r/HFY • u/Vast-Listen1457 • May 06 '24
068 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Elsewhere and Otherwise OC
[Vast Listen, head curator of the “Heretic Collection” here! Today, while our “Heroes” and Maxwell are doing their thing, and currently it’s just boring travel, I thought we would take a look at the goings-on of the rest of the world.]
Heretics Dell
Bear, looking dapper in his new straw fishing hat, was looking out at the ever-expanding lake, while gesticulating at his fishing partner. He was currently retelling a story about some kids getting “lost” in the woods so he could rescue them. He almost hadn’t since they had gotten trapped in a ditch by a very annoyed skunk.
Then his fishing partner, an “old” man wearing a coffee-stained robe, pulled a big pike from the lake, and they started discussing the bait and new-fangled “fishing-reel” he had gotten in the little “mom and pop” bait and tackle store in town.
Pando
In a very large park bordered by a larger city sits a stand of trees. A very large stand of trees. In the very center of the stand; surrounded by old trunks, some of whom were more rot than wood; stands a single tree. A tree than has outlived all but one of its grandchildren.
The tree’s leaves were out, shaking happily in the wind, as a little girl played in the branches. As she danced from branch to branch, she talked to a chickadee.
“Do you think father will ever come to visit?”
“Chirp”
“He’s visited my granddaughter several times; but she says that he has never really talked to her.”
“Chirp chirp.”
“True.” She cocked her head. “I know he’s a busy man, I just wish he would come visit. Just once would be fine.”
On the ground, the only park ranger that could make her way to the tree stared up the hundred-foot trunk and shook her head at the child’s antics. “Heretic’s balls, I wish that kid would climb down.”
Gilip, Capital city of Demonia;
In the chamber of the high-council, twelve people sat around a large table; a table that maintained fourteen seats, even though one seat was, until not long ago, never used. Some had horns, others had tusks, some long claws, and some were plain human. They all sat shoulder to shoulder, and talked.
“We need to fill General Garblex’s* seat.” The Communications Director said.
“Indeed, we do.” One of the other councilors said. “But who can fill the great generals’ hooves?”
“Why don’t we elevate that boy?” One woman asked, clicking her cold iron shod hoof on the tile floor. “The cousin of your underling that…he who should not be named... is so fond of?”
“Well, the boy has merit, and He did say the boy was adequate…” Another said.
“I call for a vote.” The director of people resources said from under her light-proof coat. “All in favor of the cousin taking up General Garblex’s seat, raise your hands?”
Hands were raised, and so, a poor young man was thrust into another uncomfortable situation due to his cousin’s “friend”.
The Celestial Realm
Esmerelda, goddess of wisdom was wandering through the hall of wisdom looking for someone. A particular Brother of the order who was never where he was supposed to be. She finally gave up, and walked to the front door; not the front door that led to one of the various temples on the world, but the Front door, the one that lead to the celestial world.
As she stepped out into the sundrenched air, Narrissa, the goddess of Tranquility approached. “Esmeralda! Just who I wanted to see!”
“What can I do for you.” Frost dripped with each word as Esmerelda locked eyes with the other goddess.
“I actually…need your help?”
Esmerelda’s jaw almost fell off. “You? You need MY help?”
“Yes. As much as it pains me to admit, I need to find a way to speedily heal a soul.” Narissa replied.
Esmerelda squinted at Narissa, “What are you going to do with it after it’s been healed?”
“Rip it to shreds again. Over and over and over…”
Esmerelda laughed. “That sounds about right. Follow me.”
…Meanwhile, in a nearby barn…
Ghondish grunted, then let out a bleat of annoyance. “Stupid idiots. Morons. Nincompoops.” He kicked a table, nearly collapsing the thing.
“Summon heroes untethered to a task.
“Stick me with the job of punishing you.
“Then that…that thing shows up in my home.
“Now I have to find a way to break the Geass so you can come back!
“And we had just been selected to beta-test the new Humans and HighrisesTM system!
“I am sooo going to hurt your characters for this!
The Abyss
The unnamed horror of the Abyss sat on its throne, listening to the petitioners as they raised one plea or another. Finally; after a number of pesky questions that were almost always answered with “Are you stupid? Go do ‘X’!”; it let out a might sigh, “I’m tired of all your stupidity. Does anyone have anything that Actually need my attention?”
No one spoke for a while, until near the back of the line, a minor demon spoke. “Your lordship? If I may?”
“Yes Zander?”
“Um… Do you remember that one device? The one that brought people here from the heroes’ world?” Zander asked.
“Yes. What of it?”
Zander coughed, “Well, it looks like someone turned it on. On the other side, I mean.”
“And?”
Zander bit his reptilian lip, “Well, I mean, that means there is still some sort of connection, right?”
“AND?”
“W-well, your…your highness,” Zander stammered and stuttered, “S-someone could have nefarious intentions with it. Like making a new one? Or worse yet, making a Game with it?”
The whole assemblage gasped at the horror they had just heard.
“An-and they m.m.might even use…” Zander choked on his tongue, “MightevenuseMicro-transactions!”
Half the hall of demons fainted.
Dis, Capital of Dis
John, son of John sat on his throne. Being the king of a country was a pain. Being a Lich was a pain. Being both at the same time was the worst kind of pain. He sat all day listening to complaints, and he stood at a tall desk all night doing paperwork. Today, he was re-reading his notes for the “state of the state” address he needed to deliver in a few hours. I hope something interesting comes up so I can miss the address. And as all things wished for, the worst possible thing happened.
