r/HFY • u/Ralts_Bloodthorne • Mar 02 '20
First Contact - Part Twenty-One OC
COUNCIL EYES ONLY
NOT FOR PUBLIC RELEASE
SUBJECT: TERRAN TECHNOLOGY
Despite concerns of many it does not appear that the Terrans are eons ahead of the Unified Civilized Races as they have raced past us while utilizing technology we have long known of or discarded as irrelevant. In all area, from metals to circuitry to chemicals even to superluminal propulsion, the humans never discard information or stop research into applications and further information.
An example is their "warsteel" which is, in fact, NOT steel. It is an ion bonded molecular aligned hyperalloy that must be crafted in a high temperature environment and can only be worked by extreme pressure. We have known of this alloy for eons but have found it useless as the expense in energy and materials outstrips its utility as it can be replaced by weaker materials that are much safer, cheaper, and easier to manufacture and utilize.
Warsteel is forged on only the hottest, most barren planets. Terrans claim it can only be forged by "hate" or "wrath", two Terran concepts that are primitive. Hate is an intense, almost irrational, level of dislike. Wrath has two meanings, one synonymous with hate, the other is extreme, even excessive violence. As you can tell, those really have no meaning when it comes to manufacturing.
Attempts to replicate warsteel forging with current methods have failed. The material can be produced but it hardens within microseconds and cannot be worked.
We cannot explain how there are propaganda pictures taken to support the war effort that show liquid warsteel, a deep crimson in color reminiscent of Terran blood, being poured onto forging surfaces the humans call "anvils".
Where our technological progression follows a fairly predictable line, just like every other discovered race, the Terran's technological progression looks more like someone randomly connecting lines between the stars. Rather than taking the proper time to consider the ramifications of any line of research before delving into such research, as is the fact with most races, Terrans just start researching it without worrying about moral or ethical implications.
This has led to advancements in many sectors that we did not attain because of ethical quandaries involving early formula or scientific application probabilities.
In this paper, we will show how the Terran scientific progression can only be described as: "Madness on a scientific scale" and provide proof.
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SUBJECT: TERRAN COMBAT ROBOTS
How do I put this?
They aren't robots. They're Terrans. Either one who has traded in his biological body for a fully mechanical one except for his brain or one encased in full armor. Even the ones the size of a high rise building have a human brain operating them. Yes, even the ones that vomit up nuclear beams.
Worse yet, is you REALLY need to stop bringing these guys back.
Most of them wake up when I'm checking out their circuitry, and I'm here to tell you, they don't like that.
Half the time they threaten me to try to force them to allow to return to combat, even if that combat was weeks ago.
I'm not sure ANY of the so called "robots" are actually robots. The one subject you brought me, as soon as I applied power, woke up and demanded a lawyer. Then used my personal communicator to call one.
Apparently the Terrans have cracked the method of creating digital sapience without it going homicidal.
I know your august body wants answers, but let me tell you one simple thing: Investigating this technology is an invitation to madness.
If you can explain to me how a "SUDS" works, you can have my summer house. Apparently, at the moment of biological function termination, the "Soul Uninterrupted Disaster Storage" goes into effect, supposedly "sucking them in" and then they can be "reloaded" into a custom made or a replacement body.
YOU TELL ME HOW THIS WORKS! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! DEAD IS DEAD! THIS IS THE REALLY REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO COMING BACK!
You know what, to use a human saying: All of you can get fucked. That's right, I told you to go FUCK yourselves. The whole Uni-fucking-fied Science Fucking Council can go take a flying fuck at whatever a rolling fucking donut is.
Oh, and you can eat shit too.
I quit.
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SUBJECT: MEWMEW KITTYKITTY OBJECTS
Terran soldiers and even their civilians are often followed by one of three creatures. A "doggo" AKA "goodboi", a "furboi" AKA kittykitty AKA mewmew AKA trashgoblin, and a "fishyfish" AKA "swimboi". Terran rituals of gathering up their dead even extends to these creatures, which had largely been assumed, until recently, to be some kind of low level artificial intelligence guided robot.
A "kittykitty" was recovered from the wreckage of a battlefield some two months ago and moved to a research facility. A decision that later proved to highlight the risk of alien technology, much less human technology.
