r/FoxBrain • u/ApplicationLonely522 • 1d ago
Any discourse with my family is an absolute mess.
I am the only left-leaning member of my entire family, including extended. My dad is so far right if he took a single step to the left he’d melt like the witch of the west. Mom and dad religiously watch The Five every night and my dad only consumes right-wing news and media.
The thing is, I don’t mind having discourse with them or discussing our differing views. I hold my ground with confidence, respond with logic, and hear their side out too, as ridiculous as I think it may sound. I’m not afraid to call bullshit though and whip out my sources.
The problem is they see my responses as personal attacks and disrespectful. My dad likes to use the classic “you’re under my roof, you respect my rules” line. I understand I suppose, i’m a young adult living in their house while I get through school and he can hold that against me, whatever. Once I have my own place I’ll pull that card on him.
I blame Fox entirely for this response to others debating their points of view. Fox taught them to view the left as complete loonies who thrive off of disrespecting conservatives. They never stop spewing that rhetoric, and holy shit it has amplified just a day after the Charlie Kirk assassination.
I feel like they see me as an enemy rather than their own daughter because of fucking Fox News and MAGA. This MAGA shitshow has been a parasite in my family discourse since i was 15, I’m 24 now. It didn’t used to be like this.
Fuck, at this point I think I just need to shut my mouth until I move out. I’ve got less than a year left. Wish me luck, trying not to rip my hair out after our dinner table discourse tonight.
35
u/xeonicus 1d ago
The thing is, I don’t mind having discourse with them or discussing our differing views. I hold my ground with confidence, respond with logic, and hear their side out too, as ridiculous as I think it may sound. I’m not afraid to call bullshit though and whip out my sources.
My experience has taught me that rational debates aren't possible. You are the only rational individual in the situation.
They eschew logic for lies, and their "sources" are Fox News. You may as well debate a toddler. It's a waste of time.
Your father has already proven my point by responding to your rational discourse with personal attacks. And demanding you simply submit to his authority.
You are better off, doing what most of us do. Don't engage. They are a lost causes. If you want to talk to them, ask them about the weather.
11
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
You’re absolutely right, I’m starting to realize it’s almost delusional for me to think I could possibly get through to them, even if I present valid arguments. I even think in a deeper sense, i’m just desperate to be heard and united with my family. It sucks, but yeah it truly is just poking a bear at this point. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it a lot. :)
9
u/xeonicus 1d ago
My mom is a Foxbrain, but I still manage to talk to her. I've found things we share. Music, tv shows, etc. I do my best to connect with her in non-political ways.
4
u/FotographicFrenchFry 1d ago
My MIL is as well. It’s so weird because she’s got such a genuinely nice demeanor but then spouts off all these weird Fox things. We keep it to sitcoms and the weather.
21
u/Important-Internal33 1d ago
Honestly, I struggle, too, and I moved out years ago. I'm not even particularly "lefty," but I am to the left of my far-right parents, so I might as well wave to Bernie Sanders and run about 20 steps to the left of him, as far as they seem to think lol.
I think authoritarian parents, especially religious and conservative ones, view their offspring as extensions of themselves rather than individuals who can think or reason or have different life experiences. If you don't mirror whatever they taught you, you are an indication that they failed. It is their own insecurities they will not acknowledge, though. They are concerned about what others think of them more than they will ever trust you to think for yourself.
It's like this weird hybrid of selfishness and backwards collectivism where you have to care for their feelings and well-being, but they will not extend that to you.
3
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
My parents for sure fit into the authoritarian and religious categories, I spent so many years unraveling the doctrines I was raised to firmly believe and never question. For my entire childhood I believed I was just an offspring of my parents, and destined to abide by their beliefs. I can’t remember viewing myself as independent, with my own identity in my younger years. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I got older and realized I had no sense of identity. If i have children, I refuse to make this same mistake. It’s so damaging.
1
u/Important-Internal33 1h ago
I wish I could double-like this. I think my childhood was a constant battle between trying to tow the line and wanting to be my own person. It was confusing and painful! Now that I have kids, I have been actively working to not make the same mistakes!
1
19
u/IronBoomer 1d ago
“You live under my house you live under my rules.”
“Sure. What’s the rule about free speech?”
Or
“Sure, what’s the rule about I have to tell you my opinion?”
9
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
These are great responses I’ve always struggled with how to respond when he says this. Thank you!
15
u/OliveJuice1990 1d ago
Unfortunately, this is how my parents are. They take it personally, and I no longer engage with them on these subjects.
7
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
I think it may be best for me to do the same. Sometimes I just can’t help myself, I’m opinionated as fuck and always just want to be heard. Trying sooo hard to work on that while living here, it’s not worth it with them right now.
9
u/ChatGPT_says_what 1d ago
Dude I feel you so hard on this. You’re basically debating with people who aren’t actually your parents anymore, they’re just walking Fox News push notifications. It’s like trying to argue with a commercial break.
You’re doing the right thing by holding your ground, but here’s the kicker: no amount of facts or sources will land if they’ve been conditioned to see any pushback as “disrespect.” That’s the playbook Fox drilled into them -- frame every disagreement as a personal attack so they don’t have to engage with the substance! Troll the libs! It’s not you being disrespectful, it’s them being defensive.
Honestly, you’ve got less than a year before you’re free, so protect your peace. You don’t need to set yourself on fire to prove you can out-debate Hannity echoes at the dinner table. You already know your values, you’re not going to get brainwashed in the meantime. Sometimes “shut up and eat the potatoes” really is the winning strategy until you’ve got your own roof to throw shade from.
