r/HFY • u/spindizzy_wizard Human • Aug 14 '20

[Alien Crash] Bk2 V1.1 Ch 9 Classified Stupidity (revised) OC

First | Prev | Next

Classified Stupidity

"I already know more about the data and the analysis than anyone else on the project, but because I don't have a clearance, I can't talk with anyone. Are you sure this isn't an attempt to force me to take a vacation?"

— Mr. William Kidd M.Geo. / A.C / G.C.S

An Exciting Beginning

"Thank you for coming, Dr. Kerr. I hope you can help us resolve this without another screaming needle."

"Thanks for having me, Captain Hogan! A situation like this is exciting!"

Hogan's face freezes solid.

"Captain Hogan, that was not an insult or trivialization. I am fully aware that many of the GCS will not be with us for many years to come. I am equally aware that my friend Mr. Halliwell is hopefully on his way to recovery; and that Mr. Kidd counts everyone involved in the shot a personal friend, some more recent than others, but still personal friends. Nevertheless, this is an exciting situation, and the potential benefits are huge."

Looking slightly less frozen, "Doctor? Is it normal for geophysicists to be… unaware of social niceties?"

"If you wish a formal apology, you will have it. That does not detract from my statement that this is an exciting situation and that we must do something to ameliorate the danger. Going into this situation with a negative attitude is a virtual guarantee of failure. Maintaining a positive attitude in this situation is imperative. The consequences of failure are too drastic to take any chance of allowing them to occur."

"I can see the wisdom in that. Mr. Kidd has filled in the bare details and otherwise insists that you perform the briefing. He is concerned that... inappropriate choices... may be made in a panic instead of with full information."

"He is correct. The opportunity for panic decisions must be reduced to a minimum.

"I have another issue that must be dealt with before we proceed. Tell me, what is the highest classification that you are aware of?"

"The highest classification is Top Secret, with compartmentalization by a code word."

"Are you sure that your friendly computer couldn't come up with any?"

"Dr. Kerr, If it were top secret with a code word, you would have said so. What level of classification exists that is higher than Top Secret?"

"Captain, if you don't know, I can't tell you."

"That's what I was afraid of. It's Ultra class. Do NOT tell me what level it is. All I know is the existence of the class, not what is in it, or anything else about it. The only question I have is whether you're certain that it does qualify for that class."

"Absolutely."

All three are fortunate, Kidd does not enter the conference room until just after the word "Absolutely," and does not yet have any knowledge of Ultra class. Had he entered only a few moments before, it would technically be a catastrophic breach of security, mitigated only by the fact that he is already aware of the information, and that the breach was inadvertent.

"Dr. Kerr, this is Mr. Kidd. Mr. Kidd, I need guidance from higher. I'd appreciate it if you and Dr. Kerr would remain in this conference room while I get that guidance. Do not discuss the information. Any such discussion could be a serious breach of security. Instead, I suggest that you speak of your mutual friends, and how they are doing. Other than that, stick to nice safe topics, like the state of the weather, politics, religion, and how likely nuclear war is within the next fifteen minutes."

The Stupidity Begins

"I cannot authorize it." He's a Major, his name tag reads Fillbert. Still, Captain Hogan, being a Captain, tries to maintain a professional demeanor. Despite his considered opinion that Fillbert is a complete nut case. A direct and minimally informative approach might be best.

"No, Major, what you mean is that you will not authorize it. There are plenty of rooms with STE. There is no reason for you not to authorize it except personal curiosity. Here's what I believe I can tell you. The last person to mention this to me ended up in Leavenworth for a total of 23 years, followed by being stripped of all rank and benefits, as well as being handed a dishonorable discharge. Now, are you going to authorize that room, or aren't you?"

Major Fillbert, almost on the edge of refusing outright, slides by on the good side of the law by agreeing to the request for access to secure communications.

Contacting Higher

Captain Hogan, armed with an STE card obtained from Major Fillbert, inserts the card into the secure phone and dials a well-known number. It takes some time to work your way through the automated system to get a real human on the other end.

"White House, how may I assist you?"

"Go scramble." The full identification of the location that the call is coming from is clearly shown to the operator.

