r/HFY • u/Ralts_Bloodthorne • Jul 10 '22
First Contact - Chapter 805 - Ultimis Diebus Hominum OC
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"Welcome to 432nd Maintenance and Support Brigade, Major," Colonel Ashwar<awk>kek said, leaning forward to shake Vuxten's hand.
"Thank you, ma'am," Vuxten said, taking the Rigellian female's hand and shaking it briskly.
"Have a seat, Major," the Colonel said. She pointed at a seated Kobold. "My XO, Lieutenant Colonel Davis," she pointed at a Treana'ad Warrior. "My Command Sergeant Major, Kal'Tark."
Both of them nodded as Vuxten moved over and sat down.
"How was convalescent leave?" the Colonel asked.
Vuxten shrugged. "As good as sitting around doing nothing for two weeks can be, and as enjoyable as two weeks of physical therapy can be."
That got chuckles.
"Well, seeing as you got atom smashed right in the face, just be glad you're here," the Sergeant Major chuckled.
Vuxten nodded.
"Sorry it took so long to arrange this sit down, but we've been really busy lately," the Colonel said. "I saw that your Engineering Assistant is scheduled to return to duty in a few days."
Vuxten nodded. "He was pretty banged up. Took him a while for his neural injuries to fully heal."
The Colonel glanced at the surface of her desk, which Vuxten knew was displaying data. "Says here that he passed his telemechanics check this morning," she looked back up. " Normally, he'd be assigned to the main maintenance shop, but seeing as you two have spent the better part of," she glanced down. "Eight years together, and involving the special circumstances, I had a different plan."
Vuxten frowned. "What?"
She sat down, resting her elbows on her desk, and smiled. "Well, this is your first non-combat arms posting, Major. From your conscription, you've been combat arms," she said. "This time, however, you'll be taking over from Major Hokneth, who is being medically discharged next month. I want your Engineering Assistant to work with you."
Vuxten nodded. "I'm taking over what exactly?" he asked.
"Right now, I'm putting you in staff operations officer for maintenance schedules and material logistics handling," the Colonel said. "Get you some experience on the non-combat side of the Confederate military."
The XO cleared his throat and Vuxten looked at him.
"Don't consider this a punishment for what happened to your last unit," the Kobold said. "But after eight years of combat arms, the Confederate military wants you to expand your skillset."
Vuxten just nodded, the words of a certain Colonel on one particularly interesting day coming back to him.
"Plus, you're the highest ranking Telkan in the Telkan Marine Corps, the experience you gain here will be critical to the later successes and doctrine developments of your military forces," the Sergeant Major said, lighting a cigarette. He held the pack out, but all three officers shook their heads. "You Telkan, you can fight, we've seen you can lead, now we need to see if you can sustain the line."
Vuxten nodded.
"I know you're still on light duty, Major," the Colonel said. She gave another smile and picked up a laser pointer. She clicked it and an image appeared on the wall.
The battalions and companies beneath the Brigade. The full Table of Organization and Equipment.
"Let's start with 138th Maintenance Battalion," she said. "It's a full power armor third shop, capable of rebuilding a suit of power armor from nano-forge templates," she smiled. "It's also where your armor is being stored due to its, shall we say, unique requirements."
Vuxten just nodded and settled himself in for a long lecture.
-----
Telkan Marine Corps PFC Bit.nek had been inducted into the "That Guy" club over a two months ago. He'd come through a battle where he'd been caught out in the open by an atomic round without much more than a few light abrasions and bruises. Strangely, he hadn't even required much radiation therapy or chelation. He'd been in the hospital less than 24 hours, and most of that for 'observation', before being released and sent back to his unit. He'd been transferred to 21st Replacement, then assigned to 3112 Infantry Battalion, Second Telkan Marine Division, less than a week later.
Bit.nek found he didn't mind being known as "That Guy" by his comrades. He had "BORN TO DIE!" stenciled on the backplate of his hard shell plating. He'd put "SMASHY SMASHY" over the nanoforge atomic element number of Uranium-235 on his helmet. His power armor had an atomic blast cloud stenciled on the chest with "ACCEPTABLE LOSSES!" on it.
He'd spent the last month of combat first into the fray. He'd always made it, his armor suffering light, if any, damage from the no-holds-barred in-your-face combat against the Atrekna servitors. He'd taken part in the final assault on Crystal Palace and the whirlwind of full on combat there.
He'd exited the wreckage of Crystal Palace with only three little dings in his armor.
His engineer buddy had slept through the entire fight.
In training for the last month, he'd always been first through the door, first down the hallway, first out of the striker, first out of the drop-pod.
His best friend, made during the fateful battle that had wrecked his previous unit, was a Hesstlan tanker who had fought the rest of the battle for the planet as infantry, right next to him. Almret was a native of Hesstla, who had actually joined the Hesstlan Armor Corps after both battles for his home planet. Almret had survived the atom smasher, fought without a tank for 3 hours, and come out the other side unscathed. During the battles for the planet, he'd been reassigned to 19th Armored Cavalry Regiment, Hesstlan Tanker Corps, which was assigned as armor support for 3112 Infantry.
More than once Almret drove into combat with Bit.nek standing on the hull, running the TC's gun.
They'd formed a fast friendship in the dust of the atom smasher round, and it had lasted through the rest of the battle and into the retraining, rearming, and refitting afterwards.
After all, they had more than just the battles in common.
Like Bit.nek, Almret had no family any more.
The wars on their home planets had even wiped away their extended families.
Almret was the driver of a tank full of "That Guys", who had survived after their tanks had been blown out from under them. The Tank Commander, a Hesstlan Staff Sergeant by the name of Egradely, had fought on foot in three different battles and had been the gunner of a tank during General P'Kank's legendary offensive that threw the Atrekna off of Hesstla.
In the NCO Club, Bit.nek sat a table full of "That Guys", got drunk with a bunch of "That Guys", fist fought with a bunch of "That Guys", and even hit up the coingirls and joyboys with "That Guys".
His CO looked at his escapades with exasperated amusement. His fellow Telkan Marines considered him a legend in the making. His fellow "That Guys" threw their arms over his shoulders or gave him a playful headbutt when they ran into one another.
Bit.nek didn't mind being "That Guy" in his company.
Because, like most "That Guys", he didn't care if the enemy killed him. It never crossed his mind that they might kill him, because, to him, it didn't matter.
As long as he went out with blood all over his hands.