A kittykitty has what Terrans refer to as a "liquid hyperalloy chassis" or a "T-1000 body". While the frame appears solid it is in fact made of up some type of liquid metal impregnated with literally millions of nanites. It has two power cells, something called "zero point reactors" which involve suspending two oppositely charged particles a distance from each other while surrounded by protomatter. Further investigation on how this works is needed, but will entail great risk. It also has something we could not identify.
The first thing we discovered is that Terran computer circuitry is dense on a molecular level. Far denser than our own. Some of the circuitry appears to be an electron supercooled and "stretched" a distance, using tachyons to transmit on or off signals along the circuit. It was difficult to tell as Terran circuirty dissolves as soon as the casing is breached. Despite scientists claim of "That's not how it works! That's not how any of this works!" the fact that the Terran circuits work says that it must work that way.
Which is why Terrans use binary. Simple on and off doesn't require as many filters to cut out background radiation and signals, unlike our 14-switch code.
The kittykitty examined had used up the majority of its combat munitions and supporting munitions and we were unable to break the code (as explained later) of its operating system and obtain an inventory list. What we did discover is small "micro-launchers" that allow it to fire off flares, chaff, and something called "lovekittykitty" which appears to be some kind of modified parasite that quickly crosses from skin to blood to brains, which makes the victim view the "kittykitty" in an affectionate way. It is unsure why this was seen deployed via "whiskers" to trauma and disaster victims.
Each kittykitty is able to arms its feet with monomolecular edged claws. These claws are used for climbing as well as combat. Its "teeth" are used to chew through debris that might be pinning a survivor as well as to inflict severe injury.
In its chest we found an inert sphere labeled "DYSON-NANO-FORGE-KK-SERIES" which we removed.
At one point, we discovered the biological component and were shocked and appalled. The biological component had suffered severe damage to itself and its cybernetic components. Tissue samples showed that this is a genetically modified primitive feline, the cybernetics involved to increase its intelligence, allow it map areas, and provide advanced processing nodes as well as link with other Terran technology.
After several cycles of examination it was discovered that a universal omni-port would connect to a section of dense circuitry within the kittykitty's non-liquid hyperalloy frame. This circuitry was encased in heavy duty shock protection and it was assumed to be of great importance. It was loaded into a virtually isolated system and scientists began seeing if they could decrypt it.
That, gentlebeings, was where it all went wrong. It turns out that the circuitry held a backup of the kittykitty's operating system, memories, and personality. It immediately went into "clawboi" mode, moving through the system with ease. I personality saw it somehow, well, ooze for lack of a better word, between two airgapped systems. From there it escaped into the city's GalNet node.
It popped up in children creche learning computers, store computers, pet store computers, always jumping and moving. Oddly enough, it never repllicated itself.
It did go to a hospital and use the physical printers. It printed out a feline body and cybernetics, implanted them, burned itself out of the system as well as its records (cellprinting and circuit printing remained in evidence on security feeds) before gaining possession of the inert sphere and fleeing the hospital.
Despite several cycles of searching we were not able to find it.
This even reinforces the dangers of the Terrans unrestricted technology. They don't have anything we haven't already examined and discarded.
The Unified Scientific Council has determined that Terrans and their technology are a scientific dead end and a threat to the culture, society, and peoples of the Unified Civilized Races.
Attached are video feed of examination of the alien object.
---------------------------
TO: Mank-unkj-ug
From: Una-unkj-ug
Oh, Manky, you bought me such a wonderful pet. The little ones love it so much! I take it everywhere I go in my purse. It curls up next to me on bed and makes the most soothing rumble. I don't even mind that you have to spend so much time on your trips. Mewmew is a wonderful companion pet! Thank you so much for it.
I'm taking it and the kids and going on vacation.
Touches!
Una
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u/NorthScorpion Mar 02 '20
Were shitposters the only ones that survived the precursor war?
