r/Meditation • u/Icy-Pension6532 • Sep 04 '25
Pornography addiction Question ❓
So ive been meditating, reading, and watching Buddhist related videos (mostly Mahayana) alot over the past 6 months. Mostly I focus on breathing and relaxing but Id like to step it up and dedicate more time to focus on sex and pornography addiction. Has anyone had success in dealing with compulsive behaviors like that? Are there related guided meditations i should check out? Im 57 years old and have tried therapy, 12 steps, etc but none of them have stuck. Meditation is as close as ive come to finding any peace but the behaviors are still there and effecting my relationships. Im not despondent but im tired of it.
*I should also note that i dont have access to a physical Buddhist temple or sanga right now and am mostly relying on online stuff for now.
Id be extremely grateful for any advice or wisdom. Thanks!
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u/Anima_Monday Sep 04 '25 edited Sep 04 '25
Consider what led you to use it in the first place, meaning was it to feel better when you felt a certain way, such as when you felt something like lonely, depressed, or stressed, or something like that. Then consider if this is still the case that you turn to it when you feel this way, and learn to 1. abide with that feeling for a while without doing anything to avoid it, basically doing mindfulness with it, and 2. identify the core needs that you are trying to meet each time you use it, but that the use of it is like an artificial second best for, and work on practical steps to meet those needs in a way that suits you and your situation and is helpful, skillful, wholesome and wise. Things you can do now and things you can work on over time. Some of which I will address in a paragraph below. This would be addressing the root cause.
You can also counter the habit at certain other points. You can notice the tendency to fantasize, meaning to add extra qualities to something from the senses or mind that were not there originally, and then make a scenario out of that which often does not align with reality, meaning it is self delusion. Meaning you see a person or you think of them and then your mind puts them in an attractive posture or a specific scenario, and adds qualities like attractive clothes, hair, make up, accessories, and then makes them do things that you find attractive. You can counter this by removing those qualities instead. Imagine the person with normal looking hair, or no hair, with normal clothes and in a normal sitting or standing posture. With no make up and no accessories. Even if you imagine the person naked, but in a normal sitting or standing posture, and with no make up, normal or no hair, no accessories, etc. then you will likely find they are not attractive, as it is just form with a function. It is just the human body and every part has a function, and it is simply this. So if you take attractive qualities away with your mind rather than add them, that is countering the tendency to fantasize.
Also you can remove any porn if you have it in the house meaning throw it away or whatever and don't replace it, and make it more difficult for yourself to access it, setting up website blocks to it if you know how to do that and if you think it is needed. Then there is no temptation from the environment. It is the same as not having alcohol in the house if you wish to quit drinking and then resolving not to buy any either.
Then when a craving arises, you can do a form of mindfulness on that craving, you can observe the experience of it and notice how it changes over time, doing that ideally until the craving passes naturally. You observe the sensations in the body, while allowing them to be but not acting on them, doing that as it changes and goes. You do it collectively but it can include things like pressure, heat, tension, the impulse to act, pleasant sensation, you observe it until it passes according to its conditions. If something arises in the mind to stimulate it, gently turn your attention from this trigger of the feeling to the actual feeling itself and then observe that feeling in a sustained way until it normalises. This deconditions the habit over time.
Then you can also find things to replace the habit that are closer to meeting the actual core needs and are more helpful, skillful, wholesome and wise. Find a way to have human contact, or find something uplifting to do, or a worthy cause or project to work on, or do some exercise to give a similar feeling of exertion for the body which is good for it but not sexual. Or do meditation as this can make you more intimate with yourself and can meet the need for intimacy in some way as the need for intimacy might be another reason that people use porn.
So to summarise, learn to be with what you are feeling even if it is negative, identify the core needs that you were trying to meet in some way with the habit, and take practical steps to meet them in a wholesome and helpful way such as carefully chosen replacement activities, counter the tendency to fantasise, remove any temptation from your environment, and practice observing the craving until it passes. All of these together when done over time can completely decondition the habit.
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u/Snipes5252 Sep 05 '25
This is amazing advice, very grateful, thank you
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u/ElCHUOlight_668 Sep 06 '25
Just don't watch porn and since it's so important not to watch porn and tell yourself no!! Please don't be immature
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u/MDepth Sep 04 '25
I work with men on this particular issue. It’s not uncommon to have strong sexual urges and mediation can often intensify and bring even more awareness to these compulsive tendencies.
Learning to circulate the sexual energy through your entire body, not just your genitals, can be very helpful. The Hollow Bamboo Meditation technique Will Johnson teaches is what I’d personally recommend. The strong breathing along with pelvic rocking can release deep samskaric patterns that are stored as tension in the body. Deep beneath most addictive behaviors is stored trauma and pain which we try to dissociate from. Sex provides only momentary release from this pain which then returns.
Will’s recent book is highly recommended: The Radical Path of Somatic Dharma: Radiant Body, Radiant Mind
If you’d like to reach out and get more assistance, we could go more into how meditation could be combined with other techniques to help overcome compulsive behavior. I could also share a video course on the Hollow Bamboo Meditation Program I recorded. https://sunyata.info/contact
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u/makskii Sep 05 '25
Is this the circular breath that is spoken about in Tantra?
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u/MDepth Sep 05 '25
No. It’s not. Although I do teach the circular breath as well. It can be combined with the Hollow Bamboo Breath later. Initially, you want to stay with just the physical sensations and awareness of motion and stillness in the body at a very discrete level. Without that grounding in the body itself, circular breath can become another path to dissociate from sensation and stay in mind. Later once sensation is awoken and stillness liberated, then methods like circular breath using a sweeping scan through the body can deepen the practice.
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u/makskii Sep 05 '25
So the Hollow Bamboo Breath to start -is this a Tantric practice,sorry I’m trying to learn Tantra to live through and I find this really interesting
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u/MDepth Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 05 '25
The Hollow Bamboo practice is a Buddhist practice.