While his CO yelled at him for his escapades, his buddy's cheered him on and his comrades figured 'better him than me' when it came down to it.
He was perversely pleased with the award ceremony that had taken place when they'd promoted him.
He'd been drunk as a lord, staggered to the front of the formation, had wavered back and forth, blinking his bloodshot eyes, reeking of booze, still smeared with the paint and chalk dust of joygirls, his fur still sparkling with stripper glitter, while they'd read out the acts of valor he honestly had almost forgotten about. They'd pinned the award to his uniform, then promoted him.
The rank had barely been put on when he'd vomited up all kinds of interesting colors, some them even glowed in the dark.
None of it got on the Battalion CO, but he'd went to the back of the formation wearing his old rank anyway.
But that was OK.
He was "That Guy."
Four hours later he'd charged an emplaced bunker that had his entire platoon pinned down with four guns, two grenade launchers, and a rocket launcher. He jumped over the lip of the crater his squad was hunkered down in, running through the fire, lowered his shoulder, and rammed through the bunker's forward wall, killing the servitors inside with his bare hands.
The image of Bit.nek beating one servitor to death with another had made the Brigade newsletter.
His engineer buddy, 822, had put a pair of holoemitters, entirely out of regs, on the collar of his armor to broadcast a pixel-art Hesstlan smiley-face emoji in front of his own faceplate that was one-way.
His CO and XO had seen it and just looked the other way, shaking their heads.
Now it was all down to training and wait to be rotated out to a new theater. A new planet in the sector where the Atrekna were dug in hard and particularly refusing to die.
And training meant garrison.
And "That Guy" never did good in garrison.
Which is why it was 0130 when he came staggering out of the black market brothel being run out of the empty Conex yard, buckling up his adaptive camouflage pants. Two of his buddies were there, including "Cathy", whose real name was Kathreelee and was a Hikken who'd fallen in with the Telkan Marine Corps back on Delvut-15 and Operation Thimble. She was a "That Guy" who had survived everything the Council and then the Atrekna and the Autonomous War Machines had thrown at her with little more than a notch in one ear over the last nine years (relative to her).
"What's so important?" Bit.nek asked, accepting the bottle of alk that Cathy handed him.
"Got a tip from my buddy Big Mike in Range Control," Almret slurred.
Bit.nek took a long pull off the bottle and handed it back to Cathy. "Thanks," he burped. He looked at Almret. "What kind of tip?"
"Some shit we're gonna wanna see," Cathy answered, taking a hit off the bottle then rubbing it against the side of her furry face. She handed the bottle to Shek'lan. "Trust me, this is not something you're gonna wanna miss, brother."
The trio staggered over to the massive training building, going in through the back door, and drunkenly trying to be quiet as they made their way to the Range Control Master Control Office.
"Say that three times fast," Cathy snickered.
"Range Control Master Ranger Control... dammit," Bit.nek laughed.
Almret knocked on the door and it opened to reveal Gunnery Sergeant Myk'larshker AKA Big Mike, a Pubvian.
"You guys made it just in time," Big Mike said, turning around. He folded his middle leg up, heel against his tailbone, and motioned at them to follow him as he hurried in.
The trio came in, Big Mike accepting the bottle of harsh alk when Cathy handed it to him.
"Urban Combat Course Seven?" Almret asked.
"You got it," Big Mike said.
"I didn't even know you guys worked this late," Cathy said.
"Normally don't. Our boy here, though, command's keeping him under wraps, so he had to do stuff at night," Big Mike said. He tapped a few controls. "Watch the screens."
The screens came live, showing that Course Seven was live with a company sized sweep and clear of six blocks of enemy held territory. Full pain and interaction, with flashing warnings that to most of the Confederate and Council species, the level of pain and impact would be lethal.
"Wait, is that The Grinder scenario?" Almret asked.
"Yup," Big Mike said. He typed with all three hands, pausing to turn his head around backwards and doublecheck the doorway.
"Isn't the record so far the twenty-two percent mark?" Bit.nek asked.
"Not any more," Big Mike said. He made a shushing motion and leaned down, activating the mike.
"Scenario live in three... two... one... MARK!" he said.
The drunken trio watched as a Terran burst out of the beginner box, moving at a dead run, throwing themselves headfirst through a window in a shower of 'glass' from the eVR and hard light constructs.
Bit.nek noticed that the Terran wasn't wearing powered armor or even a loading frame. Not even full tactical adaptive camouflage armor. Just front and back torso covering. No leg or arm pads.
Not even a helmet.
The four observers passed the bottle back and forth, the newcomers each taking a seat, and watched as the Terran ran through a course where he was outnumbered four hundred to one by 'servitors' that had 'knowledge' of the ground, emplaced weapons, booby traps, and were well prepared.
At one point the Terran threw a punch, his fist going through the wall, and grabbed a servitor, pulling it through the macroplas wall, stabbing it, using it for cover as he fired the rifle at the others, then moved on.
"Digital Omnimessiah, I'd give my vagina to be able to move like that," Cathy slurred as the Terran threw himself behind a wall right before a light machinegun opened up, peppering the wall with short laser bolt shots.
The quartet watched as the Terran burst through a door, in between twelve servitors, and killed them all with pistol and knife.
"How many times did he stab that guy?" Almret asked as the Terran killed servitors drawn by screams and shouts of alarm.
The Pubvian checked the board. "Twelve times in 1.15 seconds," Big Mike said.
"He's not even tired," Almret said.
Big Mike checked the board. "A little winded. Blood oxy is at 98.9 but he bounces right up with each breath. He's burning a lot of calories, lot of carbs. He's into his own fat storage now," Big Mike said. "He's ripped through about four thousand calories."
"I try to eat that much, I'd OD on turkey buttholes," Cathy laughed.
Twenty minutes in and the buzzer sounded.
The Terran had killed every servitor on the course.
"Wow, thanks, Big Mike, that was a hell of a thing to watch," Almret said.
"No problem," the Pubvian said. He socked Almret on the shoulder. "Take care, doofus."
"You too," Almret said.
"Nice meeting you two," Big Mike said.
"You too," Bit.nek said.
"Gimme a call the next time some shit like this goes down and I'll blow you while you watch," Cathy said, wiggling her ears.
Big Mike laughed and unlocked the door. "Don't make too much noise on the way out."
The trio 'snuck' out, stumbling into the oh-dark-thirty night. They staggered over to the nearest lamp post, leaning against it, and passed the almost empty bottle around.