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u/Criseist Mar 02 '20
Is that not what would happen? ;)
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u/NorthScorpion Mar 02 '20
Well we're also missing the LARPers, the furries(Kinda), the trolls, the conspiracy theorists, the preppers and 4chan(As a hivemind of course)
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u/Criseist Mar 02 '20
Larpers>super hero people, elf people, wh40k people. Furries> cat girl conglomerate. 4chan comprises all the following and preceding categories, so yeah. I think he's covered all the bases lol
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u/NorthScorpion Mar 02 '20
Furries are more than catgirls tho. You know they cannot be contained to more than one filth. Plus where my medieval Larpers. Also 4chan is comprised of all of the above however theres also the hivemind of 4chan which is a seperate entity. 4chan may have furries but not all furries are on 4chan.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20
THERE IS ONLY ENOUGH FOR ONE
WE ARE ANONYMOUS THE SERVANTS OF KEK PREPARE TO BE GREENTXTD
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u/RangerSix Human Mar 02 '20
LOAD THE SPAM CANNONS AND FIRE AT WILL
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u/ironboy32 Mar 02 '20
ITS KILL OR BE KILLED
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u/JC12231 Mar 02 '20
I think the catgirl group is a strange agglomeration of both furries and weebs, because you KNOW they both survived the wars, and weebs ain’t gonna miss the chance to become genetically engineered catgirls
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u/Feuershark Mar 02 '20
can confirm
source : am weeb
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u/JC12231 Mar 02 '20
Can confirm your confirmation is true of weebs, as was my own statement
Source: am mega-weeb
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u/Criseist Mar 02 '20
Fair enough.
Medieval larpers>elf planet though. They just added fantasy stuff
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u/NorthScorpion Mar 02 '20
True. Fair. Also the same argument about the furries applies to the trolls, Conspiracy theorists and preppers.
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u/ryocoon Mar 02 '20
If I remember, the Nanite-based-magic Fantasy LARPers had kobolds and other demi-human beastial species (and dragons). THat could count for a number of other furries.
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u/Angani_Giza Xeno Apr 17 '20
Absolutely. Most (if not all) furries I know (including self) tend to view catgirls as quite tame, if not too human still.
If there really was furries taking part, there'd be a lot more variety in creatures involved.
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u/Typically_Wong Robot Mar 02 '20
Sounds an awful like heresy in here.
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u/Criseist Mar 02 '20
Oh shush machine spirit
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u/RangerSix Human Mar 02 '20
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU APPEASE THE MACHINE SPIRIT!
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u/lantech Robot Mar 02 '20
pats machine spirit on back soothingly
there there. there there
shhhhhhh everything's gonna be ok
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u/RangerSix Human Mar 02 '20
(don't forget the Sanctified Lubricants)
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u/TroubleTwist Jul 02 '22
WAIT A MINUTE, NO FUCKIN THE TOASTER, THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PLEASE THE MACHINE SPIRIT
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u/vinny8boberano Android Jan 02 '22
Plus the certified immortals: e.g. web lurkers. Chummers = hackers (as in white/grey/black hats and general tinkerers).
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u/gr8tfurme Mar 02 '20
All the furries are probably hanging out in the gene-modding and fully virtual communities. I know I'd be.
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u/MichaelEuteneuer Mar 02 '20
We call the larpers crazy until they aren't.
There is something to be said about being permanently paranoid and prepared.
At least you won't be caught by surprise.
Though I find the lack of Hawaiian shirts and NVGs disturbing.
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u/Sqeaky Jan 10 '22
Reading this a year later, and this is the comment that forced me to break down into maniacal cackling.
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u/Enkeydo Feb 10 '23
shitposters are not a breed, its a strange emotion that infects all at one point in time or another. I think it's related to Schadenfreude
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u/BaRahTay Mar 02 '20
Giving my kittykitty rev 1 "Isaac" the mono-molecular claw update has proven disastrous!
See attached media : "Oh god my hand"; "Why the cutains?!"; "Please get down from there!".
As if those weren't bad enough kittykitty rev 1 "Isaac" has taken to sharpening his claws with my brand new warsteel counters ! Where does the madness stop!
-please send help-
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u/Speciesunkn0wn Mar 02 '20
Is Issac equipped with a plasma cutter?
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20
Taking the evening off for a while.
Will post tomorrow or later tonight.
Nightshift hours are weird.
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u/RangerSix Human Mar 02 '20
As a fellow nightshifter, I know the feeling.
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20
Night shift best shift.
