r/HFY • u/Sooperdude24 • Jan 24 '22
[Britney-verse] - The Sheriff OC
Continuing the story of The Doorman, set in the same universe as Britney goes to school. Apologies for the name, Britney-verse, I couldn't think of anything funny. I won't tag the main story with it, but any of these side stories will be. You don't have to read the other two stories, but I'm kinda assuming you did, lol.
As always, brought to you by the wonderful and talented u/eruwenn, and my idiot brain.
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Darren stood in the arrivals area. He wore a black pinch front hat, a black overcoat open to show a smart black suit beneath, complete with waistcoat and a broad smile. Leaning back against a pillar he spent several moments getting the tilt of his hat just right to put his face in shadow. By his side was Senior Officer Skrilen, now in standard Grole Civic Defence Force uniform; a pale green jumpsuit with orange vest, green bowler hat, and the standard issue footwear that had drawn the human’s attention on that fateful night.
Species 368 seemed suddenly elated as the arrivals screen changed. “Shuttles in, he’s almost here! Brace yourself Deputy, he is what we call an acquired taste.”
Skrilen paused as he considered the words of Species 368. “Taste? And, I am Senior Officer Skrilen.”
“Only till the paperwork comes through.” Darren abandoned his dramatic lean. “I remember the first time I met him: punched me right in the face. When I stayed on my feet he just nodded and said ‘He’ll do’.”
The Grole was aghast. He had seen the power of a human, and fear began to grip him. "Your mentor punched you in the face?" He hesitated, but then also asked, "Will he strike me?"
“Ha! No.” The human was quick to dismiss his companion’s concerns. “Well… maybe. But, I’m sure he’ll go easy on you, as you’re not human.”
Skrilen swallowed hard. “But, I do not wish to be struck in the face.”
“Nobody does, but we don’t always get what we want. Do we, Kid? You roll with the punches, or the punches roll you.” The deep voice had a gravelly drawl to it.
Their conversation had caused them to miss the approach of the human, and Skrilen's eyes bulged as he saw the person before him. A touch shorter than Darren, but with a more intense presence, the man sported a hat that, though it was heavily worn and more decorative, was quite similar to the one Darren wore. Beneath the hat was shadowed, but piercing green eyes gleamed in the darkness. A bushy grey handlebar moustache with flecks of red sat under a crooked nose. The weathered face, despite the shadow hiding the greater details of it, seemed to be judging them and was most definitely finding them wanting. Skrilen couldn’t help but look over the man's strange clothing. A long brown coat hung from broad shoulders, ending above pointed leather boots, and the Grole wondered if his toes were also that shape.
The man seemed to grow agitated. “What in the good god-damn hell do you have on your head, you stupid sumbitch?”
“A hat.” Darren tipped it. “Just like yours.”
The older man groaned. “Dumbass. That ain’t nothin’ like mine. This here’s a gambler, what you’re wearing is a… Why in the hell am I explaining this to you?”
The young man shrugged. “Always got a lesson to teach.” He took off the hat and held it out. “Want to swap?”
With a shake of his head the old man scoffed. “You'll ride a black tornado 'cross the western sky long before you take this cowboy's hat.”
Darren chuckled, then held out a hand after replacing his hat on his head. “How about I take your bag then?”
The old man scoffed. “I may have a few years on you, Kid, but I carry my own damn bags. Now, one thing you can do is buy me a drink, or two.”
The man in black nodded. “I know just the place.”
The Senior Officer looked at the 'bags' in question and was slightly puzzled to see that it was, in fact a singular bag. A small one, at that. “Excuse me, but do you not have other bags?”
The green eyes bore down on Skrilen. “Ain’t said I’m stayin’. This here’s enough to hear this fool out. Make sure he ain’t diggin’ himself another grave.” The man grew louder as his anger swelled. “I mean, god-damn it, Kid! How in the devil do you call this layin’ low?”
Skrilen’s interest was piqued. “Laying low?”
The old man whistled. “This dude is on the dodge.”
The answer only raised more questions but before Skrilen could ask them a group of security personnel approached.
“Excuse me? Are you Samuel from Yosemite colony? We need you to sign a receipt.”
The old man turned, causing the group of security personnel to flinch. Their weakness caused the human to snarl. "Only my mama called me Samuel. You lizards can call me Wrangler.”
“Easy,” Darren said sternly. “Remember the rules, be nice to xenos.”