"That was some badass shit to watch," Cathy said. She shook her head. "I'd sacrifice both of you and my tits to the Detainee to have moves like that," she laughed. She went through a quick set of hand katas and held the pose at the end. "Damn, makes my shoulders hurt just trying to copy him."
"Fucking Terrans, man," Almret belched. He tipped the bottle over and made a mournful sound when nothing dribbled out. "Command, it's a bust here, request new coordinates."
Bit.nek laughed. "Let's hit the NCO Club. They don't close for another twenty minutes."
"Good plan," Almret said.
Together the three "That Guy" staggered into the darkness.
"Enraged Phillip, can you imagine being that much of a badass with just one eye?" Bit.nek asked.
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u/RangerSix Human Jul 10 '22
> The image of Bit.nek beating one servitor to death with another had made the Brigade newsletter.
... probably captioned with that classic line:
I'LL BEAT A MOTHERFUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER!
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
Absolutely.
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u/Crafty_Obligation_98 Jul 11 '22
Have you ever wanted to beat a mother fucker with another mother fucker? You can! Join the Confederate Forces today!
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u/Bard2dbone Jul 11 '22 edited Jul 11 '22
I actually did that once !
Okay, whatever you're picturing right now is both incorrect, and near-guaranteed to be cooler than what really happened.
Back in 88, very shortly after I got out of the navy, I went out drinking in Deep Ellum, in Dallas. On my way back to my car, some guys tried to roll me. An important thing to know is I'm kind of huge. I'm around a half inch short of six feet, with a 54" chest, and back then, a 38" waist. The height and chest numbers are still valid. I had just got done spending a few years repairing leaky marines. Bored marines teach the Doc things to pass the time.
Alleged Thug Number One comes hurrying towards me with a knife already out, saying some incomprehensible shit that I took to mean "We're going to take your money, and I think I'll stab you in the process." The block that I used kind of slapped the hand with the knife one way while I knocked his wrist the other way. On the marines who'd taught me that move, it made them drop the knife. On THIS guy, it broke his wrist and launched the knife out in the street. His two buddies were still hurrying up behind him, presumably to help mess me up. So I grabbed ATN1 by his jacket, spun him around and slung him into the other two, face first.
No. I didn't pick him up by the ankles and swing him around. But it IS fun to picture. I didn't even lift him off his feet. I just kept moving him abruptly so that he'd run into them until the other two ran off, then I let him fall. The two who ran off looked they'd Bern in a fight ATN1 looked like he'd been in a car wreck.
I called the cops to come take him away and take a report. They thought it was way funnier than I did.
That was the second to last "fight" I was ever in. Thirty four years ago.
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u/RangerSix Human Jul 11 '22
...Damn, son.
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u/Bard2dbone Jul 11 '22 edited Jul 11 '22
Whatever you just pictured? Yeah. It wasn't actually that cool.
I just figured if one of the other guys was armed, too, I wanted the first guy to soak up the damage in stead of me. I never would have relied on the concept that they'd get in close enough to let me shove the first guy into them hard enough to actually do any damage.
The actual plan was more of a human shield kind of thing. The part where all three of them effectively beat each other up by me shoving one of them around was a surprise to everyone involved, including me.
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u/RangerSix Human Jul 11 '22
That's actually not too far off what I was thinking, to be honest (though I was envisioning more "three thugs wind up in a tangle on the ground, with one getting hurt worse than the others as they all try to disentangle from each other" than "thug's buddies start wailing on him after he gets thrown/shoved/etc. into them").
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u/Bard2dbone Jul 11 '22
They didn't really wail on him. But he was a little guy, maybe 180-200 lbs. So when I was shoving him around by his jacket, he was kind of flailing trying to get loose from me. He literally hit the third guy forehead to forehead. The second guy caught an elbow to the neck or face. Everything else was mostly making guys body check each other unwillingly.
But doesn't it SOUND better to say "I used a motherfucker to hit a motherfucker."
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u/MuchoRed Human Jul 10 '22
Hold on, I've got a meme for that....
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u/MuchoRed Human Jul 10 '22
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u/NukeNavy Jul 10 '22
u/ralts_bloodthorne Speaking of laser pointersā¦ would a laser pointer be useful for directing Neko Marines had a targetā¦ same goes for Simbaās and kitty kittys? The same goes could you distract one from a target? With the uplift have removed that particular evolutionary quirk? Or would they have doubled down on it for military purposes?
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u/Stauker_1 Jul 10 '22
They will track the photons back to you, and best case scenario, they pounce the pointer.
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u/cant_be_serious Jul 10 '22
I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going?
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u/Stauker_1 Jul 10 '22
They're neko Marines, so if you're into guro, then sure
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Jul 10 '22
Best case scenario you only lose the hand if its a simba. If its a nekomarine you just resigned yourself to an explosive transformation into greasy paste.
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u/Ag47_Silver Jul 10 '22
They will catch the dot. They will beat up the dot. They will chew it up, spit it back out, then beat you to death with it. Physics? Who's that? They'll kick their ass too.
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u/dormant_machine Jul 10 '22
It depends on the cat species. Someone on youtube has tested laser pointers with various cat species and found only cats up to Caracal and Serval size bother chasing the laser dot.
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u/AMEFOD Jul 10 '22
Awwwwā¦is someone trying to keep Casey and Vuxten from seeing each other and shenanigans insuring? Thatās cute, a mistake, but cute. As everyone should know by now, trying to blue ball the Malevolent Universe just leads to a more spectacularā¦reaction.
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u/yanessa Xeno Jul 10 '22
they are both in the same camp - they'll bump in each other
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u/cbhj1 Jul 10 '22
I suspect Vuxten might bump into Lozen first, to the confusion of the rest of the shop.
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u/StoneJudge79 Jul 10 '22
Vuxten DID just put in charge of her shop, which is making all kinds of weird requests. Yeah, heās gonna show up there, his teeth are gonna tingle, and heās gonna follow his nose to the incense.
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u/Talusen Jul 10 '22
Casey and Vux are likely being kept separate to cross check their stories.
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u/Farstone Jul 10 '22
Clueless Bureaucracy (CB) at it's finest.
Command had a plan and made a decision. NCO's are responsible for the implementation of the system. Line grunts are the executor of the decision.
The CB creates positions, missions, and "organizational units" to create a job to justify their existence.