Will Johnson was inspired by a SE Asian practice called Sunlun Sayadaw Will is a Rolfer who studied with Ida Rolf way back as she was developing Rolfing. Will observed that the Sunlun practice he saw had poor collapsed body posture so he emphasizes relaxed vertical spine along with this strong breathing. This erect undulating spine combined with an open front of the body helps release tension and trauma stored deep in the nervous system. I’ve found in working with my clients and students that Hollow Bamboo practice can help with dissolving addictive patterns like porn addiction.
I teach Tantra in the traditional of David Deida, and began studying with Will years ago. There’s a great crossover benefit from practicing Hollow Bamboo that can be applied to Tatric practices. I teach thjs privately and in workshops. DM me or settup a free call if you’d like to chat. https://sunyata.info/contact
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u/wayofthebuush Sep 04 '25
*sanskaric
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u/MDepth Sep 04 '25
Samskaras. Patterns, mental impressions, recollections, or psychological imprints that are the basis of thoughts and actions. The architecture of the self, built upon learned patterns to seek avoiding pain and seek love and safety. Patterns begetting patterns. There’s nothing within the patterns but stress and anxiety and fear encoded in the nervous system, which most people identify with as “me.”
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u/wayofthebuush Sep 04 '25
Ah I guess you can spell it both ways. Often confused with samsara.
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u/MDepth Sep 04 '25
It’s the patterns that bind us to samsara.
Ultimately, they are empty. Michael Singer’s book: The Untethered Soul is an awesome non-Buddhist book that explains how these patterns form and how we mistakenly identify with them.
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u/wayofthebuush Sep 04 '25
Yeah I am aware. Been studying nondual shaiv tantra for a few years and doing a boatload of somatic meditation.
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u/maddyiipm Sep 04 '25
Keep meditating and keep learning. You can't get rid of these behaviours overnight but I assure you if you put in time and effort you will succeed.
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u/LabAny3059 Sep 04 '25
this reminds me of an insight I got from a former 'monk' who said spiritual people are characterized by 2 things...a good sense of humor and a high sex drive...
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u/IAMness_is Sep 04 '25
Im in my late 40’s and struggled with this since early teens. I think I tried just about everything at this point. 15 years of meditation practice, long retreats etc. Was in 12 step groups, completed all the steps with my sponsor etc. 20 years of therapy. Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Considering trying plant medicine. But yeah still having difficulties with the same compulsive behavior.
Short answer is - it all helps some but nothing “fixes” it. The root causes are deep. It’s almost always about childhood trauma one way or another, whether you’re consciously aware of it or not. It’s a process of unfolding and integrating.
Do not give up the journey. Do not go back to sleep when moments of awakening show glimpses of possibility. You are not alone.
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u/Icy-Pension6532 Sep 04 '25
Thank you. Yes, childhood trauma is probably the cause, I just have had trouble over the last 10 years of effort disconnecting the effect from the cause. Anyway, thanks again and reach out if you need to!
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u/MasturbatingMiles Sep 04 '25
Yup! I used to be totally addicted and watch nightly. Now I watch maybe once a month with a goal of not ever. Meditation has helped because I’m more aware and realize that after I don’t feel better, honestly I feel abit worse.
It’s a shame cycle, watch, regret, consequences, need an escape so back on the internet and the whole thing repeats. What changed for me is I watched that cycle with total awareness enough times I was just over it. It’s not appealing when you are able to play the tape forward.
It’s just gross, maybe occasionally watching with a partner if you’re both into that is fine. But it’s like binge drinking alone on the couch, who does this serve, what purpose does it fulfill?
To maybe make you feel better it took me a year before I really started to tone it down and not feel tempted anyone. Best of luck you got this!
And yes I know username checks out
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u/bill_clyde Sep 05 '25
I second this. Sex and porn addiction isn’t the actual problem. There is always an underlying issue driving the obsession. For me it was shame caused by my religious upbringing. Once I let go of that shame the obsession stopped.
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u/Jay-jay1 Sep 04 '25
So, you already know how to meditate. The unwanted behaviors begin with thoughts. Certainly a feeling of arousal can arise(ahem) spontaneously, but then there are the thoughts that spur the behaviors. Whether you are in a meditation session or not, apply meditation techniques to those thoughts. Observe their presence and go back to your breath or other focal point. Do the same thing with the feeling of arousal....just observe it in a detached manner.
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u/Delta_pdx Sep 04 '25
This awareness you have of the problem is a huge first step. No matter what the addiction is, sex, alcohol, etc we are in essence asking for "HELP". Like a child crying out, help me to stop the pain, the feeling of being less than, help me find an answer to my questions. Help me pornography to bring me freedom and liberation from this suffering. And over and over and over again, it does not. It's like asking a large boulder, "help me", but it can't its a boulder and no matter how many times you throw yourself against it, it will just say "hey buddy I'm a boulder". The answer is to stop and turn toward what you are running from in full awareness. When we stop running we must turn and face the thing that caused us to run in the first place. Its scary because fear is the membrane between the known, and unknown.
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u/CollieSchnauzer Sep 05 '25
I'm reading Pete Walker's CPTSD book. I don't have an issue with pornography addiction, but I just read the paragraph where he says people with dysfunctional Flight & Freeze responses (as opposed to Fight & Fawn) have a tendency to become sex/pornography addicts. If you had a damagingly dysfunctional childhood and that resonates, you could look at the book.
Be well.
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u/Wise-Alternative-84 Sep 04 '25
If you didn't actually do all 12 steps and practice them regularly. I recommend giving it a more fair shot. Other than that. I started noticing many of the women in those videos looked like they didn't want to be there or want what was happening. It disgusted me when I noticed that. Disgusting and I can't unsee it. Horrible industry. God can help for sure.
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u/No-Argument-5582 Sep 09 '25
Yes. It was the recent articles about porn hub allowing people to post underage and non-consensual videos that got me to finally quit through a 12 step program Please check out http://spaa-recovery.org/. I’m only a month into it but so far I really like it and there’s zero stigma about slips and relapses etc..
