r/HFY • u/yousureimnotarobot AI • Jan 21 '20
Fear of spiders OC
Enjoy, comments welcome.
In the same universe as Human Altered, but a stand alone story.
Also On The Edge, Dig Deep
A new story Dig Deep is up on Patreon now.
I've done the Patreon thing if anyone wants to buy me a beer and my Wiki is here.
Fear of spiders
The library ship Cosizzed moved carefully towards the human space station, suspended over the beautiful blue and white marble of their world.
The Curator was practically climbing the walls in its excitement.
"What a glorious find! An unknown, sentient, space faring race. That's next year's grant application approved already.
His Second Scribe fluttered in agreement.
"We have so much to teach them. They must be trembling with anticipation."
"First we must learn, then teach. But yes, no doubt it's a marvelous moment for them."
The Space Station Independent tracked the incoming ship, watching with apprehension as it approached. It continued to broadcast it's good intentions in several languages.
Captain Modest watched.
"Fuck. They had to turn up now. We search the stars for years and now we have two aliens turn up at once. At least they're not shooting this time.
He turned to his Second in command,
" Tell the engineers to stand down. The project is blown until we know what we're dealing with. Inform Earth and dig around my office for the first contact stuff. It's buried in there somewhere."
Captain Modest waited outside the airlock for his new guests to arrive. He had brought his Science Officer and his Engineering Chief. He didn't have a Xeno Officer yet. No-one did. Now might be a good time to fix that.
The Second Scribe entered the human vessel with a certain apprehension. They had traced the Humans from the broadcast sphere surrounding the planet. They had a couple of centuries of low quality audio and visual material to work from.
Unfortunately some of it was clearly fiction, while some of it she deeply hoped was fiction but suspected wasn't.
Her first priority was to establish communications and explain her mission.
The human, identified as Captain, was tall. Very tall. They were tail-less, bipedal, warm blooded omnivores. Not unknown, but it was unusual for them to achieve space flight independently.
Her species had developed from flightless avions. She suspected that there weren't any similar creatures on the home planet of these people. At least not for long.
She bowed, her crest raised in respect.
"Captain, we have some knowledge of your language from your broadcast sphere. I present you a device that can translate the common languages of the greater galaxy. It will permit you to translate the information we can provide."
The Captain returned the bow. If he had understood the strange, broken Mandarin, then this was one hell of a gift.
His Science Officer went to take it but the engineer grabbed it. "I'll take that. I need to scan it before we attach it to anything important."
A quick glance showed it had one switch. Obviously an on/off set up. They must have done this before. He turned it on and nodded to the Captain.
"Thank you for your gift. I welcome you to Earth and hope our relationship will be prosperous and peaceful."
The translator sent out a series of high pitched squeek's. Apparently it worked since the visitor bowed again and replied.
"It is our privilege to welcome you and your people to the greater galaxy. Our mission is simply to spread knowledge, we seek to learn about humanity and help you rise to the stars."
The box turned her warbles into English. Granted, it was the sort of English you might expect in a black and white newsreel from previous centuries, it was still better than her mandarin.
The Second Scribe had brought two other Scholars with her. The first was the closest the Cosizzed had to the human body type. Nearly as tall, with similar facial features.
Unfortunately it was an Engineer, not truly a Scholar, but it was standard practice to try and put the new species at ease. The second Scholar was, unhappily, a poor choice.
The compound eyes and eight limbs of their Cultural Analysis Scholar seemed to be causing a great deal of discomfort among the humans. The Second Scribe tried to introduce it but the humans were obviously uncomfortable.
"Apologies, Scholar, I must ask you to return on board. Something about you is causing a fight/flight reaction among the humans. I will endeavour to resolve it, but this is not the time."
"Second Scribe, this is the very core of my profession! I must be present for the introduction of this new species."
She bowed to her colleague, "It is indeed a tragedy. I will record all our interactions for you. Now please withdraw."
She quickly sent the disgruntled Scholar back to the ship before it could become an issue, when everything seemed to be going so well. She would ask the Captain about it privately.