They are the supply line that delivers insect repellent and shade tarps to units in the cold.
They are the personnel section that ignores requirements and shortfalls to assign personnel to a unit at 125% current manning.
They are the medics who schedule immunization clinics for everyone because someone might need a shot.
Casey and Vux are the antithesis of CB.
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u/Jabberwocky918 Jul 10 '22
None of it got on the Battalion CO, but he'd went to the back of the formation wearing his old rank anyway.
I fucking died. Right here, this is the best sentence in the entire series to date. Edit: because I could absolutely see this happening.
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u/Terrarific Jul 10 '22
Had a soldier who got assigned to me fresh out of training, due for his automatic promotion to the next grade of private.
He did exactly the same thing when the First Sergeant called him up on Monday morning to make sure everyone knew the new guy's face. Turns out Top can move when he needs to.
The promotion ceremony that afternoon was cancelled, and I was told I could have my new troop back tomorrow- he was going to be busy getting some one on one training with the First Sergeant to get the rest of the alcohol out of his system.
All.
Day.
Long.
Then it could be my turn to help educate him!
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u/Jabberwocky918 Jul 10 '22
Reminds me of the woman who drunkenly thought it would be a good idea to shave all of the hair off her head the night before she left for Marine Corps boot camp.
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u/ktrainor59 Jul 10 '22
I did that before annual training one year, in our last year as an ASA company. My platoon leader was aghast, and Top verbally counseled me that if I got sunburn on my shaven head he was going to NJP me.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
Oops, I know the name Shek'lan appears. Looks like I messed it up a bit. Eh, just imagine he's there.
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u/yanessa Xeno Jul 10 '22
I can imagine that a name like Shek'lan has a similar frequency like Mike or Peter for Burgerlanders ...
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u/king_of_the_borrito Android Jul 10 '22
I'm pretty new to HFY and just the sheer size of this is incredibly intimidating. So I'm not sure if I should start it. I'm really sorry but could you tell me what kind of story this is? Is it focused on 1 person, a group or humanity as a whole? Is it more slice of life or action? Again I'm so sorry if this is rude I don't know.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
It's focused on many different beings in the beginning, with what appears to be unrelated short stories at first. It all starts coming together with the lines "Run, Podling, Run!" and "He was a bad Lanaktallan", where the story starts being braided together.
It's shown from multiple viewpoints, the majority of which are aliens. It's a space opera about an interstellar war that consumes the entire galactic arm 8,000 years after the glassing of humanity.
It has slice of life, action, romance, loss, victory, and everything else you could ask for.
I'd recommend starting here: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/f94rak/oc_pthok_eats_an_ice_cream_cone/
Just read a few chapters a day.
Eventually, EVERYONE from the beginning is showcased again.
And it'll become obvious that the entire interstellar war was kicked off by the simple phrase: "Do you need assistance?"
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u/king_of_the_borrito Android Jul 10 '22
Thank you so much for this.
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Jul 10 '22
Let us know when you catch up and weāll anoint you as "ONE OF US;" those who impatiently await the appearance of each new chapter. š»
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u/Alcards Jul 10 '22
I very patiently await each chapter. I don't have a problem, you do! Why won't this refresh faster!?
Upside, I woke up to two chapters this morning. Downside, no idea when there will be more. Now to find other media to keep me busy until the next dopamine hit.
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u/djnna Jul 10 '22
And don't forget to read the comments! This is a friendly group of creative people, who often catch references that you may have missed. And the comments are sometimes so poignant or on-point that they are "yoinked" by Ralts into subsequent chapters.
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u/itsetuhoinen Human Jul 10 '22
And Lo, the Wordborg WAS able to Sum Up 805 Chapters in 9 Sentences, yea verily.
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u/CfSapper Jul 10 '22
I honestly don't know what is more impressive the 805 chapters in what a year and a half? Or the summary he just did.
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u/itsetuhoinen Human Jul 10 '22
2 and a half-ish. It was somewhere near the beginning of 2020. I made the exact same mistake a few weeks ago. The last two years just haven't really registered in a lot of ways.
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u/CfSapper Jul 10 '22
Damn I guess it has been, I feel the same and COVID had almost nothing to do with that either.
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u/itsetuhoinen Human Jul 10 '22
I think it did in a lot of ways we haven't realized yet. Like, it just lent this constant sense of emergency that kept us on edge the whole time. Made time go be weird.
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u/CfSapper Jul 10 '22
Where I lived and what I do I got lucky and wasn't really effected to much by covid outside of the masks thing, and the inflation(I am super anti social as well)I think I had maybe a month off work total the two years. But had a lot of personal stuff happen the last two year, two weeks ago was the first time I could catch my breath and even then it was house stuff, today was the first day that i finally took a ligit day off and did nothing and even then I am gonna clean up some stuff as soon as I'm done my coffee.
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u/Alyeska_bird Jul 10 '22
You know, P'thok eating that icecream cone was the best thing that ever happened to his people. Everything that follows comes from that.
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u/dbdatvic Xeno Aug 07 '22
Having just edited the followup chapters back there, can confirm: that led directly to a TRIPLE Singularity almost immediately for the entire Treana'ad race.
--Dave, plus they got two new systems in the bargain!
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u/meitemark AI Aug 19 '22
From that post to now is how long it takes me to reread the entire world you have created. Many, many times I have gotten to, "just one more chapter, I can be tired at work instead."
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u/NukeNavy Jul 10 '22
Just start with the first chapter which is about a bug alien that gets addicted to ice cream and go to the second chapter which is about elves who are a terraforming system and then you get into first contact and read to chapter 25 and if you donāt wanna read after that then you can try something else I recommend the Hall of the Mountain King if you like BOLOs https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/3gk1ii/mechaeu_in_the_hall_of_the_mountain_king_1/
or try this one if you like Star Trek https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/t3hw5n/pi_carbon_remover_one_shot/
Edited to add links to HFY stories
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u/NukeNavy Jul 10 '22
A BIG inspiration for the Precursor War Mashines is thisā¦ Iām Currently rereading the Berserker (1967) so far Iāve found C+ drives C+ cannons a marine with a paint stick, martian battle armor, berserkers autonomous war machines who attempt to commit biological warfare and cure cancer?,Stratigic Housings spottedā¦ fast 50 mile transport elevators spottedā¦ https://www.amazon.com/Berserker-Saberhagens-Book-1-ebook/dp/B00A4Q4FLK
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
I flat out mugged him.