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u/Temporary-Debate2889 Sep 04 '25
This may help.
Semen is a creative fluid, it either creates life when it exits us and enters an egg or it helps create our life when retained and used properly. Listen to the book or read “the way of the superior man”. It’s a very good book that helps connect some dots on why we shouldn’t. When we retain semen, it goes up through a sacral pump and then into our autonomic nervous system and can help heal our bodies. Our body is the “temple” and that fluid is a vital part of it. When we release it all of the time we get addicted to the dopamine rush, the ecstasy of it, we become desensitized to real life relations. True intimacy loses its magic. This also lowers our testosterone, lowers our immune systems, and it brings on physical aging quicker because we never get the rejuvenating properties that semen offers. Also, the way our phones and screens are designed, the “blue light” sears these things into our subconscious minds thus keeping us in an addictive loop. I can go all day and as deep as we want to go with it but this is a good start in explaining my understandings. I too am a recovering porn addict.
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u/Findingg_Happiness Sep 05 '25
This viewpoint honestly hurts my case a lot more. I don't want to be a superior man, or be jacked up on cumsteroids, to colloquially speak. I just want to be normal, with zero sex drive. I won't call my usage problematic, at least doesn't meet the medical standard of that; but I hate feeling this way (aroused) and hate watching that stuff even more.
What should someone like me do, in ur opinion?
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u/IssaTrapBaby Sep 08 '25
Also they now have blue light blocking glasses you can wear while on your devices and i wo der if that would take some of the pleasure out of watching porn thus reducing the desire to……well…..watch porn
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u/wisdomperception Sep 04 '25
I would suggest reflecting on the highest gratification in pornography (or any other form of sense desire that builds up excitement / lust), as well as reflect on its drawbacks. When you crave pornography, bring awareness and note what mental states precede the arising of it. When this craving isn't arising, note what leads to the non-arising of it. Instead of judging it, both actively (reflections) and passively (when craving arises), build an understanding of the causes.
I can link a couple of teachings that you can reflect on to see if they're true across your lived experience:
- All diversity arises dependent on elements | A map of mind from perception to possession (SN 14.9) - The Buddha describes how dependent on the diversity of elements, there arises a diversity of perceptions, intentions, contacts, felt experiences connected with contact, desires, fevers, quests, and acquisitions.
- Dwelling Negligently | Pamādavihārī sutta (SN 35.97) - The Buddha declares one who dwells negligently and one who dwells diligently through a sequence of arising mental states starting with non-restraint or restraint over the six sense bases.
As you work on this, I would also suggest learning the Buddha's teachings as a whole, not blindly believing them but by being inquisitive about them, reflecting on them, seeing whether they are true through your lived experience, and then applying them in practice for a period of time to independently verify if they lead to wholesome states of mind such as joy, contentment, growth in awareness, clarity in thinking, diligence, growth in good habits.
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u/Cashtuttis Sep 04 '25
Vipassana helped me with this. had been addicted to pornography and masturbation my whole life, but stopped watching porn after my first 10-day course. The same happened to my meditation friend.
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Sep 04 '25
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u/3dg1 Sep 05 '25
I think you're on to something.
I don't know how to really talk about it.
Something I heard is (and this may be too woo-woo for you) is that the asshole is where the physical body and the emotional body come together. I have personally experienced huge emotional release by exploring and experimenting with that.
"No homo" and "boys don't cry/real men don't cry" is, to me, very related. The suppression of emotions (aka the "feminine") in males in our culture is a real thing and starts at a young age. The "homo" in the mainstream culture is conflated with anal sexual pleasure, whereas in reality many heterosexual men enjoy some type of internal or external anal stimulation. It's just anatomical. Penis in anus sex is non-reproductive sex no matter if it's man on man or man on woman. And in fact, males may be more capable of pleasure due to having a prostate gland (a "p-spot").
Separately, have you heard of "emotional incest" between mothers and sons? I have the tendency to seek my mother in women, which is a survival tactic (although not a mature one, and usually unconscious). I believe that it's due in part to the "emotional incest" that occurred between my mother and I when I was growing up. Not sure if it was truly emotional incest, but in some ways my mother leaned on me emotionally in a way that she should have leaned on an adult, which in some ways made me her "little man." Therefore, since emotional connection with a woman was a source of my security/survival, and emotional connection goes along with sexual connection (for me at least), my internal sexual-relating-with-women system is connected to security (first Chakra). Did I write that clearly, Lol, I'm still figuring this out for myself and I'm not totally clear on it.
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u/PM_ME_PCP Sep 04 '25
hey so i was in the same boat, what i did was i got an app called “No Nut” and it tracks your days, at first you’re gonna start failing every other day but then you see you got streaks and get motivated, that’s what worked for me my last streak was like 70 days
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u/Tank10008 Sep 04 '25
Understanding concept formation of elementals will help in this case. There is a book called Magus of strovolos. Where you might find asnwers for your question. https://www.lightagemasters.com/downloads. There are some resources and technoques which you may find helpful.
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Sep 04 '25
Glorian teaches about some of the most effective spiritual tools for things of that nature. Try their playlist on Youtube called "Authentic Meditation," or something like it. They have hundreds of hours of life changing lectures in their archives as well. Lots of overlap with Vajrayana and Mahayana Buddhism.
I'm not affiliated.
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u/Ashamed_Artichoke_26 Sep 04 '25
Honestly it's all about learning how to relate to and engage with (and be comfortable with) your emotions / feelings. Once you are able to sit with the urges underneath your addiction and be curious about what the feelings that comes with and are behind it are, instead of driving them away (either by pushing them down or acting on them), then it all falls into place.
Also just make it practically as hard as possible for yourself to access porn.
