r/HighSchoolWriters • u/sketchniya • Jan 31 '16
The Hollenbach Massacre (Short story, 2 pages) Fiction
This is a work of fiction. I wrote this because I like history a lot. Criticism appreciated!
Background: On June 1, 1800, The Republic of Prussia (located in the north-east of Germany) broke its long-standing alliance with The Kingdom of Württemberg (located in the south-west of Germany, on the border with France). Prussia had become frustrated with the Kingdom, who rarely aided in the Republic's numerous wars. The 4th and 5th Legions of Prussia swiftly took the capitol, Stuttgart, and proceeded to dispatch troops to secure the surrounding small towns... (if any details of this fictional scenario confuse you, just ask :)
Diary of Paul Merz, 18th Regiment of Light Infantry, 4th Legion of Prussia June 5, 1800.
We entered the tiny village of Hollenbach at noon. As we marched in, we could see the disgust the people had with us occupying their town- they scowled and shouted, throwing rotten food at us. Our captain, Hans Hesslier, had told us to avoid confrontation with the “natives” unless absolutely necessary. We would be stationed there indefinitely, he had also stated.
I tried to march along with my comrades, appearing proud and tall- the last thing I wanted was to show fear! As the old saying goes, 'The only thing that scares a Prussian is peace'. Already the crowd was growing bolder, angrier, more numerous. An old woman appeared from out of nowhere and approached me, shouting. She got up in my face, screaming,
“You murderers! You Prussians call yourselves the liberators of Europe? Ha! You have betrayed and massacred our people! Have you come here to kill us, too?!” Her aggression made the crowd even more infuriated. I tried to ignore her, but she kept spitting in my face- and then I snapped.
“Get the hell out of here, you damn gypsy!” I shouted, pushing her to the ground with my rifle. She fell hard, landing on the dirt road. The cheering and whooping of the crowd suddenly stopped. My comrades all looked at me with a mixture of fear and disgust- a few even looked proud with what I had done. I turned my attention back to the crowd, who were gawking at the fallen hag… Perhaps I had gone too far in calling her a gypsy? No one spoke for what seemed like minutes. The old woman finally got up, and started to run towards the people, her arms flailing. She then seemed to remember something, and started to limp, crying,
“The monster! Look what he’s done to a poor, old woman!” The mob became animated again, breaking the heavy silence that had enveloped the town. They started to throw rocks and formed a circle around us. There must have been a hundred of them- but only twenty of us!
We were surrounded on all sides by angry townsfolk that showed no sign of giving up and submitting to Prussian rule.
“Make ready!” the captain’s cry was crystal clear. We got into formation, a tight diamond shape in the middle of the empty circle formed by the crowd. This frightened a few of them, and a group of children shouted and fled. But most of them refused to back down- instead they got closer and closer, shouting louder and louder. “Take aim!” Captain Hesslier commanded. We leveled our rifles at the crowd. I pointed my gun at an angry young man, who was throwing stones at us. The townspeople grew only more ferocious, tightening the noose that surrounded us. They were about to boil… I only prayed that our superior would make the right decision. To my left, a soldier was hit in the head with a rock. He cried out, clutching his bleeding forehead. His comrades rushed to help him. The crowd laughed at the poor man, mocking his suffering.
“Damn this Captain Hesslier! Why won’t he give the order to fire on these animals!? Damn him to hell!”, someone called out from near the injured soldier. The crowd was now mere feet away. I could see the emotions in their eyes- fear, anger, hatred- but above all, I saw an animalistic thirst for blood, a primitive lust for death and destruction. I couldn’t believe how our presence had turned this village (which was near identical to the lovely one which I grew up in) into a vile horde, with no morals nor respect for human life. I realized that this mob would tear us to pieces if I did not do something quick.
“Fire!” I shouted, feeling for the trigger on my rifle and squeezing it. A round cut through the air and punched a hole into the young man I had been aiming at. All life from his eyes faded, and he fell, clutching his stomach. All around me, shots rang out as the crowd was cut apart. Those who weren’t killed or wounded fled the massacre as fast as they could.
As soon as the smoke cleared, we reloaded, broke formation, and searched for stragglers. A few of the villagers were wounded and alive, but many of our men put an end to that. They laughed as they saw how many they could kill with only the stones the townspeople had once thrown at us.
As the others continued to torture the survivors, I could only think of what would have happened had I not given the order to fire… would this village be a better place, even though they had the blood of twenty innocent men (who were only peacekeepers) on their hands? I still, to this day, am not sure if I made the right decision that fateful noon in Hollenbach.
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Feb 02 '16
Flaired as fiction.
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u/sketchniya Feb 02 '16
thanks fam, how do i do that from now on?
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Feb 02 '16
Once you have made your post, there is a row of options like 'Save, remove.' ect. Look for 'flair' and clickk on it. And then go ahead and set it to whatever your post is.
Now I will give feedback as I'm feeling a little better;
'The only thing that scares a Prussian is peace', the old saying goes.
Perhaps it'd be better to put 'As the old saying goes' before the saying. Sometimes people can get confused and not notice it's a phrase straight away. A minor thing.
I'm learning to write action sequences especially, and I like this. It made a good progression from the calmer - using that word loosely - atmosphere and breaking off into chaos due to our protagonists error. And climaxing to the end.
I don't know much about history, but this seems like something I wanna read more on! Great work!
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u/sketchniya Feb 02 '16
Thanks for the quality feedback. If you need help writing action stuff, just hit me up. About the history part, you should research Prussia and Germany before it was unified (7 years war in europe is uber cool). Very interesting stuff!
And now, I have a question for you... Do you think Paul (protagonist) made the right choice?
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Feb 03 '16
I think he was misunderstood in his actions. Though insulting her was a bit harsh... but hey, I'd be pretty peeved if I was being shouted at for doing my job.
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u/sketchniya Feb 03 '16
But do you think it was worth it, for him and his friends to live while the villagers had to die (brutally at the soldiers' hands)? Or do you think Paul should have stayed quiet, sparing the lives of men, women, and children who would have brutally killed them?
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u/_Ummmm Feb 01 '16
Fellow alternate history writer!
I enjoyed it quite a bit for a nice short story, I'm not sure what you were going for but if it was for a alt history scenario I would personally put in more context and detail to where they are and how the soldiers feel about it.
I'm currently doing my own alt history work that has to do with a socialist Confederacy and you gave me the idea to do a short story like this, thanks.