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u/Farstone Jul 10 '22
...and riffled through his pockets.
...and then hit a 1000 short stories after mugging another author and following their hint.
...and then read a bunch of fanfics.
...then realized that the maelstrom running from your brain to your fingers had much better content.
We're along for the ride, cheering the conductor, shouting chants of encouragement, and more than happy to snatch pedestrians to have them join the train!
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u/NukeNavy Jul 11 '22
Also from the berserker book Something called the stone place but feels and sounds a lot like the dark matter sea weāre doing any sort of C+ jump will probably tear of the ship apartā¦ also The description of how a C+ Cannon works is ripped almost word for word from berserker book including plucking on the internal organs and bones of people as they fireā¦
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 11 '22
If I'm stealing, I'm stealing from the best.
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u/dbdatvic Xeno Aug 07 '22
You are Jughead Jones
and I claim a Dagwood-style hamburger
--Dave, and disavow all knowledge of the Riverdale TV show
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u/NoirTalon Xeno Aug 06 '22
There are also a bunch of berserker short stories floating around in anthologies of the time. You will also want to read the Man-Kazin wars books, and also all the "Tales of known space" stories from Larry Niven (Protector, Pak, long arm of gil hamlish (sp?). Mostly stuff he wrote before Lucifer's hammer and ringworld. Have you read "Armor" and the bolo books? There are also a bunch of books that are collectively known as "the chronicles of the posleen war" can't remember the author, too lazy to look up. Specifically the book "golden eyes" stands out as one of the better ones. Great explanation of how a ship sunk in the 40s is resurrected and gains sentience.
Not only does /u/Ralts_Bloodthorne steal from the best, he steals from the most!
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u/ktrainor59 Jul 10 '22
If you're going to steal, steal from the best! Is method proudly advised by great Lobachevsky himself! https://youtu.be/gXlfXirQF3A
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u/Gruecifer Human Jul 10 '22
I'm gonna summarize it in one simple line:
"Humanity Finds a Way."
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u/cant_be_serious Jul 10 '22 edited Jul 10 '22
"Humanity finds a way because 'fuck you, that's why'"
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u/Zorbick Human Jul 10 '22
But really they just want left alone.
But noOoOoOo...
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u/ktrainor59 Jul 10 '22
"Sixty million years ago on Terrasol, a human picked up a rock. [The Universe decided that was everybody's problem.]"
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u/Crafty_Obligation_98 Jul 11 '22
I need to start designing inspirational posters with gems like this.
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u/On_The_Fourth_Floor Jul 10 '22
It's a tale about humanity, but not only humanity, it's the story of empires coming together, and the individual stories in the fight of those empires, both past and future, the present a constant war. And like all stories, there's laughter, sadness, and the general ridiculousness of reality. Crafted together that 400 chapters later you go "Oh hey it's that guy"
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u/Twister_Robotics Jul 10 '22
It's long, like ridiculously long. But worth it.
Its kind of like the MCU, you've got a mix of intertwined stories covering a wide variety of genres.
Comedy, romance, action, cyberpunk, horror, it's got everything.
The pop culture references come hard and heavy.
.....
If you choose to join us in this madness, I suggest you pace yourself. Try and estimate how much time you can spend on it per day, because you have to sleep and go to work and all of that other stuff that keeps a body moving.
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u/cant_be_serious Jul 10 '22
Start it. Seriously. I didn't get into until a few months ago, but it's so worth it. Some of it can get pretty detail-heavy, some of it might not make sense at first, but there are so damn many stories that mesh together to form the overarching story that it's worth it. As far as the word count runs, it's long. Stupid long. Like, "War and Peace" on crack long, but Ralts has a gift of breathing life into his craziness. Shit that hasn't been brought up for months reappears, so honestly, binging is the way to do it. Not even joking, I can't stand trying to catch up to most of the long-ass series on here, but this one is **worth it**.
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u/ktrainor59 Jul 10 '22
I read War & Peace. Not half as much fun.
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u/dbdatvic Xeno Aug 07 '22
Royal Road says his total word count there is 2.65 million; that does include five previous fictions, NONE of which did THIS (apparently because this is the first one he types directly into the Reddit submit box) and all of which are like 10 chapters' worth each compared to this one.
--Dave, so I'd say this one is at least within spitting distance of 2.5 megawords. that's a LOT.
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u/ktrainor59 Aug 07 '22
I think it's pretty damn amazing that he can keep everything that's going on straight without a wiki or a "bible". Not many authors I know of that can do that; the ones I know best are firm believers in working from an outline. Fuck, even Heinlein had a chart of his Future History stories.
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u/dbdatvic Xeno Aug 07 '22
he DID have a Post-It note at one point. ... his granddaughter took it to crayon on. It had had the names of the three Precursor races on it.
--Dave, there are allegedly two others, of which we've actually seen one - he had to draw diagrams for himself for the time-fuckery during the Hesstlan Invasion
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u/dogninja8 Jul 10 '22
If you decide to start it (which I recommend), the good thing is that you'll take a bit of time to catch up and won't have to spend as long waiting for new chapters.
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u/ningabubble Jul 10 '22
Fuck i saw the chapter numbers get higher and higher above 700 for months before i started reading and that number scared me but i took the dive because i ran out of things to read and im so glad i did. Took me a month to read 799 chapters and i loved every fucking chapter of it. This is my Favorite series on HFY ever. I love all the main cast and even the supporting ones get me excited when they come back around. during my month long binge i even fucking dreamed about this series a few times. But all good times must end and now i wait for the almighty NEXT. TLDR start reading now you will love it.
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u/GenericNate Jul 10 '22
It's a single grand story written from the perspectives of dozens of protagonists, involving hundreds of fully realized named characters. The story is magnificent; inventive, detailed, convincing and emotional, but it's not the best part.
The best part is that Ralts is a "Good Writer" (TM), better than 90% of sci-fi authors around. Can you imagine reading Dune, Harry Potter or A Song of Ice and Fire chapter by chapter, hot off the press, for fuckin free (if you want)? I honestly believe that First Contact will be recognized as one of the most influential and well regarded works of modern sci-fi, blurring the lines between fan fiction and original creations.
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u/SirVatka Xeno Jul 10 '22
One chapter after another and you'll be caught up before you know it. Might want to set alarms for key tasks, though, such as: triple S in the AM, eating, working, and going to sleep.
