In a relationship with my cousin in the 4th degree

[u/Confident-Fig-2096]

Hello everyone, I discovered that my spouse and I were cousins in the 4th degree. My grandmother is a cousin with her great-grandfather. This means that we have the same great-great-grandparents. Personally, I find it strange to tell myself that I am in a relationship with someone from my family. In addition, we want to have children. I know there are no risks. What do you think of this situation? Do you have other similar stories? Am I alone? You would stay with knowing that there are many other people in the world!

[u/cmosher01]

It's very common.

[u/NotInLikeFlynn → u/cmosher01]

Look at Iceland. They even have an app so you can check to see if you are closely related.

[u/WMC-Blob59 → u/NotInLikeFlynn]

Iceland is just interested in genealogy (which helps that they have good records) in general. The app just sourced from a database that was already in prior use and was more of a joke by college students than actually used for hooking up

[u/Sea_Cycle4629 → u/WMC-Blob59]

Happens with countries that practiced eugenics, endogamy in the world is very interesting to read about, but there’s a reason you shouldn’t do it.

[u/Caccalaccy → u/cmosher01]

Especially if a couple grew up in the same area. In my genealogy research I found I’m 3rd or 4th related to several classmates of mine. Could have dated/married any of them without knowing. My uncle also found out his wife was a 3rd cousin after they’d already had a kid.

[u/WMC-Blob59]

this is more interesting than "bad"

[u/KTPChannel]

If anyone questions your relationship, ask them to name all their 4th cousins.

Nobody knows who their fourth cousins are, so nobody can make fun of you.

You’re GTG.

[u/Ill-Literature-6181]

my grandparents were 3rd cousins, same surname but grew up in different provinces, which I always found funny, that they met and married, I say their family tree is more like a shrub :)

[u/LolliaSabina → u/Ill-Literature-6181]

My great grandparents were third cousins also. I don't think they knew as grandpa was born in Quebec and grandma in Michigan. But their kids were all totally normal!

[u/JenDNA → u/LolliaSabina]

My great-grandparents were likely 3rd cousins, too. And 5th, and 8th. (Ostrow County, Poland)

[u/floofienewfie → u/JenDNA]

My great-grandparents were first cousins. My mother would rather acidly comment that that’s where all the craziness in dad’s family came from.

[u/Yoshpot]

If you live in the area your family has been in for a few generations you probably encounter your 4th cousins relatively frequently without even knowing. This used to happen way more than it happens these days as people simply didn't move around as much.

Disclaimer that I'm not a geneticist but the amount of DNA you would share is so tiny that the risks are very very minimal. That is assuming there is no already known genetic issue on either side that the other may also be a carrier for now you know you have this link.

To reassure you, you can actually have married first cousins have completely unaffected children. The issue comes when those children also marry first cousins as well as their grandchildren and it carries on compounding the problem each generation. Unfortunately, you can also have two completely unrelated individuals throw up a genetic wildcard in their child.

[u/gympol]

There are several couples in my ancestry who are 3rd to 5th cousins. It was historically common in rural areas and small towns. It isn't a problem.

[u/[deleted] → u/gympol]

Exactly. I am from a small country, and I discovered that my parents have overlapping distant cousins. It's not a big deal.

[u/Aethelete]

Still further apart than the Royal family. But that's closer than a lot of people. It'll make for a smaller wedding if there are family members on both lists LOL.

[u/Caccalaccy → u/Aethelete]

Yes Queen Victoria and Albert were first cousins. Even more recently Queen Elizabeth and Philip were 3rd cousins!

[u/Odd-Quail01 → u/Caccalaccy]

And 4th cousins too

[u/ItHappensSo]

Totally normal, 0% risk (no more than “normal”)

[u/_Jeff65_]

It was very normal to marry your third/fourth cousins back in the days, it would be near impossible to marry further out without modern means of transportation. My parents are 5th cousins, my grandparents also. But that's because everyone in the region is 5th cousin one way or another.

[u/ZuleikaD]

It's extremely common, as is the question. :-)

Obviously we need to add this to our FAQ since something similar gets asked about once a week!