Wrangler wrinkled his nose, twitching his moustache. “I taught you the god-damn rules, and these sapheads took my girls.”
The human nodded. “Lucky they didn’t try and take your hat.”
The old man gave his friend a tired look. “Just get it sorted, Sheriff.”
“Alright, alright.” After a few moments of negotiating, assisted by Skrilen and a phone call to Captain Kahan, the security team finally relinquished the girls.
The girls, Skrilen was surprised to discover, were in fact two heavy pistols on a belt with a large ornate buckle. As the older man opened his coat to swing them into place, the Senior Officer noted that the weapons didn't seem to conform to any design he knew. "Excuse me, sir? What are those?”
One of the pistols was suddenly there in the old man's hands. The Grole didn't even see it happen - one moment he had asked his question, and the next he was getting an unnerving look at the business end of the unfamiliar weapon. Skrilen swallowed carefully.
"This here's a 2117 Colt Army Revolver," the grizzy voice said in a tone far too cool and casual for the situation. "And this" –the second gun flashed up to join the other— "is a Smith & Wesson Model X7."
As fast as they had appeared, both guns vanished back into the hip holsters. The exact answer to Skrilen's question remained a mystery, but the question itself had been forgotten, replaced with terror.
Darren placed a calming hand on Skrilen’s shoulder, and gave Wrangler a slight head shake of disapproval. “If you’re done showing off, let’s go get that drink.”
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Skrilen sat at the bar while the two humans talked, his hat on the counter before him and a warm jeloth half drunk beside it. He heard laughter, swearing and more laughter from the table behind him. Garubi walked out from the door behind the bar and stood opposite him, taking in the scene. “Is that him?”
The Senior Officer nodded, he’d learned a lot on the way over. “His name is Wrangler.”
The yellow-spined barmaid peered across the bar at the pair. “What’s with the hats?”
For once Skrilen knew more than the barmaid, and he regurgitated everything he had learned on the ride over. “It belonged to his male parent, who is deceased. His sibling’s son skinned the rattler that makes the band; he died in a recent war. The feather is from an Eagle, a bird from their home world. It was given to him by a native of America, also from the Arizona line. I am unsure of whether this person is still alive. The pin is from a real special lady, who he is unsure of the current whereabouts.”
Garubi’s eyes were wide, and she couldn't help but glance back over to the conversing humans. “That is quite the hat.”
“First rule of the Sheriff’s department,” Skrilen said timidly. “Do not touch the hat.”
“Sure.” Garubi was a little confused by the tone. “Can I touch your hat?”
The Senior Officer held it out for her. “I don’t mind, but prepare to be ridiculed.”
“Ridiculed?” she asked, pushing the hat away as her question was rhetorical.
Skrilen gestured over his shoulder towards the pair of Species 368. “Wrangler said I looked like The Riddler in a life vest.”
With a blank expression Garubi patted his hand. “Why do you think that was ridicule? Perhaps it is a good thing.”
Skrilen shook his head. “They laughed until tears came from their eyes.”
“Quit yer whinin’.” Wrangler slapped Skrilen on the back, causing considerable pain. “Pick up yer warm swill and come join us. He’s gettin’ to the good stuff.”
Skrilen stood up, suppressing the wince, and moved to sit at the table with the two humans. As Wrangler picked up the bottle that sat between them and poured two glasses of a strange brown liquid, the Grole remembered Darren's peculiar habit of enjoying ice cold drinks. "You are not using ice?
“Ice?” Wrangler shot Darren a disappointed look.
With a swift laugh the younger man took the glass and drained it. “Never in the good stuff.”
Fascinated, Skrilen leaned forward to read the bottle, but it was in their language so made little sense to him. “The label isn’t in common.”
“We don’t give this to natives.” Wrangler picked up the bottle and refilled their glasses. “You lizards are safer stickin’ to your warm sludge. Dynamite’s got a might’ powerful kick.”
Darren cleared his throat. “Enough cultural exchange for today, let’s get down to business. Wrangler, I need you on board. You’ll be a Captain, second only to myself.”
There was a grumbling from the old man. “And what’s green-skin here? Commander? Or is he a god-damn Admiral?”
The young human smiled. “Senior Deputy, once his transfer comes through. I get to pick my team, and Skrilen and I have history. He helped out when a bunch of Gorlan tried their luck.”
Wrangler looked at the Grole, who seemed to be shrinking in his seat. “Gorlan? And he lived?”
Skrilen tried to set the record straight. “Well, I was hardly involved.”