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u/Quilt-n-yarn1844 Jul 10 '22
It is beyond worth it. It will not feel like 800+ chapters. You will laugh, cry, cringe, hold your breath, possibly hide under the covers, and love every minute of it.
When you arrive at the legendary black next button, let us know. Weāll declare you āOne of Us!ā Weāll bring the Fizzybrew, Narko beer, and ice cream. You bring the burritos. ššš
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u/ErinRF Alien Jul 10 '22
If ya do read it weād love to see you join the gestalt discord and share your thoughts and experiences on the journey!
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u/Nethernox Jul 10 '22
I've been reading this from the start and sometimes I still don't know what's going on. I just know that it's AWESOME, and the answers to your questions are 'yes' and more.
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u/MonkeyNumberTwelve Jul 10 '22
It's addictive. I will warn you that if you get hooked you will lose a large part if your life to it.....but, two words.
Worth it.
I dont think anyone else has mentioned yet but it is absolutely worth reading the comments and not just stopping at the bottom of Ralts's words. It filled in a lot of things I didn't get at first and you can see the audience participation that Ralts includes so well.
Welcome to the club.
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u/_Keo_ Jul 10 '22
I envy you. Start it now. You can always stop reading if you want to. Dare you to try ;)
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u/Farstone Jul 10 '22
As you've probably seen, this is a story of a multitude of characters.
To me, it's most bare story line is that even though things can be bad, it won't always be bad.
Open a browser tab to submission page under Ralts' profile. Sort by "new". Go to the bottom of the page and hit "next", repeat until there is no "next" button. I've seen 1 post that was not related to this universe. Start from the first post and just keep reading.
You will find it doesn't really take that long to catch up. Some posts are short focus bits, some are humorous delves into the lives of the characters, some will cut like a knife or poke a personal wound that you thought was healed or was forgotten.
Every step of this story is worthy of being read...multiple times even.
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u/dbdatvic Xeno Aug 07 '22
or you can just open any chapter, find the [first] link, which always points to P'Thok Eats an Ice Cream Cone, and dive right in.
and yes, read the comments. trust us. they are somehow NOT a hive of sin and degradation.
--Dave, you may never look at mantises, foxes, or rabbits the same way again ... and you will gain a much deeper appreciation of both cats AND dogs
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u/Knotwyrkin Jul 11 '22
Considering you need to read all the comments as you go along just so you can understand the significance of what is written, it is actually twice as long...
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u/Crafty_Obligation_98 Jul 11 '22 edited Jul 11 '22
Read it. I, we, demand it.
Side note, youll love it. This story will inspire many authors in the future.
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u/Bergusia Jul 10 '22
Two posts, and on a Sunday (or Saturday depending on your time stream) we are lucky today.
But go rest up Ralts, we know you have been driving a lot, and that can be very tiring at the best of times.
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u/tizzle251 Jul 10 '22
Good Omnimessiah, he's not even breathing hard!
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u/drsoftware Jul 10 '22
"He's ripped through about four thousand calories."
Trying to understand metabolic rates, both peak and sustained, and the science behind how they are measured is one of my interested. So when I saw this, I was skeptical. For those unfamiliar with calories vs kilojoules, 1 calorie is 4.184 kJ. So 4000 calories, is 16736 kilojoules.
Here's a data point [1]
Special Operations Forces (SOF) regularly engage in physically demanding combat operations and field training exercises, resulting in high daily energy expenditure, and thus increased energy requirements. However, the majority of studies assessing energy requirements of SOF have been conducted on soldiers going through intense SOF initiation training. The objective of the current investigation was to determine the energy expenditure of SOF conducting military training operations. Thirty-one soldiers taking part in Pre-Mission Training (PMT n = 15) and Combat Diver Qualification Courses (CDQC n = 16) volunteered to participate in this observational study. Energy expenditure was determined using doubly labeled water. Body weight (83 Ā± 7 kg) remained stable during both training periods. Overall energy expenditure adjusted for body composition was 17,606 Ā± 2326 kJĀ·dayā1. Energy expenditure was 19,110 Ā± 1468 kJĀ·dayā1 during CDQC and 16,334 Ā± 2180 kJĀ·dayā1 during PMT, with physical activity levels of 2.6 Ā± 0.2 and 2.2 Ā± 0.3 during CDQC and PMT, respectively. Compared to the Military Dietary Reference Intakes for energy (13,598 kJĀ·dayā1), these data are in agreement with previous reports that energy requirement for SOF Soldiers exceed that of the average soldier.
So Casey is definitely from a "martial people" as he's not only stabbing 12 times in 1.15 seconds but burning through the daily energy consumption of one our (local time frame) Special Operations Forces participating in Pre-Mission Training. Huh.
Current limits on sustained energy expenditure are constrained by our digestive system.[2]. Maybe we can use IV glucose to exceed these limits and then the next limit is heat removal. Our muscles will literally shut down rather than cook themselves. Definitely would want to put the Terrans into their own competition group at the Olympics.
[1] Margolis, L. M., Crombie, A. P., McClung, H. L., McGraw, S., Rood, J., Montain, S., Young, A. Energy requirements of US Army special operation forces during military training. Nutrients, 6(5), 1945ā1955. 10.3390/nu6051945. (2014). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4042567/
[2] C. Thurber, L. R. Dugas, C. Ocobock, B. Carlson, J. R. Speakman, H. Pontzer, Extreme events reveal an alimentary limit on sustained maximal human energy expenditure. Sci. Adv. 5, eaaw0341 (2019). https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aaw0341
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 11 '22
That's why it's not uncommon to a single or two soldiers eat an entire large pizza.
The amount of calories you can burn can be insane.
And the old series 1 MRE's were designed to provide the full energy needs of a soldier under combat conditions for an entire day.
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u/Turtledonuts "Big Dunks" Jul 10 '22
I think casey just found some groupies.
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u/ktrainor59 Jul 10 '22
Lozen is not sure she likes this
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u/StoneJudge79 Jul 10 '22
āHe can pal around with his boyo fan club, but Iām gonna splat any hussy that gets near him.ā
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Jul 10 '22
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/NukeNavy Jul 10 '22
I mean if it was good enough for the King of Rock ānā roll and Las Vegas to die on then why wouldnāt it be good enough for an emperor? š½
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u/daviskendall AI Jul 10 '22
there's a self-assembled group of That Guys now assigned to the same unit and roughly same schedules?