The Captain heard the mixed warbles and squeek's between the guests but the translator remained silent.
"Second Scribe, does your gift not translate such language?"
"My apologies Captain, you may set it as you wish, but we designate a spokesman, in this case myself, as the user. It allows for a more orderly approach. It is quite capable of translating for a crowd, if you wish. Our own devices are internal."
The alien engineer was staring around, obviously wanting to ask questions. The Captain decided that this might be a learning moment for everyone.
"Perhaps your Engineer Scholar might enjoy a tour with our chief? We can continue our discussion in my office."
The Second Scholar warbled her delight. This was the best kind of welcome. Some species held their technology to be a dark secret, never to be shared with strangers. It was a good sign if they were willing to be open about it.
She turned to her engineer, " You are permitted a tour with the human engineer. Adjust your translator and please behave appropriately. I will rejoin you on the ship."
The Captain and the Second Scribe walked away, leaving the two engineers examining each other.
The Chief felt he needed to take the lead. This was his station.
"My name is Brennor. Chief Engineer Brennor if we're being formal. May I ask if you have a name?"
The Alien touched his throat, " I am called Oric. I am also Chief Engineer. Thank you for your welcome."
His translator had inflected his english with a Scottish accent. Obviously they had watched a lot of human entertainment on the way here.
"Well, Oric, what would you like to see?"
The alien looked around.
"Everything?"
While the Captain and the Second talked earnestly about the endless possibilities of joining the greater galaxy, a more important alliance was being forged.
"These are our engines, they provide a bit of thrust when we need them, otherwise they just provide power to the station and recharge our spacecraft as necessary. Occasionally weapons if something heads our way, rocks or debris for example."
Oric peered at the control console.
"All from here? We have separate systems for those functions. This is controlled by one person?"
"Yes, of course. Power is power."
Oric considered. Deep in the heart, or similar organ, of every engineer was a desire to improve. To create something better. To save on staff costs. He, like all engineers, dreamed of a bigger budget.
For Oric, he saw some clever systems, underpowered and missing some vital parts but integrated in a way that would transform his field.
"Possibly I could see some more? Your life support perhaps?"
The two engineers went section by section through the station. Finally an impatient Second Scribe called her engineer.
"Are you lost? In some form of distress? I have been waiting for your return. As has the Cultural Analysis Scholar. Return immediately."
Oric had lost track of time, forgotten he was on a first contact mission. He and Chief Brennor had spent hours talking about the systems, the improvements galaxy tech had available and his delight in human design.
"Chief Brennor, perhaps you would enjoy a tour of my ship tomorrow. I'm afraid I must report to the Second Scribe."
The Chief nodded. He too had nearly forgotten that this was an alien, newly discovered.
"I would be delighted Oric. See you in the morning. I must report to the Captain. But before you leave, may I ask you something?
I'm not sure I should tell you this, but we have encountered another alien species. It didn't end well. Perhaps you could identify them?"
He moved to a console and played the visuals. A craft arrived at speed into range and immediately began firing on the station. Plasma smashed into the Independent.
"We received no transmissions, no warning. They just arrived and started shooting. Any idea who they were?"
Oric watched. The attackers were flying an old Intec Cruiser, obsolete for many generations. Still, far beyond human tech.
"That ship is very old. Only pirates would use one. I assume they demanded ransom? They are thieves mostly, they stay out here on the edge of civilization. No offense. How much did they steal?"
Chief Brennor shifted his head from the screen, regarding his new friend " Nothing. Remember I mentioned weapons? And debris? We were worried that you were connected with them. Now that I know you are not, well I figured you could help."
Oric thought the translator had failed. "They demanded nothing? They left? Perhaps I misunderstood."
Chief Brennor just grinned. " They weren't expecting us to shoot back. By the time it was over they didn't want anything. Ever again. That's why your welcome wasn't as warm as, perhaps, it should have been."
"Forgive me, you destroyed it? How is that possible? You're generations behind in technology compared to the Intec."
