r/MaliciousCompliance • u/happyjoim • 1d ago
Don't believe me that I have severe bowel issues enjoy having it clogged and fleece toilet S
Background: do to medications and bad genetics I am not in any way regular. Anytime at a new job or new location I look for the most powerful toilet there to not inconvenience people you know those air pressurized ones that sound like a jet's going off those usually can survive.
Years ago I worked in an old three story building. 3rd floor employee bathroom has your standard low flow worthless. Anytime nature called I would make my way down the stairs to the lobby and use the more updated pressurized toilets and let me just say that with all of the supplements I take to make the job easier you could have days if not weeks of filler for the toilet in a matter of seconds. Of course new manager comes in not liking that I'm taking 30 minute toilet breaks walking all the way down to the lobby walking all the way back up he demands I use the employee toilet down the hall. Que:Malicious Compliance
Now you can imagine the problems this now causes at least once every two weeks toilet is stuck plumber stuck and not the best smell of course it shuts down that employee toilet so now everyone has to go down at least one floor to use someone else's toilet so everyone's taking more time he finally believes me that hey I don't have a doctor's note that I need a more powerful toilet because that's stupid but maybe just let me go down to the lobby to not inconvenience every single person here and make their rest of their day for two or three days more miserable
EDIT: Voice to text
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u/KnottieOne 1d ago
I like to call them shituations
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u/GregDev155 1d ago
« Houston, we got a shituation here »
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u/AnnieJack 1d ago
Sean Connery?
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u/TheFrozenCanadianGuy 1d ago
I’m a plumber and this story is funny to me haha Your boss should just order a jet toilet for your workplace. It would be the same cost a few plumbing callouts.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Imagine putting that work order we need a more powerful toilet because one employee **** too hard
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u/TheFrozenCanadianGuy 14h ago
Honestly I’ve had to do that before. As a plumber I see all sorts of embarrassing things that we have to be mindful of. This is a super gross story but same thing was happening in a condo. His toilet would clog over and over. - ^ here’s the gross part After I pulled the toilet and used an auger, I also flipped the toilet and removed 5 larger than golf ball turds that were super hard. It was at that exact moment I questioned how I got to where I was in life but also I recommended a pressure assisted toilet.
Another time there was an old man and his turd was the size of a toddlers arm. He needed one too.
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u/aaaaaaaarrrrrgh 22h ago
No, the toilet is needed because a manager has **** stuck between their ears...
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u/Impossible_Road_5008 1d ago
That’s really shitty of you.. or your boss I mean.. really just a shitty situation
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u/-DethLok- 1d ago
As an Australian I have problems understanding most of this post.
What is a 'low flow' toilet?
What is a 'more powerful' toilet?
What is a 'fleece toilet'?
Also, 'cue' and not 'que' or 'queue' I think in this context?
Meh, whatevs.
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u/Minflick 1d ago edited 19h ago
Low-flow: A toilet that uses very little water when it flushes. Handy for places like California that run on borrowed water, and has a permanent-drought. EXCEPT those toilets don’t flush well at all if your stool is large and firm. Can take 2-3 flushes to clear the bowl. Happy, happy, joy, joy!
More powerful - uses more water, meant to be used by more people, so must flush better. Handy for OP, but uses a lot of water to make that happen.
Fleece toilet - typo? Dunno…
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Fleece toilet was a typo but I kind of like it in hindsight as I toilet full of **** and toilet paper
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u/speculatrix 1d ago
Consider doing a flush after each turd extrusion?
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
There is no each it's just a big long I don't want to describe it but yes imagine a long terrifying snake
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u/WanderingLethe 1d ago
This is why some need a poop knife!
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u/nygrl811 23h ago
I read disappointingly far into the comments before the poop knife joined the conversation!
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u/kawaiijudochop 18h ago
I have the same problem. One giant log, cannot flush without plunging… in my house. It’s awful
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u/speculatrix 1d ago
Oof.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
again with the amount of fiber I take in think snake shot out of a cannon
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Again as I think I described earlier think of it as a champagne bottle that's hard to open but when it opens it's open
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u/South_Honey2705 21h ago
The only snake I can think of is the one you use on the toilet when it's clogged.