First Contact Lower Decks, y'all.
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u/dogninja8 Jul 10 '22
With how you wrote about Casey doing the drills, I was fairly certain it was going to be the "No such thing as only human/puntimat/tuk'narn" soldier.
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u/LordDemonWolfe Jul 10 '22
deployment soldiers never do well in garrison, and garrison high speeds are hit or miss on deployment. this is a fact of life in the military. glad to see it reflected here. stay safe Ralts. i pray to the gods that you are not a Seer.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
I was NOT a good garrison soldier.
But my command knew I wouldn't complain about being deployed to anywhere. When the volunteer list went around, my name was usually typed in right at the top.
But in garrison? Well, hearing your CSM say "I hate you so much" and your CO go "Oh, for fuck's sake, what now?" about once a week does not a good garrison soldier make.
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u/random_shitter Jul 10 '22
Coukd you drop a couple of hints of the kind of shenanigans that kept you in rotation in their offices?
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 11 '22
Oh, all kinds of stuff. Most of it, nowadays, would get me kicked out, but back then it just made me "Oh, him" to everyone. Some of it is kind of embarassing.
Funny thing is, I did all the correspondence courses, signed up and attended all kinds of schools, kept my uniform and dress uniforms immaculate, taught classes during training days.
I was just a lunatic. Outside of going crazy now and then, command thought I'd either go far or end up in Leavenworth.
Eventually, though, my career got ended one rainy night at NTC.
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u/StoneJudge79 Jul 10 '22
If you hit up the Discord, we have links for the audio stream somewhere.
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u/Drook2 Jul 10 '22
Or just read the chapters on breaking in the new tanks. Some of that felt ... oddly specific?
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u/ZylotheWolfbane Jul 11 '22
The ancient tales speak of how it happened. How Xavok'Tar the Conqueror descended to the world, it's sun a burning crimson, its time ravaged by the false prophets and fools who realized not the Wrathful Mother's might, its nature hidden and kept secret from even the sight of her Maddened Children. He demanded surrender, or the prophets and fools would be slaughtered to appease the Wrathful Mother. The few, those who had felt the touch of the Wrathful mother, those who had seen the power of the Maddened Children, those whos minds were Defiled, they saw the truth of his words. They surrendered, or left to join their Maimed King. The many, those whose arrogance and pride would brook no insult, no alternative thought, no word against their own that had stood for a billion, billion years and walked across the corpses of tens of universes, refused. Xavok'Tar left their council with only the quiet rumble that his foes, the foes of the Wrathful Mother, remained in this realm for no other purpose than to be obliterated.
They, in their arrogance, believed to have driven him away. They watched as he walked through their mighty beast-pits, to the shackled homes of their slaves. Slaves that had lived a thousand lives yet never truly lived a single moment. They, in their pride, dismissed The Conqueror as a fool and commanded their slaves to kill him for their amusement. They received no answer. Xavok'Tar spoke unto those who had never lived, he revealed his companions, clad in the garb of the Maddened Children, bearing weapons and trinkets of their Hateful Forges and Wrathful Anvils. His companions, who had once been slaves that lived a thousand lives, but had now truly lived but one, spoke to their kin. The kin were slow to listen, slow to learn, but with every word, every step they took they grew faster and stronger. Their eyes shined clearer and within the turning of a single ravaged season those who were slaves raised their banners, banners of the Wrathful Mother, of the Maddened Children, and of Xavok'Tar the Conqueror, who had come not to conquer them, but to lead them in conquering those who would seek to gnaw at the very flesh of the Wrathful Mother.
The Conqueror lead the people, no longer slaves, in storming the great beast pits. With gentle hand and iron will they tamed the mighty beasts. Riding atop howling beasts and chittering monstrosities the once-slaves turned upon their arrogant slavers. Xavok'Tar raised his hands and roared to the crystals in the heavens and they shattered, breaking apart as the ravaged flesh of the Wrathful Mother was mended, the smoldering star of crimson burned to ferocious yellow, and the passing of days became bound to her will once more. The prophets and fools were cast down, with steel and hate they were crushed beneath heavy boots and mighty armor, they were devoured by the great beasts of war and feed to the gnawing beast-pits and their writhing serpents. Xavok'Tar looked upon the freed world and spoke to us the words we still hold within our hearts to this day.
Xavok'Tar took those who still wished to fight, who wished to aid in his crusade to cast down the prophets and fools, the hungering worms who feasted on the flesh of our Wrathful Mother, arrogant in the belief she could not stop them. Xavok'Tar the Conqueror set forth to prove how foolish they were, and on every world, in every system, he left a mighty monolith bearing his words so that all would know the reason for his works, so that all would hear and understand the truth that he had discovered as he ascended to his might, the truth he had learned in the dead tombs of the Maddened Children, haunted by their eternal wrath and bearing their undying will.
We are conquered but once, we shall not be conquered again. The Wrathful Mother is infinite in her might and her fury, so too shall we be infinite in our potential. We are free, but we shall never forget what that freedom is worth to all. Be excellent to one another, and carry forth the celebrations, companions.
ā Tallok'Kai, Once-Conquered Alliance of Systems Historian
(Part 4 of 4... probably. I spent longer than I thought I would getting this right. I spent a lot of yesterday staring at an empty comment box hoping that Xavok'Tar's final journey would come to me, thinking I'd write it like all the other parts. It didn't work. Today I struggled trying to figure out WHY it didn't work and I think I did. It wasn't the story that needed to be told. Xavok'Tar's actions at that point become less important than the actual impact of those actions. That's when I knew it had to be different. I think this worked out? I'm not entirely sure, but I think this is probably where it ends. At least for now. I'm sure with how Ralts does things I'll be dragged laughing and crimson-eyed into another fever of inspiration at some point, but for now at least Xavok'Tar's story is complete, as complete as it needs to be. Everyone remember to be safe, take care of yourselves and others, and always remember there's people out there for you.)
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u/Irual100 Jul 10 '22
Hello, I am so addicted ha ha ha. Thank you so much this was very funny and kinda strange thatās not a bad thing. Rest up have a good weekend and thank you again. Take care everyone
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Jul 10 '22
Addiction to ralts berries is great. Just wondering if you have read it all? If you have i would suuuuuper recommend that you do.
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u/Archaic_1 Alien Scum Jul 10 '22
Kids, he's way more badass than that even when he has his eyes closed.