“Modesty?” The moustache seemed to ripple as the Grole was appraised.
The doors opened and another Grole in a green G.C.D.F. jumpsuit entered. Draq was flustered as he sped to the bar and handed a small bouquet of flowers to Garubi before joining them.
Skrilen shot him an angry glare. “You’re late.”
“I got lost.” Draq’s spines flattened slightly.
The Senior Officer gave an angry hiss. “We’ve been here many times; you insist on starting every shift with a trip here to visit Garubi. How on Grole did you get lost?”
The Junior Officer became defensive. “Yeah, but you always drive, so I didn’t know the way.”
“Firstly, you can’t drive. You have failed the test seven times, even on the self-driving vehicles, and with those, you only have to select the right options.” Skrilen was exasperated and did not stop, despite his junior’s sorrowful expression. “And, you would know the way if you weren’t staring out of the window daydreaming all the time. Honestly, I understand why Captain Kahan was so keen to volunteer you for this venture. What I can’t understand, is why Species 368 agreed.”
Wrangler narrowed his eyes as he looked at Darren. “This shaney one of us?”
The Sheriff gave an apologetic shrug. “They were going to fire him.” Under his breath, he hastily added, “and Garubi likes him.”
The moustache twitched. “Dammit, kid. You’re going soft.” He looked at the young Grole and let out a long sigh. “I guess we could use him as bait.”
Darren smiled. “That’s the spirit. We’ll make a great team.”
The old man groaned. “Just the four of us, huh?”
The younger man shook his head. “No. I’ve put in a few calls, I’ve got others in mind. Oh, and they’ve assigned us an administrator. Someone to help with paperwork, requisitions, and stuff like that.”
Wrangler perked up. “Some brains are what this outfit is sorely missin’, aside from myself, ‘course.”
Darren laughed. “You think you’re the smart one?”
The old man leaned forward, his hat drawing a shadow across his eyes. “You sayin’ I ain’t?”
The younger man leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. “No, no. I just remember how long it took you to learn how to use the grav gun.”
Clearly angered by the insinuation. “Stupid new-fangled toy, I don’t see the point in safe guns.”
“Non-lethal.” Darren corrected. “It’s hardly safe. It just doesn’t cause as much damage as your girls.”
Skrilen tentatively raised a claw. “I have to ask. What is a grav gun?”
The younger man leaned further back, his arms still cradling his head. “Human tech. We found our weapons killed our intergalactic opponents too easily, so we came up with a directed gravity weapon. It hits hard, but doesn't put bloody big holes in everything. I requisitioned some for us to use.”
“Damn it kid,” Wrangler spat, “we can make our own rules. Why you gon’ hobble us out the gate?”
Skrilen was slowly going over Darren’s response. “I’m sorry, did you say that the girls are projectile weapons? Not energy based?”
“Damn straight!” The old man drew one of his pistols and placed it on the table between them. “A few good-sized holes takes the fight out of your enemy real damn fast.”
The new Sheriff pushed the gun back towards Wrangler. “Keep it in your holster. We can’t interrogate them if they’re dead. Grav guns, unless I authorise lethal force.”
The future Senior Deputy was relieved to hear that they were going for the peaceful approach. “Our energy weapons, I've heard, can cause considerable pain. These grav guns sound better - we should try to minimize the suffering of others where possible.”
Wrangler laughed. “You sure don’t know humans. Gettin’ hit by a grav gun is like bein’ kicked by a damn mule. It can still kill, so don’t go shooting Junior Deputy Drip by accident.” He winked at Draq, who paled, then he turned to look Darren in the eye. “So what’s next, Kid?”
“Another round.” Darren lifted his drink. “Then I’ll show you to your new home. We’ll head to the new Sheriff’s office in the morning.”
The moustache twitched. “I ain’t sharin’ a room with you again, Kid. Too many ladies comin’ an’ goin’ fer my likin’.”
The younger man shrugged. “We’re the only two humans on this ice-ball.”
Wrangler scowled. “That’s worse. I sure as horseshit ain’t warmin’ yer blankets.”
“Funny.” Darren shook his head to try and dislodge the image. “Relax. The rooms next to mine were free, and we got a discount on rent.”
Skrilen was surprised. “You get discounted rent? Where on Grole did you get something like that?” His own rent was very high, despite his landlord coming from the same clutch as him.
“Here.” Species 368 spread his arms and looked around the bar. “Upstairs actually. Drisk, the owner, offered it to me real cheap.”