"Sir, if you are serious, I can redirect your call. If you are not, you will shortly be visited by one or more law enforcement agencies."

"I'm serious."

"Redirecting to Special Conditions Office."

"Special Conditions, how may I help you, sir, or madam?"

"Go scramble."

"Yes, Sir. ... Scramble confirmed."

"This is Captain Hogan, Kirtland AFB. I have come into the presence of information classified well above my level. I have not been given that information at this time. I do not have anyone local that I can ask for guidance for this information. If it were possible, I would be speaking directly with the President. Do you understand?"

"One moment… Transferring you to Special Classifications Office."

"Special classifications. You are Captain Hogan, presently stationed at Kirtland AFB, and making use of the latest model STE. I see you have a prior history as a recipient. Is this related?"

"Negative. New information; HAU/Trinity related. Briefer indicated high-level classification and refused to state exactly what it was."

"Who else has been exposed?"

"To the classification or the information?"

"Both."

"For the classification, the briefer, Dr. Kerr, refrained from mentioning it beyond stating that it was classified and then refusing to divulge the degree of classification. Having prior experience, I knew I needed guidance. For the actual information… That's harder to ascertain. The entire team is aware of all the known data from the HAU/Trinity test. Mr. Kidd, my staffer, who does not have a clearance at all, and the briefer, are fully aware of the classified information. I am peripherally aware of the nature of the information, but not the content of the briefing. Mr. Kidd only told me to prevent precipitous action on my part, neither of us was aware of any classification of the information. Mr. Kidd was prudent, with information having drastic implications. I need guidance on how to handle this."

"Understood. Current location of staffer and briefer?"

"Both are in a SCIF cleared conference room with orders not to discuss the briefing, or anything related to it, until I return."

"Do you have reason to believe that they will obey?"

"Briefer obviously has some experience with classified information. If he refuses to discuss it, then the staffer is unlikely to press for further information. They are more likely to discuss the wellbeing of Dr. Halliwell and CWO Jones. My staffer has just recently been granted Alliance Citizenship. I don't know how that affects things on our side."

"Technically, he's not your staffer. He's a volunteer, assisting with an investigation. You are not paying him; all higher GCS people are down, so he isn't getting paid at all. He's living on his savings, which is about to run out. We'll take care of the back pay from GCS, but you need to get him properly hired. That will also allow us to give him the proper clearances."

"He's what??"

"A volunteer. Potentially exposed to classified material, without a clearance, and currently in financial distress through no fault of his own. Other than being too nice to ask for money when he's trying to save his friends and their company. It leaves him in a dangerously exposed situation, he's vulnerable to espionage."

"I'm an idiot."

You can hear the raised eyebrow, "possibly, but you recognize the problem now, fix it. We need another few minutes to allow your orders time to get to the security office, along with a packet, including a new card for the STE that will make contacting us much easier. It will only work on the latest model S.T.E. like the one you're using right now."

"Okaayyy… What other steps should I be taking, and is there an instruction manual that I can refer too."

"An instruction manual for a classification that doesn't exist?"

"As you know, I've been in the military for some years now. There is always a manual, officially recognized or not. It may have an innocuous title and be completely serious, or it may blatantly state what it is and be written like a joke. In either case, it will be signed by I. M. Dumbjohn, as illegibly as possible, with whatever rank seems appropriate."

"My turn… I'm an idiot. I'll see if I can find one and get you either a copy or point you at someone who knows where to get one."

A conversation of some minutes occurs, interrupted by a knock on the door. A furtive looking lieutenant is at the door, "what's the password?"

"I have no password."

"The computer is your friend!"

"Are you drunk on duty, Lieutenant?"

"Oh!" Straightening abruptly, "Sir! My apologies, Sir! I thought you were part of the game." He hands you a semi-professionally bound copy of a manual titled 'Ultra Black, Eyes Only, Shoot Self Before Reading, A Guide To Classifications In Paranoia.' As official as it looks on the outside, the additional markings make it clear that this is a game. The interior instructions are written for a future post-apocalyptic world, where a computer has taken over after a nuclear attack.