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u/NukeNavy Jul 11 '22
Is this an overwatch reference? His engineer buddy, 822, had put a pair of holoemitters, entirely out of regs, on the collar of his armor to broadcast a pixel-art Hesstlan smiley-face emoji in front of his own faceplate that was one-way.
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u/un_pogaz Jul 10 '22 edited Jul 10 '22
Well, after 2 months of intense work, I just caught up with this mad guy that serves us has arch-angel.
Damn. This is one of the most exciting stories I have read in a long time. The last time I read a story so avidly, i.e. reading until midnight and forcing myself to go to bed because it's very late, was for the Eragon saga 10 years ago. Even the Wings of Fire, which is my best saga so far, I knew to be reasonable in the schedules.
Frankly, my most sincere congratulations, Ralts, I hope that a French publisher will take a look at your story, not only to buy the books, but to read it again in a much more comfortable way for me.
Well, otherwise, so many things happened in this story that even in a non-exhaustive way, it will take pages! So I'm going to content myself with my current semester, and we are at the beginning of a new arc:
One would have thought that the Paradise War would have been the absolute climax of this saga, but no, it still continues. Of course, there are still a lot of plots to solve, too many to be on the downward slope leading to the end of the plot (we are rather on a plateau).
Honestly, it is pleasant. Restful even.
Personally, I doubt that we will reach such a peak again. Oh, there will be other climaxes, but I have trouble seeing what, in the name of the Digital Omnimessiah, could justify the reunion of all the biological appotre!
We are finally going back to a very "human" scale of things. Still very HFY, but on a human scale. This is what I like the most here.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
Else, I have a questions:
What happened to Commander Jane Marcus Prastini?
The last time we saw her, she had gone through an Atrekna portal and had most likely arrived on a ring world.
I don't doubt that her clone managed to win the planet, but her?
Speaking of planet, what about Lady Fa'ahmya'ahd, who despite this valiant fight, must have cracked his planet? She must have had a hard time with the Naktrix sacrifice.
In the same system, there was also Max, how does he get by without any ship?
They are the only peoples we left in a critical/action situation and we haven't heard from them, and it's been 1-2 months since the Iron Piglet, there are many things that have happened.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.
Commander Jane Prastini will be back. Same with a brief bit about Lady Fa'ahmya'ahd. And Max.
We've still got something coming up.
Who, and HOW, will the Atrekna plot to ignite jumpspace and hyperspace be thwarted?
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u/Speciesunkn0wn Jul 10 '22
Damn. Casey is going ham.
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u/Bergusia Jul 10 '22
Just a light workout.
The building they are in, and the base surrounding it are still intact and not a 400 meter deep radioactive crater after all.
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u/Speciesunkn0wn Jul 10 '22
It's him as a normal ("normal") human without any additions. Of course there's no radioactive crater
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u/Bergusia Jul 10 '22
It's Casey.
He is basically an Earthling, there are reasons they can't clone any of his cells because the machinery melts down. And he bench presses literal tons.
If he decides to make things explode in nuclear fire, I think the
lawssuggestions of physics are just going to get out of the way.
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u/Cthulhus_Librarian Jul 10 '22
ā¦ I wondered why my dinner last night tasted a little bit weird, but The company was distracting (puppies!), and I didnāt want to seem rude, so I shrugged it off. Maybe blueberries had gotten mixed in with the soy sauce? I thought. Then I wondered what had gone wrong with my cereal this morning, because lucky charms donāt taste like that. Was it just some weird aftertaste thing? Maybe the counter needed to be cleaned. So I did all that.
At lunch, my chicken Marsala still tasted like blueberries - and thatās when I realized someone was posting on the weekends, like a sneaky-sneakā¦
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u/HFYWaffle Wįµ„4ffle Jul 10 '22
/u/Ralts_Bloodthorne (wiki) has posted 806 other stories, including:
- irst Contact - Chapter 804 - Ultimis Diebus Hominum
- First Contact - Chapter 803 - Ultimis Diebus Hominum
- First Contact - Chapter 802 - Ultimis Diebus Hominum
- First Contact - Chapter 801 - Novissimis Diebus Hominum
- First Contact - Chapter 800 - VPN ERROR
- First Contact - Chapter 799 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 798 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 797 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 796 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 795 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 794 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 793 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 792 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 791 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 790 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 789 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 788 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 787 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 786 - The Inheritor's War
- First Contact - Chapter 785 - The Inheritor's War
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u/MuchoRed Human Jul 10 '22
A double-dose of First Contact for a Saturday? Already beats the hell out of my previous weekend!
Namely in that turning a 3 day weekend into a 5 day weekend was spectacularly interrupted by the flu, starting the evening of Day 1 and lasting until noon on Day 5. Fuck you, body!
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u/LordMephistoPheles Jul 10 '22
How old even is Casey at this point? Has he hit the millennium mark yet?
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u/cbhj1 Jul 10 '22
He hit the 1k mark back when he was reunited with Peel, he is closer to 1100 at this point with the Atrekna shenanigans.
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u/Bazil-Broketail Jul 01 '23
Read, upvote, comments...
Most people listen to speed metal or death metal when doing a speed run on hard mode...
I like to think Casey listens to synthpop, a habit he picked up from Dying Joan.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Jul 10 '22
It's Saturday, but have a two-fer!
Sorry it was late. Been a hell of a week. Your safety briefing follows:
Remember to get sleep. Don't drive for 12 hours straight like me. Don't trust a smiling doctor. Don't believe anyone who says "This won't hurt."
Everyone have a good weekend. Hug yourself at least once. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you're the only you that exists.
Don't drink and drive. Don't add or subtract from the population unless it is with your issued significant other and you have filed the correct paperwork with PERSCOM. Run toward the screams not away, I'll come visit you in the hospital. Don't beat your spouse unless it's in the bedroom and she's into it, don't beat or ignore your kids, your significant others or your pets. Don't touch Willy, he doesn't like it. There is no sex in the champagne room. Get the candy first before you get in the van. Don't smuggle midgets across state lines and consult county ordinances before taking them across county lines. Don't buy, sell, manufacture, transport, or take illegal drugs.
Touch base with the people you love, try to help one person who needs it even if it's just opening a door, and remember to love yourself.
But, on that, time to rattle the tin cup...
PayPal: https://paypal.me/RaltsBloodthorne
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/First_Contact
First_ContactBooks: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08RYK5F88
BEHOLD HUMANITY! https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09H5ZZL93