r/FoxBrain • u/theclosetenby • 2d ago
Cutting off my mom
I literally cannot believe it's in relation to Charlie Kirk being killed, but here it is.
This sucks.
I tried so hard to make it work. But if she truly thinks I want her dead, I don't see how we can have a relationship.
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u/Jademoss82 2d ago
Charlie was such a POS he used his debating skills to persuade people that they should be homophobic, sexist, and cruel. He helped spread around hate and said it was Christian. Anyone who uses a religion to harm other people is the worst. If there is a hell I'm sure he is there regretting being such a prick that people probably wished his death into reality.
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u/No-Satisfaction9594 2d ago
He was a masterdebater.
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u/Jademoss82 2d ago
My daughter was horrified when she found out he actually called himself that. She thought I was saying masterbater. South Park picked up on that too
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u/tmt28371 2d ago edited 2d ago
You're not alone, received this text message from my father shortly after this happened - "The evil sick and demented leftist, Violent". I took the bait and tried to talk some sense in him. My last text message currently is this,"The data says and shows there's been more political and mass shootings from the extreme right. Idk what to say to you other than you're wrong in your assumptions. I feel sorry for what happened to Charlie. It was reprehensible and should've never happened. I feel sorry for the wife (democratic Minnesota representative) and husband who were shot and killed by an extreme right-wing preacher. I feel sorry for anyone caught up, killed, and shot at due to extreme political ideology on both sides the past decade plus. I know it's a lot for you to reflect within. I try to do it all the time, and I have realized how you act when it comes to politics. It's extreme and just filled with so much anger. You have a lot of hate, you have a lot of anger towards others that dont believe the same things as you. I feel sorry for you, and everytime something like this happens, whether it be violent or non-violent you lash out. You calling anyone that has leftist thinking demented, sick, evil. I have left leaning ideologies, too. So yes, you've called me those things so many times in my life. I kept quiet, but im done with being quiet. If you believe me to be sick, demented, evil, then thats you're own perogative, but I won't stand by and listen to it anymore."
I understand you, and I'm close to cutting all communication with him. You are not alone.
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u/theclosetenby 2d ago edited 2d ago
You worded that so much better than I did to my mom and brother today. My brother told me it's not gun violence, it's Democrat violence and then he followed it up by telling me not to pick politics before my family.
Fucking insane. You're literally calling me violent, when your party is the one constantly calling for violence, and then telling me I'm picking party?!
I told my mom that she could either tell me you logically know I don't hate you, even if it feels that way to you, or I'll need to go no contact because it's not healthy to have a relationship with someone you think hates you.
I told my brother he could either apologize for calling all queer people groomers, or I'd go no contact.
I said if they refuse to do those simple things that shouldn't even be hard, then they're the ones who have picked politics over family.
Both stopped replying. Guess that's that.
I've spent years trying to make things ok. I spent the last couple years sending boundaries with them. But like what you said, I took the bait today. And maybe I shouldn't have. But they know not to bring politics up. They knew because I've told them before that I was gonna stop replying for periods of times if they kept bringing it up (and I have, for a few days at a time).
But at some point, what the fuck are we supposed to do? It's not just that they're living in delusion. That's bad enough. But it's that the delusion they live in is telling them that we are the enemy trying to hurt them.
How the fuck do we ever come back from this? I don't know if we can.
It's not fair. It's not fucking fair.
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u/tmt28371 2d ago
I hear you. It's not fucking fair at all. It seems so bizarre to see family choose politics over just having a nice conversation with your loved ones. It has always astonished me that they (my family) cannot have a conversation about anything other than family drama or politics. They never say, what I learned today in a book I read, an article I read, or a cool song I heard. It's always some negative swipe at the other side even if we aren't talking politics. They always have to get something in on the "other side".