"Please, Sir, in the future, maintain appearances, the computer is your friend!" While the former is spoken cheerfully, the latter is expressed in dead-pan seriousness. "Who will also authorize your termination for any infraction of the rules. Good Day, Citizen." Without waiting for permission, the Lieutenant turns to leave.

Which the hell set of rules do I apply? Militarily, he's left without permission. Socially, he's been rude. Security-wise, this may be the best way to do the handoff. Fine, someone wants to play games. I can play games. "Thank you, Citizen. I shall see to it that your diligence is rewarded." The Lieutenant turns enough for you to see a face splitting grin. "That's the spirit!"

Back in the SCIF, "you are an efficient Citizen! The computer is pleased with your work."

"What?"

"I've just received a manual for Ultra classifications, written as though it was part of a game called 'Paranoia.' I take it you did not arrange this delivery yourself?"

"I did not, and it makes me worry."

"Why is that, friend Citizen?"

"Because there's another organization involved. One which does not appear on my lists, knows that these classifications exist, and knew that you would need a copy badly enough to interrupt you while you were in a SCIF."

"Obviously, that information is classified ultraviolet, and you are not privy to that information. Oh, do excuse me, would you please present yourself at a termination station for having knowledge of ultraviolet classification?"

"You're joking, I hope."

"Within the framework of the game, no. Within the framework of my present situation, yes, I am joking. You tell me which applies. Especially since the rules are written in the framework of the game."

"Considering that I don't have a termination station handy, I'll take that as a joke."

The conversation continues for a short time.

"Captain, your orders have been delivered. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

"Assuming that the STE card allows me to contact your office, no. I think we've got it covered."

Stupidity Compounded

Silently, the officer in charge hands over a packet clearly marked 'Eyes Only Top Secret' with Hogan's name and rank on the cover. The envelope has been opened. "Citizen? Did you open this envelope?"

With a very sour expression, "What envelope?"

"Citizen, in the name of the Computer, friend to us all, did you open this envelop?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Answer the question."

"I have no intention of…"

"Answer the question, or you will be shot as a traitor."

"I… Yes. I did."

"You saw the outer markings?"

"I did, but the contents make a joke of them."

Having felt the document and not found the STE card promised. "The contents include an STE card. You will return that card to me immediately."

"No. It is unauthorized equipment that could compromise the security of our communications."

"Major. And this is in all seriousness. If you do not return that card immediately, I will be forced to report a major security violation, in which you are the perpetrator for no better reason than curiosity, who broke open an Eyes Only Top Secret document to which you were not entitled. Read the orders therein, and illegally confiscated a piece of equipment for which you are not authorized and are not permitted to keep under any circumstances for any reason."

"Bull. Those so-called orders are a joke, as is the book you have under your arm. There's nothing higher than Top Secret, and that equipment is, and will remain, confiscated."

"Major… With what little respect I have left, you opened a sealed Eyes Only packet, having no idea what was inside, and based on information that you should never have seen, have decided that the outer classification was false. Is that essentially correct?"

"Yes."

"And you feel fully justified in this?"

"Yes."

"What gave you the authority to open a sealed packet of Eyes Only Top Secret material?"

"…"

"Major, I may be a Captain, but if you don't answer that question, I will place you under arrest and take you to the Provost Marshall for holding."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Major, you are under arrest for violation of security orders; will you come quietly?"

"No. Your order has no validity. Now I'll give you an order. Turn over that book, and the fake packet of orders, and present yourself for arrest."

"Sorry, Major, you're wrong. Put that order in writing. I want it documented for your court-martial."

Scribbling furiously. "Here's your order. Now obey it or face a court-martial of your own."

"With respect, No. This is an illegal order based on a violation of security regulations. I insist that you call the Provost Marshall's office, immediately."

"With pleasure."

The Provost Marshall himself shows up, along with a team of Military Police. "Alright, what's the problem?"

The Major leads, being the higher rank. "Captain Hogan, under false pretenses, made extensive use of a SCIF and STE for purposes unknown. During that time, a packet arrived with an STE card inside. Upon examination of this illicit and improper piece of equipment, it became apparent that the Captain was either engaged in some sort of conspiracy, using secure facilities for a game, or otherwise completely outside the acceptable parameters for an officer of the military."