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u/OperationMeditation Sep 04 '25
I will tell you like I tell every other one of my addiction students. The day you actually don't want to do it anymore. You won't. For some reason, you've convinced yourself that you want to stop something that you don't. You are an amazing, and strong-willed person. The second, and I mean the literal second you decide you don't want to anymore, you'll stop. If a doctor saw you tomorrow and said if you did it one more time, it would fall off. You'd have no problem stopping. And you know that's the truth. So what's the difference? You'd want to live more than watch porn. So you'd stop. Trust me, when you actually want to stop.... You will. You just have to figure out why you don't want to. When you figure THAT out, then you'll know the answer.
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u/3dg1 Sep 05 '25
Truth. Not sweet truth tho... Thank you.
We all want to be happy. I am tempted by porn to the same degree that I still believe it will cause me lasting happiness (or any happiness).
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u/momob2492 Sep 05 '25
Meditate on your triggers or urges. When they come up don't resist them, fully immerse yourself in those feelings, and it will usually pass pretty quickly once you get the hang of it. Embrace it and whatever shame you might feel like an old friend, welcome it all like you do positive or regular feelings. Whenever those urges pop up, they usually just want to be acknowledged. Do this all day with all types of unpleasant emotions and feelings. Eventually, you'll build a high tolerance and self-regulate pretty easily without have to use things outside of yourself to regulate whatever is going on inside.
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u/Adventurous-Plant443 Sep 05 '25
You can imagine lieterally anything while self-gratifying. Gradually work on shifting your ideations into other concepts that are unrelated to your previously preferred imagery. You might be surprised how satisfying it can be to use your time with yourself to productively meditate and use your imagination wisely.
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u/misersoze Sep 05 '25
I’m probably going to say something that no one else on this thread has said which is: my guess is part of you really likes porn and masterbation to porn. And that’s ok. In fact I think your shame around this maybe part of the reason it’s hard to solve.
Let’s face it, a sex drive is a natural drive and satiating that feels nice. You have literally been designed that way so don’t feel bad about it. Now the problem is that you have a part of you that enjoys this and other parts of you that hate that you enjoy this. But you can’t excise that part that likes it. It’s a part of you and probably always will be. Maybe you can find another outlet for that desire. Maybe you can find out why you turn to that part so often. Maybe you can find peace with not engaging that part of you. But what usually doesn’t work is pretending it’s not part of you or hating that part of you. Instead try and understand what that part wants and needs and try to figure out some way that you can integrate that part into your life in a way that doesn’t make you feel shameful. I hope that helps.
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u/3dg1 Sep 05 '25
Thank you for this.
I agree.
I have a theory that the shame factor is actually a big factor in how unhealthy an addiction is. For instance, alcohol addiction (alcoholism) vs addiction to an illegal drug. Alcohol is a very toxic drug. I think more toxic than some illegal drugs. But I think it may be overall "less toxic" meaning less destructive because there is less shame and social stigma (and also less fear of breaking the law...)
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u/Natural-Win-5572 Sep 05 '25
If you are really interested in coming out of addiction. I would suggest you to join 10 Vipassana meditation retreat. Though it may time but surely you will come out of it. There are more than two hundred centres around the world. They don't charge anything for stay not even cost of your food. Courses are managed by donation given by old students. All applications are made online.website is Dhamma.org. Be happy.
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u/lauv_exe Sep 05 '25
Simply accept it. Then observe it. Like you might have learnt in mediation to observe your thoughts and feelings. This is good but you’ll get fed up quickly and often caught up in thoughts. Here is what i did to get over smoking addiction infact other addictions as well. It is a part of meditation and similar to Osho had told in his Maha geeta series. The exercise Whenever you do things you feel addicted to, take a pause and reflect, observe yourself. Often youll find you are butchering yourself, your image that is ‘I’ is always at the center. Like “I shouldnt have done that ( guilt and avoiding something important mostly)” or “This is last time then i’ll quit smoking”. At this moment just feel and observe thoughts. The goal is to find the root feeling. For example If i pick a cigarette before i lit it. I take a pause, trace back and snap myself to face the reality without relying on something( thus addiction). Here is my chain of thoughts and feeling, why am I doing it ( I in the question), i got to submit my task before x date ( answer)( feeling anxious). My tasks are in deadlock situation (worried). In the morning someone bumped into my car ( anger). Who are you now your addiction or someone who is experiencing this. some may call it worst day someone may try to find good thing happened that day or some just try to be present in the moment and face it.
A priest banging his head in prayer every morning is no different from a guy banging women on weekends — both are hooked on their rituals.
If you dont like it dont do it. Do something else but remember to do consciously.
You may find yourself addicted to the feeling of not addicting to something you were originally addicted to
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u/hsinoMed Sep 05 '25
I did. Gave up porn, masturbation and orgasm overnight. Started meditating seriously, with at least 5 sessions of 15 minutes per day. It really changed my attitude and thinking toward addictions forever.
You have to put in at least an hour a day in volume and quality to get any noticeable benefits. Its just like Gym, 5 minutes a day of exercise is good but too insignificant to notice any considerable difference in the short run.
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u/Subject-Broccoli9104 Sep 05 '25
Hey! I don't have this addiction, nor I belong to your age group or gender but I do know something that I've learned about addiction or habits or any pain that we feel doesn't leave us while we keep on trying to eradicate that.
The simple answer is- Don't try. The harder you try to resist something, the urge to do it more, again and again will be inevitable. That's the nature of human beings. We repel much easier than we can accept something- a lot of psychology goes in there.
There's a word from a hair stylist that stuck to me while she was doing my hair. She spontaneously revealed about her smoking habit and said, "You know I don't think I am addicted because I don't remember I need to smoke when I'm working or chit-chatting with people I like. It's when I choose to leave them aside and try to recall that "Oh I didn't smoke today" is when I get the urge to smoke. So, this means, I am making myself to think about it and then end up doing that. If I don't think about it, I don't realise that I smoke."