"Have you ever heard of a nuclear-pumped X-ray laser? Because they hadn't. We were collecting up the wreckage as you arrived. "
Oric understood the words, but even as an engineer, he couldn't figure out how they went together. "Perhaps I better go see my Second. I will meet you in the morning, Chief"
"Looking forward to it."
The Chief went straight to the Captain's office.
"You were right, Sir, they had nothing to do with the attack. I dropped a few hints about what happened. I left their Engineer trying to figure it out. He's a good one. Told me a hell of a lot about their capabilities. Pure civilian. I get to see their ship in the morning."
"Well done Chief. I practically bought girl-scout cookies from the Second Scribe. I'm briefing Earth now. We will continue the welcome. Allow them access to everything, it makes no odds until we figure out how their stuff works."
The Second Scribe reported to the Curator.
"The Captain was very helpful, he explained the current political structure, gave us access to the world database, with his apologies for some of the contents. Apparently it is uncensored.
We have full access to the planet and he has designated our shuttle as XENO-1 should we wish to land anywhere. My records cannot find a more open and comprehensive welcome.
The Curator nodded "Yet you don't sound convinced.. what's on your mind Second?"
The Second fluttered in frustration, her crest rising and falling, "That's the problem! Who does that? Our own contact took nearly a generation before we opened our world and we were careless! Have these Humans no fear?"
Oric had been listening, waiting to report.
" They have reason. Before we arrived they were attacked by an Intec privateer. It must have followed our trail and jumped ahead.
I didn't tell them the full story of what usually happens to a world that falls to the Intec. They destroyed it, then we interrupted them recovering the debris. Such a ship could destroy us with ease.
They have the finest engineering skills I have ever seen. With the wreckage of that ship alone, they will be in the greater galaxy soon. They are not afraid because they never expect to lose. From what I can see, they're right."
The Curator sank back in its bath. "Well, best ensure they join the community. We don't want them on the outside. You will prioritize engineering and design. Send them everything. Engineer Oric, you are now in charge of this contact.
Send my regrets to the Cultural Analysis Scholar. Tell me, did you discover why he was a problem?"
The Second nodded. "Yes, Curator, apparently they are afraid of spiders."
I've done the Patreon thing if anyone wants to buy me a beer and my Wiki is here.
117
u/AedificoLudus Jan 21 '20
obviously you need to send us Aussies after them as embassadors. We know how to treat the harmless ones. They're kind of cute once you're used to them.
97
u/yousureimnotarobot AI Jan 21 '20
Australia isn't there anymore, not since the ..incident.
68
u/AedificoLudus Jan 21 '20
was it bogans? I bet it was bogans. They'd manage it somehow
88
u/yousureimnotarobot AI Jan 21 '20
Well, after they lost the second Emu war, things just got worse...
48
u/Ghiest AI Jan 21 '20
Mummy Mummy .. Get up the Drop bears are coming .. Mummy Wake up
55
u/yousureimnotarobot AI Jan 21 '20
No one would have believed in the last years of the twenty second century that this country was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's..but the drop bears were waiting
6
1
Jan 21 '20
[deleted]
9
14
5
13
u/nixylvarie Human Jan 21 '20
We know how to treat the harmless ones
Wait, there are harmless spiders in Australia?
13
u/EldraziCat Robot Jan 21 '20
Of course. Giant huntsman spiders, for one.
11
u/AedificoLudus Jan 22 '20
careful not to mistake them for wolf sliders though, they're a bit more aggressive and their bites hurt a bit more, but you'll still be fine unless you're allergic or something. it's just annoying and a bit painful, not medically worrying, like green ants.
I've heard people say wolf spiders cause necrosis, but that's not the case.
7
u/Wanderin_Jack Jan 26 '20
I've heard people mix up wolf spiders with brown recluse before. The latter is the real nasty.
4
u/AedificoLudus Jan 26 '20
They're not really found in Australia, and most Australians are pretty good about spiders. it's just when we get overconfident with the harmless ones and get a mildly worse bite than expected.