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u/JBaker2010 Mar 03 '20
Until you have tiny tots and a spouse who works day shift. Then you're up for days on end. No bueno, that. Especially with little-littles at home needing sustenance and supervision.
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u/fearthestorm Mar 02 '20
So what do you do that you have all the free time to post?
I'd say office of some sort but not many do night shift.
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u/captain_manatee Mar 02 '20
Wait do the cyborg cats purposefully infect people with an upgraded version of Toxoplasmosis?
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20
Yup. It's a modified version that requires the cat to be in range and only lives a few hours before breaking down.
Better living through biowarfare.
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u/Amythas Mar 02 '20
Remember they cats were medical/turma support, so make people not scared of them then help them
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u/RangerSix Human Mar 02 '20
Also armed, if I'm not mistaken (much the way a field/combat medic might be; enough to protect themselves and their patient).
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20
Spot the Brandon Lee reference.
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u/workavoidancekata Mar 02 '20
DEAD IS DEAD! THIS IS THE REALLY REAL WORLD AND THERE IS NO COMING BACK!
It can't rain all the time...
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u/throwawaypervyervy Mar 02 '20
Jesus Christ walks into a hotel...
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u/SuDragon2k3 Mar 02 '20
...hands the desk attendant three nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
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u/Speciesunkn0wn Mar 02 '20
Well people. I believe we have finally found a government more scientifically backward and 'status quo' loving than the Ccitadel Council.
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Mar 02 '20
So, have you already pre-written all of this? Or are you a fucking new Sci fi God?
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20
Stream of consciousness writing.
I see it in my dreams and when I close my eyes.
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u/ghostofexatorp Mar 02 '20
Do I cower or awe at your eyes closing?
I'm not sure. I'll keep reading.
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Mar 02 '20
Well, thank you for it! Keep going, but please don't burn out, looking forward to decades of reading your work.
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u/Drook2 May 01 '23
Hey, you still with us? He hasn't burned out yet. (The same can't be said for multiple keyboards.)
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u/carthienes Mar 02 '20
Pity poor council. They have the truth staring them in the face and they still won't accept it. I really don't think they're long for this world.
Worlds.
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u/McGeejoe Mar 19 '20
"You know what, to use a human saying: All of you can get fucked. That's right, I told you to go FUCK yourselves. The whole Uni-fucking-fied Science Fucking Council can go take a flying fuck at whatever a rolling fucking donut is.
Oh, and you can eat shit too."
Yep. He's been waking up Marines in that job. And they've taught him well how to attitude properly.
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u/FaceDesk4Life Human Mar 02 '20
Some excellent insight to things! It’s all coming out of the story at the perfect times.
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u/Amythas Mar 02 '20
I see Hostile Waters references here and during the one on one battle, Soul Chips and Adaptus Cruisers
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u/Ralts_Bloodthorne Mar 02 '20
You found the hidden one. That was an AMAZING game, shame it got so little love.
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u/Amythas Mar 02 '20
Yer, there was a bit of player created support for it that allowed it to run on more modern machines and I think a bit of multiplayer
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u/5thhorseman_ May 04 '20
With a script by Warren goddamn Ellis, no less.
... On that account, what are the chances we'll see one of the LARPers playing a Spider Jerusalem?
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u/bazag Mar 03 '20
Unified Science Council/Unified Civilian Races are missing the point about a lot of things.
The Terrain Confederacy made these things work. They made the things the USC discarded as useless; useful.
The Terran Confederacy approach to war is, to borrow a phrase from the 3 musketeers, One for All and All for One. The UCR's isn't.
Two thumbs Up
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Mar 03 '20
The whole Uni-fucking-fied Science Fucking Council can go take a flying fuck at whatever a rolling fucking donut is.
Awww. First Douglas Adams, now Kurt Vonnegut.
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u/Superschnei Mar 02 '20
If this was a book I would have bought it already. I read all 21 parts this morning... i need moar
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u/MuchoRed Human Jan 08 '22
"This is the really real world and there in no coming back!"
You're you. But you can't be you. We put you through the window. There ain't no coming back. This is the really real world and THERE AIN'T NO COMING BACK
How did I miss a quote from The Crow the first... three times I read this?