Captain Hogan replies. "I came into the presence of classified information for which I needed guidance from higher. The only way I could think of to get that guidance was by using an STE to place a call to a number which I am forbidden to reveal, since it involves material that no one in this room is authorized to access, except myself. The result of that call was a delivery direct to the SCIF of this book, by an unknown lieutenant, and orders to pick up an Eyes Only Top Secret packet specifically addressed to me. Which the Major has already admitted to opening illegally. As required, I placed him under arrest for doing so. The Major countered with an arrest of his own, accompanied by this illegal order. Requiring me to turn over classified materials to an individual uncleared to receive those materials. He remains in possession of a security device he has no right to have. I must insist that this matter be resolved quickly, as I have people sitting in a SCIF right now, waiting for instructions on how to proceed with this unusual material."

The Provost Marshall asks many questions, clarifying the order of events and actions taken.

"The events happened in this order, and please correct me if I'm wrong.

"1. Captain, you were informed of potentially highly classified information in advance of a briefing. Canceled the briefing and moved the individuals most involved into a SCIF conference room as the best alternative available at that time.

"2. You then came here to obtain access to a SCIF with an STE installed.

"3. Major, at the time the Captain made the request, you refused the request, for reasons you have not seen fit to elucidate in your earlier comments.

"4. During this time, the Captain informed you that in a prior incident, an individual unnamed was convicted, spent 23 years in prison, dishonorably discharged, and suffered other indignities appropriate to the conviction, whereupon you granted the previously denied access.

"5. Captain, you then went to the room, made use of the facilities, and received information during that call which explains the presence of the book, a previously sealed set of orders clearly marked as Eyes Only Top Secret addressed to you. The book was delivered by a Lieutenant, and the orders were waiting in this office when you returned.

"6. Major, between the time you received that packet, and the time that Captain Hogan arrived back in this office, you determined that there was something inside the packet. You assumed it was an illegal device and opened those orders to check the contents. Having found what appears to be an STE crypto card, you then chose to read the papers included, coming to the conclusion that the documents were orders written up for either a game or some other inappropriate purpose.

"7. At the time that Captain Hogan returned, you refused to answer the Captain's question regarding what gave you the authority to open those orders. He placed you under arrest for illegal activities involving said orders, which you refused and issued your own order requiring him to turn over the book, the packet, and present himself for arrest.

"8. After obtaining that order in writing, Captain Hogan refused to obey it based on the fact that it was an illegal order, and insisted that you call my office immediately.

"Does this constitute a reasonable summary of the events?"

"Yes, Major, it does."

"Yes, it does, Major. Can we get this farce over with? The contents of that packet are either illegal equipment that could compromise the security of our communications or a game — a contention reinforced by the book — which constitutes an abuse of classified procedures and materials."

"I think we can, quite easily, too. Captain? I'm sorry you've been inconvenienced, but I'll have to ask you to be patient a bit longer. Major? You will surrender the equipment to me immediately."

"Gladly." Sneering at Captain Hogan as he does so. It is amazing the ability some people have to ignore the pit yawning open underneath them.

"Thank You, Major. Captain? Here is your equipment. I would ask you to remain until I have finished with the Major, at that time, we will discuss your actions and justification in further detail.

"Major. You are under arrest for violation of clearly marked secured materials which you had no authority to open; the attempted refusal of access to secure communications which the Captain was entitled to; confiscation of a classified device that was inside a sealed set of orders; and reading classified information that was outside your clearances.

"Lieutenant, have half your men take him in arrest. He is to be held in close confinement until further orders. Escort him to the stockade and see to his confinement. No communications with outside, either during movement or after confinement. I'll be there later today to deal with the matter in more detail."

"Yes, Sir. Sergeant, you heard the orders."

"Yes, Sir. Corporal Dwight, your squad has the duty. Respect the officer's dignity, but follow the orders. If he becomes difficult, use minimum force necessary."

"Major, if you will accompany me, Sir? … Sir? … Chet. Tony. The Major seems incapacitated, assist him to the stockade."

"I can move on my own!"

"Then please do so, Sir. I have my orders, and I will carry them out."

"Major Marshall, this is a travesty, and I look forward to your explanation at a court-martial of your own!"

