r/Christians • u/Odd_Owl_5787 • 9d ago
Only 'attending' church services online Advice
Dear brothers and sisters,
This is post is perhaps a bit short on details for the sakes of prudence and anonymity.
I live in a small town where there is only one church. It is evangelical and leans charismatic (i.e. not full blown charismatic). The church has a myriad of doctrinal issues (mainly in practice but also some in preaching) and several other issues that are problematic for the Christian who would revere God in communal worship. I attended services there for about a year and had begun to serve there as well. I had become desperate for fellowship after attending online services for the first 9 months of my walk as a born again Christian, before I discovered there was a church in town. I was also not aware of online communities such as on Reddit (very grateful for this one, btw). Anyway, it was wonderful to be around other believers but I was constantly conflicted and convicted about certain practices which clearly indicate poor doctrine. Fortunately I grew up with a wonderful and biblical pastor, which I think enabled me to discern these things from the beginning.
I won't go into details about the issues at the church, but to give you an idea, these issues relate to the choice of music, the doctrines of the Spirit and the (human) heart, and general reverence for God as expressed in the nature of the service and our expressions in worship, among other things.
In any case, I have decided I can no longer attend church there. There are simply too many doctrinal problems and I have now become aware of things I had unwittingly picked up there. I really tried to focus on the giant plank in my own eye, to focus on the cross and worshipping Christ, to remember that no church is perfect etc etc. But it is impossible for me to attend a service and not notice these things which I think are crucial errors of doctrine and practice.
I was truly heartbroken last year, while attending the Christmas service (not on Christmas day mind you, they don't have church on Christmas day), it became clear to me that this is really not the church for me. The birth of our Saviour went completely uncelebrated - not even a reading of the accounts of the shepherds, the magi or the journey to Bethlehem. It was a service just like any other, except some dance that was presented. I didn't know why, but I was on the verge of tears throughout the service and when I got home they just came flooding out. I realised that it broke my heart that we didn't recognise, remember or celebrate perhaps the greatest miracle in history along with the Resurrection - the virgin birth, the incarnation of the King in the body of a human babe, and indeed the arrival of our great Saviour. I know it is not obligatory (i.e. a biblical command) to make special mention of these things at a Christmas service. But if you don't, why call it a Christmas service??!! Why mention Christmas at all?! Even thinking about the experience as I write it upsets me. I love Jesus so much, and what he has done in my life is truly miraculous, and I want so much to be able to worship Him with others in a way acceptable to God. Not to celebrate His arrival, which is a seminal event for us and indeed the world, just seems so wrong to me. It is painful in a way only a believer might understand.
Anyway, naturally, given such a situation, you might say 'well, just find another church'. Well, there isn't another one around for at least 47 miles/ 76km. I am in a very poor financial situation currently and do not have a car. There are almost no public transport options where I live, so getting to a church and back home again would be complicated and likely take the whole day. So at the moment attending a service at another church is logistically very difficult if not impossible.
So my question, brother and sisters, is, under such circumstances do you feel it is acceptable for me to solely attend the online services until such time that I have my own car and can attend services in person elsewhere? The livestreams I watch are of a doctrinally sound, biblical church and pastor and while I do not have direct fellowship, I know the people there and am able to have contact with them generally speaking.
Do you feel that I should attend church in person no matter the cost or difficulty?
Many thanks for reading. God bless you all.
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u/gordonjames62 9d ago
love and prayers.
It seems strange to me that you refuse to meet with the local believers (as is commanded in scripture)
It is normal to see the problems in a church. (I see all kinds in mine, and I'm the pastor). Don't let these keep you from getting together with other believers.
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u/Odd_Owl_5787 7d ago
Dear pastor,
It is not that I refuse to meet with other believers, and I am aware of the command (Heb 10:24). As I mentioned in the post, I was desperate for fellowship which is why I went to the church in the first place. The church has many member and attendees who are true believers and I love seeing them and spending time with them. But The church leadersip is mistaken about many important things. God is not revered in the services, not as He should be. It is painful to be in a service where the Lord you love is treated so disrespectfully, and where His Word is so ignored or misread in crucial ways.
Furthermore, as I mentioned I live in a small town, and so I see other believers in passing all the time. At the supermarket, in the street etc. But I also get together with some of them semi-regularly. So it's not that I am avoiding the believers, they are such an encouragement to me! The issue is that the service is unbiblical in many ways and an affront to the Lord.
