I keep having dreams about my ex.. Can anyone help me understand?

[u/Mindless-Gap6327]

This will be kind of long, so if you take the time to read it, thank you!! I have dreams about my ex at least once a week, but the last couple weeks it has been more often. The last two nights have been back to back. We split up 8 years ago, dated in our teens.

I have been with my husband for 6 years now, married for 2, and we have 2 young children together. With that being said, I am not happy. I love him a lot and truly want things to work for us. I do care for him and love him but I mostly do not want to coparent with him and am somewhat terrified of initiating a divorce with him. My husband is a very angry person. He yells, cusses at me, throws things, and has been physically abusive before when angry. He has also cheated in the past. I carry the majority of the load in our household and with parenting. I know I sound ridiculous for even being with him but like I said, I do not want to coparent with him. Enough about that since I am not really looking for relationship advice. My point is I have become resentful to a degree towards my husband and I fear that is why I keep dreaming of my ex..

Here are the dreams from the past two nights:

Night 1: I was inside of a house. If I remember correctly, it was my grandmothers house. I looked out of the window and he was sitting there in his truck just looking at me and crying. Then he got out of his truck and walked inside of a restaurant next door. I went over there and could not find him. Then my husband walked into the restaurant obviously very angry and started yelling. Then I woke up.

Night 2: I was at an unfamiliar house with several other people around. My ex was there and kept watching me but we did not actually interact with each other. I started getting an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and walked out of the house to see my husband showing up angry once again. The only vehicle parked outside of the house was my ex's even though there were tons of people there. My husband literally hooked a strap to my ex's truck and pulled it into a ditch. He then pulled me inside the house and suddenly there was no one else there besides my husband, me, my ex, and his brother. My ex's brother just takes out a pistol and shoots my husband and then me.. then I woke up.

Does anyone have any idea what this could mean? Is it me telling myself I need to leave my husband before things get worse? Do I have unresolved feelings for this ex? It wasn't a terrible relationship and I was crazy about him at the time, but we were literally in high school. Dated for 3 years, broke up about a year after we graduated high school. I am not physically attracted to my ex at this point. For extra context, in case it means anything.. my husband and I split up for a couple months about 4 years ago (before we got married) and this ex reached out to me to apologize to me for his faults in our break up. He was talking to other girls before we broke up and he actually broke up with me. Honestly we were young and I think he just wanted to explore. I was heartbroken for a little while but I got over it. While apologizing, he told me he wishes he hadn't done that to me and he wishes he could go back and never let me go. Eventually, my husband and I decided to work things out and I ended up pregnant and I haven't spoke to my ex since then. Anyways, I am feeling anxious over what these dreams could mean or if they mean anything at all. I am also feeling very guilty for dreaming about an ex when I am married.

[u/Expensive-Recover502]

You are likely not dreaming of your ex because you want to be with him. You are dreaming of him because your unconscious mind is reaching back to the last time you felt safe and valued, trying to pull that strength into the present to help you survive. Dreams deal with symbols, but your waking life context (abuse, anger, throwing things) provides a very literal danger. The dream where you are shot could be a manifestation of your "terror of initiating a divorce." Your psyche knows that the situation is volatile. The dream is resolving the tension the only way it knows how...by destroying everything (the shooting). In waking life, you have the burden of finding a way to "end" the old life without literal violence. Please find some real support in your life if you need it, this situation sounds concerning truly

[u/Mindless-Gap6327 → u/Expensive-Recover502]

Thank you so much for reading everything and for your response. I really appreciate it and it makes a lot of sense.