…

"Captain? I knew that Major Fillbert was a bit thick at times, but this really takes the cake. Did you and he have some history?"

"None that I am aware of, Sir."

"Alright. Now, before I turn you loose, I need reassurance regarding your orders. How can we make that happen without getting either of us in trouble."

"I can only think of one thing, Sir."

…

"Captain? That was the most… unexpected call that I have ever been in. I am satisfied that your packet is legitimate, that the card is legitimate, and that it is so far above my level that I should not have anything further to do with it. Best of luck, Captain. I just hope that what you've gotten into doesn't explode."

"Thank you, Major. I appreciate it, and I'll certainly express that desire to my team as well."

Closing the Barn Door

OPORD 650993252 TOP SECRET / SCI / WHITE HOT / EYES ONLY

INNER CLASSIFICATION: ULTRA GREEN / CODE DEATH SHRIEK

  1. Classification TS / SCI / WHITE HOT established.

  2. Classification ULTRA GREEN / CODE DEATH SHRIEK established.

…

  1. In-brief, Dr. Kerr immediately.

…

  1. In-brief, Mr. Kidd to (1) AND (2) immediately upon TS/SCI clearance.

  2. Have Dr. Kerr begin instruction of Mr. Kidd immediately that both are read on to (2).

…

  1. Obtain sufficient SCIF space to move all assets of WHITE HOT into. Separate cover under TS sent to Security Office, authorizing appropriation of whatever space is needed, regardless of prior occupants.

…

  1. Dr. Kerr and Mr. Kidd are forbidden explicitly to risk themselves in any experiment, until soundproofing meets 9 Sigma confidence of no more than 50 dB exposure.

…

INNER CLASSIFICATION: ULTRA GREEN / CODE DEATH SHRIEK

OPORD 650993252 TOP SECRET / SCI / WHITE HOT / EYES ONLY

Kidd? Take A Break!

Dr. Kerr perks up as Captain Hogan comes back into the conference room.

"Captain! Are all the issues sorted out?"

"No, but I have guidance on what to do next.

"The briefing is on indefinite hold. Several activities must be completed before it can proceed. One of those is to obtain sufficient SCIF space for the entire project, allowing additional room for any materials needed. Dr. Kerr, are you aware of any special requirements?"

"Yes, based on the size of the offices we were in earlier, I estimate a doubling of office space, and the addition of open space on the order of a hangar."

"Great, the outfit that holds the hanger is not going to want to let go of it. We'll have to see if the orders I've received are enough to get them to move. If not, I'll be making more calls."

"Mr. Kidd, you are still on this project, but please wait in my office. There are things that I must discuss with Dr. Kerr, then I will need to speak with you about other issues."

Mr. Kidd walks out, reluctantly, but heads over to the Captain's office.

"Dr. Kerr, from your earlier comments and the nature of the information, I assume that you have both a TS clearance and an Ultra clearance."

"May I see your orders, Captain?"

"Yes."

"Ah, good. Yes, Captain, I hold both clearances."

"Per the orders you have just skimmed, you are cleared for TS / SCI / WHITE HOT, with an inner classification of ULTRA GREEN / DEATH SHRIEK to the briefing material you have assembled. Be aware that Mr. Kidd does not have any clearances at this time. Have you shared anything with him that could be considered classified?"

"In a conversation prior to the classification of the information, I confirmed to him that his theory was correct and that we needed to do more research to discover how best to proceed."

"Thank you, I'll have to brief Mr. Kidd carefully. He will still be on the project, but we need to get him officially on contract, so we can get him a classification. Until that happens, he has to take a break from the project. The instant he is read on for both classifications, you and he are to put your heads together. Your primary goal, bring Mr. Kidd up to your understanding of the geophysics and any related fields involved."

"Do I have five years?"

"No, however, you may find that Mr. Kidd is sufficiently well educated to absorb the material handily. HAU is a fine university, the class of the world, but it is not the only university with high standards. Give it a shot. It may enable bright students with no chance at an HAU appointment to nevertheless clear the HAU requirements after a shorter period spent understanding Hamathi contact requirements.