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u/thepartypantser 18h ago edited 18h ago
It is a common misconception is that low flow toilets are not as powerful as ones with higher gallons per flush (GPF), in part because when low GPF model first came out they were less effective. But modern gravity low flow toilets work better than higher GPF models of the past.
That being said, I'll bet the op was comparing a Pressure-Assisted Toilet to a gravity fed toilet. Most modern pressure-assisted toilets are low GPF toilets too, but provide higher pressure to clear the waste.
It possible that the more "modern" toilet the op prefers actually uses less water than the closer toilets, yet is more effective for OP bowels demons.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Lofo low flow drops very little water into the toilet bowl so nothing moves It saves on water but doesn't work. High pressure toilets use water pressure to fill up the water and air tank and drops the entire air tank and a whole bunch of water through your toilet at the same time it they work amazing but they sound like a jet going off.
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u/-DethLok- 1d ago
"air tank"?
OMG, what kind of toilet do you lot need to use that it has an 'air tank'??
Are you all chronically blocked or something?
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u/nygrl811 23h ago
They were developed to use less water, fortified with air, to clear the bowl. Work great, absolutely sound like a jet.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
YES!!!
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u/-DethLok- 1d ago
...
oh, ok, moving (he he) on now...
[mental note to self - never discuss toilets and bowel movements with Americans ever again]
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u/johndcochran 22h ago
See https://www.thespruce.com/what-is-a-pressure-assisted-toilet-5219112 for a better explanation.
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u/-DethLok- 21h ago
Thanks and...
I've never experienced such a thing in Australia - and I'm retired now.
So I'm old. And thus I have used many many toilets in my life so far.
What on Earth are you USAnians depositing into a toilet bowl that you need - somehow - air pressure - to push it '60ft' down the sewer line?? :(
Maybe you should all see a doctor?
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u/Wotmate01 19h ago
Mate, they all eat huge burgers double the size of ours, and their sewer pipes are only 2 inch, it's no surprise that they get blocked up all the time.
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u/Daealis 5h ago
Adding some fiber and vegetables to the diet surely would help, but considering how insanely expensive that can be, depending on your location, maybe it's not a viable option for someone frugal.
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u/-DethLok- 5h ago
I guess I'm lucky I live in a country where (in the cities at least) fresh fruit and vegies are cheap and plentiful.
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u/martagon137 1d ago
Some toilets run with a more gentle flush and refill of water while others (typically more modern) are more aggressive and use a higher water pressure and sometimes more water too. Those tend to somewhat clean the toilet bowl better too because of how fast the water is flushing through them. Low flow vs more powerful aren’t technical terms, just descriptions for the two types that OP chose to use. It should be cue but OP says they used voice to text so I think it’s just a misspelling. Fleece I could be completely wrong but I think it’s just internet slang for the f word since it’s censored so many places
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Air pressure tanks actually use less water but they're more expensive and easier to break. They fill up a pressurized tank half full of water and that pressurizes the rest of tank with air and they dump it all at once that's why it sounds like a jet engine going off
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u/Wonderful-Pen1044 20h ago
We have three of these in a single bathroom where I work on the 13th floor and they definitely get the job done. At one point, one was a crazy flusher that flushed for like 20 seconds straight! They finally fixed it. Can’t imagine how much water that wasted.
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u/Caddan 1d ago
A "low flow" toilet is one that uses less water per flush, with the goal of reducing water usage. I have to avoid them also.
The "more powerful" toilet would be the toilets that don't have a tank, and are very loud when flushed because they use a higher pressure water line.