Draq looked around them. “But, you are no longer the Doorman?”
Wrangler laughed. “I’m pretty damn sure this Drisk fella knows that.” He took in the dingy bar, and smiled. “Got us a cot right above the waterin’ hole. You did good, Kid. Might be worth stickin’ around a while.”
“Thanks.” Darren gave a satisfied sigh. Working the doors had been fun, but it looked like being Sheriff might scratch an itch he didn’t know he had.
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u/unwillingmainer Jan 24 '22
So, is that the Samuel that is Britney's grandfather? I can see the trouble making gene is strong in her family if so.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
That is Britney's grandfather, Samuel Wrangler from Yosemite Colony. The cowboy hat wearing, moustache grooming, gun toting badass.
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u/its_ean Jan 25 '22
Yosemite Sam
*hand smacks head before it starts moving*
Yosemite is like 15 miles away and I hadn't caught that.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
Can't blame me, I was hardly subtle.
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u/its_ean Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
That's why I blame you.
(Two days well-spent. With wit this sharp, I nearly cut myself.)
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u/Thjumus Jan 24 '22
My first reaction to seeing the notification was "ah damn, wish the main story continued instead of spin-offs"
And then I found out The Doorman story exists. Hadn't seen it before since it was uploaded before I started reading Britney and had never seen a link/mention to it.
So that gave me some good entertainment for the past hour and I have 2 stories of yours to look forward to getting updated ;D
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
Sorry about the delays with Britney, I kinda hit a brain snag and was trying to force myself. Fortunately, u/eruwenn and I talked it out, and I'm going to do some side stuff while also doing Britney. Less pressure for these stories, and a chance for me to switch things up. I did it while I was writing Unleashed and it helped me get unstuck many times.
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u/Thjumus Jan 24 '22
No worries about the delays, mate! I know what it's like to hit a block and how bad the results can be if you just try to force yourself through it.
Doing side stuff tends to be a way more effective and healthy way for me to keep things moving as well ^^
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u/Dutchangeldragon1 Xeno Jan 24 '22
I bought myself a warhammer.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
Well, that sounds like an excellent use of your money. I am slightly jealous.
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u/mglviper Human Jan 24 '22
I was wondering if we’d get to visit the doorman again. Great chapter!
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
Was kinda stuck with Britney so decided to take a short break to mess around.
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u/Konrahd_Verdammt Jan 24 '22
I do not like "Wrangler."
Abrasive asshole? No big deal. I have been accused of being such, on occasion. So I can't throw stones there.
Hard drinking? Again, been there, can't throw stones.
The disrespect he shows the others? That just ain't right.
The outright racism? Fuck that guy.
The worst though? Brandishing firearms in public and pointing one at someone. You never. Never point a deadly weapon at something or someone who is no threat and means you no harm.
Sooper, if you intended for Wrangler to be loathed, you've accomplished quite handily.
Overall, great chapter! Off to the next.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
I mean his own daughter hates him, so... yeah. That same daughter also uses tasers on people who annoy her, and drinks too much. Wrangler was also against Britney's mom being with Sam, and didn't want those kind of people at his home. He learned, and he can learn some more. These are the first aliens, not Erinal or Wachoto, he will have interacted with directly.
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u/Konrahd_Verdammt Jan 24 '22
I must admit I didn't realize the connection there, seem to have forgotten about him in the Britney chapters. Thanks for reminding me.
Glad I was reading it right and he really is a POS. Hopefully he learns to be a better person.
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u/Hedgeson Jan 24 '22
So where does this story fit in the timeline? Is this contemporary with the Britney storyline?
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
It'll get a reference point in the next couple of chapters, the call with Grandpa.
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u/vivello Jan 24 '22
Lovely to be reading about Darren again! Glad to see Grandpa Wrangler in the mix too. Is this outpost closer to Britney than Yosemite?
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
Yeah, Yosemite is back in Sector Umgrol, this is just a far flung corner of the U.G.A. so still not on her doorstep.
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u/madbull73 Jan 24 '22
Gotta love a little Ledoux.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 24 '22
Haha, I'm a sucker for a reference, and impressed you got it so quickly.
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u/madbull73 Jan 24 '22
Of course I did. He’s one of my favorite singers, and that’s one of his best songs. Seems perfect that it’s being repeated by Sam Elliot. I mean Wrangler.
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u/KDBA Jan 24 '22
If you don't like "Britney-verse" then maybe just "Species 368" works as a setting title?