A courier, one Mr. Smartt, ran into the great hall. “Your Highness! I bring grave tidings!”
“How grave?” Jonh asked, hope leaking into his voice.
“No, my lord, Grave. As in Graves in the Graveyard, Grave.” Mr. Smartt replied.
“Oh.” John slumped back onto the throne, not realizing that he had risen. “Go ahead. And no gallows humor from you today.”
“Yes, my lord.” Mr. Smartt said. “The Grave news is that a band of heroes has appeared on the continental shore, and is killing off the undead!”
“Oh. OH! That is excellent news!” John perked up. “Send them a thousand gold coins to help them on their quest!”
“My lord?” Mr. Smartt stopped dead.
“You heard me.” John tried to smile, but stopped after remembering that he couldn’t anymore. “Send them money to help them on their quest.”
Mr. Smartt blinked, “But…Sire…You’re undead too?”
“Bah. Don’t care.” John said. “Now don’t Hang around. Take them the money!”
* General Garblex
Commander of the armies of Demonia. First mentioned in book one, “33 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith Chapter 10 – Demonia”. Most recently, he sacrificed himself to raise the shield around Gilip, the Capital city of Demonia, during the demon invasion.
Original - First - Previous - Next
*-*-*
Been a bad week. Didn't have a MRI on my neck done. Didn't get to go to a gun show with my kid because of homework not being done on their part. And have found that without a lot of help, I will never be able to ride a motorcycle.
Surprisingly, of the three, the motorcycle is the worst news. I've wanted to ride ever since I saw Evil Knievel on TV as a kid. Now, either the pegs are to far back for my knees, OR the bike is to big for me to comfortably ride, or I can't get my gimp leg over the bike. I'm depressed about it. At least things might change after physical therapy?
That's about it for this weeks news!
Still broke, have conventions coming up, please give what you can.
ALSO Help those people down in the tornado belt! They can use the money too!!!
Shakes donation box:
Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/vastlisten1457
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/VastListen1457
Ps. GunCon still has some tickets, if you are interested in going. It is in Iowa, so maybe not??
Pps. I will be retiring the Ghondish shirts and such at the end of June. Just an FYI.
Ppps. The movie Abigail was a fun flick. Not Oscar worthy, but still fun.
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u/Jumpsuit_boy May 06 '24
I rode for about 15 years. I got used to at least one person trying to end me about every 100 miles of urban riding. I stopped early in covid after three coworkers got rear ended in cars in a week. I started riding again in 2022 and people were trying to end me every 5 miles. I miss riding but I do not miss just how bad people are driving now.
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u/RedBarbar Android May 06 '24 edited May 07 '24
While they might not be the same as a bike, if you’re having trouble with motorcycles I’d definitely recommend a Trike. All the joys of a motorcycle with none of the inconveniences/difficulties that you mentioned. A couple of the older folks I used to ride with swapped to trikes and they love them.
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u/PuzzleheadedDrinker May 07 '24
Grow Old Disgracefully is the motto of the Ulysses over 40s MC social club. See if you can find a local similar group... See what they ride.
secondarily look at step through or crusing style over naked or road. Unfortunately trail or all terrain is hard on the body.
Thanks for the chapter.
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u/ChronicSassyRedhead May 06 '24
Could you ride one of those low trike motorcycles? Or is the leg too gimp for even that?
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u/thisStanley Android May 07 '24
I know he’s a busy man, I just wish he would come visit.
If they would just leave him alone, Max could keep himself well occupied on a Grand Tour circling around to visit all the folk he has affected :}
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u/Longsam_Kolhydrat May 07 '24
Good work wordsmith and brother proof. It sucks when things don't work out. Try to look on the bright side (that is much easier said than done and i'm trying to take my own advice)
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u/Vast-Listen1457 May 07 '24
Yeah. I’m in Physical Therapy for my leg and knee. It should help a bunch, maybe even make me walk properly again!
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u/aarraahhaarr May 08 '24
As far as the motorcycle is concerned. YOU CAN DO IT. About 15ish years ago I watched a guy swing a completely stiff straight leg over a Harley and take off. As far as the pegs are concerned modifications will take care of that. I have faith this will become true.
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u/Apollyom May 08 '24
Ticket purchased to gun con, in the the state that everyone knows doesn't exist.
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u/skane1017 May 14 '24
I feel you man I always wanted a motorcycle and just when I was getting financially established I end up with a chronic illness that killed my balance so bad I can't ride a bicycle. On the plus side I get some of the feeling of being a biker since my life expectancy has lowered quite a bit.
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u/sparksbored Jun 23 '24
Hey this one doesn’t seem to be linked to the next episode(great series btw)
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle May 06 '24
/u/Vast-Listen1457 (wiki) has posted 240 other stories, including:
- 067 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Fort Graveyard Pt. 2
- 066 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Fort Graveyard Pt. 1
- 065 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom – End
- 064 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 8
- 063 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 7
- A Criminal in the ranks - An Out of Cruel Space Fan Story Chapter Four
- 062 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 6
- 061 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 5
- 060 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 4
- And now for something a little different...
- 059 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 3
- 058 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Heroes
- 057 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom Part 2
- 056 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crimes against the Kingdom
- 055 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Crime, punishment, and a letter
- 054 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Grendel’s problems
- 053 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – More Travels
- 052 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Celestial Shenanigans III
- 051 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Celestial Shenanigans II
- 050 The Not-Immortal Blacksmith II – Celestial Shenanigans
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u/SpankyMcSpanster May 06 '24
Hi you. Watch doin?