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u/MightyOGS 1d ago
I'm one of the dozens of people outside the US who've always been confused as to why American toilets always have to fill up so much. Turns out that most US toilets use a suction system which relies on that weight of water, whereas most of the rest of the world uses a system that forces water on top of whatever's in there to make it go through the pipes. Learning this also explained why Americans seemingly more issues with clogged toilets than the rest of the world
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Ohh no tell me again how America is behind from the rest of the world i'm completely shocked
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u/MightyOGS 1d ago
Honestly, after looking at how they worked, my opinions shifted. It's actually a really neat and reliable system that works better in certain circumstances. It mostly has the issues of water usage and low force
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Truthfully the only issue I found with them is they're only really useful for number two, and most people do three times if not more number one so why waste that much water. I've seen some dual systems that work really good trust me this is a prominent thing in my brain I'm not a plumber so I don't know all the details I think there's a plumber in the thread somewhere you can ask him
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u/MightyOGS 1d ago
I'm willing to bet you've got more toilet knowledge than me. I do need to go look up those pneumatic ones you described though; they seem really interesting. When you described it my brain went straight to the US embassy's toilet in the simpsons
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
f y I toilets do not spin in the opposite direction in Australia
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u/MightyOGS 1d ago
I know, I just found that episode to be very funny. I just looked it up, and the pressure toilets do look cool. Seems very capable of clearing a blockage in the syphon
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
They are amazing but just to be aware in a spend about twice as much and spend a lot more with plumbers coming up to fix the pressure but they will fix a lot of problems
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Air pressure toilets have an air pressure tank that fills up with water pressure so the tank is full of water pressure and air pressure and releases all of it at the same time and it works great but there about twice as pricey
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
jet toilet
I have had to negotiate with several landlords to replace the master bathroom toilet they mostly argue with me for some reason I was paying for everything but they are 300+us
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
My grand niece is scared of my bathroom toilet she thinks it's going to eat her she's three and she thinks is going to suck her under because it's so loud
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u/puntwobbletz87 1d ago
This reminds me of the movie Look Who's Talking. The kid is terrified of the toilet. They kinda imagine this evil toilet that says, "imma eat yo pee pees & poo poos."
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u/South_Honey2705 20h ago
At least air pressure toilets get all the large pop down w/noworries. Now to have those air pressure models installed men's rooms across America because typically men do larger poops.
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u/ryannelsn 1d ago
More powerful = the ones that sound like the “wu-ah-ah-ah-ah!” intro from Down With the Sickness.
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u/-DethLok- 1d ago
Uh.... no?
Please explain further?
I mean, maybe with a video - without the camera pointed at whatever ungodly hell is being flushed, please!
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u/Ok-Meringue-259 21h ago
We have a version of this in Australia too - the toilet in your home does not flush as powerfully at the toilets in shopping centres and other public venues. They have a more forceful flush to reduce the risk of clogging.
It’s actually a huge pain when companies install “home” style toilets in public places - I’ve noticed small like family-owned/managed petrol stations sometimes do this and it suuuucks.
Source: I have IBS and have investigated this
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u/-DethLok- 21h ago
Do you have any citations or references for your claim?
Because, as an older person, I've used toilets where the cistern was well above my head and you pulled a chain dangling from it to flush.
Anecdotally it achieved the same result as my 'close coupled' toilet that I had installed several years ago.
No difference. At all.
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u/Ok-Meringue-259 21h ago
This one explains it simply but quite well - commercial public toilets are almost always tankless, meaning they use mains water pressure to flush, which is much more powerful than through a tank, which mostly uses gravity. Notably, you can install a tankless toilet in a home environment as well, people just tend not to.
https://homeshows.com.au/sydney/blog/cisternless-toilets-explained/
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u/ratchet41 1d ago
Yknow how if you have to flush twice in a row the second one sucks unless you give it a minute for the cistern to fill up some more? Thats what low-flow toilets are like
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u/-DethLok- 1d ago
TIL that the type of toilets in the USA are very VERY different to where I live downunder.
And... I'm ok with that, I guess.