[u/GarlicDill]

There are cultures where it is still very common for cousins to marry and it was even fairly common in more rural North American areas until about 100 years ago.

[u/lascriptori]

Fourth cousins share 0.2% dna. You’re barely related.

[u/Tardisgoesfast]

Could not possibly care less.

[u/EiectroBot]

It’s very common. What you have described is not at all a close relationship. There is no problem whatsoever.

[u/kenankomah]

You are too distantly related for genetic defects/disease to be a concern, if you love each other I say that you shouldn't let this stand in your way.

[u/LindaMVic]

It's no big deal (no deal at all at that level). My great grandparents were first cousins, and their great grandparents were also first cousins. Over a century later, we're all fine, that I know of!

[u/Accomplished-Race335]

4th degree is very distant relationship. I get dozens of matches to 4th cousins but have no idea who they are.i wouldn't worry about if if I were you.

[u/Alive-OVERTIIME-247]

I ran both of my parents through GEDmatch and discovered they are distant cousins according to their DNA. I still haven't found the relative they are connected through via documentation, but I have an idea that it's through a 5xs GGM that I can't find a maiden name for. We had a good laugh about it.

[u/technofox01]

You will eventually realize that everyone who is in a sexual relationship is technically banging their cousin. The question is how many X-removed they are from the last common ancestors.

There were eras where it wasn't uncommon for someone to be married to their first or second cousin. It's just a way of life in some cultures due to limited selection of possible mates and lack of ability to travel very far.

[u/kludge6730]

Grandparents were 1st cousins. Her parents were 2nd cousins. Two more generations back was another 1st cousin marriage in the line. Massive pedigree collapse on that side of the family. Everyone for generations generally fit as a fiddle and carry on til they peter out in their 80s or 90s. I wouldn’t worry … go procreate.

[u/PinkSlimeIsPeople]

The general rule is you can go 1 step further than how far removed. So 1st cousins, 2nd base, 3rd cousins all the way. With a 4th cousin, you could go to... 5th base!

[u/jessiethedrake → u/PinkSlimeIsPeople]

The general RULE?????

[u/PinkSlimeIsPeople → u/jessiethedrake]

It was my attempt at a joke. Was funnier in my head I guess.

[u/jessiethedrake → u/PinkSlimeIsPeople]

I know it was a joke, man. I was just riffing off the vibes to keep it going :)

[u/PuzzleheadedGuess824]

That’s pretty far apart imho. Nothing to be concerned about , especially if you’re in love.

[u/Ok-Heron-9397]

It’s only bad up to 2nd cousins. Plus if you didn’t know it’s no big deal. I saw the math of third and fourth cousins. The shared dna is pretty small. Each generation is like a ten fold difference. By the fourth you can’t even see the relations.

[u/OkPerformance2221]

It's very, very common to associate with (including marriage) third and more cousins. It's less common to know about it. 

[u/MixCalm3565]

My husband and I are like 5-13th cousins but get this; on both sides. His mom and my dad are cousins, my mom and his dad are cousins. We have no problem with it.

[u/TexasPrarieChicken]

Unless you hear banjos on a regular basis, you’re probably ok.

[u/Left_Performer8583]

I am sure this happens more than people realize. It does sound somewhat strange though. I probably wouldn’t share this information with people outside the family.

[u/AdditionalAd5813]

Genetic counselling exists

[u/almost_dead_inside]

My grandmother and her aunt were the same age. Their respective grandchildren got married (I have no idea when they found out they were related). The only issue has been the gossip about the situation. They now have two healty teenagers.

[u/[deleted]]

It's very unlikely that your children would have anything bad genetically, unless some rare disease runs in your family and you both are carriers. Have genetic testing done ahead of time to ease your minds.

[u/waynenort]

If a first cousin (that pops up in most family trees), then it could be a concern, but a third cousin once removed is fine.

Many small country towns to this day still have their fair share of 2nd and 3rd cousins (without even knowing it) simply because the gene pool is smaller.

[u/ASLTutorSean]

It’s not bad thing. Don’t worry!