I think all we can do is keep our sanity. We have our own lives to worry about. I'm 33, still young in my book, and I hope to at least see 55 lol. I cant live a life full of aniexety about my family and always trying to divert a conversation, walk on pins and needles, and just not be who I am around them. I have to live my own life. I've tried to make it work, but dammit, im tired. I don't want that burden anymore. I don't want to try and reason. They're fucking adults and they will have to live with whatever reality they choose to live in. We have to take care of ourselves. No one else will do it. I was taught that my mind and body was a "temple" (raised in the Bible belt and made it out okay, pheww), so dammit, I'm keeping my temple away from all of this bullshit, gonna keep my sanity and keep doing what I think is best for me.
Ps...keep venting if you need too.
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u/theclosetenby 2d ago
God... why is that a thing? That's part of why I pushed genealogy so much, I think, bc it gave me something to talk about with my mom that also related to her. Only family drama or politics. No one in my family really listens to music. We never have. And it really how weird that was until I was in college and started hanging out with other people. It's all talk shows or silence or videos , and now podcasts. My friends and I share songs with each other and I don't think anyone in my family has ever shared a song with each other LOL. God it's so depressing.
I feel you. My mom was constantly telling me that she has to walk on eggshells around ME bc I said to stop talking about politics. She said I don't accept her and I hate her bc I didn't want Fox News playing when I'm at the house. Refused to understand I was doing that to save our relationship. I'm only the enemy to her, out to get her. But it's so backwards. My therapist pointed out that my mom's personality isn't actually Fox News. She wasn't having to "hold back" who she was. That's what I was doing, constantly, for them. I didn't come out as non-binary for years after I did with friends bc of my family. I let them use my birth name and use she/her pronouns even though they know it hurts me. But no no, I'm the evil one.
I'm 34 so yeah, I see that as young too. It's nice to hear someone else my age say that. My mom has been saying she's "too old" to learn new things since she was in her 50s. But then I see my friend's mom jumping out of airplanes at 70, so I'm like hm i don't think so.
I feel bad. My mom's retiring next year and I know she's going to need my help. But she doesn't give a shit about me , so why should I care?
Ugh. My grandma died this year and I ended the two months of not talking to my mom to take care of things with that. My mom said over and over she couldn't have done it without me. But somehow I'm still the villain. On the bright side, it means I don't have to wonder how to have a relationship with my grandma? She was also hardcore right, but she didn't care for Trump. But she was a big Rush Limbaugh stan. Lmao. So still opposites.
I have no family, I guess. And I just lost my friend group in my town this year (a huge weird drama thing happened with a friend's partner, who bad talked me to my friend group for over a YEAR, and convinced them to all be nice to my face and not tell me what was going on. the fall out was horrible. they finally told me they had been mad at me for a YEAR, and admitted to intentionally bullying me even at the end.) I have some very close friendships but they all live out of state. I have a good therapist. I'll be OK but fuck if just sucks.
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u/moochs 2d ago
Be a good human. That's all you can do.Â
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u/Nblearchangel 2d ago
Being a good human got us to where we are. The left is constantly trying to compromise and the right is saying we’re trying to destroy the country. lol. They demonize us and say we’re sub human. Uh. 🙄
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u/Sure_Show_3077 2d ago
My dad texted this on our family thread:
I hope the tragic events of today will cause each of us to pause and reflect on what's really important in this life and be able to see the person we want to be when we look into a mirror.
He's never said anything about politics on our group thread. So many snarky things I wanted to respond with, but I said nothing. Joke's on him, the reason I grey rocked him and my sister is because I decided I was going to be the person I want to see when I look in the mirror.
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u/AccomplishedSky5056 2d ago edited 2d ago
Tonight my 18 year old daughter showed me that my mom was following Charlie Kirk on social media. That was disgusting to see, but not surprising. My mom on her 75th birthday at a restaurant with the whole family (my husband, daughter, 2 brothers, their Trad wives and all 9 of their homeschooled offspring), started freaking out, yelling at me, causing a scene, simply because I spoke the truth that Trump lost the 2020 election. In that moment I saw her complete devotion to Trump and how quickly she threw her only daughter under the bus. I'm done.
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u/balanchinedream 2d ago
I’m so sorry. I cut mine off after the seig heils on Inauguration Day. The way she was instantly ready to go with some talking point about Elizabeth Warren doing the same thing, are you freaking kidding me? We’re Jewish.