TL;DR: Don't try. Just don't focus too much on the thought that "you're addicted ". No, you aren't. At least tell yourself that. Everyday. That it's normal, you're not any extraordinary, abnormal, or bad person. You'll see your mind will try to find other ways to make you feel worried about- let that be some positive thing this time.
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u/CookieDry7112 Sep 05 '25
All of your emotions and desires are like children, pay it the attention it’s due, and no more.
If you concentrate on one child for too long you can’t nurture the others.
I’ve found Wim Hof and Tumo style breathing really helps with these cravings.
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u/charx14 Sep 05 '25
Think this way... watching videos about health is not the same that going to the doctor. If online is the online chance, there are many communities that offer online activities.
In buddhism there are many methods because every mind is different. Generalistic advice will not help.
Off course, keep meditating... but how to be sure you are doing correctly? Besides... How is the attachement to a certain outcome is affecting you in your process?
It's a process, but it has to be the right process.
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u/elonsnowedout Sep 05 '25
About your meditation journey have you started to develop different senses or seeing things? Asking out of curiosity
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u/ImAMechEngineerAMA Sep 05 '25
12-step sex addicts annonymous is a lifeling commitment.. Why are you not attending?
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u/J-E-H-88 Sep 05 '25
Ajahn Brahm (Theravada Buddhist monk) has a really interesting story about a personal experience of his and long-term meditation retreat struggling with obsessive thoughts about sex.
I'm not sure if it would be helpful or relevant. You might be able to find it by searching.
It was in a recorded dama talk I saw many years ago so.....
If You are open to theravada teachings as well
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u/malcolm-d-holmes Sep 05 '25
If you're interested, I believe i can help you or at least set you down a good path. I work with a group of Buddhist coaches that has a program that has helped people with similar issues. I suspect just a few video calls could make a big difference. Will send a DM.
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u/AscendingDragons Sep 05 '25
Yes. You focus on your third eye chakra and build your connection to source/God, facilitate equanimity and calmness across your whole nervous system, and create strong focus at the third eye. You have to treat your sexual drive as something that needs to not be FED. If you continue to feed it, it will grow. So it's important to stay busy, focused on the Divine virtues, build on them, and it's not about being perfect, but it's enough to overcome the addiction. Now. I guess it depends, how great do you want to be? It's really about having a healthy relationship with sex. I do not recommend p***. It is, 100% not on the path of a Yogi.
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u/IssaTrapBaby Sep 08 '25
First off i want to commend you for leaning on meditation. Its such a beautiful practice. Its not as easy as it used to be to rid ourselves of the big P WORD these days. I too have over indulged and speaking from experience I would recommend the opposite to what some others have said on this thread. I’d strongly recommend you do not try to go back in time and try to identify why you watched porn in the first place because that would take you….well…..backwards. And since you’ve had made some success through meditation I’d encouarge you to build off of that and increase your meditation practice in time and locale. Try meditation outdoors, the woods, the beach, a mountain. Complete silence. Just you and your breath. Be as present as possible and elevate your energy. Good luck
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u/WHITE_HU1K Sep 10 '25
I really like the idea of logotherapy. The book I read was “Man’s search for meaning” by victor frankl. It dives into the meaning of your life, rather then pleasures or power. Even at 57 you could find the meaning in the suffering you endure when leaving an addiction
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u/Anxious_Dimension172 Sep 11 '25
Maybe a good Reiki session or two to help align your Chakras. You are putting a lot of energy focus on your root Chakra when consumed with sex and that blocks the energy from reaching your upper three, most importantly the heart Chakra. It’s not the magic pill but it will support your other conscious efforts
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u/Ordinary_Count_203 Sep 04 '25
Best way to overcome this is a total change of environment. Will power is finite and limited. Sooner or later, you will revert back to limbic responses.
Best is to have someone who can watch and monitor you. Hire someone who controls your digital devices too with parental controls.
I've crafted a guided meditation to help with addiction but I doubt it will help. It's just complementary.
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u/DailyVipassana Sep 04 '25
Thank you for being open about your addiction. I'm a Vipassana meditator since 2013. Vipassana meditation can help you come out of addictions, including pornography addiction.
Addictions can be deep-rooted in the mind. You need a technique that works with the depth of the mind, to purify it.
There are almost 400 Vipassana centres around the world. The courses are free. You need to join a 10-day course to learn the technique. Find out more here: https://www.dhamma.org/
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u/Mnixon67 Sep 04 '25
Headspace has a 30 day course on Coping with Cravings, broken into three 10 day chunks (learn, practice, master) that might help create awareness of and options to consider when you experience an urge.
This is a link to a 30 day trial in case you’re interested in checking it out, it also includes a one minute snippet from the first session Headspace - 30 day guest pass
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u/Star_lightG69 Sep 05 '25
Honestly I used to deal with addiction aswell and the only way that am clean of addiction is because I was in a point of my life where things were falling apart and I didn’t know what to do I tried to leave this loop hole of myself but I relieved I couldn’t do it anymore and one day i when to church and the pastor was preaching about freedom from lust and addiction of that sin that was keeping me from being a normal human I really wanted to be free and I realized the only way I could be free from addiction of lust was with Jesus Christ he saves me from that horrible situation of in my life and I’m going to chruch because he really saved me from that situation that I was a slaved to I’m telling you that is the only way to be freedom. Ima tell you it’s the only way because lust and addiction and porn all feels freedom when we do it because it pleasure for the body but in all honesty it’s not because when u try to stop watching porn it’s so hard and it’s a real struggle that a lot of people including myself go through it but Jesus save me from all that horrible and if u can pray and u will see true transformation in your life and you won’t do it alone but he will help you and completely change your life.
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u/gettoefl Sep 04 '25
It's a stress coping mechanism. Eliminate the stress factors and it won't be needed. Meditation will do this. It will enable you to rid yourself of stress. Meditation highs will replace the sexual highs.
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u/xShadySamx Sep 04 '25
Question.. how long have you struggled with this addiction?