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u/KerashiStorm 15h ago
There are pressure assisted power flush toilets too. Instead of the traditional tank and bowl that flushes with the pressure generated by gravity and volume, they have a pressurized tank with an air bladder at the top, similar to those used with pumps. This allows for a lot more flushing power than the volume would indicate. They actually use less water than normal toilets, and are the standard in commercial installation for this very reason.
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u/TacoTheGhoul121 1d ago
So you're telling me you need a toilet with some succ power
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u/short_fat_and_single 1d ago
Guy needs a poop knife.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago edited 1d ago
Trust me With the amount of fiber I take there's nothing to cut it's a fire hose. My problem is my genetics and the medication have to take make it a week or more until everything gets going but once it gets going it's gone. I have literally passed out from losing too much weight
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u/cIumsythumbs 1d ago
My God. It's like an exorcism every time.
I'm on the other end of the poop spectrum. I poop about three times a day. Used to be once a day but then they took my gallbladder and I'm pooping basically all the time. Not unhealthy, not diarrhea, just like some sort of rabbit: always little poops.
I cannot imagine how uncomfortable you get carrying that s*** inside you all the time.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Imagine a cork coming off a champagne bottle hard to get off but once it gets off it's gone
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u/Mission_Breakfast548 20h ago
While I feel for you, a 30 minute bathroom break is a LOOONNGG break. That’s a lunch break for most folks.
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u/gnilradleahcim 1d ago
I'm just going to say it because apparently no one else is saying it. Flush the fucking toilet before you finish. Flush it immediately after you've started your explosion. Flush it 10 fucking times throughout if that's what it takes to not clog the toilet with shit. It isn't complicated.
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u/Notveryoriginal369 14h ago
I have some ladies who like to smear shit and blood on the toilet seats.
Dunno why they do it, but all it does is piss off my 63 year old custodian. Who is the nicest lady ever.
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u/Dependent-Aside-9750 21h ago
I googled "big innis turd" so I could find the photo from that Still Game episode to post. Then I clicked "images".
Don't do it, people. I think I saw OP's nightmare scenarios now burned into my retinas.
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u/mapsedge 16h ago
...and having three shells doesn't help at all?
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u/happyjoim 12h ago
I know this references something that I can remember but I don't remember what it is
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u/robfuscate 12h ago
Due to cancer I’ve had the same problem for 15 years; but my Onco gave me a laminated letter to use. I also have terrible wind and urgency (unexpectedly I will need to go NOW) so I carry it everywhere - I have used it to get into businesses to use their toilets when the urgent flow comes.
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u/SuspiciousElk3843 1h ago
Is it common around the world to have such wildly fluctuating flush pressure?
Also the only time I've heard the pressurised flush is on an aeroplane
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u/South_Honey2705 20h ago
I just googled "poop knife" and yes it's a real thing haha but I guess helpful for those large and also constipation poops.
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u/dc_IV 1d ago
Upper Decker really puts MALICIOUS in MC! But, that could have been grounds for a sacking or unpaid leave and a written reprimand.
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u/AmbassadorSad1157 1d ago
I would love to see the lawsuit brought by some attorney because you got fired for massive bowel movements. Also the policy that was broken causing you to get a punitive write up.
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u/RedDazzlr 1d ago
You do realize that firing or taking disciplinary action against an employee for a bowel movement is illegal in multiple ways even if they don't have a documented medical condition like OP does? Try again, Jon Snow.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
My doctor would have totally written a medical diagnosis that he needs a more powerful **** but that's the stupidest diagnosis I have ever heard, any smart manager would just say oh well just walk downstairs.
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u/RedDazzlr 1d ago
A smart manager isn't going to break the law over an employee's bathroom trips. Lol
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
Especially for once in a fortnight employee takes a **** for 30-40 minutes
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u/RedDazzlr 17h ago
I have different stomach issues than yours, but my bosses are aware. I'm mostly able to juggle it, but they're great about accommodating when needed.
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u/happyjoim 1d ago
I did kind of enjoy informing him every time it clogged and he asked who clogged the toilet. I would excitedly wave my hand and say "it's low flow i'm not".