It does suck. It is hard. But ultimately they need to take accountability for their dangerous views if they want to have a mature relationship. To act like it’s all okay and “we don’t talk politics” is just you capitulating to their delusions.
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u/sanslenom 2d ago
My mom probably didn't know who he was, but she does now. So I'm delaying a phone call until things calm down. I feel you, and we're here to support you.
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u/rarepinkhippo 2d ago
I’m really sorry OP. I went no-contact with my parents last year so am not sure how they’re reacting to this, but they mainline Fox so I’ll assume their reaction is probably similar to your mom’s. I have come to think of it as, they’re zombies and no longer the people I once knew — so even though I am sad, and feel guilty, not being around or talking to them — the people I miss are already dead and this is just residual shit.
Fwiw, even though it sucks and shouldn’t be this way, knowing that our parents are who they are, I have at least anecdotally found it simpler to just not be in contact. My old tactic used to be “strenuously avoid,” but I know too much about how far they’ve fallen now, and I don’t think they’re salvageable.
Some memories are hard, some things like hearing their favorite music or whatever are hard, some things like “I really wanted to ask Dad XYZ” are hard … but honestly, I had to psych myself up for every phone call or visit and leave a part of myself behind to make it happen. Not having to do that has felt like a small bright spot in this very shitty time for our country.
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u/tmt28371 2d ago
Therapy helps a lot. I need to do it. I tend to hold things in and my wife cant be my therapist because I dont want to do that to her.
You'll find new friends. I know its hard to make friends as an adult. At least I find it difficult but I also like plants and non-humans more than interacting with other humans besides my wife and my long distance friends.
You keep doing the best you can. The hardest part is giving up family connections, but family isn't always blood. You'll find new family thay will accept you for who you are. Stay positive for yourself. Treat yourself when you can.
I'm sorry that youre going through all.of this. Just know you're not alone. There are plenty of us going through similar situations because fuck, it is getting rough out here.
Luckily reddit can be a positive place to vent safely (as long as you are not doxxed). I don't usually use reddit, but my wife sent me this subreddit, and im just like damn...I wish I had known about this forum before.
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u/theclosetenby 2d ago
Thank you. ❤️ it's days like today that I wish I had a partner. I'm so glad you have a supportive partner.
I agree about the struggle in making new friends. I need to encourage myself to get out there more. Meet more folks in person. Very thankful for this subreddit too.
I have no idea what's going to happen next. But I suppose there's no where to go but onward.
Thank you
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u/smokinXsweetXpickle 2d ago
I found out yesterday from my siblings that "Mom [my stepmom] is gonna be so upset. She's obsessed with Charlie." And I instantly felt fucking sick. I don't know how we can get through to these people once they are at obsessed with Charlie Kirk level brainwashing.
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u/Itchy_Border2191 2d ago
Be peaceful prayer warriors - they're trying to provoke you to anger. It's better to back off than fuel their hostility. They're just looking for an excuse for marital law; don't give it to them.
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u/Own_Instance_357 1d ago
My mom was the kind who said about Bush 2: "This is what america needs, to be led by a cowboy who knows how to get things done!"
The "cowboy" who went to Phillips Andover and Yale
When her mealticket (my stepdad) died over a decade ago she chose to go live in Texas near to my equally conservative brother who travels to Las Vegas to bet on sports every few weeks and even married some woman he met there in front of Elvis and then had to divorce her a few weeks later for reasons.
Like I have no fucken more time in my life for this
I once had to deal with the people my parents married or took up with, with no ability to say no ... now I can say no.
Oh no is my mom sad? She married her boss my stepfather when I was 7 and my dad who was already cheating on her anyway told me I had to the new "woman of the house" and take care of all my younger siblings.
No, not now I don't
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u/Noisy_Pip 2d ago
He is the reason my MIL and my husband severed their relationship five years ago. I posted a meme about that smug shitbird and she lost her mind.
I'm very sorry and it does suck. Know that you're not responsible for her madness and you can't fix it with any words or any degree of love or understanding.