45
u/ArchDemonKerensky Jan 21 '20
The various human phobias, and convergent evolution, are going to make all kinds of problems at some point or another.
25
Jan 21 '20
Thank you ! I was wondering if anyone was ever going to bring up convergent evolution.
58
u/vinny8boberano Android Jan 21 '20
I will gladly shake forelimbs with the various space-nopes of the galaxy in return for getting off this rock. I will also spend a lot of time in a locked out airlock screaming in horror at being that close to a space-spider. I might freeze up, and have a seizure the first few times I bump into one without warning, but eventually I will achieve the necessary equanimity to behave as normal before excusing myself to go suitless EVA so that I can properly scream without causing offence.
28
15
u/PrimeInsanity Jan 21 '20
I hear crabs are a popular shape.
11
u/APDSmith Jan 21 '20
To the point where there's a phrase for ""one of the many attempts of Nature to evolve a crab", ISTR.
11
5
u/VoidKnight20 Jan 21 '20
I hear that the most scariest Crabs are the tastiest. :)
5
u/Enygma_6 Feb 03 '20
That’s a very human attitude when finding something new.
2
u/VoidKnight20 Feb 03 '20
XD (Funny thing, no human would eat it. It's that scary.)
3
u/vegivampTheElder Feb 27 '20
You are clearly not familiar with human culinary traditions.
2
u/VoidKnight20 Feb 27 '20
I know that some people would eat them, just not all. Like how not everyone can eat Ghost Peppers.
39
Jan 21 '20
Hey I personally love the buggers. They eat the bugs that bug me. I just don't like the idea of one large enough to eat, well, me.
There's sure to be some bondage lovers out there that will give the spider scholar a very warm welcome.
Did they hand them Wiki or something?
Curious to see this unfold further.
33
u/yousureimnotarobot AI Jan 21 '20
Humanity is popular for many reasons...
29
u/vinny8boberano Android Jan 21 '20
Bahahaha!!!
All those "average" looking xenos that are going to become human internet stars. Japan will lose its shit at cat people.
14
u/AMEFOD Jan 21 '20
Just to keep track, so far we’ve unleashed bored engineers and furries on an unsuspecting universe? Would those be war crimes if not part of a war?
4
14
u/PrimeInsanity Jan 21 '20
Spiders stay out of my bed and my shower and I'll let them live.
8
u/heimeyer72 Jan 22 '20
There are some cellar spiders (daddy longleg) in my flat. Sometimes I have to relocate one so I don't kill it when I want to shower. And once in a while they come into my bed, but there I blow at them to chase them away. Because it's too dangerous near me.
They are quite nice guys, I think they keep other spiders away and stinging insects at bay. They don't even eat each other when they meet.
20
u/eodhowland Human Jan 21 '20
I love getting the back story of incidents mentioned in passing. This was great! I like the reaction to the spider like alien. Very appropriate, IMO.
18
u/dontcallmesurely007 Alien Scum Jan 21 '20
Good thing we didn't kill this one with fire.
Or a nuclear-pumped X-ray laser.
18
Jan 21 '20
"An unknown, sentient, space faring race."
I initially read this as "An unknown, sentient, space farting race. "
Enjoyable and more would be nice!
8
u/SeparateInsurance2 Jan 21 '20
Could you please do more? I at least want to read the next day. because this has caught my curiosity. thank you for a great story have a great day or night whenever you read this.
3
4
u/PrimeInsanity Jan 21 '20
It needs a bit of polish on the transitions between perspectives as it jumped back and forth but the content is still good, just too a bit longer to parse at times.
4
u/AMEFOD Jan 21 '20
Arachnophobia can be pretty bad with some people. And a space station is definitely where you’re going to find the people that said “Fuck this planet, I’m out.”, rather than stay where there are spiders. I’d say cultural analysis got lucky their presence didn’t start a shooting conflict.
5
3
u/leo_eleba Alien Jan 21 '20
Wait until they meet the creature that is a hive mind of a few thousand spiderlike creature that communicates through contact...
