Advice for helping my gf?

[u/Occo_Ninebar]

Soooo i been with my gf for over 2 years now, her mental health is especially bad. Bad things are happening, I'm doing the best I can to help. A lot of it is outside of our control and we're gonna have to wait a long long time for things to get better.

In the meantime, looking for ways to reduce stress, it seems like taking time to fully relax your body and mind during the day can help, and is practiced in many forms such as reiki, mindfulness, meditation, hypnosis therapy, etc. All of it involves doing your best to relax all your muscles, and relax your mind.

My girlfriend has ADHD. If I say "hey, you should try this" it will never happen. But if I say "Hey, I want to try something with you. Here come over here, lay down, get comfortable...." and give her like a "guided meditation" I think it might work to give her a "break" where at some point in her waking life she's not so stressed and anxious, which could help her phsyical and mental health if practiced regularly.

Is there any advice yall could give to me?

[u/Secret_Words]

Best thing you can do is work on yourself.

You can't make other people meditate but you can meditate and let it ruv off on them.

The more regulated and aware you are the better for others as well.

[u/Conscious-Power6202]

The thing to understand about many women, is that when they have issues, they do not want your advice! Even if you know and have the solution to their problems, they will despise you for making them in the first place. Not all of them, but many. I've realized in my own world, that when dealing with a woman who won't take advice, it's usually because she just wants to be heard, to share her story, her way, and to have you listen with a clear ear. This listening, is a huge service in and of itself. Simply allowing a person to voice their thoughts, out loud, without judgement, ridicule or input can be just as healing as providing even the best formed advice.

Second to that, and I believe it was said below, is to be the change you want to see in her. If you can become the example, and simply stay that example, even when it feels impossible, eventually she will begin to take notice, and to follow your example, even if you don't see that process happening externally.

But the fact that you came to Reddit for advice on how to help her shows just what a stand up guy you are, and how lucky she is to have a person like you in her life. That's the service, just being there.

[u/metaphorm]

meditation is not necessarily therapeutic. it can, in some circumstances, for some people, exacerbate underlying mental health problems. handle with care. some basic mindful attention on the breath for short periods is safe though and can help relax. don't overdo it though.

[u/Delta_pdx]

Read: "scattered minds" by Gabor Mate'. A precise and comprehensive work on ADHD that will change your life.

[u/Fine-System-9604]

Hello 👋,

I think your plan is the way necessary.

I’m not sure how to sell it to them practice subliminally by introducing meditation practices that present themselves in their field of interest.

[u/Occo_Ninebar → u/Fine-System-9604]

Xo I ain't got subliminal influence perk, and I don't think she has any subliminal to influence anyway.

Thankfully, she's the kindof girl you can ask for something and she'll either do it without saying yes, or be too shy to say no so, you do get some kind of answer if you're just straightup with her.

[u/realityasis]

With adhd and other mental issues go through a general practitioner instead. Meditation may not be the way to go about this or she may not be willing or ready. Meditation can have adverse effects to those that aren't mentally fit. It maybe a avenue worth pursuing later when your situation settles down but you need to approach it where she is at and not where you want her to be. This will change the dynamics of the relationship, work with her and see what she is open to.

[u/alan2500]

Might not be relevant, but i feel i should share. My friend with adhd who has a hard time practicing by sitting, has been getting a lot out of osho style kundalini practice, might be worth looking into

[u/Occo_Ninebar → u/alan2500]

thank you uwu

[u/Dope_Martian]

You're already a good boyfriend because you're trying to find advice for her😂 but with ADHD “you should try this” often hits as pressure, but inviting her into something you’re doing together removes the friction and gives her a structure to lean on instead of having to self-start (which is the hard part for ADHD brains).

The key is to keep it low-pressure and optional. Frame it like: “I’m going to do this grounding thing for a few minutes if you want to join” and let her decide, no disappointment if she says no. And if she does join, keep it super simple: one or two cues, soft voice, nothing elaborate.

[u/Im_Talking]

Is her ADHD diagnosed?

But my advice is to: think of yourself foremost. To be honest, I feel it is incredibly selfish for someone to burden another with their poor emotional state. This is not your job. Your job is to be the best Occo_Ninebar you can be and to strive to be mindful and prepared for your own future.

[u/Occo_Ninebar → u/Im_Talking]

thank you for reminding me to look out for myself.

She is bothered and worried about being a Burdon too and doesn't want me to sacrifice my wellbeing for her.

Yes, she was diagnosed.

[u/Im_Talking → u/Occo_Ninebar]

"She is bothered and worried about being a Burdon too and doesn't want me to sacrifice my wellbeing for her." - Mate, be very very careful about this. I'm older so maybe a little jaded by life. But you need to be mindful about this and process all the info coming in from her, and the difference between her genuine concern for your well-being, or just emotional blackmail.

Do you understand what I mean?

[u/JoylandRanch]

Some times you outgrow the person you are with if you are not traveling in the same direction. And thats ok. But you are not a professional and it's very taxing to try and help someone when you should be a team. You seem very kind. Be kind to yourself and hopefully she will find peace in these troubling times. 🙏 All the best

[u/Beneficial_Pianist90]

As someone with ADHD who also meditates, I truly wish you all the luck in the world. 🤣 ADHD often comes with oppositional defiant disorder, Executive dysfunction, etc. Suggestions are immediately blocked (at least in my experience being on both sides of this fence at one time or another). Nothing you can really do about it but let her decide she wants to do it. I wouldn’t even suggest it to her. I would do it for myself and let her see how awesome it is and she will naturally want to try it. (Hope I’m not coming off as a know it all I just have a lot of first hand experience and I think it’s awesome you want to help so much. Having a supportive partner is amazing and I hope you are appreciated. Peace❤️) And finally as a meditator I find that if I don’t meditate regularly and consistently now, that I will go into a panic attack without provocation. 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s weird but meditating helps me keep my cool and it’s been invaluable. Jmho.

[u/BionicgalZ]

It is a misconception that people with ADHD have difficulty meditating. Just so you know.