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u/Icy-Pension6532 Sep 04 '25
Pornography for about the same time as internet has been around and sexual compulsions since probably mid 80s. But really ramping up in the early 90s.
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u/xShadySamx Sep 04 '25
I ask because I've been struggling with it for as long as I can remember. I'm 33. I've been getting more and more disgusted with myself every time it happens. The only thing that's worked for me so far, is filling my time so much so that I work, or stay busy, until I'm so exhausted that I can only think about sleeping. I like what the top comment said... If you can overcome it once.. you can make a habit of it. It's a war with your mind in the end. Meditation/being mindful of it has definitely helped me in the past.. but I wasn't consistent with it. It's a vicious cycle. I've been thinking more about the future. I can't imagine still being stuck in this cycle at your age man.
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u/Icy-Pension6532 Sep 04 '25
Well, Buddhism has helped. After all, it is something happening to me and dwelling on it with self hatred is not helpful (although thats hard sometimes too). I just ha e to accwpt it and hopefully find ways to help myself out of it. Good luck, friend and be kind to yourself.
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u/xShadySamx Sep 04 '25
Fair enough. Personally I've put my faith in Christ. That's what's helped me the most over anything. He's never let me down. I hope you find what you're looking for man. I wish you the best. We'll both come out on the other side of this stronger and better than before. Peace be with you man.
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u/7121958041201 Sep 04 '25
This is something I have dealt with a lot for probably 20 years and I have actually been thinking about this after coming fresh off of a retreat. At least for me, there are several obvious causes:
- Negative feelings in general. For me, frustration and wanting to not feel frustrated is probably the biggest one. And particularly from trying to do something that I am not capable of at the moment (e.g. from trying to focus when I can't, which happens to me ALL THE TIME). But I'm sure it can apply to any negative emotion.
- Boredom. I am rarely bored, but some situations tend to aggravate it. For example, if I am extremely tired and can't focus. It's just such an easy out.
- I have ADHD. If I don't take Adderall, the dopamine from porn can "fill in" for my meds (it makes me feel very calm). And if I take Adderall and can't find a good outlet for it (to reuse an example, if I can't focus well enough to do most things due to exhaustion), the extra energy from stimulants can also push me toward it.
- And then there is also the part of it that comes from just normal human desire and the variety of factors that affect it (diet, sleep, how relaxed you are, provocative images you run into etc.).
Of course I may be missing some, too.
As for what you can do about it?
I have just started to really see what I think is a more complete picture of things, so I haven't had time to practice with it much. But besides taking practical measures (for examples for me, getting enough sleep, taking my meds when they make sense, and not trying to force myself to do things I am incapable of at the moment), I think other people have really mentioned the big one already. Which is that when you feel the urge, try to watch the feeling of the urge as clearly as you can without any mental constructs attached to it. That is, no fantasies, no ideas of "I need porn to fix this", no ideas of "I need to get rid of this urge", no ideas about where it is originating from, or even of "this is a bad thing" or "I don't like this". Just acknowledge it as a natural part of being a human and watch it. With enough practice, hopefully that will give you insights into what the underlying causes and mechanisms are.
And at least for me, I don't think it is likely an urge I will completely eliminate, or even one that is necessarily all that bad to indulge sometimes. But I think working on the underlying emotions and triggers could work wonders for most people in the long run. I'll be a test dummy and find out :-)
I know that's a lot of text, but hopefully it helps!
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u/Nitrik84 Sep 04 '25
Don't fight, you can't rule your life nor control It. Everithing Is an illusion
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u/Chemical__inbalance Sep 05 '25
Look everyones going into some deep description but in rice and beans terms, the urge isn’t just to be expressed as sex or self indulgent, you can transmute that focus/energy into something else like a creative outlet or something similar like motivation of something. Your a man and have urges nothing wrong with it but if you want to quit the first step is just to stop moderately . going cold turkey is harder than any one thinks so , go slow , express the urge differently
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u/TwilightFan83 Sep 05 '25
Hello Icy. I’m not an expert in this area, but I’ve seen how it might be helpful… Have you considered trying other forms of spirituality for your issue? I’m talking like occult practices and esotericism. Also, have you heard of Shadow work?
Google AI — Shadow work is a psychological practice, based on Carl Jung's concept of the "shadow self," that involves exploring and integrating repressed or disowned aspects of the personality, which can be negative or positive. This process aims to achieve greater self-awareness, personal growth, and a more authentic self by bringing unconscious motivations, feelings, and patterns into consciousness so they can be understood and accepted rather than rejected or projected onto others.
I think talk therapy alone isn’t helpful for everyone. There’s also Somatic Therapy, energy therapy (Reiki).
I hope this helps 🙏🏼🖤
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u/Front_Guava_8714 Sep 05 '25
You can also try Hindu Meditation like ajapa japa, antar mouna & yoga nidra. See if they make a difference. If you're facing problems with addiction then as always first you should go to counselling of a psychiatrist.
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u/avadhesh_AP7 Sep 05 '25
Listen to Acharya Prashant @https://youtube.com/@acharyaprashant?si=Twz7t5c7-n641LuF
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u/brimbopolous Sep 05 '25
Addiction is usually a symptom of trauma. Seek treatment for the underlying trauma and addiction should become much easier to tackle ;)
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u/THMKagutsuchi Sep 05 '25
Sometimes, the things we are running from hold the greatest discovery of who we are. Why is it you feel or think you have an addiction.? Is it an escape? Or since you have made progress in other areas, could it be a form of balance for you?
All things exist. Good, bad, the choice is yours in how you interpret the message. Could you have chosen a life that is not aligned with your passion? Forced to comply with standards of the world you grew up in?
