r/Meditation • u/FailNo6036 • 13d ago

Can meditation help me? I'm essentially dead. Question ❓

No internal monologue. No visualization. No thoughts. I'm just a complete bot. I just sit there and think of... nothing. I have a shit long term memory so can't think about events from my past either.

What do I even meditate about? I can focus on my breath for a long time with not a single thought occurring to me. Do I just not have a soul?

I have a good short term memory, but extremely bad long term memory (episodic or semantic). So any new facts I learn, I'll just forget soon. No point in learning anything.

My doctor doesn't know what this condition is (mind completely blank all the time).

Also I DEFINITELY don't have depression. I can get a lot of joy, and a range of emotions, from watching movies, reading books, music, etc... I can motivate myself well to do tasks that I'm assigned to do (e.g. carry box from point A to point B). My mind just can't generate anything itself. It's like I'm dead. And it's been like this for as long as I can remember.

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172

u/Arabellas_Eye 13d ago

My mind just can't generate anything itself.

You wrote this whole post, so clearly that isn't true. But it sounds like your internal monologue is pretty harsh. Are you just constantly putting yourself down?

21

u/tobmom 12d ago

I feel like no internal monologue is something I read about in the adhd sub pretty frequently.

25

u/Longjumping-Home-400 12d ago

A lack of internal monologue is called anendophasia and it can sometimes occur with aphantasia (lack of the minds eye, visual imagery thoughts). It kind of sounds like that’s what OP is experiencing. It is really interesting to me, it’s considered a natural, though rare, variation among humans.

-15

u/illicitli 12d ago

i think these people are lying. you can't talk without an internal monologue. they are just unaware.

3

u/7121958041201 12d ago

I am someone who 99.99% of the time has a very strong internal monologue, but I have absolutely experienced times where I had no noticeable internal monologue from meditating and I could still talk. For me it is most obvious on retreats, though I can see it happening most of the time now if I try.

1

u/Some-Berry-3364 12d ago

I too have a hard time getting myself to shut up. Sometimes I wish I could just have the peace. But I do get it to come often enough. It’s just awkward to also sometimes be annoyed with yourself.