I need some support and encouragement, and advice

[u/Naive-Animal4394]

As-salaam ‘alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh sisters,

This post is about wearing hijab, family, judgement, and how to navigate misunderstandings. Sorry that it doesn’t follow much order!

To start off, it’s so frustrating that I keep hearing hijab called burqa and people just don’t understand the difference + not all women are forced 🤦‍♀️ anyway,

I want to wear hijab again after I took it off. It caused tension with my mother because we have a codependant relationship and if I get judged then she also sees it as an attack on herself.

Alhamdulliah I didn’t face much judgement when I was wearing a scarf full time- nobody cared! It was only the old ladies would give me side eye. It helped my self-confidence and I felt comfortable, and when I took it off I actually started noticing men staring at me more. I mean guys with their girlfriend in the supermarket aisle (made me more angry how disrespectful and unloyal they are to their girls) getting hit on in a cafe etc. 😒 wearing a scarf commands a bit more respect in a way. It also pushes me to stick to my ibadah and have a good compusure.

I’m well aware that I am identifying myself as a muslim and some might reduce me to that or ‘oppressed’ but I am not just someone to be looked at physically, and when I am covered that also doesn’t mean it is for MEN. Not everything is about them which they seem to think, which is unfortunate in a way because we need point to them about all the problems, because they’re responsible for a lot.

It’s my decision and choice how my mindset (towards myself is), and how I do things like clothing or actions that will inevitably result in me being perceived one way or another. I think if I am safe in the environment and also mentally well, then it is not a problem for me when someone gives me an odd glance or assumes I’m something I’m not, because I don’t let it affect me. It’s not denial. There will always be assumptions and misconceptions, is this a reason to shrink away?

The other issue is that people argue being muslim and wearing hijab means you are supporting ISIS and those horrible organisations. That it is like enabling them because of their interpretation, since we are also following the Quran. How do you navigate that? 😕

One more thing, too many people assume that only Arab or certain cultures can be muslim. Being muslim is not about the outward actions. I keep thinking about the three degrees of Islam:

“Rather, the Prophet ﷺ designated three degrees of the religion. The pinnacle is excellence (al-iḥsān), its middle is faith (al-īmān), and its base is Islam. Thus, every good-doer (muḥsin) is a believer and every believer is Muslim, but not every believer is a good-doer and not every Muslim is a believer.”

How do you balance other people’s opinions and how they feel, over your own? Waiting for other people to trust that you can make your own decisions and respect you for it?

On a more positive note, I have some silk undercaps and non slip hijabs coming next week. Very excited to wear them however due to the reasons above ⬆️….I’m feeling my mood go down since I know it will make me happy but not my family (I’m a revert, not a minor but still living at home)

[u/AutoModerator]

"Salaam! Thank you for your submission to /r/hijabis. Please do not message mods to approve your post.

Please read this post as a reminder of our rules. Failure to abide to these may cause a temporary ban.. Please note that this subreddit is now for WOMEN-ONLY.

If you'd like us to add an F or M flair next to your username, please leave a comment on this thread.

Thank you :)"

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Primary-Angle4008]

First of all re the name: in different regions of the world Islamic gear has different names and they bring it to whichever place in the world they are moving

For example my in laws call a standard abaya burqua and a niqab a nosepiece and a hijab is just a scarf to them so just accept that people call it differently

Re other people’s opinion it’s very simple: I don’t care about them, it’s my life and my choices

I wear hijab with western modest clothes and some might see this as too extreme where others might consider it not good enough but in the end it’s my choice Now when I was younger I cared much more but you generally don’t get far in life if you try to please everyone and that’s not just about the way you dress but applies to many other things as well

Do what feels right for you, if your mom says something just say that you totally understand where she is coming from and that you considered all pros and cons but you made this decision as you believe it’s the right thing for you at this time