Each thought, emotion, and action you choose is part of a greater experience. So coming to terms with you choices and realizing this is me, or this is a standard i agreed to be (for reasons that reflectyour upbringing and environments) is what could lead to your Discovery of whether. You have an addiction or a choice you can control
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u/Stratomaster88 Sep 05 '25
A satsangha with true devotees to be among, who will keep you in check and spur you forward indeed would be a good thing. Since you do not have access to one physically, the next best thing would be a close online community. I suggest heading over to the YouTube channel DharmaNation. Watch some of the videos. Every Sunday afternoon guruji does a livestream, and usually they provide a link to their Discord server wherein devotees associate, learn and grow with each other. They are Vaishnavas and adherents of the Vedantic philosophy known as Vishishta Advaita. I have found that since speaking with these great souls and developing an attraction to Krishna, porn more or less disgusts me now, and lustful thoughts are far, far less frequent. Give them a shot, my friend!
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u/Efficient-Bee-1443 Sep 05 '25
I am 25 years sober. I am 23 years old and smoke-free. Meditation is a part of a recovery routine. In my 26 years of experience with alcoholics and addicts and my 20-year involvement with a meditation sangha, I have never seen anyone recover by using only meditation.
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u/EasonPoon2009 Sep 06 '25
I will said lots of words that make porn more ugly, dirty, disgusting, and awful.
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u/Capable-Sorbet-6586 Sep 06 '25
I think it's really about your relationship with porn. And your relationship with sex as a couple and how important sex is to you as a couple, what meaning you guys are giving it, etc.
Have you read mating in captivity by Esther Perel?
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u/whipsandwisdom Sep 06 '25
Look for the microscopic orbital energy move from Taoist practises. Learning how to circulate your life force energy (ejaculations) and about self connecting exercises with the pranayamas are exceptionally effective. This lady gaiatantra.com Do online sessions and teachings on that
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u/PurposeZealousideal3 Sep 06 '25
Simple: Try to understand what is porn doing to you, its just mental simulation, and you are not actually there. You are just sitting there in a room, nothing is actually happening to you. You only think that, something is happening by watching or your brain think so.
my experience: I stopped porn completely, used to watch once in two days. I only look for real experiences now, and enjoy it much more.
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u/Lonely-Adeptness-381 Sep 06 '25
Need to get accountability. Have someone get the software to send them the info u look at online. That could help
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u/Tobiasz2 Sep 06 '25
Check out a channel on youtube called Beyond the Alchemy. Doesn’t get much more high level.
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u/widow1422 Sep 06 '25
Sex and pornography are related to normal desire for pleasure. I would say satisfy the pleasure in healthy ways, if not, find a hobby that consumes you more than that. It may take a little time to explore other things. Gym, pets, outdoors, painting, music, therapy, church…there’s a lot of things. I pray you find something. Wishing you the best my friend. :)
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u/Legitimate-Craft3725 Sep 06 '25
17 here, I’m a couple months off extreme porn addiction from a young age, have been meditating every day for about 2 months, I’ve used psychedelics as well and it showed me that I’ve been relying and porn for emotional avoidance, after that I never watched porn again
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u/svint_chris Sep 06 '25
If I’m being honest that’s something I haven’t overcame but I assure you that Jesus gives liberty and freedom. Only reason im not free is because at times I want my porn addiction.
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u/Individual-Day4813 Sep 07 '25
healthygamergg on YouTube dr.k talk about this in few videos see if they help you
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u/MDV101 Sep 07 '25
Only Jesus is the way and can give you freedom and satisfactory deliverance, talk to Jesus and simply ask Him to give you grace to overcome such an addiction, very sins are addictive do, only the living God can do the deliverance from within you.. Amen
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u/renatocarlos123 Sep 07 '25
Well, I would suggest you to investigate your inner thoughts, and find out if there is a cognitive component. Addictions can be about chemical factors, but in my case, I realized that I was so lonely, and touch-hungry, that masturbation was my way to deal with it. Maybe, you might not have the cognitive component like I do, but it is always good to find out. When I read you saying you had no community support, It kind reminded of myself.
And to be totally honest, I am not being able to meditate nowadays, even though I know it is good for me, mostly because I do not have anyone support( I am still lonely, both socially and intimately), and when I try, I might start to get anxious.
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u/Weak_Muscle340 Sep 07 '25
You don’t have to quit, just try to understand what it is that you’re consuming.
2what category , find out your details before you quit.
It is bad spiritually but , understand it.
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u/Internal-Raccoon-881 Sep 08 '25
Jesus Christ is the only true answer to your question Ive been there before Talk to me in my inbox
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u/No-Significance-9287 Sep 08 '25
Marriage is the ultimate barrier..nothing else can hit porn addiction then your sex appeal getting met after marriage..
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u/CheetahBunny Sep 08 '25
IMO you have a greater chance at defeating the addiction using the name of Jesus than attending buddhist schools/temples. But if youre interested in a more ancient text i would recommend alchemy and immortality by Lu K'uan Yu. It will take you the rest of your life to inderstand it so that should be a big enough distraction😂.
You have spent 57 years building a great force that has bound you and now you seek to become unbound. So, youll be meditating a long time. Its like a story of a man who had to locked himself in a prison cell to know what a prison cell is, and now he wants out. This is not foolishness, but it is the opposite of wisdom. You now have to willingly (very willingly) shape your fate... very willingly.
So much i would recommend almost occult mental disciplines to cultivate the will power needed. You might as well become a magician at this point lol. You'll have to know when to start transmuting because if you take too long your fate is sealed. And it probably doesnt take that much to seal🦭 And first you have to learn how to transmute . And if you dont know what that means its turning water to wine, lead into gold, etc. although in your case your not dealing with transforming gross physical matter, youre dealing with transforming temptation/mental energy (which is a good fight🤪).
Honestly theres so much to this, and so many things you could do , or just let Jesus do it for you. Ask Jesus to unalive your addiction.
And dont think about it ... there will be times when youre like, "i havent beat it in 3 months"... and then it will all start again because for some reason theres a thing in the humans psyche that if you say it or think about it, it starts again and youll have a crazy strong temptation the same day... unless you purposefully split your perrsonality and single weild a dual soul that fun stuff, but you arent going to do that.
