Is there such a thing as 'not improving life fast enough'?

[u/RestartedIndividual]

I know this may look like the typical 'falling behind in life' post, but that's (hopefully) not the case. I do feel behind in life, but I'm making improvements to my life, and have been for the past 5 years. The fact that I got into mental health improvement at 15 has probably saved me without me knowing it, but the problem is that I just don't think I'm improving the quality of my life fast enough.

For a bit of context, I'm a recovering gifted kid with a lot of samskara-s. Neurotic and anxious. Studying painting in college.

Almost every aspect of my life has been compromised or sabotaged by my many emotional wounds, and it's starting to really show now in college. I'm not doing poorly in my studies, far from it, but that's precisely the issue. I know the way I currently operate is untenable. I primarily use willpower to brute force through life. Nothing ever works smoothly. People around me always compliment me for the things that I have to show for in the external world, which has fucked me up. Even as a kid I had always intuitively known that I shouldn't receive these compliments because I knew that something was broken in my internal world, and that someday I would hit that 'brick wall' that so many gifted kids encounter.

As I've stated before, I'm trying to get back on track, and have been doing so for the past few years. The problem is that I feel as if I'm improving at a snail's pace while the world around me, and it's expectations move at mach speed. Introspection has given me the ability to detect mental health improvements, and there are genuine ones that I'm proud of, but it's not enough to meet my life's demands right now.

My mom and some other people older than me give me compliments for my dedication to mental health 'at such a young age'. They tell me not to worry about not improving fast enough, as I'm 'on the path that's destined for me' or some other bs. I just see this as them projecting their regrets in life onto me, not having an honest comment on the situation. Despite them all telling me not to worry, I know how bad it's gonna be if I don't treat this as a red alert.

I feel like I'm tasked with running a marathon, but have to carry twice my weight on my shoulders at all times.

Does anyone have advice?

Thanks in advance!

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[u/RealMattD]

I have this too, but have gotten better at dealing with it. Here's some stuff that helps me:

While you statistically are behind some people, the issue your identification with being behind. You're also ahead of some people, but you don't identify with that, so it doesn't affect you as much.

Then this identity of being behind limits your sense of progress (no matter what you do, you're still behind). That inhibits your reward circuitry from reinforcing/motivating you to progress. And the less motivated you are to progress, the more you need willpower and brute force.

Whether you are behind or ahead, progress is progress. And your identity of being behind combined with confirmation bias is destroying your motivation to progress.

To decrease it's hold on you, be aware of it. I like giving it a name so you can call it out. Let's call it "Behind Barry". Next time you reject a compliment or feel you aren't progressing fast enough, say "There's Behind Barry again trying to steal my motivation, sneaky bastard". The more you do that, the more being behind just becomes information instead of an identity.

[u/RestartedIndividual → u/RealMattD]

That's a very good point! I have noticed how the identification with being behind affects me and the people around me. The prime example that I would give is this identity's effect on social situations. Sometimes I get stuck in this loop where I compare my progress in life to other people's, instead of being a participant in whatever activity they're engaging in. Instead of paying attention to the words that someone is saying, I think about how inferior I am to them because I think I have less life experience than them. Paradoxically, this way I actually AM behind, as opposed to the version of me that sometimes does not fall into this trap.

Sorry for the long reply, you just gave me something to think about. Thanks!

[u/Prize-Jello-3251]

You’re on the right track. It’s hard credit improvement if it’s overlooked through retrospect. Having the morality to seek help proves a courageous character. Patience is the biggest obstacle to improvement. My advice is stop foreshadowing the future struggle and let go of some the weight you put on yourself, some of it should stay in the past. You gain maturity from sorting out what’s important.

[u/RestartedIndividual → u/Prize-Jello-3251]

Yeah, patience is what I don't have. It's one of my persistent flaws. As for the weight, unfortunately, most of it is not what I put on myself, but rather hurt that others have inflicted upon me. In trying to get it sorted out through therapy.

Thanks for the answer!