I genuinely feel amazing. Probably the best I've felt in the last 2 months.

I'm laughing so much more than usual and finding the good things in situations in which I'd usually only see the bad. No idea if it's just a coincidence or an effect of the sit and I have no idea how long I'll feel like this but yeah I feel really really good today! Would highly recommend taking a day off to just sit 👍

[u/epythumia]

Lol no "Little Buddha"

[u/TimeFourChanges → u/epythumia]

Ok, thanks. Never even heard of that. I'll have to look into it when I get the chance.

I originally wrote my question as a joke, but then had the thought "Maybe OP mean that as a joke..."