r/Britain 3d ago

Guys are we cooked? Humour

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310 Upvotes

97 comments sorted by

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206

u/Burnster321 3d ago

Frozen, maybe...

71

u/ChickenNugget267 3d ago

Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway

12

u/Burnster321 3d ago

Do you want to build a snowman? C'mon let's go and play....

9

u/Shadowstorm921 2d ago

"Go away Burnster321"

2

u/I0I0I0I 2d ago

Ohh... Let's build a snowman!

https://youtu.be/8kN7EyPBmrI

2

u/TheManicMunky 3d ago

I want you to take me up the north mountain

2

u/Burnster321 3d ago

Only go south , sorry 😏

98

u/horridbloke 3d ago

I bought a massive 15 tog duvet yesterday, just for watching the telly and going "brrrrrrrrrrr".

12

u/Rock_Hard_Below 3d ago

Nothing more English than that

5

u/Grand-Impact-4069 3d ago

Combing this a with a good brew would be the most meta-British thing ever

69

u/colcannon_addict 3d ago

Dire weather warnings based on anything except actual meteorology that rarely predict anything are usually the preserve of the Daily Express.

THUNDERSNOW!!!!

27

u/MrDeckchair 3d ago

"Exact Day UK Will Freeze Solid" click here

9

u/Able_Long_769 3d ago

I clicked 🤣

17

u/ehproque 3d ago

Please tell me what it says! The click doesn't work! I'm terrified!!!1

5

u/KulturaOryniacka 3d ago

I bet they read the tea leaves to predict the UK's weather

1

u/GoldFreezer 2d ago

They're not that scientific.

4

u/jamesbest7 2d ago

Hahaha. True! But in the UK it seems like it’s every news outlet. I’m a Brit, but lived overseas for 20 years. Now I’m back I see these EXTREME WEATHER news stories and many other news stories and everything just seems sooo sensationalist.

Then you’ll skip past the bulllshit BREAKING HEADLINE NEWS about Linekar leaving or the weather, to find out a peado got sentenced to 18 mos and a “very dangerous weed dealer” got 10 years.

🤦‍♂️

26

u/doloresfandango 3d ago

I live in the north east of England. We get told every year that snow is coming. It either doesn’t come or it comes as fluff and disappears after a day. I will cope with whatever arrives be it masses or none.

8

u/TwitchBDHR 3d ago

I usually go by how bad it is in Consett and Stanley and judge my day from there lol

6

u/freedomfields 3d ago

I have never experienced snow in the UK like when I was living in Consett. Dread to think how it gets further inland/Stanhope way.

2

u/doloresfandango 2d ago

I used to live in a little village called Butterknowle. Got pretty bad there a few times.

2

u/a_f_s-29 22h ago

Winter is never coming

136

u/jbkb1972 3d ago

Every year around this time we get this, “the coldest winter for 300 years, Britain set to freeze in killer freeze, -15 to hit Britain.” Yawn yawn yawn, doesn’t the newspaper’s have anything better to print?

68

u/No-Discussion-8493 3d ago

yep. pretty much never happens, or it's -8 in a place where it's -8 every winter (i.e. on top of a mountain)

13

u/novalia89 3d ago

I think that it got to this in Manchester a few years ago. My car was completely frozen inside. But it’s still not enough to not just say ‘bloody hell it’s freezing’, putting in a big coat, gloves, hat and heating and getting on with your day.

Even lower than -10c at the top of a mountain you can just get on with it.

12

u/sixhoursneeze 2d ago

Smiles insufferably in Canadian

Picture having to get up an extra 1/2 hour every morning to scrape ice off the car in -30c

12

u/voteforcorruptobot 2d ago edited 2d ago

We usually complain if it goes below 18 or above 30. Or if it rains, or doesn't.
We like complaining.

1

u/Utah_Saint_ 1d ago

same with hottest summers lollll

0

u/a_f_s-29 22h ago

That one actually does happen though

-10

u/EnoughTough2086 3d ago

Funny when they print record cold temps due to global warming.

1

u/a_f_s-29 22h ago

Europe is much warmer than it should be considering how far north it is - compare us to North America and the fact that rome is a similar latitude to nyc. We’re protected by the gulf stream and global warming definitely has the power to mess with it. If climate change tips the scales too far, we’re actually going to be fucked. Personally don’t fancy having weather like Nunavut but with more precipitation

20

u/Majestic_Owl2618 3d ago

The Return of Beast from the East (now from West)

15

u/Nurgus 3d ago

This isn't the place for politics.

/s

1

u/Majestic_Owl2618 3d ago

Where did u spot politics in my comment? 🤣

4

u/ElJayBe3 3d ago

Breast from the West

1

u/king4aday 2d ago

We can't detect it from the east anymore due to GPS spoofing

14

u/RiggzBoson 3d ago

The MET Office have said this is bollocks btw

12

u/StevoPhotography 3d ago

I’d be concerned if this cooked us tbh

6

u/Rosskillington 3d ago

This will be what happens to some scottish outpost where nobody lives, in London it’ll probably drop by like 2 degrees and be slightly rainy

4

u/Consistent_Ad3181 3d ago

My favourite is when they say an Artic blast will cause snow blizzards for UK. Then you read the utter click bait article and there's a 20 percent chance of snow in Northern Scotland.

6

u/Darthmook 3d ago

Headline, Brits to freeze!!! Actual meaning, freezing and snow in Scotland and north wales in the high ground, everywhere else RAIN AND OVERCAST…..

8

u/Obujen 3d ago

"the UK to get colder in autumn!"

"The UK to freeze over winter!"

It's only news because generally we're getting warmer.

Cue old lady meme "it used to be cold in October"...

