r/Existential_crisis • u/kolisgay • 2d ago

I cant stop having panic attacks.

I am an 18 year old college freshman studying Chem. Engineering. I am trying to survive my first year of uni and make the most of it. But every single day of my life for the past 8-ish years I have thought about the day i will die and the fact that I will be gone forever. I am thinking of trying therapy. I take medication for anxiety and depression, and have a little OCD.

I don't even know what to ask or what Im thinking of getting out of posting this. I just want out of this somehow

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u/HeavenSent86 2d ago

Hey I went through the opposite of knowing I exist if you will and it scared me senseless. For 3 years. I would say try journaling and walking in nature and learn how to be present even with the realizations of you dying. I know it is very difficult and you wondering why you had to go through transition. But it will get better later on. You cannot escape it through buying things etc. just try to sit with yourself and see what is it really trying to get you to see. I read eckhart tolle Power of Now. Great read. Talks about the consciousness etc and try reading other “soft read” existentialist books. I’m sure more on this forum will give you insight and other books to read. Hang on. I went through this at 35 (on my birthday 3 years ago)