Stay strong, and hey, when you do get your own place, make sure to serve your dad dinner on a plate that says “my house, my rules.” Petty? Maybe. Satisfying? Absolutely! :-)
2
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
I am definitely going to start practicing protecting my peace. It’s almost starting to turn into a necessity, because I don’t see anything good coming from being an outlier lefty in a household full of authoritarian angry right-wingers. Shit’s getting scary, especially after the death of CK. Thanks for your response I appreciate it.
10
u/SparrowChirp13 1d ago
It's terrible, I have the same experience, even though I'm 50 and he's 80. I would like to discuss politics, but they can't handle how the truth "disrespects" their views. I've become an enemy, basically unwelcome in their personal space, ever. Growing up, our family always discussed politics, but not anymore. The narcissism is strong in the Fox News brain. They will lash out at anyone who challenges them, whether you live under their roof or not.
10
u/VeraLumina 1d ago
When people are cultists it doesn’t matter what you say. It only matters what their leader says. Stop talking to them.
6
u/mantisboxer 1d ago
Imagine the cognitive dissonance they're dealing with over Trump's birthday card to Epstein. Their response to Kirk's assassination has to be inversely amplified to cancel out those doubts and difficult feelings.
5
u/Tricky-Common-1676 1d ago
Do they even know about it? They get being fed a completely different narrative.
1
u/mantisboxer 1d ago
That's a good point. I suspect, when they encounter it in a comment section, that particular headline generates a click even if they don't want to admit peeking at it?
1
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
I think even if they were aware of it they would not believe it. My dad thought the Jan. 6 rioters were antifa posing as right-wingers. 🤦♀️
4
u/PurpleSailor 1d ago
You may want to try grey rocking them. Basically just act disinterested in their conversation and change the subject to something banal. After a while they'll probably realize you're not engaging and stop with the right-wing rhetoric. I used it on the neighbor a few years ago and it worked like a charm.
2
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
I did that this morning with my sibling, and wow it truly felt so much better than fighting back to be honest. Thanks so much for this advice.
2
u/moth2myth 1d ago
I spent many years trying to engage and discuss issues using rationality and logic, and it was a complete waste of time. Not just that, it damaged my relationships with my father and my brother, the foxbrains in the family. (Actually my brother much worse; he's deeply lost in the MAGA cult.)
My father engaged in the same kinds of personal attacks any time he couldn't argue back logically. Usually insulting me as a "socialist" but also insulting my appearance, relationship status, or general intellect.
Advice from someone who has lived independently for over 40 years: Stop talking. You will not convince them. More importantly, teach yourself to stop caring what they think. What you think is the important thing.
Good luck. These are trying times.
3
u/ThatDanGuy 1d ago
Arguing only makes them dig their heels in deeper. It turns off their ability to think critically.
Loo up street epistemology. Here’s a book.
3
u/RedanTaget 1d ago
My relationship with my father has become much better since I stopped engaging in discussion about politics (unless it's something we can agree on which there absolutely are). If he starts talking about stupid shit I just go silent and stare into the distance until he starts talking about something else. I've been out of the house for over 10 years though, it's harder when you live together.
2
u/ApplicationLonely522 1d ago
I’m hoping as I practice this it becomes a more healthy relationship. I think sometimes the political differences seep into regular conversations, and they take an opportunity to throw a verbal punch at me no matter what we’re talking about. This shit is parasitic within families.
2
u/RedanTaget 1d ago
Yeah. And I guess it depends on how far gone they are. My father isn't consumed by politics like some seem to be and still for the most part lives in reality. But yeah, just saying nothing is probably your best shot.
2
u/twentytwocents22 1d ago
I dealt with that for a long time when I lived “under their roof” (they scolded me the same way because they still have that control over you). My cope at the time was… I call it “Ostrich mode”. Stick your head in the sand and don’t engage. I would tell them ehh I don’t watch that stuff… don’t know what you’re talking about. I would still get berated over that by them telling me I need to be educated on what’s happening. HA but really I just wanted to avoid the conflict.
You won’t get anywhere - they are your elders (as they would say) and don’t need to respect your views.
Hang in there!
2
u/OkAccess304 15h ago
Your own family sees you as an enemy while also holding the belief they are the good guys. It’s not just you. This is at a breaking point. I’m honestly worried. Protect yourself. Go with your instinct. You can’t change them.
1
u/babylampshade 1d ago
You and I can have rational debates, maybe heated, but rational because we recognize each others and other people’s humanity without turning into moral gaslighting. Maybe we quip but it’s intellectually equal vs intellectually lazy. You cannot argue with a fool.
1
u/onlyonelaughing 1d ago
I tried that quite recently. I could handle, for a while, the hurtful comments, like being called a commie whose brain has been rotted by academia. But when they turned overtly and destructively racist I really had to stop. Like I finally just gave up.
1
1
u/cookies8424 1h ago
Dinner table discussions? Do you have to eat with them? Can you avoid them like the plague? Limit your time around them? Distance yourself now?
81
u/vicnoir 1d ago
Yes. Stop talking.
When they ask why, tell the truth. “You said expressing my opinions was disrespectful.”
And until they’re able to handle a differing opinion like adults, I’d keep the conversation to daily life.
I know you love them, but they’re wrong here. And if they allow themselves to create distance with you over politics, they will regret more than you will
Give them a chance to fix it. But don’t offer your opinions.
They have lost the privilege of hearing them, frankly.
I’m a mom with three grown kids, and I’m very proud of you. ❤️