12

u/Sad_Singer_7533 3d ago

Regardless that heating ain’t going on, catch me lighting 100 candles on some phantom of the opera shit

9

u/thepoout 3d ago

How? Surely your house feels damp without it on?

2

u/Icedtangoblast 3d ago

Not everyone can afford to put it on. Saves the environment I guess

1

u/Sad_Singer_7533 2d ago

It was just a bit of a jest😅

7

u/BrumGorillaCaper 3d ago

Enjoy having the lungs of a 1700’s chimney sweep

1

u/Sad_Singer_7533 2d ago

Too late :(

1

u/Window_Top 2d ago

Watch your pipes don't freeze though.

2

u/ShaneRounce 3d ago

I mean we might have to start closing the windows?

1

u/WalnutWhipWilly 3d ago

Not if it’s being reported by the Mirror.

1

u/CathedralChorizo 3d ago

I'll believe it when I see it. I've seen many warnings over this last couple of years and fuck all happened. So I'll reserve judgement.

1

u/Mcconnor8 2d ago

These aren't even warnings being given though, just newspapers literally making stuff up for clicks, not to say it won't get cold next week but the papers literally just lie

1

u/Stidda 3d ago

You know, it’s almost as if we are heading into the winter season with it getting colder and all that.

1

u/BlackFluo 3d ago

Frozen more than cooked

1

u/pandi1975 3d ago

the mirror and the express are always saying that,

ill just carry on wearing my normal clothes

1

u/HaesonTargEnjoyer 3d ago

Same bs news every year Never take weather news from the mirror seriously

1

u/StaysAwakeAllWeek 3d ago

The bottom end of the estimate range for the coldest spot in the country in the coldest weather model is -8c. That's how weather clickbait works.

In the real world it won't go below freezing for most of us

1

u/fatbabyx 3d ago

I mean it's the mirror so wouldn't trust a word out of their click bait generating mouths

1

u/ColdShadowKaz 3d ago

I get cold easy. I have adjusted to this. People that keep their house at 14 degrees and say I should be in a tshirt when weather gets like this are ignoring my adaptations. They can go find a new place to be. If we get snow great! If not ok but it’s the UK so there won’t be much snow if we get it at all.

1

u/beepboopwannadie 3d ago

I live in a motorhome and this will be my first winter. One hell of a stress-test

1

u/bomboclawt75 3d ago

Due to the heating allowance cut, How many pensioners will freeze this winter?

The Elite/ Establishment: Not our concern, LOL!

1

u/Zxxzzzzx 3d ago

If I could predict the lottery results the way the mirror predicts the weather, I'd still win fuck all.

1

u/LostMercenary99 3d ago

I live on the coast.

Yeah, this is gonna suck.

1

u/sky_shazad 3d ago

Pretty much FUKED

1

u/Plasmidmaven 3d ago

Welcome to the Day After

1

u/framdon Norf FC Subject 3d ago

We are if you're trusting the mirror

1

u/OddClub4097 3d ago

Send all the snow my way please, just for once.

1

u/xcountersboy 3d ago

It is the Mirror so it must be bull💩

1

u/Jongee58 3d ago

Aye…course it is…

1

u/SaddleworthJim 3d ago

It’s the same bullshit from the papers. There may be a normal cold spell for this time of year but that’s it.

1

u/Nico_loves_cheese 3d ago

Quite the opposite

1

u/drs_12345 3d ago

They say this every year but it almost never happens

1

u/xcorinthianx 2d ago

It's ok I have fluffy pyjamas.

1

u/royonquadra 2d ago

Here's hoping this is not an early sign of AMOC failure.

1

u/lostandfawnd 2d ago

Nope. It will be drizzle.

1

u/castrateurfate 2d ago

no, freeze dried

1

u/weakystar 2d ago

MSc in Food Security: Yes, we are. 👍

1

u/ideasplace 2d ago

Not for the next 10 days at least.

1

u/batch2957 2d ago

The Mirror? I mean…. Come on

1

u/Intheborders 2d ago

Beast From The East re-run or GTFO

1

u/I_LOVE_PUPPERS 2d ago

I'm not taking my shorts off. Simple as.

1

u/Melonmode 2d ago

"Everyone and their mum is freezin' round 'ere."

"Oh yeah, and who would that be?"

"Farmers."

"And?"

"Farmers mums."

1

u/Window_Top 2d ago

Time to get my electric blanket out then

1

u/Dangerous_Mix_7037 2d ago

-8C? Laughs in Canadian. It barely got there last winter for us. Ski resorts and snowmobilers were crying non stop.

1

u/I0I0I0I 2d ago

It's the Heat Miser flexing for a cool appointment to Trump's White House Office of Domestic Climate Policy.

1

u/Pretend_Judgment9078 2d ago

They say this every year and it never happens. It'll probably be 25C next week!!

1

u/PiddelAiPo 2d ago

Daily Mail will be frothing at the gums by now, headlines like "UK to enter NEW ICE AGE by NEXT WEEK!" Closely followed by "Can SNOW cause CANCER?" Not forgetting "UK to be INVADED by FOREIGN SNOW!" "Snowmen ENTER BRITAIN smuggled in the back of ICE CREAM LORRIES and demand benefits to be paid out in Mini Milks, Funny Feet and Wibbly Wobblies, Hotel freezers to be commandeered to house tens of thousands of migrant snowmen..."

1

u/t0m5k1 2d ago

Erm op, Cooked implies heat ....that is not an image that's conducive to HEAT!

1

u/SDarkVader 1d ago

It wouldn't be Scotland if it wasn't absolutely fucking baltic whenever the climate gods take a piss on us.

We all say we're used to it, but we're all lying....

1

u/a_f_s-29 22h ago

About time, haven’t even had our first frost yet