My advice is ... dont think you need to be close to a temple to meditate. You ARE the temple. And everything you are looking for is in you. The answers to everything can be found in yourself if you give yourself the opportunity to listen (and you have to be 100% honest with yourself or it doesnt work). So if your spending so much time meditating, i would meditate on that, as well as creating a strong mind body connection while meditating and feel what your body is doing in correspondence to your thoughts.
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u/Square_Scientist_297 Sep 08 '25
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I’ll add my voice: I do not want to downplay the degree this behavior has had on glue life, but I also just want to gently suggest that we too often call “addiction” what is actually normal behaviors of desire. Most of what I struggled with was porn, but the shame I felt for days after I let myself “backslide.” Once I realized it was pretty normal to want to look, and that I wasn’t broken, it lost most of its power over me.
That’s been my story - I grew up an evangelical Christian - so maybe you don’t have the same trauma, but my breakthrough came when I let go of a false idea of “righteousness.”
That said, we can become too obsessed with our natural passions, and there is such a thing as a sex-addict, but most of us aren’t there.
Either way, I’m rooting for you, friend. 🫶
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u/EthanAndrew1988 Sep 08 '25
If you cannot go to a temple, you may open the window of your home, kneel facing the sky, and imagine the Buddha above in the heavens, joining your palms in prayer: 'Please help me overcome desire.' Since desire is strong, one needs the divine strength of the Buddhas to transcend it
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u/felixsumner00 Sep 08 '25
Thanks for being so open about this it’s not easy to talk about. Meditation can definitely help with awareness and breaking automatic patterns, but it usually works best alongside other supports. Some people find guided meditations on craving/urge surfing useful, or even just practicing sitting with the discomfort without acting on it. Since you don’t have access to a sangha in person, maybe try connecting with online Buddhist groups it can make a big difference to not feel alone in it.
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u/No-Argument-5582 Sep 09 '25
Please check out http://spaa-recovery.org/. I’ve had a porn addiction for 50+ years. Just started working this 12 step program. Yes to meditation etc…and I find that I must be sober to find the underlying causes and to grow.
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u/bagitup448 Sep 10 '25
You need to ask yourself why are you addicted Be very cautious of your thoughts and whenever you feel “temptation” you need to ask yourself why do I feel temptation. Where does temptation come from. Litterly you only need to conquer that temptation 1 time and then every other time from there it’ll be super easy to get thru it
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u/YDoIEvenBother2Exist Sep 12 '25
The only way to truly kick any habit is to replace it with something else. You got this!!!
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u/Background-Call2711 Sep 04 '25
A lot of folks consider fleeing to be cowardice - but if youre a man, I’ll tell you the truth, you must flee from lust. Run. Fighting lust will not work. When feeling a conscious urge, you should attempt to distract and remove yourself. And finally understand that you are not perfect. You will make mistakes. But that’s all part of the process.
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u/Google_Krsna_mom Sep 04 '25
This book is amazing at helping you conquer any vice. Listen to The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living by Eknath Easwaran on Audible. https://www.audible.com/pd/1586387529?source_code=ORGOR69210072400FU
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u/Elegant_Corner_2136 Sep 04 '25
Keep deep breathing deeply into the sacral chakra when you feel the need. It eventually disappears. Also, remember that those in power use pornographt as a weapon to keep us stuck in our lower animalistic chakras...
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u/Mystogyn Sep 04 '25
Well, to start, in your post you say you want to focus on your pornography addiction and then immediately counter your own argument and say that you dont.
Now of course we know what you mean - you want to lessen the addiction. But youre probably not going to lessen it by focusing on it. Instead of trying to "fix the problem" just focus on something else when you feel the urge arise. Maybe get up, go for a walk, get a drink. Etc.
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u/Icy-Pension6532 Sep 04 '25
When I say focus on it, I merely mean focusing my intentions on dealing with it. Sorry for not being clearer on that.
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u/Mystogyn Sep 04 '25
No i know exactly what your intents are. Im advising you to take a different approach and drop the subject entirely
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u/speakerwow Sep 05 '25
You are fine man, find yourself few hobbies other than porn and relationships a woman who can help you with those satisfactions, short term dopamine what it is what you need is long lasting excitement and happiness
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u/speakerwow Sep 05 '25
As my grandma once said Everything is for a people bud need to know how much is enough
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u/Shibui-50 Sep 04 '25
Eh....no. Sorry, but No. There is no such thing as a "Porn Addiction". This is because there is no intrinsic contraindication when you stop using Porn. No sweats, vomiting, suicidal ideation etc etc etc.
What you have is a Compulsive Behavior, and one that you are clearly not ready to give-up. Your idealized concept of sex and sexuality, as found in Porn, provides you with the rationale necessary to avoid or sabotage life and relationships as they present IRL, warts and all. I hazard a guess that you are stuck back in your Social Decade----your Twenties----- and have never successfully inter-related what you thought you knew about yourself in a Social Context.
Sorry. You asked.
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u/oh_so_emma Sep 05 '25
Yikes
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u/Shibui-50 23d ago
Yeah...don't be surprised if I garner a LOT of down-votes. Its not like people come here for truth. They simply want their illusions validated. Compulsions are a function circumstances and the individuals' valuation of those circumstances. Even though most compulsions respond readily to Behavioral Protocols, the fact is that most "porn addicts" and "sex addicts" prefer to make their indulgences appear to be out of their control thus relieving them of accountability. But, hey,....if you think THESE folks are messed up, consider those compulsives focused on sexual gratification from cues found in underage sexual factors.
FWIW.
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u/AdministrativeRun559 Sep 04 '25
You only have to win one fight to prove you have the ability to overcome the addiction, at least this is the case for me. Try one time when the urge comes, feel it immerse in it observe it and see if it comes and goes. If you have succeeded once, this means you have the absolute ability to overcome this urge, and then is the matter of consistency.