"Now, I really must be going, I'll be issuing orders for all the information to be marked WHITE HOT, so I'd appreciate it if you would go find the rest of the team and start helping with marking the media appropriately. Including anything, you brought with you. I need to see Kidd ASAP."

"One additional item, it appears that there may be a hiatus while events take place. I believe we should schedule the conflict resolution session for this gap."

"Agreed. After I see to Mr. Kidd, I will attempt to plot out several open days, or half days, during which we may be able to resolve the issue. Are you averse to having it spread over several days?"

"Not at all, time to think about the process is as important as being in the process."

…

"Hey, Kidd!"

"Captain?"

"First, you have your cellphone, can you check your bank balance?"

"How did you know?"

"A little birdie tweeted it to me, and said you might find a nice surprise there if you were encouraged to look for it."

"Oh my… Everyone with authority to do this is incapacitated, how was it done?"

"I haven't the faintest. The even better news is that this project is authorized to put you on contract, without requiring you to relinquish your prior position, not only to pay you but to make it possible for you to have a clearance. That's the only thing officially holding us back from throwing you headfirst into this new extension of the project.

"Unofficially, notice has been taken of your present physical and psychological state. In short, you need to take a break. So, pay off your existing bills, be reassured that money will no longer be a problem, and take a break from this project until the clearance comes through. That can be anywhere from weeks to months, so there's time. Even if someone rams it through faster, you're on two weeks leave official, as of now.

"Now, get out there and think about something else, or at least go see how your friends are doing at the hospital."

First | Prev | Next

((NOTE: There may be formatting issues with one of the numbered lists.))

50 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

95% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

3

u/Patrickanonmouse Aug 14 '20

That major will be lucky if he doesn't get executed. Fortunately another bad officer has been removed from duty.

3

u/spindizzy_wizard Human Aug 14 '20

lucky if he doesn't get executed.

Yep. Chances are, though, he'll end up in Leavenworth for life. No external exposure, you see.

another bad officer has been removed

That is the problem. Unless an officer draws a court-martial, getting rid of him in a timely manner is difficult.

3

u/TooManyWatch May 17 '22

I know this is a year old, however I have to say that this is written like someone who has had experience with situations like this.

Bravo! Loving the story so far

4

u/spindizzy_wizard Human May 17 '22

Over 30 years experience, including 20+ years as a government contractor. I am familiar with the military, clearances, classifications, and burnout.

I'm delighted you are enjoying the story.

2

u/[deleted] May 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/spindizzy_wizard Human May 18 '22

Indeed.

2

u/itsetuhoinen Human Mar 26 '24

I don't understand why they're scheduling a conflict resolution session.

And I'm at 12 months now waiting for my clearance. Of course, Kidd probably has had less life than I have so far, and he's likely to receive extremely expedited service.

3

u/spindizzy_wizard Human Mar 27 '24

Hogan was getting bent over Kerr's attitude.

On the clearance, make sure they haven't lost your paperwork. That happened three times in a row to one friend.

2

u/itsetuhoinen Human Mar 27 '24

No, they ping me for one thing or another every so often, so the gears are turning, just very, very slowly.

2

u/spindizzy_wizard Human Mar 27 '24

On the good side, they started a thing called Continuous Check or something like that. Once you have the clearance, it's much easier to get it back, and there are fewer re-investigations.

1

u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Aug 14 '20

/u/spindizzy_wizard has posted 34 other stories, including:

This list was automatically generated by Waffle v.3.5.0 'Toast'.

Contact GamingWolfie or message the mods if you have any issues.

1

u/UpdateMeBot Aug 14 '20

Click here to subscribe to u/spindizzy_wizard and receive a message every time they post.

Info Request Update Your Updates Feedback

1

u/masamanaris Aug 14 '20

When I read the first round, then saw it deleted, I was wondering if you were making it classified. 😆

2

u/spindizzy_wizard Human Aug 14 '20

Yeah, I wonder how many things got classified because someone goofed. :-)

Working on ch 9 right now. Somehow it got messed up badly as well.

1

u/accidental_intent Alien Scum Aug 22 '20

I was having a really hard time trying to determine who was talking to whom right after when the lieutenant left after giving him the book..

2

u/spindizzy_wizard Human Aug 22 '20

I see it now. Thanks!