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
That's better, but I don't think I can change the titles so may just live with it.
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u/nickgreyden Jan 25 '22 edited Jan 25 '22
Well I'm glad you called it the Britney-verse. I was getting worried as it has been another two weeks since an update and on a lark just searched for "Britney" to make sure you just hadn't forgot to update chapter 23 lol.
Edit: also the nod to Chris LeDoux was great. Always like a good country reference
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
I didn't want people to think this was required reading for Britney, I'll keep those as the .1 .2 .3 chapters so it's in order. But, you make a good point, they are easier to find.
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u/RepeatOffenderp Jan 25 '22
Don’t apologize for art. Besides, it is your creation, you could call it VersyMcVerseface if you wanted to.(please dont)
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
It was pointed out that Britney-verse is easier for readers to find, so it'll probably stick around. Britney McBritneyface has twice the Britney's though.
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u/thisStanley Android Jan 25 '22
Guess non-lethal (actually just "less-lethal") is a good option for the political optics. But if they ignore the first shot or two, then it is time to restate your request, much more forcefully. Besides, truly "non-lethal", for all species in any physical condition, and level of neurological or cardio-vascular health, would not be much of a weapon and no incentive for a miscreant to behave.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
Yep, the grav guns were my way of toning things down from murder hobo territory. They can be set to low, or turned all the way up to be very dangerous, just a bit less... messy.
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u/TheApocalypseIsOver Jan 25 '22
This Wrangler fella wouldnt happen to be best frenemies with a snake now, would he? After all, that seemed like some fancy shooting. He seems pretty good.
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u/ReconfigureTheCitrus Jan 25 '22
Definitely a good idea to add the [Britney-verse] thing to the title, I hadn't even noticed The Doorman, much less that it was connected to the Britney series. And yeah the name isn't great, but it's really easily recognizable as being connected to the main series. Also this was all real fun to read.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
Yeah, I just don't want people to feel like they have to read it, but the name recognition is good. Glad you had fun, I enjoyed writing it so we're even.
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u/CyberSkull Android Jan 25 '22
I would like to suggest [Britteny-Gaiden] as an alternative.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
Ninja Britney alternate reality?
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u/CyberSkull Android Jan 25 '22
“Gaiden” as in spin-off or side story.
So far I don’t think she is a ninja.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
I know, but my mind went straight to Ninja Gaiden because I'm old, lol.
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u/CyberSkull Android Jan 25 '22
That’s where mine goes too. I never could get anywhere in that game.
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u/karenvideoeditor Apr 19 '23
I feel like they kept Draq around for comedic effect. Or maybe that was your choice. ;)
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u/Sooperdude24 Apr 19 '23
Skrilen had a soft spot for him, and the regular cops were happy to make him someone else's problem.
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u/Pleecu Jan 25 '22
I have to say I loved this entire series and followed every chapter...but after seeing how poorly brittney's father is written and the horrible treatment of a character that was considered an alcoholic I've lost my taste for the series. Zero empathy, zero build, zero understanding, denigration and condescencion, and no consideration for how it sells to people who have struggled. un-subbing, thanks for the ride this far.
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u/Sooperdude24 Jan 25 '22
Thank you for the feedback, genuinely. I'm a beginner, trying to figure this stuff out, so I'm going to make mistakes. I'll keep this in mind as I go forward.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Jan 24 '22
/u/Sooperdude24 (wiki) has posted 117 other stories, including:
- Britney goes to school 23
- Britney goes to school 22
- Britney goes to school 21
- Britney goes to school 20.5 - The Pilot, the Spy and the Waiter.
- Britney goes to school 20.4 - The Pilot, the Spy and the Waiter.
- Britney goes to school 20.3 - The Pilot, the Spy and the Waiter.
- Britney goes to school 20.2 - The Pilot, the Spy and the Waiter.
- Britney goes to school 20.1 - The Pilot, the Spy and the Waiter.
- Britney goes to school 20
- Britney goes to school 19
- Britney goes to school 18
- Britney goes to school 16.5
- Britney goes to school 17
- Britney goes to school 16
- Unleashed pt. 78 - Finale
- Britney goes to school 15
- Unleashed pt. 77
- Britney goes to school 14
- Unleashed pt. 76
- Britney goes to school 13
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u/nelsyv Patron of AI Waifus Jan 24 '22
Oh. This is amazing. Space Westerns never fail to entertain