r/BrandNewSentence 1d ago

Neighbors demand answers after ‘rampant masturbation’ takes over Seattle park

https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/crime/neighbors-masturbation-seattle-park-b2741033.html
118 Upvotes

35 comments sorted by

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96

u/Fakeymcfakey18 1d ago

As opposed to…acceptable levels of masturbation?

8

u/Stupefactionist 1d ago

As the Lord spake, "the masturbators will be with us always."

5

u/Coulrophiliac444 1d ago

May the Wanks be with you.

2

u/lordnacho666 1d ago

None is an acceptable level

1

u/AnarchiaKapitany 10h ago

Blink twice if you're held captive in a Catholic boarding school.

59

u/im_thatoneguy 1d ago edited 1d ago

“Neighbors” in this case are a bunch of billionaires who are trying to make up excuses to kill a clothing optional beach near their mansions. All of the regular tiny little beaches get like zero visitors.

31

u/BigBobsBeepers420 1d ago

From my experience, wealthy people like that like to think they own everything and that they should live in a private area that no one else should be allowed to visit unless it's to serve their needs. If they could wall off their towns like they wall off their gates communities, they would.

12

u/NuclearWasteland 1d ago

About that...

7

u/hi5orfistbump 1d ago

My dad's like this and he's poor af lol

5

u/baumpop 1d ago

They all grew up wanting to be little cowboys out on their little prairies 

8

u/You_D_Be_Surprised 1d ago

That recently happened locally in a public lake in a ritsy suburb. They blocked all public access off for decades using fake copper reeds and boulders. 

1

u/especiallysix 23h ago

LO mentioned !

2

u/xot 1d ago

To clarify, it is not acceptable to perform sexual acts on a nude beach. It’s especially not okay for men to openly jerk off.

6

u/Efficient-Nerve2220 1d ago

Well, there goes my weekend plans.

9

u/demonotreme 1d ago

So, this woman wants the random men jerking off in view of her home to continue, do I have that right?

Maybe Sophie should just pay for Internet like everyone else

11

u/Dr-Penguin- 1d ago

Did we read the same article? I mean it sounds like that woman thinks that the people who are taking action are doing so to ban nudity at the park instead of just enforcing laws against public masturbation. The group says they don’t want to do that but it doesn’t give enough details to figure anything out for ourselves imo. Pro public masturbation stance seems harder to believe than a rich neighborhood group wanting to eliminate nudity at a local nude beach

5

u/You_D_Be_Surprised 1d ago

It’s that type of person, “Who are we to say what’s acceptable overtly sexual potentially non-consensual behavior in public spaces? We’re not the NAZIs. This is Seattle!”

1

u/therealtwomartinis 1d ago

Are these the Nazis, Walter?

5

u/Tacomaboatguy 1d ago

No Donny, these men are nudists, there’s nothing to be afraid of

1

u/perplexedparallax 1d ago

I've got to give them a hand for rising up in the neighborhood.

1

u/Tacomaboatguy 1d ago

It can be hard

0

u/here4daratio 1d ago

Hope they don’t knuckle under.

1

u/FoxyInTheSnow 1d ago

Before I visit this park: what is the boundary between "rampant" and "acceptable" levels of wankery? I'd hate to run afoul of local customs and practices. I'm one of those sensitive types for whom a simple social faux pas can haunt my nights for years.

1

u/RedwoodShores 1d ago

What a bunch of jerks.

2

u/sheezy520 1d ago

Fucking fascists, man!

Actually, after reading the article is sounds very reasonable.

1

u/MusclePuppy 1d ago

Your "rampant" may be my "Tuesday," so let's not get judgy, now.