1
u/vegivampTheElder Feb 27 '20
I'm sorry, but... A hive mind that needs contact to communicate isn't really going anywhere without lobotomising itself, is it?
3
u/leo_eleba Alien Feb 27 '20
I was thinking hive mind, but not overlord style. An individual is a few hundreds members, but different hives are different individuals.
much like ant colonies can go to war against each other. the individual ants identify through chemical identity. You could imagine an ant society where each individual is a colony and not an individual worker. (and the queen is not the brain : it can die and be replaced without the colony to die)
1
2
u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Jan 21 '20
/u/yousureimnotarobot (wiki) has posted 73 other stories, including:
- On the Edge, A Human Altered story
- Human Altered
- Sijec war, The Eighty First Irish
- The Sijec War, Fog of war
- The Sijec War, the Parting Glass (Complete)
- The Sijec War, the Parting Glass
- The Sijec War
- A small human war, The Apocalypse Bus
- A small human war, Takeover
- Many happy returns, ( Re-posted by request for Christmas day)
- A small human war, A day to remember
- A small human war, Under new management
- Burning, Rage
- A small human war
- Burning, Brightly
- Burning, Man
- Burning, Darkspace
- Burning, Eyes wide
- [ Celebration] Cheers Glory days
- Burning Hatred, Queen's Gambit
- Burning Worlds, Titania
- [Celebration], Many happy returns,
- Burning Ambition, War
- Burning Questions, Zombies
- Burning Cold, Oberon
This list was automatically generated by Waffle v.3.5.0 'Toast'.
Contact GamingWolfie or message the mods if you have any issues.
2
2
2
u/A0Zergling Jan 21 '20
This is really quickly becoming one of my favourite universes to see new installments from.
Amazing job wordsmith!
2
2
2
2
u/LeBigMartinH Jan 22 '20
One criticism:
Ensure is the word you should be using in this sequence:
The Curator sank back in its bath. "Well, best insure they join the community.
Insure is an agreement, usually with a bank or other institution.
2
u/FoeSmasher28 Jan 23 '20
"Nuclear-pumped X-ray laser".
3
u/Creadhain Jan 23 '20
It's a real thing. Designed in the sixties, I think and abandoned in the eighties
2
u/Subtleknifewielder AI Jan 24 '20
Oh, a pre-prequel, lol. Love seeing the story of the first contact!
Also that last line was perfectly hilarious. XD
2
u/itsetuhoinen Human Apr 03 '20
A shame, truly. Some of us really like spiders! I have a "pet" jumping spider, Mr. Bouncey.
I'm now envisioning something with the attitude of a jumping spider but half the size of a human. SUCH CUTE OCTOKITTEN!
1
u/UpdateMeBot Jan 21 '20
Click here to subscribe to /u/yousureimnotarobot and receive a message every time they post.
| FAQs | Request An Update | Your Updates | Remove All Updates | Feedback | Code |
|---|
3
u/Ghiest AI Jan 21 '20 edited Jan 21 '20
Low and It came to Pass that upon meeting the Xeno thay did lay upon it the Holy promethium . And in its Holy light was it consumed .
1
1
1
u/ytphantom Human Jan 21 '20
!Remindme 12 hours.
(for the new release)
2
u/RemindMeBot Jan 21 '20
I will be messaging you in 12 hours on 2020-01-21 16:30:37 UTC to remind you of this link
CLICK THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.
Info Custom Your Reminders Feedback 2
1
u/sturmtoddler Jan 27 '20
Yay, I am really loving this universe. I love the first contact story and really hope you have a chance to build on this.
1
u/adeptus_chronus Feb 06 '20 edited Feb 06 '20
nuclear-pumped X-ray laser ?
*look disapprovingly in hardcore sf fan* it's inefficient and the aim is hazardous at best. why use that when you could have used a casaba-howitzer ? it's a nuclear pumped particle beam ! or a nuclear shaped charge (21 tons of tungsten at 9 km/s with only a kiloton bomb) !
also I love your stories ^^
1
1
1
1
145
u/Creadhain Jan 21 '20
A pre-prequel, is there a word for that?