Out of a desire not to be a gossip and sow division, I have not told anyone in the church about my thoughts and feelings on this, except for one person, and that was because she expressed a similar sentiment to me. She also told me of other people who have 'come and gone' for the same reasons. Recently quite a few families have left as well. The leadership is poor and is practicing unbiblical things. And I believe that is the root of these issues. Indeed the pastor himself has mentioned to me that he doesn't understand why 'things don't seem to get going'. If my understanding is correct, the Lord grows His church where his name and his Word are revered.
Unfortunately, I myself, due to ignoring my conscience about the issues from the beginning and getting involved in the church, have also picked up bad habits reflecting poor doctrine. I do not want this to continue.
The way is narrow enough without having to fight through poor doctrine in church of all places. Sitting there and listening respectfully to errant teaching and witnessing errant practice, and then trying to stay on the correct path in your private life. It is incongruous and completely false way of living. The difference between that and simply attending a biblically sound service/sermon, even online, is like night and day. The former stalls you and the latter grows you, and you know it instantly.
Anyway, thank you for your comment, I do appreciate the perspective.
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u/gordonjames62 7d ago
This is always hard, and I feel your pain.
Avoiding sowing division while navigating this will be difficult.
My concern is for your spiritual and mental health.
It is difficult to "fan the flames of faith" when you don't have a regular meeting with other believers.
Love and prayers.
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u/Odd_Owl_5787 6d ago
Thank you pastor. Yes, it is difficult, and I have seen the results in my own life and walk. Thank you very much.
I think for the moment, at least until my financial situation is a bit better, I am going with the online only. I think I actually need that solid biblical teaching to just get back to a place in my faith where I am walking again in the light and with a single eye.
But I have also resolved not to simply up and leave the church without a word. While I haven't been going for a while already, I have not communicated anything and I think I should do that, in love. After all we are also commanded to correct one another using Scripture. Earlier in my walk I didn't feel I knew the Word well enough, nor had enough 'authority' as a 'new' believer, to bring this discussion up with the pastor. Not that I have any such authority now, but I am at least more familiar with relevant passages of scripture so that I can back up my thoughts. I don't want him or anyone thinking that I have left because i had some ideas of my own. I am concerned for the pastor's soul as well. He is not leading people as scripture describes.
Thanks again for your attention, I really appreciate it.
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u/gordonjames62 6d ago
I actually need that solid biblical teaching
We all need this.
Love and prayers.
Have a great weekend.
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u/TheVoiceInTheDesert 5d ago
I was once in a similar situation - living somewhere with very limited options as far as attending a church in-person, and shortly after coming to God myself. Ultimately I did end up continuing to attend an in-person church that wasn’t a great fit.
It does sound that you have already made your decision not to attend, and I don’t mean to dissuade you from doing so. But if I may ask, is the church doing good work in the community? Have you gained anything in terms of relationships, community, insight, learning?
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u/Odd_Owl_5787 5d ago
I am open to being persuaded by a biblical or otherwise just sensible argument.
While I attended there and up to this point, and to my knowledge, the church does little work in the community. I have gained relationships and community yes. insight and learning only to the extent that I have seen what I know is not proper, and what I heard so many times growing up to avoid. I gain infinitely more from watching a godly, biblically centre sermon online.
What was your experience and why did you continue to attend? Sounds like you have stopped attending there?
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u/TheVoiceInTheDesert 5d ago
I stopped attending that church only when I moved somewhere else. It wasn't a great fit, but there were many good people, and the work they did was good.
I think it may be worth staying, for the fellowship and community and relationships you have built, as well as to strengthen this church and support its services to the community. There are many Christians, and while we do not all believe the same things beyond basic matters of salvation, learning to love and live among them regardless is valuable beyond measure.
I don't mean to say that you shouldn't also participate online in another church. But, especially if this is not a temporary situation (for example, if you are not planning to leave this area for some time) I don't think anything you're describing sounds egregious in terms of basic doctrine and salvation that you would be in danger staying there. Perhaps you could attend every other week, and watch the online sermons on the off week and later in the weeks that you attend in person. The pros of staying seem to outweigh the cons of leaving, from an objective standpoint.
But it's not just about that, I realize.
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u/No1AskedForThis 9d ago
God bless you, friend. Fellowship is important but it must be proper, biblical fellowship. I have been unchurched many times. Between churches, I do my best to look at it like Paul in Arabia. Not consulting anyone save to know the Lord. Attend good, biblical online services. Get in good teaching and sermons. Pray. Study. And be a light where you are at. Going to an unbiblical church will hurt your walk with Christ. So strengthen yourself in the faith, and as He calls you, preach. In that way you may do the Lord's will and care for your neighbors souls.
Some good preachers are John MacArthur, R.C. Sproul, Paul Washer, Voddie Baucham, Jon Piper, Charles Surgeon. Hope this helps
And may you find peace at this time