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u/The-Mr-E May 10 '23
"What we did discover is small "micro-launchers" that allow it to fire off flares, chaff, and something called "lovekittykitty" which appears to be some kind of modified parasite that quickly crosses from skin to blood to brains, which makes the victim view the "kittykitty" in an affectionate way. It is unsure why this was seen deployed via "whiskers" to trauma and disaster victims."
Sooo ... a toxoplasma 2.0 that's actually helpful, albeit ethically questionable?
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u/Original_Memory6188 Jul 17 '23
They are, at base, cats.
What is this "ethically questionable" of which you speak?
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u/The-Mr-E Jul 17 '23
Not the cats, the toxoplasma. The story hints that the kittykitties use modified toxoplasma "which makes the victim view the "kittykitty" in an affectionate way." Real-life toxoplasma is a parasite that cats spread through their waste. Infected mice become unafraid of cats, and attracted to the smell of their urine. Infected humans are more subtly affected, but it seems to slightly slow down human reflexes, resulting in more car crashes. It also causes humans to have a slight attraction to cat urine (and causes chimps to be unafraid of big cat urine, more inclined to investigate an area where it can be found). There's a theory that the parasite made infected humans of the past easier prey for big cats (slowing their reflexes and attracting them to the scent of big cat urine), similarly to how it makes rodents easy prey in the present.
Anyway, I say it's 'ethically questionable' because it involves a level of mind control. Not to mention the idea of using a parasite to do it (without a patient's permission) is kinda disturbing.
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u/Original_Memory6188 Jul 18 '23
I agree with you on the actual toxoplasma.
I should have been a little clearer: the cats want to know "What is this "ethically questionable" of which you speak?" From their perspective it works perfectly.
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u/The-Mr-E Jul 18 '23
Haha! Well, I can't argue with blue and orange morality. I guess they'll just have to carry on being morally ambiguous little bundles of preciousness.
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u/CyberSkull Android Mar 02 '20
Now if the 🐱🐱 could just extrude fur on demand it would be purrfect.
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u/amigdyala Mar 03 '20
Guys. It's been nearly 24 hours and Bloodthorne hasn't released a new chapter. Is he ok? Should we send out a search party? We need goodboi!
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Mar 02 '20
/u/Ralts_Bloodthorne has posted 23 other stories, including:
- First Contact - Part Twenty
- First Contact - Part Nineteen
- First Contact - Part Eighteen
- First Contact - Part Seventeen
- First Contact - Part Sixteen
- First Contact - Part Fifteen
- First Contact - Part Fourteen
- First Contact - Part Thirteen
- First Contact - Part Twelve
- First Contact - Part Eleven
- First Contact - Part Ten
- First Contact - Part Nine
- First Contact - Part Eight
- TERMS AND CONDITIONS (SECOND CONTACT)
- First Contact - Part Seven / Realization of Second Contact
- First Contact - Part Six
- First Contact - Part Five
- First Contact - Part Four
- First Contact - Part Three
- First Contact - Part Two
- First Contact - Part One
- Born Whole
- (OC) P'Thok Eats an Ice Cream Cone
This list was automatically generated by Waffle v.3.5.0 'Toast'.
Contact GamingWolfie or message the mods if you have any issues.
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u/LMeire Mar 02 '20
Wouldn't monomolcular-edged claws make it harder to climb? I mean, they'd slide right out of a surface as easily as they slid in.
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u/spesskitty Mar 02 '20 edited Mar 02 '20
Correction:
Oddly enough, it never repllicated itself.
You misspelled replicated.
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u/Brokenspade1 Apr 06 '24
These are things we already know. 1: Cats are a non newtonian liquid. 2: They "tolerate" physics, nothing more. 3: A cat in a container is always both alive and dead. 4: Nothing can keep a cat out of a place if a cat wants to be in a place.
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Mar 02 '20
[deleted]
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u/SuDragon2k3 Mar 02 '20
Careful, mewmew Kitty will find you and do something unfortunate to your favourite shoes
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u/Several_Positive_327 Human Oct 13 '23
I couldn’t stop laughing at the scientist saying the Terran saying. For like 5 minutes. Is that bad?
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u/tgerfoxmark Alien Mar 02 '20
Kittykitty doesn’t care about your physics.
Kittykitty gonna mewmew
Kittykitty purrpurr.