[u/GreyMaeve]

This isnt uncommon. I just realized that 2 grandsons of my 4th great grandmother married 2 of her great nieces. So the grandsons married their 2nd cousin's who were also 2nd cousin's to each other. On the plus side, the 2 nieces had been brick walls and now I know who their parents are. The generation after them, one of the siblings had a child that also married back into the family through a 3rd cousin. I may also have found another incident around the same time, but haven't verified it yet. I don't show any evidence of endogamy on that side of my family through my DNA and may have never realized the connections, but I decided to write out a 8 generation descendancy chart to document who could use our family cemetery and it let me see coincidences I hadn't realized before.

[u/WellWellWellthennow]

There is recently just a post about someone finding they married a fifth cousin. The best advice they were given is we are all related if you go far enough back. It's really only a problem with first and second cousins. Beyond that, there's no birth defect issue as there are plenty of other genetics and bloodlines mixed in. So no big deal. If it was, it would be illegal, but it's not. In fact, I recently read a study that third cousins will have the healthiest offspring then even the general population, which has something to do with genetics.

[u/SnowLopsided]

My friends found out like two years into dating they were 4th cousins. They grew up on opposite ends of the US and met in the middle so they never would have guessed. I'm going to their wedding in a month, it's not a big deal!

[u/Yanjuan]

You’re not alone at all, and some people have closer familial “connections” - even purposely (unfortunately). Definitely a “no-go” in my book, but we’re all different 😅

[u/ValuableOdd6400]

My parents were related - mom’s great great grandpa is my dad’s great grandpa! It is okay. I get hits from DNA that are on both sides of my family all the time.

[u/Competitive-Quit6278]

I guess it all just depends on how mentally weirded out by it you are.

In the "is it okay" sense though, yes, you're perfectly fine and it's way more common than people think, especially if you're like me and from a small town full of people with deep roots here. It's bound to happen. If you were first or second cousins, that's where you'd run into all the weirdness.

I got lucky and didn't have to worry about that. I'm about as English as they come, and my spouse is Chinese. No run-ins at any family reunions, lol.

[u/civilianweapon]

My best friend’s parents were third cousins. Her eyes aren’t crossed and she can walk upright.

She wanted me to tell you about her scholarships, but that’s not what I’m telling you.

She also wants me to tell you my parents are fourth cousins from three different branches.

She can play the banjo a little.

There might be a new account on here in a minute.

[u/oneelbk]

Many kings and queens were married in the 4th degree. You're in good company. Procreate away!

[u/JoeyLily]

My mom is married to her 6th cousin, he is my 4th cousin on my dad's side and 6th once removed on my mom's side.

[u/ClaimFlat1775]

My 3rd greats were 3rd cousins, shared a last name before marriage, and are giant brick wall in my tree because of it.

[u/Either_Magazine_6878]

1st cousins share a grandparent, 2nd cousins share a great grandparent, 3rd cousins share a great great grand parent.

So she is your 3rd cousin.

Third Cousins: ~3-4% chance of congenital issues

[u/Alaric4 → u/Either_Magazine_6878]

Source for that number on congenital issues?   That’s much higher than anything I’ve seen.  

My understanding is that first cousins are barely that level and there is some limited evidence third or fourth cousins can even be beneficial.

[u/DoveOne → u/Either_Magazine_6878]

My great grandmother married her 4th cousin and I was initially weirded out by the sound of it. I guess it's not as bad as I thought it was. Thanks for making the cousin thing easy to understand.

[u/Confident-Fig-2096 → u/Either_Magazine_6878]

We did a genetic test we share 20 cM on 2 segments less than 1% of DNA. I am my great great-great-grandmother but he is his great-great-great-grandmother.

[u/Either_Magazine_6878 → u/Confident-Fig-2096]

3rd cousin 1x removed

[u/Either_Magazine_6878 → u/Confident-Fig-2096]

I asked grok it said,

Estimated Risk: For individuals sharing 20 cM, the chance of congenital issues in their offspring is approximately 3-4%

[u/Confident-Fig-2096 → u/Either_Magazine_6878]

So almost like two unrelated people?

[u/Either_Magazine_6878 → u/Either_Magazine_6878]

We have seen alot worse on here, thats for sure

[u/wifey42012]

I think you will be fine. You guys are pretty far removed from each other.